


Dean's Closet Best Friend

by penultimateaxis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Brother Gabriel, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Castiel and Dean in Love, Castiel is a Tease, Dom Castiel, Fantasy, Fluff and Mush, Hurt Dean Winchester, Jealousy, Light Bondage, M/M, Minor Violence, Nipple Clamps, Pining, Power Bottom Castiel, Self-Hatred, Sexual Experimentation, Sub Dean, Teenage Castiel/Teenage Dean Winchester, Top Castiel, Top Dean, doll!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-03-10 21:57:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 89,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3304844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penultimateaxis/pseuds/penultimateaxis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester was always afraid of the monster hiding in his closet. Turns out the monster is none other than Castiel, an Angel of the Lord, transformed from an angel-doll given to him by his father, John Winchester. He suddenly appeared on the night of Dean's seventh birthday. </p><p>Eventually, Dean discovers that Castiel is no children's plaything. </p><p>Their friendship gradually transforms into a loving relationship, where they learn to be careful what to wish for. Especially when your fairy-god mother is an alcoholic and wayward angels invade your privacy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seventh Birthday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kharisma21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kharisma21/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> I think Henry Winchester is a sexy badass!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven year old Dean Winchester gets a best friend from an unexpected place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To whoever starts reading this fic,
> 
> I appreciate you for choosing my story. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is one of the many Destiel stories out there and I hope it helps your ship sail smoothly OR reinforce destiel as your OTP. Even if it is not your OTP, that is fine. I believe in the saying: "each to their own." Sometimes angels and hunters fall in love...sometimes fans ship them hard. 
> 
> The relationship between Castiel and Dean in supernatural is inspiring in its own way, and I'm trying to write seriously when all I can think of is smut and fluff for those two...
> 
> Enjoy the read, comment on what you think and how you feel about the story. 
> 
> Sincerely,  
> penultimateaxis

Chuck Shurley wants to retire. He has had a fulfilling life creating majestic art for different industries. On his last year- he decided to create a series of dolls called the ‘Heavenly Host’. It was a series of angelic dolls, custom made with different designs. There were only a few of these dolls distributed across the world and only the elite were able to get their hands on a few.

Every single doll had a specific angel name and purpose. After creating the dolls, Chuck retires and the dolls were either sold as collector’s item or contained in museums, they eventually disappeared. One after the other, until their owners have forgotten about them. Except for one- he gave one last angel doll to a man named Henry Winchester, who wanted to get his son a gift before going somewhere far away to work. Henry was grateful but he never saw Chuck again.

-

John and Mary Winchester were expecting their first born child and it was a boy. Mary called the boy Dean after her mother. On Sam’s sixth month birthday, Mary was caught in a terrible fire accident in their home, in Kansas and it broke John. Ever since that day, Dean has held on to his baby brother and the angelic doll that was handed down to him by his father.

A few days before Dean’s seventh birthday, something strange started to happen in his room. At night he could feel a presence watching over him inside the closet and it frightened him. He asked his father to check it out, on a night when he was actually home. All he found were Dean’s unorganized clothes and a raggedy angel doll sitting nicely next to them. His father cursed under his breath and told Dean to go to sleep. Even though his father made sure there were no monsters inside the closet, Dean was discontented. There was definitely something inside that closet and the only way to sleep was to cry. Not in front of anyone of course, while praying for the monster to not eat him.

On Dean’s seventh birthday, they just moved recently to a new town. John grew restless at the last one and decided to move on Dean’s birthday, of all times. Dean didn’t care, he was used to his father dragging them around to different places because he could never find a stable job. In fact their life never had a stable anything, ever since their mother died. Although his father made a hasty retreat right after greeting Dean ‘happy birthday’- Bobby Singer, John’s old friend decided to drop by and watch over the two while their father’s busy looking for a new job.

“He wanted to stay kid, but apparently there’s this job that pays pretty good and he really wanted to get it. Unfortunately it just so happens to be on your birthday but that’s alright, I got you a few things together to celebrate your special day.”

“Nah, I’m used to it Uncle Bobby. Ya really didn’t have to do that Uncle Bobby.” His face drops a sigh and an expression that he’s seen far too often from his uncle. Bobby brings out a plastic bag with a box and a few candles and opens it on the kitchen table.

“I really didn’t have to but I wanted to.” Bobby darts him a glare but he knew that the old man could see right through him.

It was a black forest cake. Dean hasn’t had cake for his birthday in years.

“Quit gawking at it and grab us some plates would’ja? Sam looks like he’s about to claw his hands on the cake.”

“Sammy’s not gonna ruin his brother’s birthday cake, won’t ya Sammy?” Sam shook his head but tries reaching out for the cake on the center of the table while on his tippy toes.

Bobby lights up the candles that form a perfect seven on the surface of the cake. There were seven candles, all lit up and ready to go. Dean sucks some air in but before he could rid of the flames, the old man barks at him to stop.

“What’re you doing boy? Hold your horses because you gotta make a wish first before blowing the candles!”

He pouts at the old man.

“Blow the cake! Blow the cake!” Even Sammy was chanting for Dean to listen to Bobby.

“Alright! Alright! Jeez you guys are annoying!” He pauses for a moment and extinguishes the flames.

“Good job, now we can dig in.” Dean says. Sam is jumping and clapping his hands together for Dean. He grabs the three year old boy’s hair and ruffles it. It’s starting to grow too long.

“For a minute there I thought you wanted me to say my wish.” Bobby darts another look at him while handing a piece of cake on a plate to Sammy.

“You’re not supposed to tell others your wish you idjit! How else is it gonna come true then?”

“Alright fine! I’m just not used to these kinds of things.” Bobby sighs and gives him a different look this time. It was very much like the look from earlier. Filled with pity.

“Just eat your damn cake and happy birthday again ya idjit!” he hands a piece to Dean and sits on a chair while making sure Sammy eats the cake, and not redecorate the table and floor with frosting.

“Hey Bobby,” Dean pleas under his breath. “Thank you. For everything.”

The old man sighs again and a smile almost appears on his face.

“Shut up and eat your cake so I can clean up.”

Bobby and Sam may not know what Dean wished that night but it didn’t matter. That night wasn’t much but it was the best birthday Dean has had in years. His wish didn’t even matter much.

_‘I wish to have a friend. A best friend. One that will stay by my side and never leave me.’_

***

 

Sam and Dean slept in the same room this time. He wanted separate rooms but John wasn’t done clearing up the boxes to what would be Sam’s temporary future room. Big emphasis on temporary. They should be used to unpacking things by now, they didn’t own much and his father kept the rest of their belongings in a warehouse somewhere. Dean would like to see it in the future.

But right now, the thought of having Sam in his room was the only thing keeping him from wetting his sheets. Even though he was past the bed wetting stage, he couldn’t get to sleep when a rattling sound was coming from the closet. He was sure nothing was in there apart from his clothes and some old stuff that he usually placed inside the closet. John might be behind with settling in but Dean was good at managing his own room since no one has done it for him in years.

His organization skills didn’t matter at that moment because the rattling sound was getting louder and he really wanted to wake Sam up. Hopefully Uncle Bobby would come in and save them from the big bad monster which somehow snuck inside his closet, when he wasn’t looking.

The rattling grows louder and surely this would wake Sam up but it didn’t. The three year old boy slept like a rock and maybe Dean could use a rock right now. Just in case he needed it as a weapon to smash the monster’s face. He wouldn’t let anyone lay a finger on Sammy but that didn’t mean he wasn’t scared for himself.

If he was gonna wet himself, he might as well do it somewhere it will not stain. He just changed the sheets and the hardboard floors were easier to clean weren’t they? That should be the least of his worries. This has been happening for a few days now and he really needed to know what was happening inside his closet. Whatever is inside hasn’t eaten him yet but he’t not sure if he’s ready to find out.

No, you got this Dean. You’re seven years old now, you have been taking care of Sammy for three years and you will not let some big bad monster that probably has ferocious teeth, and big claws eat you and Sammy.

Yeah, he tells himself that.

Creeping closer to the closet, the rattling only gets louder and Dean slowly holds his breath before grabbing on the closet handle. The rattling stops as soon as his fingers make contact on cold surface.

That can’t be good.

He swallows, and this is it. The moment when Dean faces his fears and doesn’t ask an adult to help him.

In one quick move he pulls the closet door open and a figure jumps on him. All he could do was scream and struggle until the shadowy figure vanishes as soon as Uncle Bobby bursts through the door and asks what’s going on.

Dean points at the closet, he could barely put words together. When Bobby checked it, there was nothing there. Just his clothes and the raggedy old doll were inside. He looks around, in the bathroom and outside the window, but there was nothing. No shadowy figure, no big bad monster was found in Dean’s room. He couldn’t have imagined it because he swore he saw something crash towards him. Something warm- Something feathery soft.

Bobby curses him for waking him up and Sam.

“Oh hell.”

Dean asks what but then suddenly realizes the wetness on his pajama pants.  The old man told him to go clean up and tells Sam to go back to sleep. Dean hastily grabs new pajamas and underwear before locking himself in the bathroom in embarrassment.

-

In the bathroom, Dean cleans up and tells himself that it was all just a dream. Everything that happened before Uncle Bobby arrived in his room did not happen. He was just tired and frightened. That was all there is to it. He should know better than making up nightmares and pissing himself in the middle of the night. What would his father say if he saw him tonight? At least Uncle Bobby wouldn’t judge him, not like his dad. His dad would probably get mad and call him names.

Yeah, that’s probably what could happen.

Splashing water on his face usually helped to wake him up in the morning, perhaps he just needs some for tonight. But what he sees in the mirror behind him was definitely something not from a dream.

“Hello Dean.”

A dream. Yeah, maybe he was still in one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I check my emails like a maniac, AO3 sends me notifications on updates and your lovely comments. I would be glad to hear from you :)


	2. Crazy Idea For A Birthday Gift!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The angel from last night returns to Dean while he's wide awake. 
> 
> -
> 
> Dear Kind Soul,
> 
> You have been bestowed with a guardian angel. This angel’s name is Castiel and he will watch over you for the rest of your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm contemplating on making this into an explicit fic, should I?

“Hello Dean.”

“G-Gah!” He nearly slips and fall on the floor. His back is pressed up hard on the counter and his breathing hitched. A boy, no a half-naked kid is standing right in front of him with the darnest blue eyes and the messiest dark brown hair. The unexpected boy hushes him however he wants to scream. He wants to wake Bobby and Sammy up because there is a strange kid in front of him, staring at his face.

“You need to be quiet or your brother will hear.” He means Sammy? That’s the last thing he’s worried about right now. It’s him that he’s worried about. Who the hell is this kid and why is he telling him to be quiet when he’s THE reason why Dean wants to scream?

“W-Wha- Who-,” before Dean could finish, the door opens and Sammy walks out of the darkness in his pajamas.

“Deen?” Sam is trying to remove sleep from his eyes but the boy is now gone. Nothing but the sound of fluttering wings within seconds is left in the bathroom; and a raggedy old angel doll on the ground is staring right at Dean, with blue pebbles as its eyes.

Dean takes Sam and carries him to bed, his eyes barely leaves the doll lying on the ground. It was all a dream. It must’ve been. There is just no way that a boy appeared in the bathroom, but how the doll got on the floor is a mystery. Sam must’ve had it and dropped it there. However, he could’ve sworn that the doll was in the closet.

His eyes stare in between looking at the open closet and the doll on the bathroom floor. He does not want to sleep, in fact he couldn’t say anything else. Dean made no sound right after the boy told him to be quiet, and makes none right after falling asleep from the terror but strangely unexpected comfort.

-

The next morning it all comes back to him. With his head on the pillow, he sees the closet door closed- that means it was all a dream last night. A smile radiates from his face and relief expands within his chest. Upon closing his eyes, they shoot right open when suddenly, a weight pressing down on his blanket. It’s like waking up from a nightmare. In front of him is the half-naked boy from last night. Even in the light, he has dark feathery brown hair and the bluest eyes, just as Dean remembers from last night.

“Hello Dean.”

He wants to scream again, just as before but the boy tells him to hush. Instead of screaming, his back is pressed against the headboard, slowly hyperventilating for his life.

“Who are you?” is all that he can get out, he’s so scared that he might pee himself again.

“My name is Castiel, and I’m an Angel of the Lord. Member of the Heavenly Host and your guardian angel.” This kid named Castiel says. It is nuts, this can’t be true. There is no way a half-naked (yet totally good looking) kid is sitting on Dean’s bed like they are buddies.

“How did you get in here?” Dean stammers trying to get the words out but this Castiel won’t pay attention to him.

“Last night, I wanted to introduce myself but your brother woke up…” he points at Sammy’s side of the bed. His baby brother isn’t there anymore.

“Wait a minute? Where did Sammy go? Where did you take him?” Dean is now scared in a whole new level, whoever this kid is, he knew who Dean and Sammy are.

“Calm down, Dean.” Castiel puts a hand on his left shoulder and suddenly all the panic disappears. “Your younger brother woke up earlier and your uncle took him out to get utilities. I wanted to get some time alone with you before they return.” Dean wants to convince himself that this kid is harmless after all, he hasn’t done anything to hurt him. But there is still a voice at the back of his head, telling him Castiel could be lying.

“You don’t believe me…” Castiel asks and Dean shakes his head. “Very well, let me prove to you that everything I have said so far, is true.” Castiel closes his eyes and takes a deep breath while arching his back a little. The next moment is probably the most terrifying or wonderful thing Dean’s eyes have ever seen. Two jet black wings burst from Castiel’s back and they stretch high up into ceiling before folding behind him.

“There, I have proven to you everything I have said after you woke up.” Dean is speechless, his back is pressed up against the wall more than it ever was. Castiel tilts his head with a strange and curious look on his face.

“I don’t understand…I thought that this would’ve convinced you to believe me.”

“Are you freaking kidding me? You have friggin’ wings popping out of your back and you expect me to trust you? What the hell are you?”

Castiel fixes his head up and squints his eyes. The wings recede and eventually disappear slightly on his back. “Like I said before. I am an angel of the Lord. A member of the Heavenly Host. My name is Castiel and I am your guardian angel.”

“This can’t be real. I must be dreaming again. Yeah that’s right, I’m dreaming again and you’re not real.” Dean puts his hands to the sides of his face and gives Castiel an awkward smile.

“I can assure you that you are not dreaming. You are wide awake and I am here in front of you to fulfil your wish.” Wish? What wish?

“What are you talking about?” Dean swallows to clear his throat.

“Last night, you had a wish and that wish brought me to life. I am here as your guardian and as your friend and I will never leave you.” Though it sounds cheesy, Castiel did not smile and it just adds to the seriousness to his tone. Dean doesn’t want to believe any of this is actually happening. He couldn’t possibly be in front of a friggin’ angel let alone have his wish come true from last night. This is the sort of stuff that happens in movies. Not in real life.

“C-Cas…”

“Castiel. But if you wish to call me that way, then I have no objections.”

“Listen- there’s got to be some mistake. Someone or something like you couldn’t possibly be my guardian angel let alone be in here.”

Castiel’s eyebrows rise then lowers to squint his eyes again.

“I am sure this is the right place. I am sitting on your bed and I have introduced myself to you, Dean Winchester. You are John Winchester’s son and you have a younger brother named Sam. Your mother passed away when you were four and the man that walked in here last night is a person called Bobby who, I believe, is quite close to your family.” Castiel looks around the room then returns his gaze to Dean. “I have watched over you since the day you were born. Your father gave me to you when you were just an infant inside the crib and I never left your side since.”

Looking back, Dean does not remember having another kid around the house then it all makes sense, when he remembers the raggedy doll on the bathroom floor is missing.

“Y-You’re the angel doll?”

Castiel smiles and it is the first smile Dean has ever seen him make. “That is correct.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me…”

“I don’t recall uttering humor in my answer…”

This guy can’t be serious. “So are you some sort of a magical angel doll that turns into a kid whenever you want? How come this has never happened before?” more importantly ‘why is this happening to me?’

“More or less. I am able to turn into this form because of your wish last night. If you didn’t make that wish then I would’ve remained as a doll forever.” This has got to be a sick prank made by someone. This angel couldn’t possibly be the doll he keeps in his closet, since he got over dolls. He would’ve given the doll to Sammy but his younger brother wouldn’t handle it properly so he decided to tuck it away whenever they moved to different places. It is one of the few things that reminds him of his mother.

“My wish…You mean my birthday wish?” Dean asks because it is the closest thing to a wish that he could think of.

“Yes. I believe that it was. I felt a strong energy surge below this room last night. I waited until everyone has retired to their rooms before I could introduce myself to you. I also waited until your younger brother has fallen asleep.” Castiel pats the sheets of the bed while maintaining a smile whenever he glances at Dean.

“What has that got to do with my wish?”

“I was created to grant your wish Dean. You wished to ‘have a friend. One that would stay by your side and never leave you.’ Is that not what you wished for?” Castiel tilts his head again but Dean wants to deny it but it was what he certainly wanted at the time.

He nods but looking back, it was his birthday and he would be lying if he didn’t feel upset that his dad couldn’t be there for him. Or his mom. Dean hasn’t had a real ‘happy’ birthday since his mom died and what he wished for last night is just a simple yet impossible wish. He knew deep down that it was never going to happen. The closest thing to a friend that Dean could have was Jo yet she could never be away from Aunty Ellen. His dad has moved them around the country for more than he could count so it only made sense why he didn’t have any friends. He can certainly make some again whenever they go but soon he had to say good bye. And never sees them again because of his dad.

Deep down, he doesn’t really expect his wish to come true but who could blame him for trying. It was just a dumb wish after all. It’s not like he expected a half-naked kid- a friggin’ ANGEL no less, to appear before him.

Maybe, just maybe, he was hoping his wish could come true.

“Hey what are you doing there?” Castiel has been rummaging through his stuff while he was deep in thought about everything. Dean jumps off from the bed and follows Castiel’s trail to see the angel holding a blank sheet of paper.

“Your grandfather, Henry Winchester, used to have my instructions manual. But it would seem it was lost over time. Regardless, I can draft a new one here.” Castiel hands a blank sheet of paper to him then suddenly, letters and symbols began to appear on the page.

“You come with an instructions manual?” Dean asks in total disbelief.

“Like I said before, I am a doll. If you read this, then you shall understand.” Castiel replies and points at the sheet of paper with his eyes. Dean follows it and reads the instructions manual properly.

_Dear Kind Soul,_

_You have been bestowed with a guardian angel. This angel’s name is Castiel and he will watch over you for the rest of your life._

_He lives by three principles:_

  1. _To be the beacon of hope for his owner_
  2. _To have complete faith in his owner_
  3. _To have undying love for his owner._



_If you have any problems then please come to me._

_Chuck Shurley_

“This has got to be a joke…” Dean mutters under his breath. Castiel is scanning the room while he reads the paper before returning to him with a curious look on his face.

“I have proven myself to you and I have it written on paper, I don’t understand why you insist that I don’t exist.” Before Dean could say anything, the front door downstairs slams shut and he could hear footsteps coming from the stairs. After a moment, Castiel turns back into a doll right in front of him. Sam opens the door and pauses to look at him.

“Deen?”

-

He explains to Bobby and Sammy what happened today. Bobby raises his brow and told Dean he must’ve been dreaming. Dean wants to prove it but Castiel’s instructions manual returns into an empty sheet of paper. He threw it into the trash can and Castiel doesn’t transform back into a boy. Throughout the rest of the day, Dean and Sam stays at home while Bobby makes them lunch and dinner and waits for John to come back home.

Dean locks the doll away in the closet and never opens it.

After a few hours, Bobby grows impatient and decides to go find John which they expects to be in a nearby bar, drinking again. Dean almost forgets about Castiel and promises to put Sam to sleep once they finish the show they’re watching. Once Bobby leaves, the loneliness creeps up on Dean at first. Then fear replaces it and his breathing hitches under his chest. Dean glances at the stairs every so often until Sammy notices.

“Deen?” Poor kid, Sam is not old enough to understand the crazy that’s going on around him. About their father or about the angel that came out of the closet last night in his birthday. After the show, Dean tells Sammy to get ready for bed while he closes up downstairs. Sammy hates getting ready for bed but he is yawning in between his protests which Dean thought is adorable.

Maybe everything that happened in the morning wasn’t real either. Maybe he was asleep. Dean is almost reluctant to let Sammy go upstairs on his own but then, he doesn’t want to freak him out. He doesn’t want Sam to think Dean as scared of anything. He wants to make sure Sam can depend on him because their dad couldn’t be there for them. That’s what Dean is trying to build at his age. He doesn’t think kids his age should be thinking about stuff like that. But he knew he’s not an ordinary kid. They aren’t a normal family. Which is fine because he’s used to it.

Once he reaches their room, a dark figure hovers on Sammy and Dean’s instincts drive him forward to protect his brother from the nightmare this morning and last night.

“Get the hell away from him!” He grabs Castiel’s arm but the angel barely resists except when he points a finger to his nose and hushes Dean.

“Your brother is sleeping. You need to be quiet or else he’ll wake up.” Dean slaps his arm away.

“Don’t tell me to be quiet! I thought you were gone! I thought you wouldn’t come here again!” He’s trying his best to be quiet out of respect for Sam but he is sure not about to let some Angel or whatever Cas is, tell him what to do.

“Why would I not return? I thought you read my instructions manual? I have made my intentions clear. I am here to stay by your side and keep you company.” Oh that. That’s probably why this angel keeps coming back.

“Look, I don’t know who you are-,”

“My name is Castiel.” He interrupts Dean.

“No, not that I mean who you really are! I can’t have you around because I don’t trust you! You’re an angel and I’ve got to take care of Sammy!” Castiel tilts his head again. This guy seems to like making that expression a lot.

“I understand. Due to your mother’s early departure and your father’s alcoholism, you are compelled to be over-protective of your brother.” That pretty much sums up Dean’s life but he’s not about to give Castiel his trust just yet.

“Yeah you seem to know all about me, which is creepy but you gotta know, I might get in trouble for having you around. If Dad comes home and he sees you-,” Dean has to stop there because the expression on Castiel’s face is something he never wants the angel to make. “Look, I’m sorry but you just freaked me out earlier.”

“I understand. I should ask for your permission first before approaching your brother.” The expression on Castiel’s face eases and it helps Dean feel the same.

“Yeah, that would be great. Because stranger danger, you know.”

“But I’m not a stranger. I’m Castiel.” Dean sighs and thinks it’s like talking to a brick wall. What Castiel does next makes him jump off his feet and back away towards the door.

“W-What are you doing?” Dean asks while trying to establish some distance between the angel’s face and his. The angel pauses to look at him, tilting his head again while doing so.

“You are tired, are you ill? You seem less energetic than usual.” That’s an understatement. Trying to keep his sanity from looking at Castiel and believing all of this is real can be tiring.

“I-I’m just tryin’ to get used to this, y’know…” Dean scratches his scalp but that’s certainly not a sign for an open hug. The angel leans forward and wraps his arms around Dean. The obvious response is to back away of course: ‘stranger danger’ as Dean said before. But he doesn’t do that. No, he doesn’t do it. He stays there and let the angel hold him, let himself trust Castiel.

From this, he can feel Castiel like never before. All the fear and insecurity building in his chest slowly disappears because Castiel IS real. Castiel is living and breathing in front of him. The warm feeling from his chest does not only come from inside him, he can feel it from Castiel’s chest.

It almost makes him not want to let go.

Something downstairs clatter and Dean is sure the front door slammed open. That must’ve been Bobby and his Dad.

Dean breaks the hug immediately and moves closer to the door. When he looks back to warn Castiel, the angel has already turned into a doll on the floor. Just as before.

“Dean? What ya doing up?” Bobby slowly climbs the stairs towards their room.

“Hey Uncle Bobby…I uh- I couldn’t” if he says that Castiel changed from a doll into an angel, it’ll only make him sound as crazy as this night has been. “I was waiting for you guys to get back.”

The look that Bobby gives him is something that he’s seen far too often. He’s sees it from Sam, from Aunty Ellen and sometimes Jo. The worst part is, he sees that expression on the surface of a mirror. It is pity. He knows how it looks like because he feels it towards his dad. He feels it towards Sammy whenever he would say the word ‘Mama’. There is obviously something missing in their family. And it is all right there, on Uncle Bobby’s face, on their faces and his. Pity. That’s all they could do to things he knew, he can’t control. His dad’s ‘alcoholism’ as Castiel said, is an example.

So Bobby does the same thing Castiel did to him. He leans down and gives Dean a hug. It is warm, just as it felt with Castiel but Dean doesn’t get it until the tears start to trickle down his face. Bobby tells him that his dad is downstairs and passed out on the couch. But he already knows this. He knew his dad is never really there, because everything is still fresh. The scar from losing their mom is still evident and no matter how hard he tries not to, he still cries about it every so often. He tells Dean not to worry and just go to bed.

Maybe Castiel knew that Dean needed a hug today. It certainly helps him go to sleep tonight because he’s gone through ten steps of crazy today and he can really use some shut eye. Maybe then, he can see his mom in his dreams. That’s what fairy tales are for right? They help you escape the crazy in the real world for a better one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made up my mind, I'll give this a smutty direction (sigh) ;)


	3. More Real Than Bedtime Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean prays and to his surprise, Castiel hears it. 
> 
> -
> 
> “It would be best to stay quiet because we don’t want to wake up your father. Then again, he seems to not notice much when he’s in that state.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited  
> short but sweet of a chapter

Last night John was indeed drunk and Bobby had to fix him up in the morning. Luckily for Sam and Dean, it’s Sunday and they still haven’t enrolled in the local school, which Dean needs to forge. Bobby drives them at the grocery store to stock up for this week. Bobby manages to salvage some left over cash from John before he drank it all in the liquor store. Dean may not like it but Bobby insists on paying for most of the grocery because there is no telling when John is going to get paid next (and if he’s going to be able to get paid next).

Dean hasn’t seen Cas since turning back into a doll and Dean left him in their bedroom, hoping he stays there and John doesn’t discover him.

“Something wrong Dean?” Bobby asks as they drive back to their place. Dean says no but deep down, he’s about to have a meltdown because his dad might see Cas and they would get into so much trouble. Or worse, Cas could get into trouble. Even though Dean may not know the kid or angel, he’s still worried. In his heart, he wishes for Cas to just stay in their room. He didn’t want the angel to get in trouble and it would definitely freak everyone if he suddenly appears out of nowhere.

‘Please stay in the room Cas…’

When they get home, John is still recovering from his hangover and Bobby insists on cooking one final meal before he hits the road, and go back to his Salvage Yard. Dean offers to cook but Bobby says: just because he was seven now, ‘didn’t mean ya get to stop being a kid.’ so he tells Dean to go take Sam in their room and clean up. From the looks of the house, Cas didn’t go around touching things which is great. Perhaps he didn’t transform today.

“Hello Dean.” Jesus Christ! He just pops up behind him and the seven year old is sure it scared the living life out of him.

“Jesus Cas! Don’t do that!” Dean probably shouldn’t have to say it to Cas this much. Castiel gives him a smile which is becoming more frequent and Dean doesn’t know why he does it. Weird guy.

“It would be best to stay quiet because we don’t want to wake up your father. Then again, he seems to not notice much when he’s in that state.” Weird how he knows that and even weirder that he just tells Dean what to do.

“Y-Yeah well he’s not gonna wake up soon.” Dean sighs right after because it’s good news that Cas didn’t get caught. He should think about himself first but it’s strange how he thinks about the dorky angel who quietly scans the room with a squinty look.

“I heard you did not want me to be caught so I stayed in my other form inside your room. He did not notice anything…” Castiel says as he inspects a book in different ways.

“Whoa- wait. Who told you I didn’t want you to be found?” Dean wants to stop him from doing anything else and just pay attention.

“You did. You told me to stay in your room and not get found. Since you humans are not very fond of the supernatural, I thought it would be wise to stay hidden from your father.” The angel starts flipping the pages of the book from top to the bottom.

“I-I don’t remember…” Dean scratches his head and tries to remember.

“You did. You prayed to me. You prayed I stay in your room so I don’t trouble anyone.” Castiel ends up staring straight at him with a half-smile on his face.

“W-Wait, you heard that? I thought- I thought I was just thinking about it…” This is getting weirder by the second and maybe he just needs some sleep instead of talking to a real life angel. No matter his age, these things would still be hard to believe.

“I told you before, I am your guardian angel Dean. I am here to watch over you and answer your prayers. If you need for anything then all you have to do is ask. I am here for you. It is part of my purpose, it is part of my life.” Castiel smiles again and so does Dean but he could not shake off the feeling of fear in his chest. All this is new to him and with everything around him being weird and crazy, no seven year old would be able to do anything about it. Nothing at all. Well maybe not nothing. Maybe little. Very little.

“You really are my guardian angel?” Dean asks as if he needs to be surer.

“Yes Dean, I am yours. I only wish to make you happy and I would not wish you harm in any way.” Castiel replies, still keeping the smile on his face.

“But why me?” Is the question curled up in his chest like mornings during winter, he finally lets it out.

“Due to your upbringing, I am not surprised by your difficulty in accepting something as extraordinary. You have been given responsibility at such a young age and it is time for you to be rewarded. I have heard your soul crying out from the moment your mother died and your father descended into vice. I waited until the time arrived when you wished for your heart’s deepest desire. Your wish made me real. And now, I am here.” That is another reason why Dean didn’t want to believe any of this. How could something such as an angel understand him more than anyone and not give him crap about it. Sure Bobby and Sammy wouldn’t give him any either, but they’re family. Castiel isn’t even human. He’s an angel with black wings and nice blue eyes and nice tanned skin and nice everything.

Dean should give him thanks at least.

“Uh thanks Cas…”

The angel smiles at him as usual and walks towards his bed. Well Sammy is sleeping on it which makes Dean wonder if angels sleep too. Thinking about sleep, Dean is yawning right from the bathroom and into the bed.

“If I remember correctly, your mother used to read you bedtime stories before sleeping. Would you like me to read you some?” Castiel has a book ready and sits at the end of Dean’s bed. Sammy is snoring and Dean knows a bedtime story couldn’t possibly wake him up.

“But I wanna know more about you Cas-,” Dean protests but Castiel pulls the blanket for him. This feeling is very snug and comfortable and he hasn’t felt like this in a long time.

“You’re very tired Dean. You need to sleep. So tonight, I’ll read until you fall asleep.” Castiel opens the book and flips to page one.

“Do angels sleep?” Dean needs to know at least.

“No. As I said before- I’ll watch over you.” Castiel smiles and pats Dean on his head before returning to his place and starts reading.

Dean likes the sound of Cas’ voice, the way he reads the book and just having him there. Before, it would freak him out knowing there is someone, no, something else out there. Awake and living in his room. Tonight, Cas somehow makes everything feel better and comfy. He isn’t scary and if he is bad then he should’ve done something earlierr. If there is any fear in Dean’s head then suddenly it is washed away by Castiel’s raspy but gentle voice as sleep eventually renders him helplessly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying my best not to make Cas sound like a stalker by knowing all this stuff about Dean but then again, he's been in the Winchester household for three generations.


	4. Castiel, the 'Mister Birdy Boy'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam discovers Dean's Closet Best Friend
> 
> -
> 
> “Yeah, easy for you to say. At least you’ve got Cas with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not shipping Sastiel or Samstiel, Sam and Castiel's relationship is strictly platonic...of course Dean doesn't think like that.

Ever since Dean started to trust Castiel, he cannot deny that things are turning out for the better.

From Sam’s first complete sentences to Dean’s first day in high school, Cas is there in every step of the way. Of course everything remains as a secret except for the time when one of Sam’s first sentences was:

“Dean, where is mister birdy boy?”

On the day when Dean heard these six words put together, he was put in a corner whether to hide Cas’ identity or not. He doesn’t like keeping things from Sam because the younger Winchester is very considerate regardless of his age. At the same time, he doesn’t want to freak his younger brother out by saying angels exist. As a matter of fact, he asks Cas if there are other creatures out there apart from angels. The angel is not entirely sure because he says his memory could only stretch as far back as Henry Winchester’s time, Dean’s grandfather.

So Dean decides to hold the ‘talk’ off with Sam until he’s old enough and ready. He tells Cas to try his best to stay in his doll form and remain in the closet until he’s ready to tell Sam everything. Castiel agrees but on another day when Dean returns home from school, Sam is sitting on their bed with Castiel in his doll form. Dean panics for a moment but then realized Sam could just be playing with Cas.

Sam doesn’t ask about ‘mister birdy boy’ for a while.

To Dean’s dismay, he is already starting to miss having Cas around whenever he wants. He enjoys their time together and the long talks they have about Dean’s life. Everything about Dean is pretty much laid bare for Cas because he’s been watching him grow up since the day he was born. Dean couldn’t even remember when is the last time he thought Cas’ knowledge as creepy or weird. He just knows Castiel _knew_ him from top to bottom. He’s never given Dean a reason not to trust him.

Whenever Dean needs him to hide, he would always do it without fail. After moving to different places, Dean would turn to Cas whenever he feels upset for leaving the town and starting anew. Eventually Dean also starts to forget about the sadness from leaving one place to another. Suddenly, all he had to think about is what to do with Cas whenever he comes home from school. He never bothers to make close friends because he knows it will only be a matter of time before their Dad screws up and leaves. He never brings friends home because there is no point to settling in. Knowing they would just move again makes any place meaningless to Dean. All he needs is his family wherever he goes. And yes, that includes Cas. Castiel doesn’t even get packed away in boxes anymore, Dean just lets Sammy carry him around until they reach their new place. That’s when he places Cas in their closet so he could never misplace him. But since he knows Cas is aware of everything that’s going on around him, if he gets lost, Dean simply needs to pray and Cas would be found again.

The past five years have made things bearable for Dean and there is no doubt Cas has something to do with it. He has forgotten things that used to make him upset about moving to places and losing friends. It’s because all he needs is safely tucked in his closet when he goes to sleep in their new home. Or safely watching over them while they drive on the open road for a new place to live in. Yes, Cas has become a part of his home.

When he gets home after another pointless day at school, he is happy to see Sam reading quietly in their room while Cas (in his doll form) sits opposite to the younger Winchester. Even though Sam is just turning eight, he is a child genius to Dean’s eyes. The kid practically aces all his classes. Dean can only hope to be as smart as Sammy but if a Winchester is going to succeed in life, he wants Sammy to be the one. He’s happy with earning money by working for Uncle Bobby or with dad at times.

The bitch face level on Sam’s face is pretty high and Dean cannot resist to do what he usually does and surprise the living crap out of him. He creeps up behind Sammy and startles the unsuspecting boy genius off his seat. Dean takes a few curse words which he does not tolerate but deserves. It doesn’t matter if he’s being a jerk because it comes with being an older brother. Laughter erupts under Dean’s ribs but his baby brother doesn’t seem to be impressed. He tries mockery but even that doesn’t work so something must be definitely up with Sammy and part of being the older Winchester is to annoy Sam until he fesses up.

“C’mon Sammy, I’m trying to open up to you here. Don’t make me beg! What’s got your panties in a twist?” Dean puts his school bag away and jumps on the bed with hands behind his head.

“It’s nothing Dean.” Sam looks like he’s concentrating on his book like he’s about to flip another page with his weird nerdy powers.

“Whatever bitch…” He either fesses up or he doesn’t. It’s starting to get boring to Dean anyway.

“How are you so cool about everything?” Sam finally snaps and it doesn’t take long. Dean tries balancing a pencil between his upper lip and nose. He laughs to himself ‘Cas is gonna see another brotherly feud and he can’t do anything about it’.

“What do you mean Sammy?”

“I mean, I have no friends Dean. I can’t keep any of them because we always move around.” Sam twists to face Dean’s direction.

“Oh Sammy, been there done that. You just gotta go with the flow. There’s nothing much we could do about it until dad sticks to one place.”

“But that’s impossible Dean! He’s been like this for years and he’s never changed!” Sam slams the book shut.

“C’mon Sam. Give the old man a chance, he’ll fix himself up soon. You’ll see.” Dean puts the pencil away.

“Yeah right.” Sam huffs and returns to his book. Dean does feel bad for his baby bro but he’s learned to deal with the cards dealt to him and he wishes that Sam could understand.

“Hey look. Don’t worry about making friends, you got me and I’m loads of fun. Once I start driving, I’ll ask dad to lend me the Impala and I’ll drive you around. It’s much better than making friends.” Dean ruffles Sammy’s hair which he knew his younger brother hated.

“Yeah, easy for you to say. At least you’ve got Cas with you.” Wait what? Dean pulls Sam’s shoulder.

“Wait…what did you say?” the panic starts to tingle in his chest.

“I said ‘at least you’ve got Cas with you’.” and Sam points at the doll opposite to him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean can feel the shivers running up and down his spine.

“You know what I mean Dean! He’s your special friend who you talk to at night or whenever you think no one is around. He’s got wings on his back and you never let me hang out with you guys.” Sam looks very hurt but if he can only hear the screaming which is happening in Dean’s head, the panic overload.

“I-I d-don’t…I don’t know…dunno what you’re talking about!” He thought all that talk about ‘Mister Birdy Boy’ is over, Sam should’ve forgotten about all that by now.

“Yes you do! I’ve seen you talk to him more than once. More than I can count with my fingers.” Sam displays his hands to Dean. “You talk and laugh and giggle whenever you’re with him and you never let me in on the fun. You don’t even wanna share him to me. I tried to talk to him dozens of times but he wouldn’t say anything because he’s your friend. But I don’t have any friends Dean! I wish I do. I don’t have a friend that can come with us wherever we go like Cas!” Dean’s natural reaction to this is the same whenever he gets cornered. He wants to say it is all a lie, and there is no Cas but the doll is right here. He is watching both him and Sam fight and if he’s not careful, Sam could be right and he won’t be able to lie again.

“Shut up Sam! You don’t know what you’re talking about! J-Just shut up!” He’s no longer sitting on the bed but the tears on Sam’s face start to well up as fast as he runs out of the room. Dean wants to stop him but the boy resists and pushes him to the bed. Who knew Sam is stronger than him?

The door slams shut and Dean falls on the bed and screams in his pillow. He hasn’t done it in a while. Not since he met Cas.

“Dean.”

After the sound of fluttering feathers disappear, his guardian angel appears behind him and sits on the bed.

“Cas, this is a bad time…” This is all his fault, he should’ve been more honest with Sam and now he’s messed things up as always.

“I understand I shall g-,” Dean grabs his arm and pulls him back to the bed.

“W-Wait- I’m sorry. I don’t wanna be alone right now.” Dean pleas and Castiel nods like an automatic response to anything Dean asks from him. Cas sits next to him for a few minutes and waits, just as he would whenever Dean doesn’t want to talk. Sometimes they do this for a while. Dean just sits there, thinking and Cas would just do the same but he could never know what the angel is thinking about. He is sure anyone could read him like a book but as for Cas, he is like a puzzle that he’s still trying to solve. Sam seems to have found them out without Dean even noticing- he is a brainy kid after all. But what happened earlier is Dean’s fault. Whenever there are things he can’t control, he reacts aggressively. He gets like that and defensive. He knows this. It may have taken him years to notice it but now it all makes sense. Ever since his mom died, Dean just never has the talent to cope with issues properly, especially those he cannot control. Dad is no help and no one’s there for him to turn to. So whenever life gives him lemons, he tries to make the best friggin’ lemonade stand.

“I should go say sorry to Sammy, I shouldn’t have been like that.” Dean says to Cas, he’s used to taking responsibility though. That much he knows.

“I think that is a good idea.” Castiel smiles at him and nudges his arms.

“I’m always messing up but it’s alright. I’ve learned to take responsibility and deal with it.” Dean huffs under his breath and decides to get up before he gets too comfortable having Cas and himself on the bed. Being emotional isn’t exactly his thing either.

“I understand you want to take responsibility and you have my respect for that. But I also understand why you reacted that way so please don’t take it as a reason to look down on yourself.” Dean stops before he could jump off the bed. He turns to hear what Cas has to say.

“Because you had no one to help you take care of your problems, you’ve learned to deal with it all on your own. You were aggressive earlier but that is understandable because I couldn’t help you at the time and no one could. In fact, you never ask anyone to help you therefore you have to learn to defend yourself otherwise you will get hurt. It is only natural to protect yourself Dean, even from the people you care about. No one would do it for you. It is not being selfish in a bad way. It is simply human. Since you want to apologize, it only reinforces the fact that you wish others to forgive you, because deep-down, you deserve to be forgiven. So please, don’t ever think of yourself any less.” Cas stops and maybe Dean’s heart stopped because he is almost breathless from what the angel said.

Nobody has ever said something like that to him before.

“And it is partly my fault, I should’ve sensed your brother’s presence and not allow myself to get distracted. It would’ve saved you from all this trouble.” Cas looks down and a pit of anger ignites inside Dean.

“None of this is your fault Cas! Don’t ever blame yourself for listening to what I said. Every night, every time that I call you to be here next to me, you always followed. You never complained or do anything else. This is my problem with Sammy and I’m gonna fix it. So don’t EVER blame yourself for listening to me. It just ain’t right and you know it.” Dean stands up and holds Castiel’s shoulders. The touch makes his hands warm and help makes things feel easier, even better.

“I’m gonna go and apologize and when I come back, I want you to stay here, just as you are. Can you do that for me?” Castiel nods and he’s sure a smile is forming on his face. This angel is all sorts of adorable when he listens to Dean.

“Don’t go anywhere.”

“I won’t.” the angel says and Dean closes the door behind him. Their talk is enough to help him walk towards Sam with courage in every step of the way.

 

***

“So this is Castiel. The angel I’ve been trying to hide for so long.” Dean rubs the back of his neck and lets Sam have a full glimpse of the half-naked angel on his bed.

“Hello Sam. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Castiel clumsily holds out his hand, asking for a handshake. He must’ve learned that from reading all those books from Dean’s shelf. Sam is quiet. Too quiet and it’s making Dean more nervous than he already is since apologizing just a few minutes ago.

Sam looks at Dean and then to Cas, then back to Dean and then back to Castiel. This boy isn’t helping Dean calm down.

“You’re Cas! Mister Birdy Boy! I knew you were real!” The younger Winchester jumps straight towards Cas and squeezes him until his feathers ruffle up in the air. A tug hits Dean in the stomach and instantly divides Sam from the probably suffocating angel.

“What the hell Dean?!” Sam protests and Dean gives a smack on the back of his neck which he neither should’ve done or not.

“D-Don’t mess Cas up like that!” honestly the first thing Dean wanted to say. “And two, that’s for the language!”

Sam shakes his head as if trying to save brain cells that Dean must’ve killed. “You jerk! You always swear!”

“Shut up bitch.” Dean ruffles Sam’s hair again.

The brothers share a few more words against each other but eventually fall into laughter. Dean explains how he met Castiel and why they have to keep him a secret. Sam agrees whole-heartedly about the secret part but still could not believe his older brother got an angel on his seventh birthday. He gets another assault from Dean because of that. Dean is glad Castiel and Sam get along, it is nice to be able to kill two birds with one stone. Sam gets a friend that would also never leave him and Dean has another person to share his secret. His angel. Well he’s not about to admit that Cas is ‘his’ angel. Sure Cas is ‘his’ angel but not his ‘his’ angel…all this ‘his’ is making his head hurt. Maybe there is no need to label what he has with Cas because it’s been working out since forever and nothing needs to change. Well except for Sam finding out but that’s different because Sam is family. So is Cas. It is only right that Sam find out.

But the main problem eating Dean from the inside, is this feeling that happens whenever someone else is fascinated on Cas, other than himself.

“His wings are so big! They weren’t this big before! Right Dean?” Sam reaches out to touch the folded wings on Cas’ back. For some odd reason, Dean grabs Sam’s wrist and directs it away.

“Hey!” Sam protests with a bitch-face.

“I don’t think he’s changed. I think…” Dean needs to change the topic before Sammy points out his reaction out of spite.

“He has! I know it! His wings and body grew! Like you Dean!” Sam points at Cas but not close enough to make the uncomfortable itch under Dean’s skin happen.

“I think Sam is right Dean, I have grown taller, and so have you. But you are slightly taller than me.” Cas seems to agree and it takes Dean a few seconds to notice the changes and growth in Cas’ body. The wings have indeed grown bigger but so has his chest, his arms and legs. His hips…is the only covered part on Cas’ body and Dean makes sure he never pays too much attention there. It is weird to Cas yet whenever they are together, Dean’s eyes betray him and somehow find themselves scanning those nice hip bones…like they were sculpted by God himself.

Nope, Dean is twelve freaking years old and he doesn’t even know how old Cas is. But they look roughly around the same age and they had this talk before about angels having birthdays. Castiel never mentioned anything about angel-birthdays but Dean wouldn’t have it and decides to give Cas a birthday. Every year, Dean would secretly celebrate it with Cas, regardless of the angel’s initial protests. It’s probably one of the times when Sam caught them.

The night takes its time but Dean doesn’t notice. Actually none of them does because they spend most of the time talking, laughing and exchanging stories. Cas doesn’t laugh but he gives a smile which is enough for Dean to feel content. Though Sam protests against his bedtime, in order to have more time with Cas, Dean doesn’t budge and tells him to brush his teeth or face getting grounded. Dean has that power in the house. Dad hasn’t returned from work yet but Dean isn’t worried. He knows their old man could be holed up somewhere getting drunk and its best if he doesn’t come home until the next morning.

“But Dean I wanna play with Cas more!” Sam protests but Dean isn’t gonna have any of it.

“Go to sleep Sam it’s bedtime!” Dean says it while smiling in victory.

“You just want Cas all to yourself! You’ve had years hanging out with him now I want to hang out with him too!”

“It’s bedtime or no TV tomorrow!” Dean remembers Sam’s TV show and is not afraid to use it against him.

“I don’t care! I’ll just play with Cas!” Oh the little shit.

“I ban you from talking to Cas for a week if you don’t go to sleep.” He snarls and Sam’s bitch face gets even more intense.

“You’re so unfair! Tell him he’s being unfair Cas!” Sam looks at the angel who is now struggling to keep up between the brothers. “I should go back to the closet, I think we should all get some sleep.” Cas slides off Dean’s bed. Angels don't sleep.

“No Cas! You can stay here! Sammy can go to sleep and we can hang out more!” In all honesty, Dean just doesn’t want Cas to go.

“I think I should go Dean.”

“C’mon Cas! I’m the older brother! I have no bed times and no one gets to tell me otherwise!” Dean leans a little too close to the angel and whispers to his ear. Yeah, that’s all. Just to whisper. Well, if Dean could smell the nice scent wafting from Cas’ hair and skin then that’s just a bonus. It isn’t what he was thinking about. No, of course not!

“I think Sam would be more compliant to the rules if you lead by example, Dean.”

“HAH!” Sam points at the ceiling and Dean darts the boy a glare which he doesn’t see but probably notices.

“Fine! I’ll go to bed. Night Cas!” Dean turns away from Castiel. “No goodnights for you Sammy!”

“Whatever jerk!” Sam says.

“Good night bitch!” Dean smiles then notices something weighing down behind him. Then it can only be…it’s-

“Good night, Dean.” He didn’t see it but he’s sure Cas’ face was just a centimeter away from his ear. The smell of early morning spring and quiet Thursday afternoons stay in Dean’s nostrils and the last thing he hears are the closet doors shutting.

His eyes usually shuts right after but tonight, Dean feels a sensation he has never felt before. It is a burning sensation travelling all across his body, his ears and his chest. Was it because Cas just whispers ‘goodnight’ to him in a new way, like it has never happened before? Of course it is, no half-wit would not notice how close and tender Cas’ weight pressed behind him. The angel who makes everything good and better for Dean is his. There it is again: the word ‘his’. Of all the times Cas said good night to him, today is different. Probably Dean is over thinking again but tonight is not a usual night. It’s not a night where they hide from everyone else. Sam is part of this whole thing now. Their ‘thing’- whatever this is, is out in the open.

The scary part is Cas’ stranger than usual behavior around him, sending stranger than usual pressure in his pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a Castiel funkopop doll, it's the closest thing that looks like his other form. He doesn't have a trenchcoat get up. Think of an angel with a only loincloth on. I'll sketch his doll form and real form when I get time :)


	5. Stars Sleep Behind His Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You may come closer.”
> 
> Dean does so slowly but eagerly. He wants to get closer. He needs to get closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluff fluff... I apologize for not being able to write sooner, my muse is lazy. I've been reading more fics than writing them.

Having Sam know about Castiel is probably the best thing that has happened to Dean in years. Well apart from having an angel for his own, the fact he no longer keeps things from Sammy makes things more bearable. Whenever they move, it always mean settling in, finding new friends and a new life. That doesn’t matter as much for the two of them anymore since Cas is around. Dean has had this pleasure longer than Sam but he can see that the younger Winchester is not struggling with their life as much as before.

But Dean is now fifteen and turning sixteen in a month and their recent Christmas with Cas is probably the best one yet. Bobby comes over and their dad isn’t as drunk as usual. They exchange gifts, Dean and Bobby share a gift for Sammy: an expensive leather watch, it’s durable enough to last Sammy till kingdom come. They can’t buy him clothes anymore because Sammy is beginning to sprout like Jack’s beanstalk. He will, without a doubt, outgrow Dean but he isn’t thinking about that right now. He’s more excited by the fact that John’s gift, is letting him have the Impala once he learns how to drive. It is probably the best gift that Dean has ever received from dad because he won’t just be able to drive baby but actually _own_ it.

After exchanging more gifts, Sam and Dean climb the stairs like a race, Dean wins of course but he can only hope to continue winning for now since Sam is getting taller and STRONGER.

Upstairs, the angel waits for the two Winchesters in reliable patience. It has been a while since Dean thought of Cas as his angel because he doesn’t mind sharing Cas with Sam. It is their secret from the world and at times, Dean keeps a division between the angel and his younger brother. Just for safe measure. Who could blame him? Sometimes Sam can be so reckless, especially at his age and that’s another reason why they gave him a durable watch. They don’t want him breaking it. But he does trust Sam not to do anything stupid to Cas so Dean doesn’t really get why he’s hell-bent in making sure there’s an invisible protective glass around the angel.

Maybe because Cas has been nothing but wonderful to them since the day he appeared before Dean. He never gives Dean a reason not to trust him. In fact it’s the opposite. Dean securely puts Sam’s life in Cas’ hands if anything were to happen in the house when he’s not there. It’s the only place he could be (most of the time). Except for a few occasions when they will sneak in the middle of the night. Sometimes, Dean takes Sam and Cas to light up some fireworks in the middle of a park.

The light explodes in their eyes and it is one of Dean’s most cherished memories.

He didn’t expect that one day, in his sixteenth birthday, Cas and Sam gives him a surprise birthday gift. It is an amulet Cas picked out from a shop around the corner from where they lived at the time; Dean may or may have had a heart attack knowing Cas left their home. Sam takes all the blame for it even though the angel says otherwise. He’s the one who apparently insisted in leaving the house and getting something for Dean. To get something he picked himself because he couldn’t buy anything for Dean. Although Dean is a furious at first, he couldn’t help but feel happy and warm inside especially since this is the first time Cas gives anything to him.

He now wears the amulet wherever he goes.

Though Cas and Sam promises never to do something so risky ever again, Dean still appreciates everything they did. He just has a crappy way of showing it but it doesn’t matter so much as Sam admits. The younger Winchester knows what their life is like so he’s alright with it. Cas also admits he understands Dean however that isn’t the issue. If only Cas knows how much he really matters to Dean then he’ll know why he doesn’t want him going out there and risking himself. After all, he knows that Sam can take care of himself even without Dean’s help but Cas, Cas is different. Cas can only turn into a doll and back; assholes out there would do much worse to a doll than to his human-guy form.

Dean likes to be needed, just how Sam needs a role model. For Cas, he will tear the sky and earth a new one if someone ever lays a finger on him.

All this changes when he gets home one day and Sam is laughing behind the door of their room.

Castiel, the family angel is making things float and dance around him like a scene in an old Disney movie. Sam’s books are flying around him like birds and their clothes crawl on the floor like woodland critters. His wings are flapping and keeping him off the ground. He’s flying. Eventually the two realize his presence and all the objects stop and fall where they are. Castiel looks at him with a worried expression then slowly descends to the floor and Sam pulls him closer.

“Dean! Did you see that? Cas can make things move and he flies! I’ve never seen him do that before! Have you?” Sam is still smiling but Dean can do is shake his head.

“Dean…this is the first time…I didn’t know before- I just-,” the angel struggles and Dean smiles.

“C-Cas, that was- that was amazing!” Dean interrupts because it was. It is. Dean has never seen anything more magical and out of this world before Cas.

“I-It was?” as if the angel didn’t hear Dean clearly.

“Yeah! Holy- wow! You could move things? And fly? Jesus I’ve never- Cas you’re amazing!” Dean isn’t lying and hopefully Castiel knows it. He’s never seen anything as amazing as his angel and yes, he is going to admit to himself that Cas is HIS angel. From then and onwards, he’s never wants anything more than to see Castiel happy just as he is.

With this new found skill, Cas shows him and Sam a few tricks. Apparently he’s been practicing whenever they are out in school. Dean has an idea and drives them in the middle of the night, to a lookout at the edge of town. Castiel spread his wings wide and the stars in the sky disappear before Dean’s eyes.

“I want to show you both something.” He says and gestures Sam and Dean to take a few steps back. They both nod and after a few seconds, Dean may or may not forget how to breathe.

Orbs and lines of light float around Castiel and encircle his wings, his body and his face. The blue in his eyes glow whenever a light passes by.

“You may come closer.”

Dean does so slowly but eagerly. He wants to get closer. He _needs_ to get closer. The lights eventually move towards him, encircling him just as they did to Cas. He’s pretty sure that a smile is sitting on his face just like Sammy’s. His younger brother is jumping around and laughing while the bright lights encircle and lead him to every direction. He tries to catch them but ends up falling onto the grass laughing his head off.

“Cas- this is…amazing.”

His angel turns away from him, playing with lights just like what Sam is doing. The lights flicker between his fingers and Dean can’t help but reach out and grab his hand. It is the hand that created these lights and entertained them for years. Castiel turns to him with the face that reminds Dean of happy days, bathe in sunlight or moonlight whenever they are in the bedroom together. Cas’ eyes stare right at him and they remind him of the warm feeling burning in his gut, it travels to his hands and feet. To his ears and cheeks and to his chest, the feeling is everywhere.  Right there and then something inside Dean wants to push him forward. To lean in a different way for once. Cas is just looking at him and he, the same. He hasn’t forgotten about the lights but instead of them flickering in every direction, they just stay where they are. They just float there, around him and Cas.

He almost wants to lean forward and ki-

“Hey guys!” Dammit Sam. With a blink or two, Dean’s moment fades away just like the lights Castiel produced.

“What’d you want?” Dean barks out and pulls his hand away from Cas’

“I’m sleepy…” Sam yawns and Dean darts a look at him before looking back at Cas.

“We should all head back.” He says and disappointment tugs Dean’s gut like there is no tomorrow. He drives baby in silence while Sam sleeps in the passenger seat, and Cas just sits at the back. He just looks forward and every so often when Dean looks back at the rear view mirror, they lock their eyes. The red immediately burns under his cheeks but that doesn’t stop him from doing it again and again. Dean doesn’t stop until they are both sharing a smile and riding towards their temporary home where he carries Sam to bed.

Usually they talk a little bit more if not head to bed but tonight is special and neither Dean nor Cas starts the conversation. They just exchange smiles at each other and this time, Sam won’t be able to interrupt them. Just like that, they can just stand there looking at each other and it won’t make Dean feel awkward because this is Cas. His Cas.

“H-Hey Cas…I had fun tonight.” Dean scratches his cheek, ashamed by the fact that he’s usually a conversationalist.

“I had fun too Dean. It was a very nice night. You should go to sleep, I believe you have work tomorrow.” Cas is right, he is going to a place Bobby recommended to earn some extra cash. Being sixteen means more expenses and his dad has made a turn for the worse. But that doesn’t matter so much, not while Cas is the reason why he always have something to look forward to when he comes home from school or work.

“Y-You’re right. Good night, Cas.”

“Good night Dean.” Cas gives him one final smile and turns to the closet.

Dean can’t sleep. He shuffles for the fiftieth time tonight and it is driving him insane. The smile that Cas gave him is wonderful. The memory burns a scar in his thoughts and he likes it that way. That’s the problem because he shouldn’t like it because it will mean something else. That image might get twisted into something Dean might regret in the morning, when he has to change his underwear. Or he will take longer showers and just think about those blue eyes scanning him from top to bottom.

What Dean is doing, is wrong because Cas is his friend. He shouldn’t think about his best friend that way. But lately he has no control over the tightness happening in his pants. Every time Cas gets closer or touch him, innocently of course, his pants get tight and it makes him completely helpless. Until he manages to fix the problem with a few minutes in the bathroom then he remains as a hopeless wreck around Cas. This isn’t even any of Cas’ fault. This is all on him and he’ll be damned if he screws things up with his angel. Yeah, his angel…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic supposed to be rated Teen and Up Audiences when suddenly I realized- Cas is a magical angel doll. You could do all sorts of stuff with that ;)


	6. I Have To Touch It...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel, Angel of the Lord- saves Dean Winchester from sexual frustration hell into heavenly bliss
> 
> -
> 
> “Did I do something wrong during the exercise?” Cas tilts his head like he usually does and gives the puppy look face that Cas and Sammy share. Oh god, Sam, if Sam finds out what he did to Cas, he’ll kick Dean’s ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previous chapter was fluff then I had an idea and poof- SMUT.
> 
> Rereading smut I've written makes me laugh now. Thinking of stuff like 'Cas slurps...' makes me giggle.

Dean is hungry and it’s nobody’s fault but his. If he asks the growing frustration in his pants then it will blame it on Castiel. The angel who is semi naked most of the time because he doesn’t really have the time to wear clothes before transforming back into a doll. Besides, Dean is getting a natural body reaction due to hormones. Yeah, he can blame it all on hormones and not because there is a sexy dark brown haired and tanned skin angel waiting for him at home like a house pet. Certainly not that.

So Dean fixes his problem the ol’ fashioned way- hooking up other students in his school. It doesn’t matter what school they go to, Dean will hop to different girls faster than the eye cansee. Well not fast enough to escape Sam’s. When Sam finds him with the head cheerleader coming out of the janitor’s room, disappointment fill his baby brother’s eyes. On the way home, they fight about it and Dean remembers what Sam says to him:

‘I know it’s none of my business Dean, but you’re still an idiot!’

Til this day, Dean still doesn’t know why Sam called him an ‘idiot’ but he made sure Sammy regrets it for a week or two. But it didn’t fix the guilt then and neither does it now. Dean has been very careful with his exploits, making sure Sam or Cas don’t notice that he’s getting some. At least Sammy hasn’t said anything to Cas, although why shouldn’t he? What is Dean even trying to do? Thinking about it, he has a reason for hiding it. Cas is a different case. Cas is innocent and he doesn’t want the angel to get riled up over what Dean does in his private time. This doesn’t change the fact that Dean is scared if Cas ever finds out. That’s why he enforces the ‘no marking’ policy with his partners. At least he can be confident that the angel won’t notice anything. Why is this so hard? (no pun intended) God, why is he even trying to hide things from Cas?

Castiel has never hidden anything from Dean or Sam. He’s been everything good and wonderful while Dean does the sneaky- there he goes again, thinking as if he’s doing something wrong. He isn’t doing anything wrong- is he? What Sam said to him long ago is probably just a slip of the tongue, something to remind him that he finds his classmates as dispensable. He’s been doing it for years. His classmates and friends don’t really matter because they don’t stay for very long, so how come Sam thinks it’s stupid all of the sudden. What’s worse is why he feels fucking bad about hiding it from Cas?

The angel clearly doesn’t know much about the outside world- his memories are apparently fragmented and mainly focus on his granddad (Henry) and dad.

‘I remember a few things but not all- I seem to remember crying and longing. Why do you ask, Dean?’ Is what Cas says whenever Dean asks about the past. But Dean drops the subject before spending another night with Cas’ lights.

Dean has been careful- too careful and he wants to stay that way. Among other things he wants to keep what he, Sam and Cas have going on- a lasting family. Dean cannot ask for a better life. It will only be a matter of time before his wishful thinking backfires. Last night, Sam begged Dean to spend the night a friend’s place: Brady or something which means Dean and Cas will be alone. Dean is reluctant at first because: he’s overprotective like that and- a BIG and- the reason why he’s been able to put a lid on his libido around Cas is Sam’s presence. He can’t get fidgety or aroused if Sam is around. He declines at first but Sam, the little snitch got Brady’s mom to talk to Dean over the phone and promises to take care of him until tomorrow morning. Dean gets the weekend off plus dad is working his ass off for once after months of alcoholism.

So in the end Sam gets what he wants and so does Dean but it is the wrong sort of want. Being alone with Cas at home is something new- something dangerous. But Dean is a big boy now and if he can’t handle one night without thinking about how warm Cas’ hand would be wrapped around his cock or how he smells of early morning during spring, then he is doomed. Cas will notice and he’ll have to explain to an innocent blue eyed angel about the birds and the bees. Bees- Cas said that he likes bees.

Focus Winchester.

It’s gonna be alright.

-

“D-Dean…is this...mnnph…good?” How did it come to this? How did Cas turn from an Angel of the Lord to kneeling before Dean and sucking his dick?

Good question but right before Dean can dwell at the thought Cas licks him from the base to the top of his cock then swallows it down.

“N-Nahh-ah” Dean whimpers.

It has been almost half an hour, give or take, and Dean is a panting mess. His shirt is pulled all the way up above his nipples and denim jeans are on the floor. Apparently Dean wasn’t careful enough, Cassie earlier today gave him a hickey during lunch behind the gym  and the bell made him forget to cover it up and remind Cassie of his ‘no marking’ rule. Sam didn’t even tell him the entire time and just let Dean go home to an unsuspecting Castiel, asking him what that mark on his neck was. He’s gonna kill Sam when he gets back but right now, it’s not Sam’s fault. It’s not Cassie’s fault either. This is all on him. He fucked up trying to explain sex and stuff to Cas and who could blame him? He never had a proper father figure to teach him all this, he learned most of it from secretly listening during sex class and porn. Plus the only interesting thing to do in the library is to read books about sex so sue him for being an independent learner.

Right now Cas is doing the same thing but instead of reading books or looking it up in the internet- he’s using Dean as his guinea pig. A very horny and certainly aroused guinea pig.

“I hope I am not doing this wrong, Dean. I really want to learn.” Then Cas pushes his head all the way down, swallowing Dean’s cock to the base and sliding his hand down, cupping his balls. The sound that comes out of Dean’s mouth is inhuman.

“C-Cas…Cas…Cas!” They should stop, Cas just stays there, keeping Dean’s dick warm inside his throat. He looks up with wide blue eyes and intends to speak but forgets the fact that Dean’s cock is still inside his mouth. The vibrations of Cas’ throat will be the death of him and it sends Dean squirming, as Cas slowly pulls his head up and speaks properly.

“D-Dean…is there something wrong?” Well for starters- this is all wrong. But Dean can’t think straight because Cas won’t stop stroking the length of his cock. It’s slow, steady and it makes him close.

“N-Nothing-,” Dean wants to add something else but Cas bobs his head down in one go and pulls back up, just below the cockhead. You can’t win against this Winchester.

“You said that if I keep going at this pace, I will help you achieve sexual release?” Considering Cas’ throat just cradled Dean’s cock, it’s no surprise that he sounds even more raspy than usual.

“Jeez Cas I dunno, I think I-I’m close but….I need…more…”

“More what Dean?” He continues stroking and Dean doesn’t know whether to answer or just let the angel unwittingly torture him. He sure wants to come and Sam isn’t here and he doesn’t know when he’ll get another opportunity to do this again and Cas is sucking him off and and and-

He’s about to go crazy overthinking about it.

“F-Faster?” He’s gonna regret saying those words but not now- Cas is listening to him and the pace indeed gets faster but there’s something different. Cas is doing something with his strokes. They’re not as clumsy from when they started, they seem to stop and clench tighter on the skin of his cock.

It’s impossible.

For an angel-

For a doll that transforms into an angel could move their hands like this.

Cas can’t possibly know how to actually tug a cock properly but what he’s doing right now is just how Dean would do to himself alone in the bathroom.

Cas is no longer just stroking his cock, he’s also sucking on the top, a warm and wet feeling tickles the slit. The spasms start to grow from the very base to the tip while Cas doesn’t stop tugging Dean’s dick perfectly. Then there is only white.

Strings and spurts of come latch onto Cas’ cheek but he continues stroking, pumping and milking Dean’s cock as if he’s known how to do it his whole life. Dean tries really hard to hold it in, the sounds that he’s making. Even though John or Sam isn’t around, he knows how loud he is. He thrusts his hips up for one final time and Cas swallows his whole length just as he’s been doing for god knows how long.

“C-Cas…stop…stop!” he grabs the angel’s wrist to relieve him from the sensitivity.

“I’m sorry Dean. I didn’t think it would hurt. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” Cas leans forward, invading his personal space like he usually does. Although they did something beyond ‘invading personal space’, because Dean’s pretty sure that line’s been crossed, the cum glistening on Cas’ cheek panics Dean’s eyes.

“G-God Cas, I’m sorry. Dude I should’ve- let me- I’m so sorry…” Dean grabs his blanket and wipes Cas’ cheek. His delicate and innocent angel, is not so innocent with that look on his face. Christ almighty, Dean just corrupted an angel.

“Dean…” Cas grabs his wrists which are frantically cleaning him up like a dusty doll (no pun intended). Then the guilt starts to grow inside him.

“Jesus…Cas…I can’t believe…I just-,”

“Don’t- Dean I know what you’re planning to say.” So he’s a mind reader now too? Well he does pick up on prayers so all Dean could think of now is…well…he’s fucked.

“I enjoyed this exercise Dean. You were very cooperative and instructive on the subject.”

“Is that what you’re thinking about right now? Cas I practically came on your face, that’s just-,”

“I am aware that you had an orgasm and ejaculated on my face…”

“Don’t say it like that- Don’t you see what’s wrong here?” Dean is still trying to catch his breath after what probably was his best blow job ever.

“Did I do something wrong during the exercise?” Cas tilts his head like he usually does and gives the puppy look face that Cas and Sammy share. Oh god, Sam, if Sam finds out what he did to Cas, he’ll kick Dean’s ass.

“N-no that’s not what I mean- you seriously don’t think there is no problem with what we did?” Curiosity leaves Cas’ face and looks like irritation sinks in.

“If you are referring to society’s misinterpretation about mankind’s carnal desires since we indulged in homosexual behavior then, no, I have no problem with what we did. I presume that you do?”

“Cas, I dunno, I don’t think- I  know you just wanted to know about this stuff but I didn’t think we’d get this…intense…I dunno I just…I dunno what to make of it just yet.” Everything is starting to spiral around and Dean doesn’t know which is what anymore. Cas just blew him. A doll- A doll-angel- An angel just sucked his dick. It’s wrong but but but

Then Cas’ hand touches his shoulder and whatever makes Dean’s chest painful and tight disappears.

“Dean, I understand if what we did tonight causes you worry. When you arrived from school today, I was curious about the mark on your neck. After that I asked you what it meant and it eventually lead you to demonstrating an example to me.” Cas smiles but Dean is still not convinced.

“Yeah! I know that but you just wanted to know what sexual urges were!” It’s the truth, Cas innocently wanted to know what sexual urges were but everything else after…Dean doesn’t know how it got that far. How it got to corrupting all the innocence from Cas’ face when he slurped Dean’s cock with enthusiasm.

“Would it make you better if I explained why I asked in the first place?” Dean nods and frantically waits for Cas to answer while the angel shifts into a more comfortable position on their bed. THEIR bed. Then again, whatever he owns is practically Cas’, not as if Cas needs any property at all, he thinks.

“I wonder why humans value physical intimacy so much. I wanted to learn the value of different human sense. From smell, from taste…touch. So far I have only learned human interactions through watching the television, which I am still trying to figure out how moving pictures work in the small contraption.” That makes sense, after all Cas has only been in their home or in the Impala when they travel. It’s only natural that he is limited in human experience- he knows that society sees what they just did as wrong, well not all parts of it. Some parts do but this is not dampening the panic inside Dean’s head.

“Y-Yeah I guess you’re right but still it’s…”

“If what other people think worries you then we shall never mention it ever. We can return to how we were.” Dean nods slightly while Cas smiles as if nothing happened. At least his angel understands but how can they go back to the way things were when Dean practically fulfilled one of his lifelong fantasies. The semen on Cas’ face hasn’t even fully dried yet and oh go Dean needs to clean themselves.

“Is there something wrong Dean?” Cas leans closer and down boy! His dick gives a small twitch and he can’t possibly go a second round.

“N-Nothing Cas! We should clean up…and Cas?” Before they leave the bed, the angel turns to him.

“Are you sure that you’re fine with all this?” he asks half hoping not to fall apart from whatever Cas might answer.

“Yes I am fine with this. It enlightened me in many ways and I am glad to have shared this experience with you.” Cas says as if Dean has not been fantasizing about this moment in years. Not only does Cas understands and listens to Dean but he just had one of the best orgasms ever. Too bad they won’t do it again because it’s just a one off thing.

They’ll still be friends after Sam and dad comes home tomorrow and nothing will change- as Cas said. Dean doesn’t like talking about these things and he thinks they’ve done enough. While changing the sheets, making and having dinner, they don’t talk about it. There’s silence but Cas doesn’t say anything and just watches Dean like he usually does. He sits at the opposite side of the table watching Dean munch on a sandwich which tastes better than usual. In fact, he initially expected things to get awkward between them but Cas doesn’t make it like that. He’s not even sure if Cas can even feel awkwardness. After all he is still learning human ways and as the sun goes down, it probably won’t change the angel’s curiosity. He always listens to Dean, he always gives his undying attention.

The silence doesn’t hurt as much as Dean thought it would after everything. They go back to their room and Cas slips back into the closet as always and gives Dean a smile and goodnight. No matter how intense things got, Dean is getting better and he admits it definitely has something to do with a socially awkward angel that still needs to learn more about humanity. Perhaps a little more about Dean because Cas doesn’t know how happy and confused the older Winchester feels about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Besides the fellatio, Castiel genuinely wants to experience human things. Reason why he wants it will be explained later on. The story should be finished soon, I'll move on to another fic- probably update Paradise Lost.. Please have a look at it and comment away.


	7. Have A Bite From The Love Sandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean teaches Castiel another lesson...
> 
> -
> 
> Sam laughs and adds. “Are you talking about a couple, Cas?” the angel nods and Dean nearly lets out a yelp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, the damn thing was supposed to be fluffy and innocent. But screw it cause I ain't any of that. So here's some more smut.

After an embarrassing start of the weekend, Dean sets out to clear his head from everything. He gives Cas a long talk about keeping it a secret and never ever telling anyone about it. Especially Sam. Castiel agrees with the up most obedience. With reassurance aside, he goes for a drive and picks up Sam from Brady’s place. He acts as if nothing happened and so does Castiel. The drive is not enough to fix the guilt swimming inside his stomach but he’s managed to calm the fuck down. There shouldn’t be anything to worry about because this is Cas he’s talking about. His angel.

Castiel, the angel who has been friends with him and Sam, just recently gave him the best blowjob ever. Every time Dean sees him, the scenario replays in his head over and over and over. The lustful look in the angel’s eyes as Dean spurts come all over his face makes his dick twitch. Sam doesn’t even dampen the situation anymore. Dean gets hard and horny just by being next to Cas. They don’t see him as a magical friend anymore, they see him as another person. And that is what screws with Dean’s head.

They never speak about it again, they go about their usual lives with going to school and John changing jobs, moving houses. A month and a half goes by and Dean buries the memories deep inside his brain until he gets some time alone in the bathroom. Seeking the pleasure of his hand whenever Cas gets too close or touches him innocently. Sam hasn’t asked or said anything but the boy is starting to speculate, at least that’s what Dean thinks. Overthinking this has turned him paranoid and scared. Every time Dean and Cas gets time alone, he wonders if the angel thinks about what they did. He doesn’t want to ask because that will mean they are talking about what happened and Dean was the one who doesn’t want to talk about it.  Although Cas suggested it, Dean is all for the code of silence because the angel has known him for a while.

Cas knows when not to push Dean’s buttons and that’s the best part about their rela-FRIENDSHIP. They are friends, nothing more, Dean will not even aspire for it to be anything more than that. Did he mention overthinking is screwing with his head?

When they come back from school, Dean prepares their dinner while Sam reads a book and Cas sits idly by, either watching Dean with piercing blue eyes or engaging with Sam and his book. Dean won’t ever exchange this perfect domestic scene for anything, it’s one of those times when he wonders how he got so lucky to have Sam as a younger brother and Cas as their best friend. He tries his best not to create too much tension in the room even though it’s been like this for a while, probably before Cas went down on him. Cas suggests creating a small light for Sam while he’s reading, they look adorable and Dean doesn’t want to disturb them. But the only way for Sam to not notice the tension in the air is for Dean to do what he’s gotta do.

“Here’s your sandwich Sammy!” he says aloud, making Sam jump off his seat and Cas go wide eyed.

“Dammit Dean! Do you have to do that?” Sam snatches the sandwich from Dean while he grins and winks at Cas. Cas goes red and Dean finds it adorable when he does that.

“Hey watch your language, I made you dinner!” Dean points the bread knife at him.

“Whatever jerk.” The younger Winchester pouts and rolls his eyes and gives Cas a smile.

“Shut up, bitch.” Usually Dean gets a tug of jealousy from how close the two are but he’s had time to adjust and a memory to recall. Cas is his angel, his innocent and playful angel.

If there are occasions when Dean inappropriately gets a hard on in front of others, this is one of them.

He sits down, looking at the beast of a sandwich he made and takes a bite. The taste is amazing as always but the look on Castiel’s eyes display a similar feeling.

“Dean, I have another request…” Dean raises an eyebrow, stopping halfway from eating his sandwich. Sam seems to be far too focused on his book to be listening but whatever Cas wants can’t possibly be appropriate in the dining room. Not to mention he just mentioned ‘another’ request, unwittingly implying that Dean fulfilled a previous one and crap…Sam’s here.

“W-What is it Cas?” If this guy asks Dean to give him a blow job while they are at the table then it will definitely fulfill one of his fantasies. But what the hell? Cas shouldn’t be asking these sort of things while Sam’s around. It defeats the whole purpose of never talking about it EVER.

“I am curious as to what tasting food feels like. I was wondering if it’d be okay. If I could have something to eat?” Cas asks and smiles at him.

“Uh yeah sure…want me to make you a sandwich?” Dean points at his meal.

“No, I do not hunger and it would be a waste if I don’t finish it. If it’s alright with you, I can have some of what you are having right now. I have seen people share meals in the television and it made them very happy.” What kind of stuff is he watching? Probably Sam made him watch some stupid chick-flick, typical Samantha. Surely he remembers offering Cas food before then again, he also remembers the angel declining it because he ‘doesn’t need human sustenance’ to live. Dork, Dean thinks.

“Yeah it’s alright.” He points the sandwich forward and the angel leans from the other side of the table and takes a bite. He closes his eyes and slowly leans back to his chair while chewing his mouth, probably thinking about how to eat. Since the angel has never needed to do this before, it is only logical that he tries to mimic what humans do, practically everything that Dean and Sam would do.

“The taste- it is…strange, but in a good way.” Castiel says as he opens his eyes and Dean is hard now. Yup, he is hard now after watching his angel/best friend eat a sandwich.

“O-Oh yeah?” Dean swallows and looks at his sandwich before looking back to Cas. The angel shifts from his seat and smiles at Dean.

“Thank you for helping me experience this. It is not at all how they portray it in the television.” Cas says and Sam looks up.

“What do you mean Cas?” Sam asks after closing his book. Panic starts to make the hairs on the back of Dean’s neck stand up.

“In several occasions, when two people share a meal on a table, they are overwhelmed by happiness. I wonder if it is because of their fondness for each other or the food. Since this is the first time I tasted food, I wanted to know what makes those two people feel happy. You have admitted before that Dean’s culinary skills are exemplar and I am aware we are all familiar with each other…” Cas confesses and returns to staring at Dean.

Sam laughs and adds. “Are you talking about a couple, Cas?” the angel nods and Dean nearly lets out a yelp.

“Hahahaha hear that Dean? You and Cas are a couple now! That’s so adorable! I’m going to die laughing!” Sam nudges Dean with his book. Although it‘s too late to hold back now, Dean’s face is definitely red and he yells at Sam. Cas sits in silence but the worry sits in his eyes and Dean isn’t ready to focus on that right now.

After Sam recovers from his stupid laugh and from Dean’s slap, which should be forming a nice red mark on his arm, he turns to Castiel who is feigning a smile. At times like these, it makes Dean rethink how lucky and unlucky he is to have an annoying brother.

“Hey Cas if you want I can teach you other things…you know, when it’s just the two of us?” Honest to god, Sam winks at Castiel.

“I would like that, thank you, Sam.” Sam smiles at him and Dean, grabs his stupid book and runs upstairs with a stupid smug look on his face. Usually Dean would yell at him for running off like that and not helping with the dishes. Dean actually taught Cas how to wash the dishes before out of curiosity but it’s not what’s important right now. Right now, the heat of jealousy rushes in his veins. His blood certainly carries it and it makes him stand up and grab Cas’ shoulders so he’s looking straight into Dean’s eyes.

“Did you just agree to do stuff with Sam?” Dean should tone it down because Sam might hear them but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t give a fuck when Cas is involved- his angel. His his- his fucking best friend.

“I believe so. If another question were to arise, I would certainly ask for his assistance…”

“Assistance? You mean the sort of stuff that we did back then?” Images of Cas sucking on his cock like a champ starts swirling in his head.

“Yes. If I become curious about a particular subject, I would like to turn to the two of you for guidance. It has been our arrangement for a while now, I am glad of what we did-,”

“Are you freaking serious? You and Sam being alone and doing the stuff that we did?” Dean lets go and pulls back. The angel looks bewildered and worried.

“I don’t understand- I have turned to the two of you for advice before, I thought-,” Before?

_Before?_

Has Cas and Sam done stuff ‘before’?

He’s turned not only to Dean but to Sam for ‘advice’ before?

Dean sees red. He lunges forward and pushes Castiel off the chair and they fall to the floor. The angel stays where he is while Dean crawls forward, invading his ‘personal space’ as he says too often. He breathes the angel’s scent in, a smell that he has become addicted to. He presses a hand and slides it on Cas’ chest, to the nape of his neck, absorbing the warmth.

“Y-You and Sam? You went to him?” Before Castiel could answer, Dean crashes their mouths together. His hands slides all over Castiel from his face to his hair, shoulders, neck and chest.

“D-Dean…”

“Shut up!” Dean growls and pulls the angel close for another kiss. This time, the kisses are hard and fast. Almost as if something possessed Dean, something evil and malignant, ready to do all sorts of bad things to his angel. Corrupting him.

“Have you and him done this stuff? Stuff that we did, that we do? Does he touch you like this?” As disturbing as being jealous of his younger brother touching Cas, Dean still sees red. He doesn’t let Castiel answer because their mouths and tongues are too busy crashing onto each other with great gusto. The look on Cas’ eyes, his face, downright corrupted.

“Dean I…” Castiel whispers.

“NO!” another growl escapes Dean. “You’re mine! Mine only!” while kissing Castiel on the neck then on his cheeks, on his mouth again. They slide until Castiel’s back is on the refrigerator and Dean uses the palm of his hand to support him otherwise he’ll come crashing down to his angel. His hand slides down and gently caresses the black wings and a moan leaves Castiel’s mouth.

“You like that Cas?” Dean places both hands on the wings this time and for the first time, he sees Castiel’s loincloth tenting. He does like it. “You’ve ever done this with Sam?” He clutches the feathers and tugs it slightly.

“Mmmh-nnhhh” The angel squirms, trying to lean his face closer to Dean.

“Are you trying to run away Cas?” As wrong as it may sound, the angel looks at Dean and licks his upper lip.

“N-No…I want…I want…” Cas places his hands on Dean’s face and pulls him. The kisses grow hotter, wetter and longer. Dean wants to feel every bit of Castiel, especially the hard and warm dick poking Dean’s belly while they grind on each other. The movements are awkward at first, no surprise there for Cas, but as Dean expects the angel is a fast learner. Just like the time when he got down on his knees and worshipped Dean’s cock like it opened the gates to heaven.

“I want you Cas.” They crash their lips together again and such a sweet taste lingers in Dean’s mouth. Like honey. He can’t get enough. The pressure in his crotch is not getting enough attention so he unbuttons his pants while Castiel slides his hands all over Dean’s body. Whenever a gentle brush passes Dean’s nipple, he moans. These pants won’t come off fast enough.

“D-Dean…please…” Dean stops for a moment and notices that Cas’ loincloth is a mess. It’s wet and little strands of hair start to poke out including a very strained cock. Like what a regular romantic would, Dean rips the loincloth off. He bends down and starts licking and sucking the handsome cock. For whatever reason, Castiel’s height and body grows at the same rate as Dean, only shorter by an inch. But down here, the angel has been keeping a sinful equipment.

The sound escaping Cas’ mouth is also sinful.

“Dean…” They are quite noisy and Dean should be panicking right now but he isn’t. He doesn’t care if Sam or the entire neighborhood hears what they’re doing. Hell, he doesn’t care if anyone can hear them. All he wants right now is to hear Castiel scream his name and squirm as he laps on the tip of his cock. That catches the angel’s special attention and Cas almost cries out as he grips Dean’s hair. From the sounds of it, Dean is doing his job right.

Tonight is Dean’s first time giving another guy a blow job and he’s doing it to Castiel. His angel, his very own angel. He’s starting to forget how this all started. How he turned into a horny teenager, drinking sweet nectar and smelling musk from an angel’s cock? Someone could say that it’s a gift from above. And here’s the bonus, Castiel comes with a grunt and a forceful thrust in Dean’s mouth that makes Dean’s eyes roll back in ecstasy. Blowjob success and he is swallowing every single drop of come spurting from Castiel’s cock. The warm honey liquid floods his mouth and he can’t get enough. He just wants to stay there and gorge on the taste while Castiel dances horizontally, frantically abusing his throat. The orgasm eventually stops, well that’s what Dean like to think since Cas has become boneless. But he’s not done yet.

The itch and jealousy still runs through his veins and he gets up and points his hard cock on Castiel’s face and gives it a few tugs. He comes a few seconds after on Castiel’s face and it misses. The angel’s chest catches some of it while he heaves for his breath. They both do. His angel should always look like this. Marked by Dean’s come, his touch, his bites.

All of a sudden, guilt burns inside and Dean drops to his knees while Castiel remains pressed up on the fridge. Still lying on the floor, sweating, wrecked and radiating heat. In a matter of seconds, tears start to well up on Dean’s face.

“Dean what’s wrong?” he can barely see his angel through the blur.

“Cas…I’m sorry. I-I got carried away and I…because…you and Sam…” he feels two fingers point to his forehead and a strange sensation spreads throughout his body. His clothes are clean, no trace of precum stain his underwear. The sweat has completely dried off from his shirt, as if they were never there. Cas’ loincloth is also back on, hiding the pretty cock Dean practically worshipped earlier, still kinda does.

“Dean you misunderstood, you didn’t let me finish. I have never done something like this with Sam.” He wipes tears off Dean’s eyes. Dean looks straight towards those blue eyes and then the tears stop.

“But you said that you-,”

“I said that I would always turn to both you and Sam for guidance and advice. Everything that I have learned so far is because of the things you both taught me before. There are so many basic human habits and behaviors that I am trying to understand. Such as tonight, I understand you felt jealousy.” Dean freezes. Come to think of it, Cas is right and that is the root cause to how this started.

“I…I was…it’s cause…”

“You were jealous because you suspected that Sam and I were engaging intimately and in a physical level such as what we did a few moments ago?” Castiel asks and squints his eyes like he usually does.

“Yeah?” Dean can’t help but think he’s messed up again.

“Then the answer would be no, I have never engaged in this activity with Sam nor do I have any intention of doing so…” The black wings behind Castiel’s back fluff a bit.

“But Sam said earlier that you two…”

“’Would do things with just the two of us’. I see, I apologize if that made you suspect something. Just as Sam is unaccustomed to making dinner for your family, you are not accustomed to other things as well. Since you made dinner today, I realized that I can put my thoughts to practice. Today I wanted to taste what you made Dean. I wanted to feel the delight on what your brother wears on his face whenever he sits on the table.” Dean blushes and he knows he is. Castiel practically said that he likes something about Dean in a weird dorky way.

“I’m still sorry, Cas. I went overboard and I let my stupid head get to me.” Dean smiles and it makes the angel do the same.

“You are not stupid Dean. I am glad of your passion on the subject of my attention. Right now, I feel what humans would claim as ‘flattered’.” Dean laughs this time and throws an arm around his angel’s shoulder.

“Well if I’m gonna teach you more human stuff then we’re gonna start on how you talk.” He’s not much of a pioneer when it comes to talking about his feelings. But Dean can string words fast enough to con almost anyone. He and Cas cleans the dishes before going upstairs and heading to bed. Fortunately, Sam is fast asleep however Dean can’t be sure if the boy heard anything that happened downstairs. Cas consoles him and says ‘it’ll be okay’ but the panic still swims in Dean’s head. Instead of the angel returning to the closet, Dean asks to sit next to him on the bed. The panic and worry starts to leave his body while Castiel stares at him with piercing blue eyes. Dean would usually say that he gets freaked out by Cas staring at him all the time but tonight he doesn’t care.

Sleep slowly takes the older Winchester while he tries to remember when it all started to change. When he starts to have feelings for Castiel and not have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has cleaning abilities just like in the show. His powers are slowly developing and it's noticing someone's attention.
> 
> ^jesus I wrote this chapter almost 4 months ago (edited 17/06/15) and I love how it transforms over time.


	8. Invitation to A Birthday Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Dean Winchester grows older, so does his magical friend Castiel. Dean celebrates his eighteenth birthday in an unexpected way.
> 
> -
> 
> Dean can say that he and Cas has pretty much christened most of the surfaces in their soon to be ex-home. He’s ready to do the same on the next one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting for a while, I just started a new semester at uni and it's getting more intense. I have also planned the ending so this story will be over soon but not without some heart wrenching angst.
> 
> Some porn and plot advancement this chapter. Plot will be very important in the next few chapters then may...just maybe, smut will return.
> 
> I'll try and update ASAP so please be patient. Love you all :)

Dean doesn’t have a problem with Cas. He’s got no problem at all.

So what if he walks around the school with a bright grin on his face that makes all his other classmates question ‘who’s the lucky gal?’ He doesn’t answer them, which only adds to more giggles and whispers from girls and jealous stares from guys. Being this lucky, with an angel waiting for him at home, makes the redundant high school life bearable. During his classes, he stares out into the window, gazing out to the blue sky and wonders if Cas is looking up there right now. Just outside the window of his room. Waiting.

His daydreaming gets cut short when the boring Math teacher drops a stack of textbooks on his table and commands him to distribute it to the entire class. But not even the embarrassment nor Pythagoras’ Theorem can distract him from thinking about his black winged friend. His wings would span out like the triangles on his book. It takes a few minutes before the teacher catches him doodling wings and sending him out of the classroom, to the principal’s office. He doesn’t bother because John just got an interview in Sioux Falls, so they’re off on the road by sun down if he predicts correctly. So he drives home and waits until Sam finishes school, buying groceries to last them a few days. John doesn’t need to give Dean money, he uses what he earns from weekend jobs- waiting tables and if he’s lucky, fixing cars in the local garage. He does miss working with Bobby but he’ll be back. Very soon.

Right now he misses someone even more.

There’s still some time before Sam finishes school. Being their last day, the kid might stay back a bit longer to say good-bye to his friends. He still contacts that Brady kid through letters. It makes Dean smile knowing there are other kids out that Sam can get along with apart from him and Cas. Sometimes when Sam isn’t at home and John is out working somewhere, Dean would get some quality time with Cas.

Right now is one of those occasions.

He gets home and the door is still locked- John hasn’t come home yet. The house is dusty and untidy which is no surprise since three (four including Cas) guys live in it. Dean’s the only one who seems to clean around here after John and Sam. They may not like each other so much- because John moves around a lot and Sam wants to stay in one place- however they are more similar than they think. He passes through the kitchen and the sink is dirty but he’s saving it up for later when Cas can help him wash dishes. He still smiles at the thought of being domestic with his angel. It makes taking care of the family bearable. Maybe by a lot. That or because he can be next to his angel which is now waiting for him by the window, staring at the sky just as he imagined it earlier.

“Dean!” The angel swoops forward and gives him a tight hug.

“Whoa there Cas! I missed you too buddy!” Dean smiles as he puts his bag down.

“I’m glad you’re back early.” Cas says as he keeps the ends of his wings touching Dean. This is a frequent exchange between him and Castiel. He usually comes home earlier than usual. Whenever they are alone, Dean notices that Cas would keep a part of his body touching him, whether it be his hands, his fingers, an elbow or shoulder, a knee. Or his wings. Usually this happens when they’re alone or whenever nobody is looking and Dean loves it. He loves knowing that Cas is close whenever he’s at home.

Some afternoons, they curl up in the bedroom and watch movies, order pizza and play video games that Bobby and John gave them over the years. Regular people should be sick and tired of how close they are towards each other. That is how Dean and Cas should be right now but they aren’t. Even if Dean’s eighteenth birthday is very soon, age can’t get rid of the excitement that courses through his veins whenever Dean sees Cas.  Most importantly, he’s still loving every minute of being with the angel. Being next to him, beside him. He sometimes forget there are other people out there that might want to be friends with him, however Dean simply brushes them off. He knows that none of them stay, none of them could stay as long as Cas. And he doesn’t mind it, he doesn’t mind living in a world where it’s just him, Cas and his family in it. It’s been the happiest years of his life.

Castiel turns to him after noticing a shining grin on his face. The angel leans closer, invading his personal space for the countless time in Dean’s life.

“You’re happy…I can feel it pulsing from you. Is there something in your mind?” His angel brushes a finger on Dean’s cheek. They only get this intimate when they’re alone and Cas understands it. He understands that they need to hide this from Sam because it is quite embarrassing although at times, Dean wants to flaunt the fact that Cas gives him higher preference over the younger Winchester. It’s the possessive side of Dean and he can’t help it. He’ll do anything for Cas and in return he lets Cas do whatever he feels like around Dean. They never pressure each other into doing anything expect when Cas makes Dean ridiculously happy. Sometimes he thinks it is a nice form of pressure to touch his angel and it also explains the tightness in his pants.

After a short moment of Cas brushing his cheek and Dean staring into space he finally answers.

“Yeah…I was thinking about you, s’all…” and another smile grows on his face. The angel pulls his hand away and face goes beet red. Dean has drained most of the composure from Cas’ personality over the years and he likes it that way. He likes it when Cas wears some of Dean’s habits like an old t-shirt.

“What’s wrong? Did I embarrass you?” Dean is still smiling at his angel who is now fidgeting on his loincloth.

Castiel jumps on him and presses a bruising kiss on his lips. He pauses from the surprise then suddenly his mouth is doing the same. Castiel holds his arms tight, almost as bruising as his kiss and pins Dean on the floor. Apparently there is a reason why the angel was fidgeting with his loincloth, and the reason is currently poking Dean’s stomach while Cas’ hips grind on his. He is kissing his angel and smiling, smiling and thanking all these years of happiness and pleasure caused by one single source

“Dean…mmm…” Castiel takes a moment to look at Dean’s face before moving his lips all over Dean’s jawline and neck. As soon as he reaches Dean’s collar he sucks and Dean starts moaning and thrusting his hips upward to his crotch. Castiel pulls back and sits slightly up but still leaning over Dean. Looking at him with piercing blue eyes filled with corruption and lust. His hands slide just momentarily on Dean’s chest and even though Dean knows his heart rate was racing earlier, Cas’ hand makes it more evident. Cas licks his lips and breathes the air around them in.

“You smell and taste delicious, Dean.” Then he sinks back down, sucking and kissing Dean all around his jaw, neck and collar. Castiel’s grip on his shirt is borderline violent, almost ripping it to shreds but Dean signals a gesture while on the verge of ecstasy. The angel pulls back, whimpering from holding the kisses back, as Dean pulls his shirt off. Apparently it takes too long because Cas unzips his pants before clumsily trying to unbuckle his belt.

“Dean!” Cas growls in frustration then Dean cannot help but laugh on how adorable his angel looks when he’s like this. He tries to do it before the angel jumps up by a thrust of his wings and looms above Dean. His eyes are still piercing Dean with frustration.

 _“Uncouth and unnecessary layers, be gone!”_ a flash of blue light emits from his pupils then suddenly: Dean’s belt, pants, underwear and socks pull away from him. They fly across different parts of the room and this is when Dean knows that his angel is serious.

There has only been a few other occasions when his angel has done this, preferably after Dean’s final high school hook-up: his last girlfriend Lisa. She thought they were serious but deep down, Dean just wanted to go home and see his angel as he always does. When he did get home, the angel shut the door with his powers and gave Dean a make out session that sent him over the moon. He loved and loves it when Cas does that. When he takes control and gets all bossy. If he was underwear, Dean would also fly away from a horny angel.

This, right now is Dean’s badass horny angel.

“I like it when you get angry like that…” Dean tries to hold a laugh in as the angel drops down to the floor and furiously makes out with him.

“I know you do…” is all Castiel can say before he gives Dean a small nibble on his left nipple. Dean can’t hold it back anymore and squeals, Cas is not only lapping on his sensitive nipple but is also rubbing Dean’s length. He plays with the head of Dean’s cock and then takes a sharper bite on his right nipple which is a deadly combination. Dean can see the wings flapping ravenously, shedding feathers that he knows, magically disappear as soon as Castiel transforms back into a doll. Dean doesn’t realize it until he can feel his insides get lighter and the wind rushes from the beat of Cas’ wings. The angel is flying with him to the bed. Literally flying toward the bed.

“C-Cas! Cas!” Dean yelps upon realizing what’s happening then Castiel gracefully sets him on the sheets, still looking at him with endearing eyes.

“I am aware that you are afraid of flying (kiss) but you must know (kiss) I will never let go of you…” and the trail of kisses continue all around Dean’s face, neck and shoulders, it’s making all the fear and panic go away. At that moment, Dean loses his breathe until Cas reawakes him with another kiss on the mouth.

Cas’ loincloth has disappeared entirely, probably when they were flying. Dean loves it because he gets to see his angel’s member. That pretty looking cock, poking and sliding on his hips, next to his cock and dripping. Their precome mixes and serves as lubricant. Dean loves this feelings but he wants to know if Cas likes and wants this feeling just as much as he does. On multiple occasions they’ve engaged in this way, Dean has learned how to please his angel just as much as the angel pleases him. Castiel has always been a fast learner and an over achiever. Much to Dean’s benefit.

His hands slide behind Cas’ back, just around the shoulder blades where the wings sprout and fluff above them, still shedding black feathers like rain in his room. While the angel is too busy lapping on his collarbone and nipple, Dean extends his arms to the wings. Feeling the strong muscles underneath the black feathers twitching at his touch. Cas stops what he’s doing and moans loudly, probably loud enough so the neighbors can hear. He knows his angel loves this and he knows what follows after.

Cas’s hips start to move into a frenzy, the more Dean rubs his hands on Cas’ wings the stronger the thrusts. The moans start to escalate at an alarming rate and Dean loves every bit of it. Watching his angel squirm above him, experiencing the pleasures that they’ve been sharing over the years together, ever since that fateful day when Dean went home with a hickey. Dean thanks Cassie for doing it for him because now he has a lust crazed angel in his arms, grinding their dicks together and worshipping every part of his body.

“Guh-unnhhhhh…Dean!” He shifts one hand down to Cas’ cock and strokes it.

“Dean!” He continues to stroke Cas’ left wing with his left hand, feeling the feathers entangle with his fingers.

“DEAN!” Cas groans and shouts then digs his teeth into the meat of Dean’s shoulder.

“Huff…Dean…Dean…uhhnhhh…” the trembling angel tries to utter under his breath. Still chanting Dean’s name like a prayer.

“I like it when you bite into me Cas.” Dean smirks and decreases the intensity of his strokes on Cas’ wing and cock.

“I like your taste Dean, I like everything about you…” Cas lustfully says and licks the bite mark. Dean blushes and moans.

“Gee Cas, you really know how to make a guy blush…”he laughs under his breathe.

“Do you really think I can make other guys blush?” Castiel asks with a wanton grin on his face. The fire ignites in Dean’s veins then he rises from bed and pulls Cas close.

“NO! You’re mine Cas! Mine! My angel! No one else’s!” Dean growls and his lips start worshipping the angel with kisses until no surface on Cas’ face is left unattended. His hands grab everything that is Castiel, his arms his shoulders, back and finally his wing and cock again. Dean continues to stroke him, making sure that his grip is firm, reminding the angel on who he belongs to. He belongs with Dean. He hasn’t thought of Cas as some sort of doll or property, in like forever. He sees Cas as an equal and he wants what Dean wants, not because of some letters on a sheet of paper telling him that Cas is his. Cas is his because he gives himself to Cas. Nothing else. One would call it- partnership or lo-

Dean interrupts his own thoughts by leaning forward and crashing a kiss on a panting angel, grinding on him. Thrusting his cock in Dean’s hand, desperately using it. Dean likes it when he gives Castiel what he needs, whether it be a lesson in life or setting fire on their sheets. Castiel is like fire in Dean’s reach, moving fluidly and gloriously. Panting and moaning, crashing their lips together and melting in each other’s sweat.

The angel’s thrusts get even more desperate and his wings start flapping like crazy, this is when Dean knows that his angel is close. His left hand stopped gripping the angel’s wing because of the flapping but instead, gripping on his back. Slipping through the sweat and heat. A deep moan is all it takes then the angel is coming, squirting warm white lines on Dean’s chest and stomach. Arms tightly wrap around Dean and the thrusts continue to occur, milking Cas’ cock with every drop. Cas’ lips does not leave his nor does it intend to. Dean gradually falls back on the bed in the momentum of Cas’ orgasm and continuous thrusting, still draining his dick using Dean’s hand. If Dean had broken the kiss then they would’ve sounded like cats mating. Well Cas certainly would, he’s done it before.

“T-That…was…amazing…” Cas pants between his words and gives more kisses on Dean’s skin.

“You’re a hot angel Cas. I hope you know that.” Dean also pants between his words.

“You make me very hot.” Castiel pulls himself up then drops back down to give a gentle kiss on Dean’s lips. Then he draws the kisses lower to Dean’s chest, where all the mess is starting to dry. Usually Dean would ask Cas to mojo him clean but he kinda likes what Cas does to him and if his erection sliding between their skins isn’t proof of it, then he doesn’t know what is.

As always, Castiel gives Dean’s dick the treatment it deserves. He swallows it whole, deep and hot without gag. God bless Castiel’s maker! God bless Castiel for being a fast learner! Speaking of fast, he doesn’t last very long.

In just a few seconds, he starts seeing stars and Castiel swallows every drop. Before the light feeling hits his head, he looks down and sees his angel eagerly milking his cock.

Dean doesn’t have a problem with Castiel…

In fact, it is the complete opposite.

He doesn’t know how he got so lucky.

Castiel cleans them both up in a matter of seconds, in fact he does more than that. He zips Dean’s pants up and clothes him using angel magic. Dean has noticed that Cas is getting better at his powers and skills. He and Sam has actually looked into it for years but found nothing more than Chuck Shurley’s biographies as far back in the 50s.

Dean doesn’t care about that right now, he only cares about his beautiful angel helping him clean everything up. If Sam were to walk in on them right now, he’d kill Dean for messing up their room. And the fact that he corrupted their best friend. Dean may be turning eighteen soon but he still shares a room with Sam and he doesn’t mind it. He ignores the guilty look on John’s face because he couldn’t afford to give them separate rooms. Dean is more than happy to share with Sam because that way, they can hang out with Cas together.

The afternoon is great and the sun starts to trickle sharper yellow rays through the windows. Dean has cleaned the house for John and Sam, Castiel usually helps. He never thought that doing chores would be fun especially when his angel’s around. Sometimes they would get into playful fights and thankfully Cas can fix whatever they break. He’s just awesome that way. Sam doesn’t even notice a damn thing when he comes back home from school. They pack their bags and move away. Dean can say that he and Cas has pretty much christened most of the surfaces in their soon to be ex-home. He’s ready to do the same on the next one.

***

 

Luckily for Dean, they move a bit closer to Bobby’s garage at Sioux Falls. This greatly helps their house bills which eases some stress off John’s shoulders. Their dad’s been at home more often than before and the drinking’s lessened. Well, after the holidays that is. With Dean’s birthday turning around the corner, he can’t wait to see what Cas and Sam get him this year. Bobby gets to join them too which is an added bonus. He never asks anyone to get anything for him but they always give him a present every year. Long ago, he would’ve shied away from his family celebrating his birthday but having Cas around, always lifts the spirit of any occasion. The dark and gloomy cloud that sat in their lives since their mother passed away slowly disappears and Dean couldn’t be happier.

On several occasions, John and Bobby asked Dean what makes him cheerful most of the time. He never answers truthfully, if they ever found out about the supernatural, god only knows what they would do to Cas. John and Bobby liked guns- hunting guns, that’s what sprouted their lifelong friendship. So Dean hides the secret effectively, with the help of Sam of course and they spent every year with their angel. Mainly Dean’s angel but he doesn’t mind sharing Cas’ attention to Sam just as long as the little bitch keeps his touchy paws off his angel.

Dean’s still working on his possessiveness. But he can’t help it when he has an angel to look forward to every time he comes home.

On Dean’s eighteenth birthday, Cas and Sam prepare Dean some breakfast and John even wrote a birthday card that Sam bought. Cas wants to write too (yeah Cas knew how to write) but couldn’t. Instead, he would usually give Dean a magical letter every year, it’s a special letter that only lets Dean see Cas’ birthday messages. Just like the angel-doll instructions manual back when he was seven. Dean gets another one for today and as always Sam wants to read it but couldn’t. Castiel ensures that only Dean could read it, further irritating the younger Winchester. The younger boy starts whispering something to Cas’ ears to annoy Dean. They won’t tell because it’s a surprise after Dean gets back from work. And yes, he wants to work today, on his birthday. Bobby told him to take the day off but the birthday boy insisted a few days back. Sam also begged Bobby to let Dean work and drive back to their place when they close up, to celebrate Dean’s birthday.

So Dean does get up, pretending to hate the fact that he’s working. Honestly, he’s so happy, he could barely contain himself and give both his younger brother and angel a kiss. Well for Cas he’d give him a kiss on the lips, perhaps before he goes to work. He stands up and waits for Sam to leave the room before pinning the angel on the wall and crashing their lips together. Out of habit, the angel mojos the door close and locks it.

“Dean…Dean…” The angel pants through his kisses.

“Cas…” Dean smirks and kisses more before the angel pulls away. Confusion crawls up on Dean’s spine.

“You have to go to work, we can have some ‘alone time’ later. You’ll be late.” The angel smirks and unlocks the door and opens it.

“But Caaaaaaaaaas!” Dean whines and lunges towards the angel, stealing more kisses.

“Dean you have to go!” Castiel laughs and let’s a few kisses get stolen before insisting that Dean gets change and leave. No matter what Dean tries he couldn’t persuade Cas, the angel is too bossy and stubborn. But it’s hot. So he gets changed and finishes the breakfast that Sam and Cas prepared for him then leaves. Saying good-bye to his younger brother who is washing the dishes and secretly blowing a kiss to the angel standing by the stairs. It’s gonna be a good day Dean thinks. Not just because it‘s his birthday but there’s not a damn reason out there to tell him otherwise.

***

Work is more vibrant than usual, not only because everything is going well and Dean doesn’t get hit in the shin by a misplaced toolbox for once. He’s humming and singing and it’s driving Bobby and Garth (Bobby’s receptionist) insane. They can’t do anything about it because Dean is in such a good mood and it’s his birthday. Dean feels like the king of the day and time couldn’t get faster. He’s really looking forward to what Cas and Sam has in store for him. Cas may not physically be in the birthday party in his angel form but Dean or Sam usually place him nearby, so the angel can see what’s happening around him. Sam’ probably found a spot for his angel by now and that brings a smile on his face.

“There’s something here for you, boy!” Bobby slides a letter on a desk after Dean gets up from tuning a car.

“Who’s it from?” Dean asks, wiping the oil from his fingers.

“I dunno, but you better hurry up. We’re closing up soon and Garth has a date!” Bobby laughs and walks away. Dean smiles and looks at the antique looking envelop. The paper looks expensive, too bad because they sent it to a dirty mechanic like himself. On the surface are the words: ‘To Dean Winchester’ and nothing else. No stamp, no address. Someone must’ve slipped it in Bobby’s mailbox. Cheap bastards probably couldn’t afford a stamp.

He shrugs and tears the edge off, the oil on his hands make it difficult to rip the paper material but that doesn’t matter. He slides the content, revealing a paper stamped by wax, like the old fashioned way or what they do, in movies. After unfolding the paper, the writing is no doubt hand written and well-cursive.

_‘Dear Dean Winchester,_

_It has drawn my attention that you are in possession of one of my dolls. An angel-doll. One that is part of my Heavenly Host collection. I believe that you have realized the magic of my creation. It pleases me that you have kept the secret to yourself or to a minimal extent. I understand that if word were to come out that I have released a collection of magical items across the world, it would cause a major implication to the Supernatural world._

_For your silence or maintained cooperation, I am grateful._

_As for your doll, I would like to see him again. His magic is indeed incredible and has come to my notice. I assume that your love and care has had a major impact on his development. Only a kind and righteous person can affect him as such._

_When you and your doll are ready, feel free to contact me through a simple wish. Castiel will know what to do._

_And happy eighteenth birthday Mr. Winchester, you have grown into a fine young man. I look forward to meeting you in person._

_Sincere regards,_

_Chuck Shurley_

_P.S. Only you and Castiel are able to read the contents of this letter.’_

Dean’s legs give out and he finds himself sitting on the cold hard ground. Fear and panic shiver through his spine. He wants to cry, scream and break something. A whirlwind of emotions is capsuled inside his body and he doesn’t know what to do next.

He wants to believe that this is not true, just like the first time he met Castiel. He was unsure and skeptical about things. He didn’t believe in any of it because it’s out of this world. It’s all just a fairy tale. But if all these years have gone by prove anything, is that Castiel is very much real. Chuck Shurley, who has been pronounced dead since the 50s has returned, somehow, asking for Dean and Castiel. He wants to deny it. It’s what his mind, heart and body want to do. Every fiber of his being wants to forget it. But the contents of the page do not disappear. Just like the growing depression inside him.

And nothing more can be said after that. After all, the frightening truth is written on paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dom!Cas  
> blowjobs
> 
> Castiel has different types of powers.  
> \- he can read Dean's pulse (physically and emotionally)  
> \- he has telekinesis (moving objects)  
> \- he is borderline telepathic (hence he is unknown by anyone that Dean doesn't want to share him to)  
> \- he can clean up stains  
> \- he can heal to an extent (mainly clearing Dean's hickeys)  
> \- cast a small spell on paper (Dean's birthday letters)
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos :)


	9. Alone in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just like Dean, Castiel finds something unexpected on Dean's birthday.
> 
> -
> 
> It was a sound that made him warm inside.
> 
> It took him a while to realize that it was the first time he heard Dean Winchester’s laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for the very late update. University has been my top priority and I haven't been able to find time to just sit down, do my assignments and write fiction.
> 
> Here's Castiel's POV since the beginning to Dean's 18th birthday

Castiel can’t remember much of anything before Dean. He can barely remember his time of creation or who this person named ‘Chuck Shurley’ was. All he could remember about his creator is a resounding command:

“Castiel, you are an angel of the Lord, member of the Heavenly Host. Awaken and grant kind souls their wish.”

This is all Castiel could remember before he awakened in a room. He remained in his doll form, unable to move and do anything else but watch. A man, with slick dark hair and a blue attire placed him beside a sleeping boy. He could not see much apart from a glistening smile turning into a frown. Tears start to flood the man’s eyes as he patted the sleeping boy’s hair.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you buddy. I promise to come back someday. For now, just have your old angel pal here.” He looked at Castiel with the same teary eyes.

“Please keep him safe.” The man leaned closer to the sleeping boy and left a kiss on his forehead. The young boy twitched in his sleep.

“Good night, John.” And the man left. Closing the light and the door behind him. Leaving the sleeping boy in peace. That was all Castiel could remember at the time. The time when he realized that the boy was none other than Dean’s father.

After the first time, Castiel doesn’t remember much either.

He does, however remember being in John Winchester’s arms for most of the time. There was crying and mourning but all Castiel could do was watch as the young boy grew up without a father and years of loneliness. Until one day, John stopped carrying Castiel around with him. That is when Castiel’s memories became more episodic. Perhaps he regained consciousness in different times because he remembered the pain in John Winchester’s eyes gradually disappear. It was replaced by a magnitude of feelings. A feeling so strong that he remembered waking up to the sight of a beautiful blonde woman smiling at him.

She had curly hair and apple green eyes and the brightest smile that Castiel has ever seen. He could feel her presence in John’s home from time to time. In some occasions he was awake and in some, he wasn’t. He did hear John mention her name with great love.

_‘Mary’_

The name was perfect because Castiel has never seen John happier in years. He could feel how John was closely attached to Mary through the feelings pulsing from the man’s chest. Whenever Castiel gained consciousness, it’s because of John’s happiness. Castiel thought to himself that he’s granted Henry’s wish before and he’s happy because it was what his creator wanted. His consciousness weakened beyond his control and he slipped back into the darkness.

Trying to ignore the memories of a father’s tears.

Castiel did not wake up for a long time after that. Not until a strange pulse pushed through the darkness, in John’s arms, then to Mary’s. He did not see what it was because he was too far. But it was certainly a wonderful pulse. Shortly after, he fell asleep with a warm feeling in his chest. From a feeling that he has never felt before.

When Castiel woke up in a different form for the first time, inside a dark closet, eighteen years ago, he only had a narrow beam of light illuminating his world. He didn’t move at first. He didn’t know how to. Everything else felt numb. The only sounds that he could hear were muddled and minute. He didn’t know what to do or how to make the dampening feeling go away. When the strange and wonderful pulse disappeared, he gradually closed his eyes and saw black.

Perhaps around fourteen years ago, he woke up again. The pulse has returned and this would explain his awakening. His senses seemed to have improved as he started to move his fingers, hands and feet. He felt them twitch and an electric feeling buzzes through like he’s been asleep for a long time. In fact he definitely was because even in the dark, he could feel something had changed inside the dark room. The narrow light was his only guide to noticing this change. Regardless, there was something different about his awakening this time. This time, there was a strange sound echoing beyond the narrow light. It was a sound that made him warm inside.

It took him a while to realize that it was the first time he heard Dean Winchester’s laughter.

He closed his eyes, letting the feeling marinade inside him until the beautiful sound fade away and all he could remember was the narrow light disappearing like his consciousness.

The next time he woke up, he heard a different sound coming from the narrow light. It was a wonderful sound but it did not come from the strange pulse that constantly wakes him up from time to time. Unlike before, he could move more, eager to lean closer to the narrow light and hear the beautiful sound clearly. Nearly stumbling onto the surface of the closet doors, he stopped himself and peeked through the light. Mary, remained beautiful with blonde hair, singing to the boy emanating the strange but wonderful pulse. She sang softly while gently scratching the boy’s hair. When the boy fell asleep, she pecked a kiss on his forehead. Smiled at him.

“Angels are watching over you.” She said and walked out of the room, turning the light off behind her. Once the door was shut and the room became dark, Castiel kept his eyes on the boy. The room was not truly dark. Not from where Castiel could see. A bright aura pulsed from the boy as he slept, giving Castiel enough energy to watch over him at night.

He did watch over Dean every night, even when Mary sang a song to him when he cried, or wake up in the middle of the night. A gentle song would always sooth the child to sleep and Castiel didn’t know why it made him happy. It just did.

But the feeling didn’t last long. Even in the darkness. There was plenty of crying and longing heard inside the blackness. A call for something special, something precious. He awakened in his doll form, a few moments after Dean carried Sam and himself outside of their home. Sam was carrying him while Dean carried his younger brother. Burning death struck the house down, causing John’s tears to return. Tears that Castiel hasn’t seen and felt in a long time. Aside from this, a feeling- far stronger than John’s or anyone in the area pulsed. A feeling surging from Dean’s chest. The feeling of a four year old boy’s misery emanated into Castiel. Making the angel cry inside the darkness, cry for the first time since the dawn of his time. For Dean did not cry at that moment, the boy didn’t know he he held his tears. But Castiel knew what the older Winchester wanted to do or should’ve done. Instead he cried for the two of them.

Longing for that song to make it all better.

In the dark, there was only silence. At that moment, Castiel thought it wasn’t any different than in the outside world.

-

Three years have passed and Castiel continued to watch Dean Winchester while he slept and sometimes when he’s awake. Unaware of Castiel’s existence. The older Winchester had stopped holding onto precious things, on things that should’ve been his at that age. His childhood. Instead he worked for the family, serving his father and protecting his younger brother, whose name is Sam. But Dean likes to call him ‘Sammy’. Even in a doll form, Castiel wanted to smile. Smile like Dean’s beautiful mother used to do. If only she could see them now. No matter how much they see themselves as a broken family, Castiel thought otherwise. He thought they were still family because they had each other. Whenever John would leave the house, Dean took extra precautions to keep Sam safe and happy. When John was at home, he never let the boys out of his sight for too long even if he just sat on the couch watching a box contraption with moving pictures. Their family was small but it was still good.

Yes, Castiel thought to himself.

It was still good.

In the shadows, he watched the family. Behind the body of a doll, Castiel kept them safe. Deep down, he wanted to reach out and let them know that Henry and Mary were there. That he’s keeping his promises. Granting Henry and Mary’s wishes even though they’ve departed.

He wanted the Winchesters to know that Henry still cared for John even though he has left the world of the living.

He wanted the rest of them to know that Mary still smiled for them.

Through Castiel’s smiles.

Smiles they couldn’t see.

He wished and wished, every waking hour. Every single pained smile on John and Dean’s face. Especially Dean’s. Now six years old and still cried at night, in the dark when he thought no one was looking. When he knew that Sammy was asleep, he cried. In front of John and Sam, he would never look hurt. But Castiel could feel it, even in the dark. Dean would never shed a tear when Sam cried for a mother to rock him to sleep. Dean did it for Mary. John also wanted to hold Sam. Castiel watched as the adult walk out of the room every time Dean hummed Sam to sleep. Eyes were crying around him except for Dean’s. So Castiel cried for the older Winchester whenever he didn’t.

When the lights turned off, John would take a peek at his sons. Dean and Sam would be asleep, sometimes Dean would be awake. But the older boy didn’t let his father know. Occasionally Castiel would see this exchange when he wasn’t inside the closet. If he couldn’t see it, he felt it. He felt it from inside the two wooden doors of the closet. Noticing the Winchesters lay on their beds, crying or not.

One thing never left the darkness.

The one thing that made Castiel cry for all of them.

***

When Dean’s seventh birthday was coming up, Castiel sat on the closet fidgeting with his thoughts. He would try and move his doll form to try and get Dean’s attention only to get the exact opposite, Dean would wade away from the closet as much as possible. Or stayed downstairs most of the time. Castiel knew what the older Winchester felt. He felt fear and it was loud. It was loud enough that Castiel could hear it in the darkness. Upon seeing the older Winchester in the room, he wanted to speak up, to tell Dean that he would never hurt him. But no sound left his mouth. His arms and legs could barely move and it only made matters worse when he knocked on the wooden walls. Dean snapped his neck towards the closet and ran downstairs.

Castiel wanted to scream out of frustration but he knew that it was his fault. He was the one that has been attempting to get in contact with Dean for a few nights now. When the boys were asleep, he wanted to leave the closet and sing to Dean. Hum the tunes to the song Mary used to sing. Instead, he has become the older boy’s nightmare for the past few weeks. So Castiel waited. He waited and waited until Dean’s birthday.

_‘I wish to have a friend. A best friend. One that will stay by my side and never leave me.’_

With those words, Castiel’s body was given new life. A new purpose. One that complied with his maker’s command. He would become Dean Winchester’s best friend, someone that would never leave him.

-

As expected, the boy didn’t believe Castiel, most of the part feared him. But Castiel remained patient, he had to prove to Dean that he wouldn’t hurt him, or any of them. In time, Dean trusted Castiel. He never let John walk in on them talking or Sam for that matter. But the younger Winchester was smart and eventually put the pieces of the puzzle together. He found out about Cas and Dean wouldn’t admit it at first, which Castiel could understand. Castiel was something different, something that only Dean knew about. He belonged to Dean and that thought makes his insides flutter. Letting Sam find out about Castiel helped Dean become more comfortable in being at home. Castiel and Dean could only share a few moments together before he had to revert back to his doll form to keep the secret going. It was his way of showing Dean that he could trust him.

Not only did Dean trust him but Sam did.

Sam wasn’t afraid of Castiel as Dean was. In fact, the younger Winchester wanted to be around Castiel more than Dean allowed. It was quite strange how the two brothers fought over Castiel’s attention, though deep down, the brothers loved each other. They celebrated holidays and birthdays together. Sometimes John may not be there with them however Castiel ensured that the Winchester brothers weren’t upset. Especially when he understood that holidays and birthdays were meant to be celebrated.

He loved birthdays especially.

He loved them because it was through Dean’s birthday wish that he could transform into an angel. The family’s angel as Sam put it a few years ago after he stopped calling Castiel “Mister Birdy Boy”. Dean even gave Castiel a birthday on the 20th of October, although Castiel protested that he didn’t need one.

 _‘Dean I think you misunderstood the concept of birthdays.’_ He pointed out.

 _‘Shut up Cas. I know what I’m talking about and I want you to have a birthday to celebrate every year! So blow the damn birthday cupcake!’_ Dean adamantly argued.

So Castiel lived with the Winchesters as if he was a part of their family. Actually, he believed that he was. He never felt like he belonged in a place more than being next to Dean and Sam. Apart from keeping a secret, the brothers tried to live their lives as normal as possible. That’s what Castiel wished for them but they both didn’t want to live that kind of life. Apparently knowing about Castiel was the best thing they’ve ever experienced and it was much better than a boring apple pie life. Dean and Sam would return home and run straight upstairs because John wouldn’t be home until a few hours after. They would sit and play or run around the house while Castiel played the games that the brothers taught him. It was their own little world, their own little haven. And they could bring it with them wherever they went.

Castiel couldn’t be happier. As time went by, the brothers started to grow exceptionally well. Dean and Sam were growing taller and so did Castiel. When their bodies started to change, so did Castiel’s. Castiel couldn’t explain why it was happening to his body but they all had a hunch that it had something to do with Dean’s wish. It probably was and Castiel doesn’t want to think otherwise. That wish is the most valuable thing in Castiel’s heart, second to Dean obviously. He places a hand on his chest and feel it beating like Dean’s or Sam’s. He is not human, far from it. Especially since he can sprout wings on his back and manifest glowing objects around himself. Dean and Sam were amazed when he did it the first time and loved it ever since. It made him happy that the brothers accepted him for his differences and cherishes anything that resembles him to the two brothers, may it be physical aspects or the emotional side.

Lately, Castiel noticed that things were changing between him and Dean. His relationship with Sam remained the same but that was probably because of Sam’s younger age. Dean on the other hand, was growing fast, Castiel was growing with him but there was something different between the two Winchesters. Dean would try and minimalize the amount of personal space between them (even though Dean used to lecture him about it before).As soon as Dean got to a certain distance, maybe a hair away from Castiel, he would back away. Grunting and cheeks flushed red.

Castiel asked Sam if he did anything wrong to Dean, Sam replied.

 _‘You did nothing wrong Cas. Dean’s just an idiot. Come play with me instead!’_ Castiel agreed but couldn’t remove the sinking feeling on his chest whenever his eyes locked with Dean.

Their eyes have been locking more than usual and it’s making Castiel’s chest flutter more than his wings. His wings were not even being subtle, they fluffed more than usual when Dean was around but luckily none of the boys understood what it meant. If they did, it would be ‘embarrassing’ just like that time when Castiel saw Dean naked a couple of times after the shower. Sam just laughed when he found out and the thought never bothered Castiel. In fact he was more than happy to gaze upon the older Winchester’s physique. It was attractive as ordained by human standards, Castiel agrees whole-heartedly. The Winchester brothers educated him in these sort of things and he was more than happy to listen and absorb information like a sponge.

On one occasion when Dean returned from school with a bruise on his neck, the older boy flinched and panic surged in his face. That was the first time when Castiel understood that humans have needs other than food and rest. Though it was difficult for Dean to explain what happened, Castiel had a feeling on what to do with the older Winchester. He had felt it during Dean’s sleep, or whenever Dean took longer than usual in the shower. He could feel it pulsing underneath Dean’s stomach. A feeling of want and heat. Castiel reached for the older Winchester and did what he felt he wanted to do.

It was the best decision Castiel has ever made.

***

Physical contact and intimacy with Dean was one of the best feelings Castiel has ever experienced. There was something about being connected with the boy in a different state. A state where he wouldn’t want to feel with anyone else. In fact, Dean made it clear that he didn’t want Castiel to feel it in such a way with anybody else. Much to Castiel’s pleasure, he occasionally teased Dean about this sort of affection. This only incited a fiery feeling from Dean’s body that made Castiel feel very good. So good that it was sometimes too good to be true.

Dean has taught him fellatio (Dean insisted in calling it blowjobs) and different positions that stimulated their bodies together. It was what Castiel called, sexual pleasure and he couldn’t get enough of it at times. But out of the two of them, he had more control (making sure that Sam doesn’t catch them in a compromising position). So he withheld physical intimacy from Dean sometimes, to ensure that the older Winchester didn’t regress from his responsibilities as a young adult. Overall, Castiel was genuinely curious about this new human aspect he learned. He often wondered how much Dean thought about it before they became intimate with each other for the first time.  Ever since then, Castiel has tried his best to learn everything that is to know about intimacy between two people. Not in the way that Dean is intimate towards Sam. This was an intimacy that was different and special. Something that only Castiel and Dean could share together. He watched shows in television and studied human interaction. Sam mainly watched these shows with him. Whenever Castiel had a question, Sam would enthusiastically answer him. He wanted to be intimate just as the people in television. To look at a person like they are the most important part of their life. To share moments where nothing else mattered. Those were the things Castiel wished for and he hopes in time, Dean would want the same. It did irritate him that Dean chose to be physically intimate with others before Castiel. But that was alright because he knew how different he was. Again, he was not human.

Only humans experience genuine emotion and feelings.

Since awakened, he’s imitated emotions and feelings.

But he has learned much. He has learned a lot from over the years. From Henry, Mary, John, Sam and Dean; he’s learned all sorts of emotions. That’s why on the very moment when Dean opened the closet door back then, on his seventh birthday, Castiel couldn’t hold back. A dam of emotions collapsed, causing him to jump on the frightened seven year old Dean and reach out to him. Reach out for that wonderful pulse emanating from Dean’s soul. A soul that is so bright that has reached 18 years of age.

Castiel now contemplates on where all the years have gone.

He strides across their new home, waiting for Sam to get back from the store. The younger Winchester wanted eighteen candles to match Dean’s age on the black forest cake sitting on the table. Their table. Castiel smiles at the thought of having belongings. Although he is a doll, a magical doll, the brothers never treated him any different, other than family. Even having his powers did not faze the brothers. They are more than happy to learn about Castiel’s abilities. It is a strange but wonderful feeling, appreciation. He has seen it when Sam and John smile at Dean after he cooks them dinner. Or when Dean pats Sam’s hair when the younger brother keeps an open mind on their absent father. And sometimes on John, when he looks at his sons who often resemble their mother. Again, Castiel recalls these feelings and he copies them. He keeps them for his own, slowly transforming the darkness inside his doll form into a flux of emotions. Things that he could never have before Dean’s wish.

He was more than property to the Winchesters. He is family.

Glowing lights start to appear around him. They appear brighter lately, then again, that could be due to the Winchester’s stability. John is getting better and Sam never falls behind from school, regardless of moving around. As for Dean, Castiel is glad that he knows what he wants to do after school, to work in Bobby’s garage and hopefully settle in one place. He has Castiel’s support as always.

The lights follow him around the house while he commands the objects around him to return to their proper places. John’s cup of coffee this morning flies to the sink and washes itself. The plates return to the cupboard along with cutlery. Chairs and tables arrange themselves properly at the center of the dining room, as it always is, every special occasion. But Castiel wants more than to make this a special occasion. He wants this to be the best birthday Dean has ever had. Castiel may not be able to actively participate in it but he will try and help Sam to the best of his ability. Which means those dirty laundry lying around should go into the laundry basket. With a flash of his eyes, they flutter away. Socks slither into the other room where the basket lay. Looking around the room, Castiel thinks that he’s done great progress. Sam will be happy once he returns and soon the rest of the family will join them. Followed by Bobby and Dean. Castiel remembers Bobby plenty of times. The older man has tried his best to make the Winchester’s life bearable and he’s grateful for that.

All is going well he thinks.

A candy wrapper sits on the kitchen floor but Castiel doesn’t remember anyone eating candy recently. John, Sam nor Dean would eat this type. He tilts his head and shrugs, throwing the trash into the can. Returning to the kitchen, a stranger sits on the chairs with his feet on the table. He sucks on a lollipop and grins at Castiel. He has long golden brown hair and brown eyes that scan Castiel’s movements like a predator.

“Who are you?” Castiel asks, sensing the urge to use his powers against the stranger.

“You don’t remember me? I’m wounded Cassie! But I guess that’s not your fault. Any of ours I believe.” He grins and pulls his lollipop out with a pop.

“I suggest that you take your feet off the table. You are not supposed to put your feet there.” Castiel points out, waiting for the stranger to listen.

“Says who?” the nameless stranger asks.

“Says Dean’s father. You still have not answered my question. I can assure you that I will not hold anything back if you attempt to cause trouble.” Castiel’s wings fluff, the glowing lights have vanished.

“Relax Cassie! Put the pitch forks and knives down. Besides, compared to you. I don’t need to hold back and I’ll still win. Name’s Gabriel by the way. Does it ring any bells?” The stranger or Gabriel lifts himself off the seat and stands before Castiel with open arms.

Castiel’s head tilts. “I think I remember.” Gabriel raises an eyebrow and smirks.

“That’s perfect! Saves me the trouble of-,” in a flash of Castiel’s eyes, the sheets in the laundry constrict Gabriel’s limbs, interrupting the other man.

“You will leave this home and you shall never return.” Castiel flashes his eyes and unlocks the door. Gabriel turns his head to it then back to Castiel.

“Now, now Cassie. It isn’t nice to use your powers on your elders.” A flash of light surges through Gabriel’s pupils and everything goes to reverse. Castiel is now tied up with laundry while Gabriel is standing where he was.

“Since when did you learn how to play dirty? Your owners must have taught you that. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to teach you some manners.” He snaps his fingers and Castiel loses sight of the Winchester’s home. Of the kitchen. Of Sam returning home, John and Dean’s upcoming birthday party.

He wants to reach out but all he sees is darkness.

He wants to reach out to that pulse to can guide him home.

He wants to return to Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gabes is here and there's a reason for that other than tormenting our beloved angel.


	10. Surprise Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to find Cas, meets more angels and the Impala is a classy girl.
> 
> - 
> 
> “Didn’t anyone tell you that it’s wrong to harm others?” The blond man says and he has blue eyes, just like Cas but not quite the same.
> 
> “I was taught to shoot first then ask questions later.” Dean honestly replies then notices that the blond man has two large wings sprouting from his back. Just like Castiel’s.
> 
> “I should have a word with whoever raised you. Such a barbaric disposition. I wonder if Cassie has fallen to your level.” He takes a step closer to Dean with a wide grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay but the next chapter is on its way.

It takes about a few hours until Dean could get up from his bed. Sam has been in and out of his room to check on him. Asking how he was or if he needed anything while the room remained silent the entire time, until Sam closed the door and Dean was left back to crying in the dark. Even John and Bobby checked up on him. They didn’t know why he was like this. Like a brat that didn’t get what he wanted for his birthday. Moping and throwing a tantrum on his 18th birthday. _Way to go Dean, you’ve made yourself look like an idiot to your family again._

When he got home early today, Cas was missing and Sam didn’t know what to do. They were both panicking, unable to find answers. Dean showed the piece of paper to Sam. The paper that had Chuck Shurley’s message on it. Unfortunately the younger Winchester couldn’t read it but Dean’s words explained it as best as he could. Chuck Shurley wanted to see Castiel again and Dean was reluctant at first after reading it. He wanted nothing more than to be with Cas and see him as soon as he drove back home. Bobby couldn’t even get through to him. He hasn’t said a word to his uncle since leaving the garage. Once they got to his place, that’s when he heard the news from Sam.

Instead of falling apart in front of everyone, he excused himself to his room. Telling them that he didn’t feel like celebrating. Of course Bobby was taken by surprise, John wasn’t there yet but Dean was sure that he’s gonna have to deal with his dad later. Bobby begged Dean to tell him what’s wrong but he wouldn’t budge. If he didn’t wanna talk about it to Sam then he certainly didn’t wanna talk about it to Bobby. When John got home, he was pissed. As Dean expected. Angry at Dean for being this way for ‘no reason’ on his birthday. Dean yelled at him for the first time since forever.

He told John to get out of his face and all the disrespect that’s been pent up in his system for years. Blindly obeying his father was something Dean always did but at that moment he didn’t want to take anyone’s shit. Not even his father’s. John looked like he was about to hit him, Dean was scared inside but his father never touched him. Instead he told Dean that he was being petty. Well screw him because if Dean wanted to be petty on his birthday then he certainly can. Eleven years of having Cas in his life then it all goes to smoke as soon as Chuck decided to finally show up.

If he really wanted to see Cas then why did he take him away without asking.

Cas would never go anywhere without either Dean or Sam with him. Dean barely let Sam be alone with Castiel so it’s impossible for his angel to wander by himself. Dean prayed. He still is. He keeps praying for Castiel to come back but his angel doesn’t return. There’s no sound of beating wings in the dark, or a formal greeting that he always gave Dean. Sounds filter from downstairs and they are Bobby and John’s voice. They sound like they’re arguing and Dean feels guilty because he screwed up the day for everyone. He screwed up his own birthday by shutting everyone away. Even Sam has stopped checking up on him and it’ll only be a matter of time before Bobby leaves and everyone else goes to sleep. But Dean doesn’t want to go sleep. He doesn’t want to shut his eyes until he could see Cas in front of him. Safe and sound.

He hears the door open and a blanket of light enters the room.

“Dean? Are you still up?” It is Sam and he doesn’t wait for Dean to respond. He walks up to him while Dean’s eyes are wide open, watching his younger brother sit on the floor.

“Dean, Cas still hasn’t returned since this afternoon and I’ve been praying to him since. I-,” Sam’s eyes start to flood now.

“I’m sorry Dean. I really am.” He uses his arm to wipe his face. “I shouldn’t have left Cas here alone. I should’ve brought him with me. Even in his other form at least- at least I know he’d be with me and I-,” Sam continues to cry then Dean gets the urge to stop him. Tries to comfort him. Dean left his bed to hold his brother, apologizing to him. Telling him that he’s been an ungrateful jerk and that he’s sorry. Sorry for ruining the day and not trying to appreciate all the hard work they put in for his birthday.

Takes about a few minutes in the dimly lit room before Sam stops crying and as always, Dean didn’t cry in front of his younger brother. He never does and wants to keep it that way. Cas was Sam’s best friend too so Dean wants his baby brother to know that he’s gonna be strong for the two of them. Even though he’s wrecked and barely keeping it together.

 “Dean, Uncle Bobby and dad are fighting. They worry about you but I know we can’t do anything because we don’t want them finding out about Cas. But Dean what if they could help us find Cas. What if-,”

The something inside Dean snaps.

“Sam, it’s okay. I’ll try and find Cas on my own. You just stay here and wait til he gets back.” Dean gets up turns the light on. He fetches his phone and grabs his car keys.

“Dean, you don’t have to do this by yourself. Let Uncle Bobby or dad help.” Sam begs but it only adds to Dean’s irritation.

“I can’t let them help out Sam. What are we gonna do? Tell them that the doll dad gave me turns into a boy? A frickin’ angel? They’re not gonna believe us Sam. They’ll probably think we’re insane. I’ll go out and look for Cas but I need you to stay here just in case he does come back. Call me if anything happens.” Dean points his phone at Sam.

“But Dean, where will you go? You don’t have any leads as to where Chuck is. I thought you said that you need Cas to find him? Isn’t that what it said in the letter?” Dean has to admit that Sam is quite smart for his age.

“Well since Cas has gone missing I can’t do that. So I guess I’ll start at Bobby’s garage. If the letter was sent there then Chuck knew I was working today. I’ll have a look around and see if I can find something. Someone or anything. I ain’t gonna sit around here waiting for a miracle to happen. Just make sure that you call me as soon as something comes up.” Dean puts his jacket on, ready for the cold.

“Better do the same. Jerk.” Sam gives Dean a hug and Dean does the same.

“I will. Bitch.” Then Dean leaves, sneaking past John and Bobby, takes the Impala for a drive, hoping they don’t get a chance to catch up. Dean might’ve gotten a glimpse of John and Bobby through the back mirror but Dean just keeps driving. Ready to find answers as to why Chuck would take Cas away if he really wanted to meet them at the same time.

*

Luckily for Dean, there’s a thick fog blanketing the road. With no sign of lights anywhere, he is sure that John and Bobby weren’t going to be able to catch up. He makes it to the garage in almost no time. Hoping that dad and Bobby didn’t figure out where he was going. Poor Sammy had to deal with them for now but they were Winchesters. They could get their way around sticky situations.

The place is dark and cold. This fog is starting to thicken and Dean would be lying if he says that it doesn’t freak him out. He’s still praying and hoping that Cas comes back. At least a sign of anything would be great. He holds the letter on his hand, the magical message glistens in gold writing and he rolls it up. Walking outside the garage and thinking- I must look ridiculous hanging around here. His eyes continue to look around the ghostly garage. Shells of empty cars inhabit the place then there’s the sound of crushing pebbles to his left. And the sound of flapping wings.

“Cas?” he yells but nothing answered. The sounds stop.

“HELLO? ANYONE THERE?” again, no response.

“BOBBY? DAD? SAM? ANYBODY?” The sounds return and they start to come closer. Nothing could be seen through the fog and it thickens. The cold becomes chillier and feeds the fear on his spine.

“Anybody? Cas?” He whispers then takes a few steps backwards and stumbles upon a rock. Crouching, he picks it up and buckles his knees. _I’ll hit em with this rock and make a run for the Impala_ , he thinks. Just after taking a few steps back he feels a presence behind him. A shadow from the fog and night.

He turns and throws the rock as hard as he can but there is no sound of impact as a hand appears from the shadows. Juggling the rock, bouncing it up and down.

“Quite the violent fellow, aren’t we?” There is an accent in the slender blond man’s voice. Step after step, he walks closer to Dean until glowing lights illuminate the area. Casting the darkness and fog away. Cas could do the same.

“Didn’t anyone tell you that it’s wrong to harm others?” The blond man says and he has blue eyes, just like Cas but not quite the same.

“I was taught to shoot first then ask questions later.” Dean honestly replies then notices that the blond man has two large wings sprouting from his back. Just like Castiel’s.

“I should have a word with whoever raised you. Such a barbaric disposition. I wonder if Cassie has fallen to your level.” He takes a step closer to Dean with a wide grin on his face.

“C-Cassie? Who and what the hell are you?” Dean asks, intrigued by the name that sounded like Cas’.

“My name is Balthazar. One of Castiel’s brethren. I do hope that your profanity hasn’t tainted my dear Cassie.” This Balthazar guy answers. Dean swallows his breath. Nearly choking on it as a matter of fact. This guy is an angel like Cas, plus the British accent.

“So you’re like an angel or something? Like Cas?” Dean asks.

“Very much so. Angels such as ourselves are very attractive so I understand where you’re coming from.” _Arrogant bastard_ , Dean thinks.

“Where the hell did you take Cas?” Straight to the point, like ripping off a Band-Aid.

“Quite an accusation there, Dean. I haven’t got a clue on what you’re talking about.” Balthazar crosses his arms while still holding onto the rock.

“As if you don’t know. You guys kidnapped Cas today after I received this letter.” Points the rolled up paper to Balthazar. “Asking to go and meet this ‘Chuck’ fellow.” Dean accuses and tries to catch his breath.

The look on Balthazar’s face crumples and he creeps closer to Dean. Looming his wings towards Dean while pointing the rock.

“I beg your pardon but did you say ‘kidnap’ Castiel?” Balthazar asks and he stares at empty space.

“Yeah I did! Didn’t you guys take him?” Dean asks because he’s starting to feel unsure.

“Well I didn’t hear an order about taking Cassie away.” He taps his index finger to his mouth. “I was asked to simply give you the letter and make sure you read it, I’m still waiting for someone to dismiss me from this post because I’m bored and I do wish to see Cassie again.” Balthazar throws his arms out and Dean just got even more confused.

“Wait, you mean you don’t know that Castiel is missing and kidnapped?” Dean questions and still trying to make sense of everything.

“No Dean, I’ve been here for a few days now, waiting for your birthday to come up so I could give you the letter. Well I snuck the letter through the mail box and waited for that bearded old man to hand it to you. According to you, it was an invitation for Cassie and you to come see Father.” Balthazar states and Dean raises his brow.

“Seriously, you don’t know that Cas is missing?” he asks the angel.

“Dean, if I knew that Cassie had gone missing then I wouldn’t be here wasting my time with you. I’d be out there searching for my brother who, according to you, is missing or kidnapped.” With fury, Balthazar crushes the rock between his fingers then wipes his hand on his shirt, dirt falling to the ground. Dean shakes a little, realizing that if this Balthazar was an angel like Cas then he could have powers like him.

Balthazar sighs and puts his hands on his hips. “I guess I gotta leave this post. I might get in trouble but if you say that Cassie has gone missing then I guess nobody’s gonna come here and relieve me from this post.” Dean was still shaken by what the angel just did and takes a few steps back.

“Look, if you have any idea where Cas would be then that would be helpful.” Dean speaks up after holding his silence.

“Honestly, I don’t know where Cassie could be. But if you say that Cassie has indeed gone missing then I suggest you turn around and go back home. There might be others that have probably arrived to see you. Instead you’re all the way out here. Gosh, you Dean Winchester, can be quite a handful.” Balthazar sighs and prances towards the Impala’s direction.

“Hold on! What do you mean others?” Dean asks and the angel turns to face him.

“It means that there are others that are just like Cassie and I. They are probably trying to find him too and of course they’d stop by the owner’s place first.” Balthazar explains and keeps walking.

“Wait. If they go to my place then my family might see them.” Dean panics at the thought.

“They probably already have. Let’s go.” Balthazar comments flies deep into the fog. With another string of panic, Dean runs as fast as he can, reaching the Impala. The slender angel is leaning on it with a smug look on his face.

“Let’s hurry Winchester, unless Cassie isn’t all that important to you.” Balthazar taunts him.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to see through this fog?” Dean barks and takes the keys out to unlock the Impala.

“Oh, you mean this? I can take care of that for you.” Balthazar takes a few steps away from the Impala and spreads his wings.

_“Spirit of the night, let your blanket of moisture rise into the sky so the earth bound mortals can seek their way.”_ With that command the fog does rise and Dean could see the road again.

“How the hell did you do that?” Dean asks with genuine curiosity.

“Well Dean many of us angels can command the elements but since you’re surprised I guess Cassie hasn’t made a single rain cloud. You’ve made him very rusty.” Balthazar flies to the other side and enters the passenger’s seat of the Impala.

“Hey! Don’t mess up my baby!” Dean yells at the angel. Balthazar laughs at him and looks ahead. Dean reverses the Impala and leaves Bobby’s garage still unsure whether to trust this Balthazar guy. He’s been a smug bastard since meeting Dean.

“So Dean what exactly have you been doing to my darling Cassie. I really do hope that you’ve been properly taking care of him otherwise I might just send some thunder clouds to your bed room. Give you a taste of nature’s old fashion Taser.” Balthazar threatens and somehow Dean thinks that should be taking this seriously.

“Look, I care about Cas, don’t ever doubt that. He was supposed to be at my place when I get home but then all of a sudden he’s gone. My brother Sam didn’t know what happened because Cas would never go anywhere without letting us know first. Plus I got this letter today and I put the two together and thought you guys might’ve taken him away or something.” Dean keeps his eyes on the road but tries to hide the bitter feeling of Cas disappearing under his breath.

“Well I kind of believe you about Cassie there. I know that he would never disappear just like that. So someone must’ve taken him.” Balthazar crosses his arms and places a hand on his chin.

“That’s what I said before! Did you think I was lying? You don’t believe me?” Dean feels offended.

“You may be Cassie’s owner but I was told never to trust humans with the supernatural so don’t blame me if I’m trying to be cautious.” He argues back.

“Seriously? You guys were taught not to trust humans? Then how come Chuck gave Cas away to my family?” Dean asks.

“Our Father works in mysterious ways. Look I’m just saying, Cassie goes missing and you were supposed to take care of him, I’m just as upset as you are.” For a moment there Dean wanted to argue back but Balthazar’s expression looks genuine.

“Besides if you double cross me, I can smite your pretty boy ass from right where you stand.” Balthazar laughs and Dean gives him an irritated look. Then the angels commands him to keep his eyes on the road while Dean thinks of some questions to ask about Chuck and his angels. Hoping to find out more about Cas. Apparently there are plenty more where Balthazar came from and Chuck or who Balthazar calls ‘Almighty’. The angel elaborates on the Almighty’s enigmatic personality. They are apparently commanded in riddles and rarely straightforward than normal people. Regardless, Balthazar is very fond of the Almighty and reveres him quite a lot. And Dean learns a lot even though Balthazar tends to yak about almost everything, not to mention his attention flickers at almost anything. The angel would either point out street directions or the road speed limit. Dean didn’t care less if he was twenty or a hundred over the limit if it meant getting to his place early and finding Cas.

“I’m not about to get killed by some maniac driver with a toddler’s patience.” Balthazar wiggles his fingers and Dean loses control over baby. The engine was still on and so were the lights but Dean is no longer driving.

“What the hell did you do to my car?” he was ready to hit the obnoxious angel.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, I just set her in auto pilot so that you don’t get us all killed.” Balthazar throws his hands behind his head.

“Son of bitch! If you ruin my baby I swear to Go-,”

“Oh hush it Winchester, she’ll be fine. You’ve driven her for years and she knows where to go. Look how she drives us effortlessly back to your home.” And the Impala beeps at Balthazar’s comment. Honest to go beeps on its own.

“What the- did the car just react to what you said?” Dean asks after letting go of the steering wheel.

“Yes she did Dean. She’s a classy girl you got here.” Balthazar pats baby’s passenger window.

“Are you telling me that you gave life to my car?” Dean looks at him with bewilderment.

“Dean please stop acting all gob smacked by everything. I assume that you’re no stranger to the supernatural given that you know Cassie. After all, you’re the one that treats this girl special. Everything that she does now is for your benefit, I simply awakened her from her sleep.” Balthazar sighs and looks at the road.

“I need a drink when I get back.” Dean mutters under his breath.

“And it’s a good thing that your ‘baby’ here is driving for us. When we get to your house, I’ll join you.” Balthazar gives Dean’s right arm a friendly tap.

“I thought angels like you don’t need to eat or drink?”

“We don’t but doesn’t mean we can’t have the simple pleasures in life.” Balthazar winks at him and reminds Dean of the things that he and Cas has shared together over the years. The word ‘pleasure’ holds true to their relationship which gives Dean an inappropriate feeling at a time like this. Dean remains silent and looks away, trying to avoid Balthazar’s smug look.

“Dean?” Crap, keep your cool Winchester.

“Is there something you’re not telling precious ol’ me?” Balthazar coos at him and Dean goes red in embarrassment.

“S-Shut up!” Dean barks out then turns away again, trying not be annoyed by the angel. The smug bastard smirks and snaps his fingers. Baby and drives to the side of the road before stopping. Bastard angel is up to something.

“My my Dean, I’m sensing some strange pulses from you. Perhaps there is something you wish to share with us?” Dean glares at Balthazar hoping for the asshole to drop the subject.

“None of your business Balthy! Let’s stop wasting time and go find Cas!” Dean slams his fist on baby’s window. He apologizes after baby honks her horn. Then Balthazar raises his hands and gives up but Dean is not entirely convinced.

“Fine Winchester. You’re lucky that we’re pressed for time. Although I will find out one way or another.” Then winks at Dean again. Creep.

“Whatever. We’re close to home now. Hopefully everyone has gone to bed.” Dean sighs and Balthazar snaps his finger so that the Impala can continue driving them. Dean asks Balthazar more about the angels and why the hell Chuck decides to show up out of nowhere. Since the angel is a narcissistic dick, he doesn’t say. Not until Dean fesses up about what he was thinking earlier. They end up agreeing to remain silent for the rest of the trip but Balthazar didn’t waste an opportunity to piss Dean off. A wink or a smile from time to time made Dean want to punch the angel’s lights out but he doesn’t. Who knows what else this douche bag with wings can do.

When baby parks outside of their home, the lights are on and worry shivers in almost every fiber of Dean’s being. Did everyone wait for him to get back? Most probably did considering how stubborn they can all be. Then again, Dean is not that different.

“Well well, I guess there’s party going on and we’re late.” Balthazar says and walks straight towards the front door. Dean runs after him, panicked and worried that the rest of his family would see a guy with wings appear on their doorstep. The angel opens the door and Dean is a minute too late. They enter his house and Balthazar was right. There is a party in his living room but they weren’t singing him happy birthday. Dad, Bobby and Sam are all huddled on the couch while two other angels stand beside his family. A guy and a girl angel. The girl angel has red hair and brown eyes while the dude has blonde hair and dark blue eyes.

“Dean Winchester.” both angels say in synchronize.

“Son, care to explain what the hell is going on?” John asks him and both he and Bobby give a look that expected answers. Sam winces, probably trying to hold his sanity and silence altogether. Dean looks at the ground and sighs.

About time he explains what’s been going. Just eleven years too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Balthazar is one of my favorite angels, I think that he and the Impala make quite the team. 
> 
> Soon we will be reminded why John and Bobby are Sam and Dean's fathers.


	11. Blow Out the Candles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel and Castiel have a confrontation. Dean and Michael is about to get into one.
> 
> -
> 
> “Hey HEY! What the hell did you do to my dad?” Dean yells at Michael. The angel tilts his head.
> 
> “I found his pulse to be quite irritating. I merely turned him mute and…subordinate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay, I am writing this in-between everything else in my life. Even though I just want to nest in my room, read and write fics until my hair falls out.
> 
> Please Enjoy!

Dean has a lot of explaining to do and so does the two angels standing beside his family. They take a few steps back, including Balthazar, expecting Dean to answer his father. Bobby wants an answer too and Sam is giving Dean looks, probably just as confused as Dean was. Taking a few steps forward, he clears his throat and attempts to look John in the eye. Somewhere deep in his gut, he knows that whatever he says, it’ll end up messy.

“Well dad, you see, these guys here are angels. Well I assume those other two are, but the one that came here with me definitely is.” Dean’s breathing speeds up.

“Angels? You’re serious?” John looks at Bobby then back to Dean. “Well Ms. Redhead and Mr. Stiff here gave us an introduction but I wanna know why these things are in my home and insist on staying until you show up?” The two angels take a step forward at the same time, they both ignore John’s comments and focus their attention on Dean.

“Mr. Winchester, my name is Anna and this is Michael. I assume that Balthazar has introduced himself already-,”

“Hey I’m trying to talk to my son!” John barks an order like how he usually does to anybody. The tall blonde man who Anna called Michael snaps his finger and no sound comes out of John’s mouth. His dad holds his neck, with eyes filled with confusion.

“I do not appreciate you raising your voice, Dean Winchester’s father. It might be best if you sit down and remain silent.” With another snap of his fingers, John ends up sitting on the couch. Bobby and Sam take a hold of him, fearing for their own sakes.

“Hey HEY! What the hell did you do to my dad?” Dean yells at Michael. The angel tilts his head.

“I found his pulse to be quite irritating. I merely turned him mute and…subordinate.” The angel calmly replies to Dean with a confident yet menacing look. Dean’s blood boils and he has a huge urge to punch this angel’s face. Balthazar whistles behind him then Anna interjects.

“I apologize for this but we have a very urgent matter. We are aware that your doll and one of our own- Castiel, has disappeared from this household and we have an idea who is responsible.” Before Dean could ask, she turns to Dean’s family. “We arrived here as soon as we can.” Then she returns her eyes on Dean. “Fortunately you were all untouched by him.”

Dean raises an eyebrow, the anticipation is driving him insane and he really wants to know where Cas is. Explaining everything to his family can wait. Maybe it’ll be better if Cas were here. “What are you talking about?”

“We believe that one of our own has taken Castiel. An angel. His name is Gabriel.” With that, John, Bobby and Sam go wide eyed. Balthazar goes ‘oooooh’ in the background while Michael remains poker-faced.

“Gabriel?”

*

Castiel has been in the dark for a while. The swirling mist of darkness envelops him while he tries to remember everything before the lights went out. The first thing he remembers is Dean and his birthday, where he’s supposed to be. Instead he wakes up in his full angel form, sitting on a beautiful room. Such a place that he usually sees on television with Sam and Dean. He’s gets up on the leather couch where he was sleeping and head towards the elaborate table. It is long and narrow with multiple table wares to accommodate around twenty people. The glasses sparkle from the light of the chandelier. A red carpet is where all the furniture stood while white walls are emblazoned with designs painted in gold. On one wall, two large wooden doors, covered in varnish, locked so he decides to step away and scan the room more. There are several statues on display, some are depictions of nude people or angels but he focuses his attention on a tag placed above a plate at the end of the table. The tag has his name written on it.

“Castiel.”

The large wooden door opens and the short brown haired angel from his memory appears. He wears a suit but his wings are nowhere to be seen.

“Nice for you to join me in this fine evening Castiel.” The small angel which Castiel remembers, is called Gabriel, says before walking towards the other end of the table.

“Gabriel.” Castiel responds but is hesitant to do anything else considering how the other angel overpowered him previously.

“Ah so you do remember my name! But I don’t think that you remember who I really am.” Gabriel remarks and takes a seat. He gestures Castiel to do the same and with a blink of an eye, Castiel is now also wearing a suit and tie. Just as Gabriel is.

“What do you want from me?” Castiel asks, like a derivation of a scene from a show that he used to watch with Dean.

“Why don’t you take a seat and have something to eat. Have anything you want.” Just like that, food appears in front of Castiel. Food of different kinds are gathered on the long table. Gabriel is helping himself with a large cake with extra frosting and different kinds of sweets are served around his plate. Pies, salads, burgers and pasta are on Castiel’s side of the table, a reminder of some of the things that the Winchesters used to eat.

“I don’t eat, Gabriel. I don’t believe angels need to eat.” But the other angel continues to chew on a sweet strip.

“Cassie, we don’t need to consume anything. We weren’t made to need human sustenance and yet we all have different tastes. For example, I love sweet stuff and you love whatever your owners have. And that’s okay, just keep it at your side of the table.” Gabriel continues to consume his delicacies.

“I still don’t understand why you took me here. I have never met you before and I wish to go home.” To Dean, Castiel wanted to add.

“I just want to have a quick chat Cassie. Couldn’t do it when you were at their place getting all aggressive. Two angels using their powers at each other is a messy business, believe me, I’ve seen it before.” The smug angel takes another bite off a dessert.

“What makes you think I’ll do what you say? I only listen to Dean and no one else.” There is a little more defiance in his tone than before.

“Oh Cassie, remember when I did that switcheroo? I can do more than smoke and mirrors. Besides, I wanna hear about this Dean. This guy that you seem to worship, a lot.” So far Castiel thinks that what Gabriel said is true. He is quite powerless against him and who knows what else he has in store for Castiel. As for Dean, Castiel’s feathers ruffle and spread as a sign of protectiveness.

“If you lay a finger on Dean I will-,”

“Won’t you relax Cassie? I won’t hurt him unless he hurts something of mine. Now tell me, why are you so fascinated with this mortal?” The wings on Castiel’s back recede but his alertness doesn’t abate. He won’t let Gabriel out of his sight just in case.

“Not that it’s any of your business but Dean is remarkable person. Unlike you.” He comments and that catches Gabriel’s attention.

“You wound me Cassie but I’ll let it slide. What else is so ‘remarkable’ about Dean?” Castiel tries to ignore the mocking tone Gabriel’s voice.

“He’s kind and sweet. He is loyal to his family and would never let anything bad happen to them.” Then he remembers the time when Dean went out to bring justice to those that bullied Sam when they were younger. He came home all bruised up and even though Sam was angry for not listening to him and staying at him, he said ‘thank you’ and Dean just smiled. Smiled for the two of them and Castiel just watched on the side, amazed by Dean’s courage. Using his powers, he healed Dean’s bruises even if Dean didn’t ask for it. Castiel didn’t need Dean to tell him to, he just had to.

“Dean would protect those that he loved.” Which reminds him of the time when Sam and John had a fight after visiting their mother’s grave and Dean spoke to the two of them afterwards. He told both his father and brother to show more compassion for one another, for Mary’s sake. John and Sam forgave each other afterwards and Dean made their favorite meals for dinner. His family thanked him dearly and that night, when both John and Sam were asleep, Castiel asked Dean to drive them somewhere to watch the stars. Dean agreed because it was not uncommon for them to leave in the middle of the night and they usually bring Sam but that night Castiel simply wanted to be alone with Dean. They found a vast field and laid next to each other on the grass. They kissed intensely that night, under the stars. Like a “cheesy” movie scene that Sam loved to watch. Dean slightly understood why Castiel wanted to be alone but in contrary, Castiel really wanted to give something special to Dean and Dean alone. Because that’s just how the older Winchester was, he didn’t need to give for anything in exchange. He was always selfless for his family and Castiel wanted to do that too. Just for Dean. Nothing more and nothing less.

“And he loves his family very much and that’s what makes him a remarkable human being.” Castiel looks up and Gabriel has dismissed all the food on the table. They go up in smoke with a snap of his finger.

“Is that so, Cassie? How about you? Tell me, what are you to Dean?” The smug grin on Gabriel’s face disappears and Castiel wonders about his question. What is he to Dean? Well he is Dean’s doll, his possession, an angel to grant Dean his birthday wish when he was seven.

“I am Dean’s angel. Ever since his seventh birthday.” He replies with confidence in his stomach.

“Well that’s true but if Dean is as remarkable as you say he is, then why hasn’t he been clear to what you truly are to him?” The question causes Castiel’s brow. “Better yet…” Gabriel continues. “How come you don’t remember anything from before you became Dean’s doll? Remember any of us? Your family?” Castiel looks at the red carpet floor and he can almost see his own frown on Gabriel’s face.

“”Don’t you know that we are brothers Cassie? Created by the same person, our Father. Chuck. Does it ring any bells?” Gabriel frowns too and stands up from his seat.

“I-I don’t…I don’t remember you but I do remember my creator’s last words to me.” Castiel looks at Gabriel’s eyes intently almost noticing the other angel’s pained expression.

“And what were they?”

“Castiel, you are an angel of the Lord, member of the Heavenly Host-,” Gabriel interrupts. “-Awaken and grant kind souls their wish.” Castiel freezes and takes a step back. Gabriel can’t possibly know his command unless the other angel has the ability to read minds.

“Cassie, I know what your command was, because I was the one that gave it to you. I was ordered to entrust our Father’s orders to all the angelic Host. He created every single one of us for a purpose and all of us have done our jobs, except for one.” Gabriel stands up and glares Castiel down. Although Castiel doesn’t understand what Gabriel’s words meant, his head itches from curiosity.

“That’s what Father Almighty wanted but he screwed up. Maybe intentionally, maybe not.” Castiel’s curiosity only grows as the other angel clears the entire table with a snap of his fingers.

“I don’t understand what you mean.” He confesses, hoping that Gabriel can make sense of everything. The shorter angel looks at him with inquisitive eyes.

“Tell me Castiel, what would you do if something were to happen to Dean?” Gabriel asks and Castiel’s wings spread wide, anger brushing to every feather.

“If you hurt Dean-,”

“As I said before, I won’t lay a finger on your lover boy. But answer this, what will you do if something were to happen to Dean beyond your control?” he asks again but more specific.

“I won’t let that happen. I would do anything to protect Dean.” Castiel barks back. Something flutters behind Gabriel’s back, Castiel seems to notice that his wings are starting to show but wonder if the other angel is aware of it. He didn’t show his wings before, he simply wore the same clothes as a regular person would. Does Gabriel also turn into a doll just like himself?

“You can’t be certain Cassie, after all he is just a fragile human being. Humans are weak and vulnerable. They will fall and fail, that’s just how they are.” He points at Castiel with fury.

“I disagree, some of them may not be as strong as others.” He thinks of the times when John wishes to hold his sons. “Some may fall.” Mary’s face flash in his memories. “And vulnerable.” He remembers Sam holding him while Dean carries the two of them outside their burning home.

“But I still believe in them. Believe that things can be better for them. Just as they believed in me.” From the first time Dean saw Castiel’s true form, he feared the angel and didn’t let his guard down. Not until he proved himself to the young boy.

Gabriel snorted and sticks his tongue between his lips to make a farting sound. Obviously mocking Castiel.

“You’re too naïve Castiel. Too innocent for your own sake. You have no idea what humans can do and how they really operate.” Gabriel strides around the long table and Castiel follows slowly, keeping his eyes locked on the other angel. Slowly pacing in anti-clockwise around the room. “Just because Dean has been so amazing to you, doesn’t mean he’s not capable of hurting you. He’s human, Castiel. They don’t live long enough to learn what to do with their lives. All the suffering in the world are mainly caused by their selfishness and arrogance. When something good appears before them, they either take advantage of it or use it until they get tired of it. They’ll leave things behind, things such as ourselves Castiel and there’ll be nothing left but pain and regret.” Gabriel points at himself and Castiel then stops where they were sitting.

“But Dean wouldn’t do something like that. What you’re telling me is a narrow perception of humanity.” He rebuts, still hoping to find a way to leave the room.

“How do you see yourself in a few years Castiel? A decade or two?” Castiel stops for a moment, thoughts that were flying around his head on how to leave the room ceases and Gabriel’s expression doesn’t abate from a stern demeanor.

“Have you ever stopped to consider what will happen to you in a few years’ time?” The thought hasn’t crossed Castiel’s mind before, of course the answer is simple. He’d stay with Dean as he promised. But Gabriel-

“You will stay by his side because that is what your job is. It’s Father’s command and unfortunately, what you want. However, have you ever wondered if what Dean wants in the future, is to be with you?” Gabriel points at him again.

“When I arrived at your humble abode, were you not using your powers to do something special for Dean? Cleaning his house? Making sure that everything is perfect?” With hands to each side, Gabriel throws a condescending look at Castiel.

“It was Dean’s birthday. I wanted to make everything right for his 18th birthday.” Not that Gabriel deserved Castiel’s answers but unfortunately, the seeds of doubt started to grow inside him. He has seen this happen to the Winchesters and he never knew what it felt like until now. Until his own worst fears are uttered to him.

“Ah! I see. His 18th birthday! Dean’s all grown up! But hasn’t it occurred to you that Dean’s priorities might change over time? Being an adult means having more responsibilities. And responsibilities take up plenty of a person’s time.” The other angel starts striding to Castiel’s right before turning and walking the opposite way.

“I’ve been watching you all for some time now and from what I can see is that there’s a lot of instability in Dean-o’s life. Drunken father, discontent baby brother and moving around all the time. The whole trifecta- maybe more. What if, Dean decides to settle down? Say, he goes to college since he really knows how to handle cars and I bet going to college then getting a job out of it will really help him reach stability.”

Gabriel stops his pacing then glares Castiel down.

“Where do you fit in all of this Cassie hm? He can’t just bring you to college because that would be disastrous if someone catches you transforming. But knowing how protective Dean is towards his baby brother, I’d say he’d let you stay with Sam. Then again, maybe not. He’s an adult now Cassie and he can do whatever he wants without John’s permission, save buying alcohol, but like father like son, I should say.” The last comment makes Castiel’s nerves twitch in anger.

“My point is, he’s no longer a kid that has to stay home under parental supervision. He may choose to leave and see the world. Find himself perhaps. I guarantee you that he’ll find other people to spend time with. Maybe find a girl and have a relationship with. Get married! For goodness sakes, there’s loads of possibilities. However, this all trickles down to the fact that you can’t guarantee his interest in you forever.”

There it is. The sickening feeling that swims inside him. Coursing through his veins like an insidious demon. His worst fear.

“He’s grown up Castiel. And there’s no guarantee that he’ll want to be with you. Like I said before, he’s human. Humans are famous for disappointing anything, we are not exempt. It saddens me that you’re so blinded by one human and you forget all about your family. The ones that came before you were given away.”

Castiel looks down for a second, then traces Gabriel’s despondent expression with his eyes. The provocative and smug look that he had, has all disappeared. Feeling guilt, sorrow and fear all at once is too much to take in such a short span of time. It is almost as painful as the time when he cried for Dean when Mary died. The sad little boy that didn’t even cry when he had every right to. He shakes his head, returning Gabriel’s glare with fury burning in his feathers.

“I believe in Dean!”

As if in disgust, Gabriel clicks his mouth. His wrists rest on his sides and the old mischievous expression returns to his face.

“What will it take for you to realize what I mean?”

Castiel was ready to argue anything against Gabriel but the question stops him. His breathing weakens even though he doesn’t need to do it. And his chest tightens, the heart that pumps inside him skips a beat. He is devoted to Dean and he fears that Gabriel might go to dangerous lengths just to prove his point.

“I would never let you hurt Dean.” He leans forward, trying to bury that disquieting feeling inside his chest.

“But Castiel, humanity will be the end of you.” Gabriel’s wings finally sprout behind his back. Wind circulate around the room, knocking off the plants and making the walls shake. Each object rattle around Gabriel’s presence as four beautiful bright brown wings spread across the room.

“I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit idly by and let it consume you.” Whatever courage Castiel has inside him starts to flicker away. The angel before him looms in white light and he’s afraid that Dean will never get to have the best 18th birthday.

…

Ever since John was put under some spell by Michael, the older man remained on his seat. Bobby stands firmly beside John with a hand clasped on Sam’s shoulder, eyeing the angels as they wander around the house, searching for clues as to where Gabriel took Castiel. Dean of course has been a state of panic since Cas disappeared but one of the angels, Anna, soothed him. Promising that Castiel will be found.

Dean even suggested to ask Chuck for help but the angels, particularly Michael, is adamant about finding Gabriel without disturbing their ‘Father’. Bobby is irritated by this however he keeps his tone down just in case Michael decides to cast another spell. Balthazar has been no help, the creep has been glancing at dad’s liquor cabinet for some time now. Clearly some angels are inclined to have human preference. One thing that they all agreed on, is that they keep to themselves when it comes to the supernatural. Sam and Bobby couldn’t resist asking about it and were both denied answers. Apparently Chuck or their ‘Father Almighty’ likes to keep to himself although Balthazar may have spilled the beans that Chuck liked to drink like dad. Michael gives Balthazar a glare so strong, Dean thought that Balthazar was about to spontaneously combust.

When Dean gets a chance to look John in the eye, it is like he made a terrible mistake on everything. Keeping Cas as a secret then getting involved with angels, probably not something that his dad would be proud of him but Dean’s not as worried about his dad’s approval as finding Cas. Bobby reminds Dean that they need to have a talk about this soon, with emphasis on ‘soon’. Right after this, Dean and Sam share a panicked look when Balthazar hollers for their attention.

“I believe that I may have found some evidence of Gabriel’s.” The rest of them huddle around the angel.

“How is a candy wrapper gonna help with finding that Gabriel fella? If he were here then we’d find him by now. You all should go out there instead rather than trespassing on other people’s property!” Bobby huffs and backs away when Michael faces him. The angel looks older than Cas, Balthazar and Anna and has a short fuse which irritates Dean.

“If Gabriel were out there then we’d be able to find him, just by his pulse alone.” Michael menacingly states and Anna gets in between him and Bobby.

“What he means is, Gabriel is a powerful angel. Perhaps as powerful as Michael.” Michael scoffs, much to Anna’s displeasure. It’s written on her face. “We felt his pulse at its strongest here and somehow it disappeared. Judging from his past behaviors, he must’ve created a realm somewhere in your house. A realm to hide his powers and Castiel’s pulse.” She says.

Balthazar points the candy wrap at everyone. “This here is a trace of something that Gabriel touched before using his powers. Just from feeling it, Castiel also touched this wrapper and it can serve as a mediator to find Gabriel’s realm.” He explains.

“Couldn’t you just have done this without barging in?” Bobby asks but his tone is not as defensive as it was.

“We could have tried to put you all to sleep and turned the house inside out to protect our identities however we sensed that Dean has made contact with one of our own” Michael points at Balthazar. “So we decided to wait but if you don’t wish to cooperate then I can turn everything inside out. I can’t say for sure that there won’t be any repercussions…” He smiles and how Dean wants to knock his teeth in. Dad, Bobby and Sam all go wide eyed. Dean is probably doing the same but chooses to stick with hating the guy-angel-thing.

“That won’t be necessary Michael. Your powers are too great. We will use another method.” Anna grabs the wrapper from Balthazar and with a flash of her eyes, it burns right in front of them. It flickers as the flame dances and floats around Dean.

“Dean-,” Castiel’s voice emanate from the flame.

“Cas??” Dean and Sam asks.

“The fire resonates Castiel’s last thoughts before Gabriel took him away. It is a record of the last thing that he thought about before disappearing. I need you to do me a favor Dean.” Dean pays attention with both ears but cannot resist wanting to hear Cas’ voice again.

“What do you need me to do?” Dean asks and Anna focuses her eyes on the flame.

“Pray for Castiel. Pray for him in any way that you want. The flame will lure us to a portal, an opening to Gabriel’s hidden realm. With your prayers, Castiel’s essence will resonate through the portal, linking both worlds.” She replies and guides the flame to float around Dean. Praying for Cas is simple enough but having everyone’s eyes on him doesn’t make it easy. Then the flame calls out to Dean again. Cas’ voice.

“Dean-,”

His prayers start and the flame grows larger, encircling around him then stopping. Hovering towards the stairs, up to the second floor where the bedrooms are. Dean follows and hears everyone’s footsteps behind him. He lets the fire guide him as his mind unleash prayers, one after another. Praying for Castiel to be safe, to listen, and to be alright.

Most importantly- to come home.

The fire enters Dean’s room, leaving no damage to the wooden door that it passed through like a hollow object. Dean opens the door and finds the flame dancing in front of the one place where it all began. Where he found Cas for the first time. The fire dances and floats into the crack between the wooden doors of the closet.

Behind him, a large crowd stands and watch the closet start cluttering and shaking. He swallows and focuses on the pulsing light between the wooden doors.

“Open it.” Sam whispers amongst them, Dean reaches out and grabs the warm handles. The closet is not only acting up but it has its own temperature. He pulls and a bright light engulfs the entire room.

…

“Cas…”

Dean? Castiel asks in Gabriel’s room. The large wooden doors that Gabriel came from start to shake, the metal hinges and knobs clacker. Castiel’s first instinct is to move closer as the sound of Dean’s voice is just at the other side.

“Dammit! Here I was hoping that I had a chance!” Gabriel mutters to himself and Castiel runs towards the doors as it opens.

Turning everything white.

He pushes forward, even though there is nothing to see. Until two hands appear, the same hands that tucked Sam to sleep and dragged John into his bedroom with Bobby’s help. The same hands that hold Castiel when they watch a movie in the dark and he thinks nobody is watching. What seems to be blinding light becomes the shape of a person that Castiel thought he’d never see again.

He pushes forward into the arms of Dean Winchester, in their bedroom. In their home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said before, Gabe has his reasons and since he and Dean share some personality traits, don't think that he's gonna give up very soon.


	12. Best Birthday Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is 11 years too late for introducing his angel boyfriend to his dad.
> 
> -
> 
> “Dad this is uh- Cas…Castiel. And Cas this is dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm free for the rest of the weekend (which is rare) I managed to write this in a few hours after waking up. Reward for all your patience.

Dean would be lying if he says that everything will be alright at this point. Having Cas back in their home in a flash of light almost seemed impossible. Like he is still inside a dream where things are looking pretty well until it turns into a nightmare in the form of John’s death stare and Bobby’s concerned look. Sam decides to let go of Bobby and run towards Cas, squeezing him with a hug. Without a moment too soon, the two angels inspect the closet with no trace of anything supernatural inside.

“Gabriel is no longer here but we can faintly feel his pulse.” Michael says to Dean and Anna steps between him and his family.

“We will follow his pulse and hopefully capture him.” She turns to Balthazar. “I need you to stay here and watch over Dean and Castiel until we return.” With that, they are gone. Just the sound of beating wings fading in the background.

“Well, I guess you’re all my responsibility for now.” Balthazar grins and leans towards Cas who clutches on Dean’s shirt harder.

“Dean I need to talk to you, downstairs. Now.” John’s voice is back and everyone looks just as startled as the other. He leaves the room while Bobby and Sam follow behind him. They both have worried expression painted on their faces.

“Seems that when Michael goes, your daddy talks.” Balthazar grins but no one finds him amusing.

“Dean I-,”

“It’s okay Cas. You’re here now, just stay in the room.” He looks at Balthazar, still calculating the other angel’s intentions towards Cas.

“Would you stop giving me that look? I’m not going to do anything to Cassie, I have my orders. Besides he’s one of our own.” Balthazar comments.

“Gabriel could return.” Cas interjects and Balthazar nods and spreads his wings.

“O Holy marks, may the walls be the boundaries which prevent a catastrophe from entering this room.”

With a flash of his eyes, strange markings appear around the walls of the room. He drops to one knee and Dean tries to catch him out of reflex. Asking if Balthazar is alright.

“I’m fine, although I used a great amount of my power to build wards strong enough to probably keep Gabriel away. I just need a few minutes to rest.” He explains and sits on Dean’s bed.

“I don’t think he’s gonna do anything weird to you Cas, but if he does just run downstairs. I’ll be there.” His angel gives a pained expression, begging him to not leave.

“Dean, I’m scared. I don’t want you to go.” Dean’s face burns as Cas has never looked as helpless as he is right now. It gives Dean great pleasure when someone needs him but nothing as awesome as Cas’. His angel always looked out for him and when it’s his turn to protect his angel, he wishes that he could never let go.

“Me too Cas but I gotta go and talk to dad about this. About us. Balthy won’t let anything happen to you, he came here to help us find you.” Cas shifts and looks at the other angel who is rocking on Dean’s bed.

 _“Balthy?”_ Balthazar asks but they both ignore him.

“No other angel should be on your bed.” Cas pouts and Dean chuckles.

“Jeez Cassie! Territorial much?” Balthazar throws his head back in defense.

“Sit on the floor.” Cas commands and the other angel does slowly and with caution. Cas couldn’t get hotter than that.

“I’ll be right back.” Dean forces himself to be released from Castiel’s tight hold. Trying to ignore the painful expression on his angel’s face. Dean leaves the door open, trying not to look back as he walks downstairs into, what probably is, his imminent doom.

-

The view downstairs doesn’t look great since Bobby and dad have been arguing while Sam looks at Dean with deep concern. The two older men stop and John turns to his old friend. Telling him to take Sam upstairs into his room and put him to sleep. Bobby gives him a glare but listens to what he says anyway. Then he gives Dean a pat on the shoulder before telling Sam to follow him upstairs. With downstairs all to themselves, Dean suddenly realized that he did not prepare himself to what’s coming.

“What the hell Dean? Freaking angels? In our own house? How long have you known about this Cas-guy-angel-thing?” He points upstairs, accusatorily and Dean swallows hard, looking for courage to speak up.

“I’ve known him for a while now dad. Since we were kids. He appeared from a closet. From the doll that you gave me.” Even though John had fury traced all over his face, it softens as his eyes trail to the floor.

“So it’s true. What those other angels said? That’s the doll I gave you ages ago, the one from dad-,” He pauses and wipes the sweat off his forehead.

“I didn’t wanna tell you because I knew you would freak out about this.”

“Understatement son.” He doesn’t shout but Dean can still hear the frustration in his voice. “You’ve been hanging around with something not of this world for years and all of a sudden angel-things come out of nowhere saying that he’s been kidnapped and there’s a guy out there creating these things?” John asks and Dean nods guiltily even though he’s not quite sure what to make with the whole Chuck being Cas’ creator situation.

“I need a drink.” John goes to his liquor cabinet, grabs a bottle of jack and walks towards the kitchen to get a glass. Dean’s feet remain plastered to the ground, paralyzed from fear of his dad’s frustration. Wishing that his father can understand and hopefully not order Dean to get rid of Cas. Because Dean knew that he would never let Cas go.

With a drink in hand his sits on the couch, placing his drink on the table and orders Dean to take a seat as well.

“Dad…I’m sorry. I should’ve told you sooner.” He rubs his hands and sees John takes a large gulp of his drink and sets the glass on the table.

“Dean…listen. I can’t lie and say none of this freaks me out. Because it certainly is freaking the hell out of me, I mean I was turned mute and glued to the couch by some guy calling himself an angel, also threatening to put us all to sleep and flip the house inside out. Who knows what else they can do? Even if you had told me sooner, I don’t think my reaction might’ve changed. Well maybe a little.” He picks the bottle up from the floor and pours himself another glass.

“All I know is that our lives was getting better every day and I thought it was because I was starting to drink less and do something about my life. You and Sam seemed to be doing well in school and you’re working now too. It didn’t occur to me that there was an extra something in that equation. Maybe I did…maybe I did knew that there was something. I thought you were seeing someone, a girl from town perhaps that you didn’t wanna introduce to us.” Dean remembers the time when dad asked him who was the girl that he’s seeing. Sam looked at him with a worried look and he was scared that Cas was listening to their conversation. Dean didn’t know what to say until Sam interrupted and said it was just some girl from school that Dean was seeing. Nothing too serious. His dad made a joke and told him to use protection, as embarrassing as it was. A few hours later, he and Cas made out furiously when the house became empty. But now is not the time to think about that.

“I didn’t realize what really made you boys happy all this time. When you left without telling us, I interrogated Sam but he pretended not to know, but I knew he was lying. He was lying for you and for whatever it was you were gonna do. I thought you were gonna do something stupid like me. I didn’t want you to go down the path that I went through Dean. Then the two angels came in and suddenly everything made sense even though it didn’t.” He swallows another huge gulp.

“If I had known that you were in trouble, I could’ve done something sooner son. I don’t want either you or Sam to go through with it alone. Although, this whole supernatural stuff is a lot to take in and I’m still scared of what any of those angel would do.”

“Dad, Cas won’t do anything to hurt us. I trust him.” Dean wants to cry since his lips are starting to tremble but at the same time relieved to see his dad not yelling at him about this.

“I know you do son. Since he’s been with us for some time now?” Dad pauses and raises a brow, waiting for Dean to answer him.

“11 years now, since my seventh birthday.” Dean confesses and another relief expands in his chest.

“Christ.” John mutters under his breath and pours himself another glass. “He’s been here for that long and I didn’t know?”

“Actually dad, he’s known you for some time now. Since you had him when you were little.” Dean doesn’t if what he’s saying will help but since he’s finally having a talk to john about all this. And he couldn’t feel more relieved.

“He said that?” dad asks and Dean chuckles to himself.

“Yes I did.” Both of them stand up as Cas walks down the stairs slowly, his wings aren’t behind him like they’re used to.

“Dad this is uh- Cas…Castiel. And Cas this is dad.” Cas walks directly towards them with confidence and Dean’s nerves are spuming with panic.

“It is a pleasure to finally meet you properly Mr. Winchester. I have watched over you since the day your father, Henry Winchester gave me to you.” Dean could not believe what he sees with his very own eyes. His dad, the rough and tough John Winchester, tearing up and walking towards his angel. Holding him tight. Cas wrapped his arms around him too while looking at Dean with a gentle expression. His own father snorts and pulls away, hands clasped on Cas’ shoulders.

“You knew my dad?” John asks with tears hanging from his lashes.

“I have had the pleasure of his company for a brief amount of time. He saw me as only a doll but even then, I knew, he cared about you very much.” Dad, honest to god, bites his lower lip and tears drawing lines on his cheek. “Unfortunately he left you, feeling much regret, with nothing more than myself. To keep you safe.” Dean has never seen his dad in this state ever, emotionally in pain, in front of someone beyond his sons and Bobby.

“Still I fulfil his wish. Even when he’s gone, a part of him still lives within me. Wishing for your safety. Please Mr. Winchester, don’t you cry no more.” Castiel smiles at dad and Dean has never been more pleased with how these two meet. Only if mom were here to see dad right now, she’d be glad. She’d be more than happy.

“Dean, tell me I’m dreaming. Son, this can’t be true.” Dad smiles while wiping the tears from his face. Before Dean can answer, Cas touched his father’s forehead and cleaned him up.

“I hope that is sufficient, Mr. Winchester.” Cas says and walks next to Dean’s side.

“He’s very real dad.” Dean answers and Bobby walks downstairs with Balthazar. The old man complains about Balthazar and how he’s done nothing but pester him since Castiel went downstairs.  They’re probably too noisy this late at night.

Bobby is glad that John was open-minded about Cas, just like his dad, he knew there was something that’s been making Dean happy for a while now. When John says that it has been 11 years, Bobby makes the same reaction as his dad did and asks for a drink. Balthazar asks if he can have some although the two men are reluctant to interact with the angel. Dean asks when the others will get back or if Gabriel will cause more trouble for them. Balthazar says that he’s put more wards up around the house while he and dad were talking. If more angels are to appear then he’d know. Cas suggests that he goes to sleep since it’s been a long day. Although dad and Bobby are reluctant to being left alone with Balthazar. The creepy angel says that he’ll watch over dad and Bobby, much to their displeasure, so Dean and Cas can go upstairs and get some rest. Mentioning that angels don’t need sleep only made Balthazar creepier while John and Bobby groans in irritation.

Upon reaching upstairs to Dean’s room and closing the door, Cas’ hands are all over Dean. He doesn’t stop, not even for a second or a minute. Not even until reaching the bed. Cas kisses Dean like he’s never going to be able to kiss him ever again. The kisses are deep and the groans are desperate. Dean also feels the same way but perhaps he’s about to be corrected. Cas pushes him to the bed and although the room is dark since Dean couldn’t even turn on the light (not that he needed to), Dean can feel Cas’ presence radiating in front of him. Like a furnace of passion and want, frighteningly domineering at the same time. Orbs of light appear around the room, made by Cas’ powers and there Dean sees Cas’ loincloth disappear into thin air. A hard dripping cock points towards him and Dean nearly mewls from the sight. Cas’ eyes burn with lust and almost violent with desire as he commands Dean’s clothes to disappear before him. They fly in different directions around the room, shredded to pieces. Now Dean is exposed for a predatory Cas to feast on.

The angel jumps on him, kissing his mouth, his cheeks, his neck. Ravishing every inch of Dean’s skin and licking the areas where Cas knew were sensitive for Dean. Cas’ head reaches down and brushes his tongue and his teeth on Dean’s right nipple while his right hand pinch Dean’s left nipple. All in coordination to Cas’ left hand which eagerly tugs Dean’s cock. Coating the length with precome from both his and Cas’ dick. Moaning the whole time.

“I’ve been waiting for this…(huff) since yesterday…” Cas whispers in the dark and Dean moans in response. He still can’t believe how lucky he is to have Cas in his life, someone that thinks about him and waits for him.

They kiss again, Dean’s left hand firmly clutches on the bed sheets while his other warmly grips Castiel’s length. Tugging it until precome oozes significantly.

“I thought that I’d never give your birthday gift. I’ve been thinking about it for some time now.” Cas smiles and Dean can see his beautiful face, so happy that it might make him cry.

“Wh-What is it?” Dean asks, hoping not to spoil the moment.

“I’m glad you asked.” Blue white light flashes in Castiel’s eyes as Dean’s bedside drawer opens and something flies out, he catches it with his hands.

“I wish to copulate with you…” Cas says with a serious expression and Dean couldn’t help but laugh.

“Jesus, Cas, I told you never to call it that.” He huffs and Cas tilts his head like he always does. Adorable son of a bitch.

“Should I call it penetration?”

“Uh”

“Mating?”

“Well-,”

“Anal penetration?” Dean laughs again, louder than before. Cas just stares at him, genuinely confused.

“I’d like to call it ‘love-making’ but whatever’s fine.” He smiles, hoping the angel gets the message.

“I don’t wish to call what we’re about to do as ‘whatever’ Dean. Especially when I wish to share this experience with you and you alone.” His lashes drop as his hips straddle Dean, coating his fingers with a generous amount of lube before smearing some on Dean’s length. The cold feeling makes Dean bite his lip and the sounds of slippery skin deafen everything else. Castiel tightens his grip, torturing Dean with the ring made of his fingers.

“Be careful with your choice of words Dean. For you might not be able to say much once you’re inside me.” The angel whispers in his ear and Dean’s eyes go wide.

“You’re serious?” Cas’ hands are no longer on his shaft and the angel gives a long kiss that nearly takes Dean breathe away.

“Happy Birthday Dean.” And Castiel sinks down on the head of his cock and makes him gasp in surprise. Since when did Cas get the time to put lube in his hole. And- Oh!

Another gasp and Dean’s cock fully sheathes inside Castiel’s warm flesh. His cock pulsing and twitching inside Cas. The angel groans and wraps his arms around Dean’s neck, pushing his lips with Dean’s. Taking his breath away. He rolls his hips slowly as if treating Dean’s cock with gentle pressure but a hot AND gentle stimulation. Dean can’t think, he can barely breathe from the sensation. His back is glued on the headboard and an angel is eagerly riding him. Noticing some desperation in the sounds he’s making.

“Dean, I-I love this.” Cas whispers and the pace quickens, his body is bouncing up and down on Dean’s cock. With each slap of their skin, the bed creaks and Dean should be worried that his family could hear or it could wake Sam up, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t care especially since Cas is like this. Writhing and gyrating on him like he would die if he didn’t.

“M-Me too. God Cas, this is amazing.” The angel seems to have endless stamina because he continues to milk Dean’s cock without pausing. Who knows what time it is? Dean doesn’t. He wishes that they can stay like this forever, to be this close. To be in each other’s arms without having to let go. Yet at the same time, letting go like wild animals in heat atop messy bed sheets and hot sex. Sweat and come lathering on their skins, on Dean’s hand as he pulls on Cas’ cock in time with their thrusts. His angel desperate to pump come through Dean’s hand and his ass squeezing his dick. Lips crashing simultaneously at the sound of their hips slapping together.

“Dean, I can’t…I must…” Cas begs and it sends Dean over the edge.

“M-Me too Cas…I’m gonna-,”

Releasing a shout.

Thick spurts of white liquid cover Dean and Castiel’s chest, stomachs and Dean’s hands. Cas’ sphincter tightening around Dean’s dick and with no holding back, he comes inside Cas. His forehead presses hard on Cas’ shoulder while his hips thrust up and empty himself inside Cas. The angel eagerly milks every drop as if it expects to never end. With one final grunt, Dean buckles up to Cas and the angel crashes on top of him, breathing hard. Panting in the celebration of the afterglow. Cock sliding out with a gasp from the sensitivity. He swears that come is starting to trickle between Cas’ thighs. The lights around the room vanish and the two of them lie together in the dark.

Dean has enough energy to do just one more thing before sleep takes him.

“I love you Cas…” whether his eyes are open or not, it doesn’t matter since the room is dark. However, he does hear a voice saying:

“I love you too, Dean.”

Which definitely sounded like Cas and he’s certain that it is.

…

 

Balthazar finishes the bottom of the Jack Daniel’s bottle while Bobby and John have horrified looks on their faces. The angel moves gracefully, undeterred with the realization of what was happening upstairs.

“Quite the passionate couple aren’t they?” Balthazar winks at Bobby who in return looks at him with the same mortified expression.

“I-I don’t know what to say to that…” Bobby swallows and gulps the bottom of his glass. John’s hand is shaking and the ice clanks inside the glass he’s holding.

“I can’t believe my son likes men…” John puts the glass down and Bobby gives him a glare.

“As if I haven’t seen you with a few johns just a couple of months ago!” Bobby barks at him.

“You promised never to mention that incident!” John defends himself.

 _“Incidents!”_ Bobby emphasizes the plural with a hiss.

“Kudos to my darling Cassie! Dean’s a lucky chap!” Balthazar raises the bottle while all three of them wait for the morning sun to rise. Maybe falling asleep first and hoping to not remember anything that they’ve heard.

Not Balthazar of course. Angels like him don’t need to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, Sam woke up that night too.
> 
> Next few chapters will be leading towards the ending.


	13. Guest of Honor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John, Bobby and Sam learns a lot of things about Dean after last night. Dean might learn something from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With uni assignments done I can write again! Thank Chuck Almighty! Season 10 wrapped up!

Dean wakes up earlier than Cas. Who knew angels sleep? Cas didn't even change into his doll form and it was too late for Dean to realize that he was cuddling his angel. In fact he never thought that he would cuddle anyone, Dean is not the cuddling type. Then again, he's portrayed himself as someone who wouldn't fall for a guy, an angel no less. So when he sees Castiel glued to his chest, he can't help but feel so happy that it's not right. It’s downright scary. How so?

Nothing in Dean's life is good, his family isn't perfect, in fact far from it. It's broken and the only thing keeping it together is by all of them living side by side. However that's about to change soon. Although Dad's settled here, Sam's really smart and he'll definitely get into college with his brains. No decent college would decline a kid like him and that's a scary thing. Having lost Cas once, it makes him think of the future and how unsure it is. The stable life that he has going on isn't going to last because there are things out there that'll take it away from him. Just like finding out that there are other angels out there, who are even more powerful than Cas is scary because there's no guarantee that Cas can stay. First there's Gabriel then what if someone else comes and takes him.

Not to mention the fact, he and Cas said the ‘L’ word last night.

He finally said it!

Really said it…and oh my god.

He said it.

He just professed his love to Cas last night and even though he heard Cas say it back, it’s still too good to be true. Even more unbelievable when Cas appeared before him 11 years ago. Jeez, can’t believe it’s been that long since Cas entered his life. It’s hard to imagine a life with Cas not in it. He thought it would be harder to say, but when he said those three words to Cas he felt a surge of relief and panic in his chest. But when Cas said he loved him in return, there was peace inside him. He wasn’t expecting his angel to actually reciprocate his feelings. Well, he thought Cas wouldn’t feel the same way because they either only have physical or emotional intimacy. So he just assumed Cas didn’t have any feelings for him, not in that particular way. Physical attraction and friends- sure but any more than that? Of course not. And Dean has always presumed the feelings were one sided.

Does Cas even know what he meant when he said ‘I love you’? Surely he’s picked something up from movies and books but there’s no one in the Winchester household that can show him that kind of love. Well there’s love between him, Sammy and his dad but that’s a different sort of love. The type of love Dean meant was definitely not that type but how is he to know if that is what Cas meant. He’s never been good at talking about his feelings with Sam and his dad let alone this feeling with Cas. And some parts of society thinks it’s wrong hence they literally kept this from everyone, including Sam. Guilt starts to churn inside his gut as he contemplates whether or not he corrupted the concept of love for Cas. It shouldn’t be any different as fooling around with his angel but that only happened recently. Around two years ago, before that, Dean suppressed his lust for the angel. At first, he could safely say that his feelings were of the physical sort but over time, he can’t help falling for the angel. Which makes him wonder. Has those feelings always been there?

Has he always loved Cas?

Of course he does, he would do anything for Cas. However something tells him that is not the type of love he’s thinking about. The type of love he means is something only two people with deep respect, honesty and trust towards each other have. Sure he respects his dad, he’s honest to Sammy (to an extent) and he trusts both of them but put all those together and they make a different sort of love. A familial love. Unlike the feelings he has for Cas.

Not to mention the affection part, the countless of times when him and Cas touched each other is not something he’d share with anyone else. So does that mean he loves ‘loves’ Cas? Like what all those people in movies and shows don’t say to each other until the finale? The sort of love, Nat King Cole’s song L.O.V.E. stood for?

The thought of it makes him warm and fluttery inside. Then again, last night’s confessions could’ve been a fluke, Cas was kidnapped and maybe that’s why he said those things. It was probably why Cas said he loved Dean, it was to make Dean feel better after what happened. Maybe that’s the reason. Cas probably doesn’t love him in that way.

He sinks a little into his pillow while a sleeping angel breathes on his chest. At least watching the angel sleep peacefully puts his mind at ease. Even if Cas probably doesn’t feel the same, at least he’s here. Next to Dean. All this thinking about feelings is making his head hurt but one thing is for sure. He never wants Cas to leave him. What happened yesterday was enough and scary so he hugs Cas tighter. The angel lets out a small moan and Dean feels their morning wood rub on each other's skin. Such an adorable, delicate and precious sight, almost makes Dean want to kiss his forehead.

His angel lets out an adorable sigh and that's Dean's breaking point.

Leaning forward, he brushes his lips on the warm skin, nuzzling Cas' head and breathing in all that angelic goodness.

There, much better.

"Dean?"

Hearing his angel’s voice again makes him realize something. It’s the whole four letter word that Cas repeated after him last night. Cas loves him too, he wasn't dreaming, it wasn't an illusion. It was real. It IS real. Like the time when Cas came back to him the day after Dean discovered him.

“Dean…” It takes about a few tries for Dean to snap back into reality and notices Cas staring at him. Looking at him with those concerned squinty eyes.

“You’re thinking too hard. I can feel it without examining your pulse.” The angel says and kisses Dean’s forehead, making the demons scurry away. Back into the depths of his consciousness while his entire being becomes flooded by Cas’ amazing kiss.

“I’m fine.” He answers and typical.

“I don’t think you are. But no matter, I’ll make everything better.” Cas whispers and kisses him on the lips this time. “Let me make it better.” And Cas’ legs wrap around Dean and he wants to protest but Cas has already opened the bottle of lube and readies himself in a flash. As if he has been doing this forever.

“Cas we shouldn-,” and that’s all he can get out until Cas sinks on his hard-on which by the way has not gone down the least bit. A strangled groan escapes Cas’ chest while he rides on Dean’s hips. Rolling his hips in a slow but steady pace. Tugging on Dean’s length and wrapping it with angelic warmth.

“I want to…want to…make it all better. Make you feel…feel better.” Cas mutters as he bounces up and down on Dean. Initially, Dean was reluctant because he doesn’t want to pressure Cas to take care of him. That was before they turn into a writhing mess. Both of them start squirming within each other’s arms. Dean ensures that he has Cas locked within his reach, not wanting to let go and guarantee his presence. He’s never want Cas to leave his side more than he does now. Not after everything that has happened. He doesn’t want to go through it again. He never wants to ever go through it again.

“Dean, stop thinking too hard. It’ll be okay.” Cas whispers to his ear and continues to roll his hips. His own hard-on poking Dean’s stomach and nails scraping on the skin on Dean’s back.

“C-Cas, so good…” Dean pushes a kiss to Cas’ lips and the angel receives it hungrily. His balls are starting to tighten so he buries his face on Cas’ shoulder.

“Yes, Dean...harder.” Dean responds by slamming his hips up in synchronized when Cas lowers his hips down. The squelching sounds of lube and come is deafened by their groans. Equally sharing the pleasure within their bodies.

“I’m gonna…Cas I’m gonna…”

“I will…I’m coming too…DEAN!” with a shout of his name, his angel sprays their stomachs with hot spurts of come and that’s enough to make Dean bury his cock deep inside Cas and empty himself.

After a long moment of panting and nuzzling in each other’s bodies, Cas cleans Dean up with a flash of his eyes. Dean gets dressed and lends Cas his clothes as the angel no longer has his wings out. He asks why he doesn’t have them out anymore and Cas says he forgot to take them out after last night. He tells Dean to come downstairs and have something to eat. In all the years Dean has known Cas, he never thought he’ll be sharing breakfast without having to hide Cas from his dad. It’s still very new and different but in a good way. Besides it’s not breakfast, they slept too long after last night’s crazy events and the sex earlier. He hopes that everyone is fine and Gabriel hasn’t shown up to cause trouble.

Walking downstairs and seeing everyone’s faces, he realized that Gabriel is the least of his worries.

“Good morning everyone…” his tone sinks into the unknown as Bobby displays a horrified expression on his face. Balthazar appears out of nowhere, swerves to Dean’s front and grins at him.

“Woke up pretty late your two. Been rolling around the hay all night and all morning?” He winks and Dean swears to god, his soul nearly left his body.

“Eugh! Gross Dean! I didn’t need to hear that last night!” Sammy emerges from the kitchen with a cup of coffee.

Dean turns around and looks at Cas with absolute horror. The angel clings to his arm, sending looks of reassurance and support. When his dad appears from the kitchen, just as Sam did, he and Bobby are mirroring each other’s expressions.

“Dean, can I talk to you for a moment?” Dad asks him to follow him to the kitchen and the rest of the family watch in concerned silence. Balthazar sits next to Bobby and whistles. Cas on the other hand grips his left arm tightly then dad shouts ‘ALONE’ from the kitchen.

“Dean…” his angel begs with his eyes and Dean can barely resist.

“Cas, I’ll be alright. I just gotta go clear things up with dad.” He insists and reassures Cas with a kiss on the lips while trying to ignore the look on Bobby’s face. Mouth agape while Balthazar chuckles and pats his uncle’s shoulder. Sam clings onto Cas and tells him that it’ll be okay then he nods to Dean. As if he needed Sam’s confirmation to follow dad into the kitchen, then again, Sam and dad never got along with anything. So Dean musters all his strength and leaves the rest of them to possibly meet his inevitable doom.

In the kitchen, John sits on the table with mom’s photo frame on his right. His dad orders him to seat and he follows obediently, panic building in his chest.

“Dean I just want to have a quick chat with you, son.”

“Dad, if it’s about Cas and I. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it last night- I was…”

“Son, please. Don’t apologize. The fact you were compelled to hide this from me, only means I have failed you as a father.” With wide eyes, Dean looks at his father who is almost hunching at his words. What usually is a cold tough exterior on John’s face softens and his big hands are shaking. Last time Dean saw this expression on his dad’s face was when his mom died. He remembered bringing Sammy outside the house while Cas clung onto Sam’s arms. John was outside holding them both with the most miserable expression on his face. The look of failure. Failure to protect mom from the fire.

“Dad…” Dean pats his father’s back and the older man wrinkles his face.

“Dean, I hope you know that you look quite like your mother. The way you look at Castiel was the same look she used to give me. All I wanna say is, don’t lose him son. Don’t lose him and lose yourself. Just like I did. Just as who I am.” His dad throws an arm on Dean’s shoulder and wipes his tears.

“Dad…thanks.” Dean wants to cry too but he could never bring himself to show weakness in front of his father. No matter what, it’s how he was raised and somehow, it is good in a way. He can be string for his dad after his mom is gone.

“She would be proud of you, son. She would love Cas and be happy that you got him in your life. I know she would. He’s a special angel isn’t he?” Dean nods and with that, John stands up and sucks air into his lungs.

“You should get some breakfast, Bobby’s special birthday treat since we didn’t get a party last night. We’ll celebrate tonight instead.” After years of uncertainty, Dean never thought he’d be able to see his dad smile like that again. Smile so wide, he looked decades younger. Like the time before his mom died. He was too young to remember, surely only Bobby can say otherwise, but the smile his dad gave him brings relief into his system.

Cas pokes his head from the living room and John invites him for breakfast. The angel informs his dad that he doesn’t need sustenance. John heartily laughs and even Sam starts to wonder what the hell is going on with his bitch face. The rest of the family join them in the kitchen and Dean can finally share a meal with Cas in front of everyone. Feeding him with things Cas wanted to try for so long and complimenting Bobby on his ‘culinary prowess’. The older man cocks an eyebrow and gives a snarky comment and Castiel tilts his head in confusion. John nudges him with his elbow, telling him that comment means Bobby likes him. The angel smiles and thanks Bobby and the old man retreats to the kitchen while Dean’s dad gives another hearty laugh. Balthazar also joins them even though Cas’ eyes nearly flares up and tells him to go away. The other angel laughs and promises not to annoy Castiel but still manages to do so, even just by being in the room.

Dean might’ve had one of the weirdest mornings in his life, his whole family openly aware of angels, but it was one of the best birthday breakfasts he’s ever had.

*

They are going to give Dean’s birthday another go. Balthazar ensures Castiel’s safety as long as the angel stays at home, the wards protect anything inside the walls of the house apparently. Since there are some stuff left from the night before, they don’t need to buy anything else except for alcohol because a certain angel drank all of it while they were sleeping. Even john’s secret stash was raided and that made him furious. The posh angel comments that it’s their way of thanking him for protecting him from a wayward trickster. Not even a shotgun to the face bothers Balthazar however Cas tells him to apologize for rummaging through John’s belongings. One command and Balthazar does what Dean’s angel tells him to and John nods in approval to Cas. But still contemplating on shooting Balthazar. Dean’s glad Cas is earning boyfriend points really well. If that’s what they are.

He doesn’t really know if he can call Cas his ‘boyfriend’ as society would tell him to. He doesn’t even know if there is a term for a guy like him dating an angel. Hell, he doesn’t know what to really make of it other than he is in love with Cas and he doesn’t ever wanna lose his angel.

Simple as that. Yeah, just like that.

It still surprises him on how his life is starting to look alright. Aside from what happened yesterday, he’s never seen his dad smile so much and have an open-mind. He still has a tough attitude and all but something’s changed. Something that Bobby tried to point out when they were having a talk after breakfast. Balthazar was annoying dad while Cas and Sam played in the living room.

“I don’t think he’s changed into a new leaf altogether, Dean. So don’t feel weird or different around your dad. He’s still your dad and the John I know only…” Dean raises an eyebrow while they wash the dishes together. “He’s more open about his feelings now than before. I think he got that from you.” His eyes grow wide. “He got it when he realized you lost someone precious to you. That really got to him. We had some time to talk about it and he told me the last time he saw you like that was when Mary died. He told me that he saw himself in you, at that moment. He didn’t want you to end up just like him. So he accepted this whole angel thing and so did I.” He looks down and Dean is trying his best not to feel guilty about not telling them sooner. Until it was too late.

“It all made sense now: why you were so happy over the years even though nothing much has changed in your lives.” Bobby looks up at him with gentle eyes.

“Your dad and I just couldn’t see it. But we’re not mad Dean. In fact we’re just relieved.” He pauses and wipes his hands. A strong hand clasps Dean’s left shoulder and Bobby looks at him straight in the eye. “We finally know who to thank for making our Dean happy.” He breaks the eye contact to look at Cas who is playing cards with Sam.

“Bobby, I-,” Dean doesn’t really know what to say because Bobby’s words have just as much effect on him as John’s words do. He’s always treated Bobby like a second father regardless if they aren’t blood related. After all, Bobby’s favorite words are: “Family don’t end in blood.”

And it doesn’t.

Doesn’t at all.

“No more of this. I got to restock on liquor and find out how to angel proof them so our guest over there stops drinking them.” Bobby glares at Balthazar who looks like is putting the moves on dad. Gross.

“Bobby wait.” Dean calls before the old man walks away.

“Thanks. For everything.” He says and his uncle smiles. Bobby doesn’t usually smile.

“You’re welcome, son.” His uncle- no, his second dad says.

Yeah it’s almost too good to be true. They’re a different sort of family. A good different. He wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

*

Since Cas can’t leave the house, Balthazar decided to teach him some basic angel spells and ways to help him control his power more. Dad and Bobby went for a drive to buy more stock for tonight and Sam and Dean are willing audiences to Cas’ education. Before dad and Bobby left, John threatened Balthazar not to lay a finger on his stuff, still irritated by the angel’s presence since Balthazar tried to flirt with him. The rest of them had to watch in horror as the taller angel followed John around, insisting they were compatible. Bobby could only laugh while Cas, Sam and him felt sick at the thought.

After a few burned patches on the bedroom walls and torn up bed sheets, Balthy and Cas took a break. Balthy is still pissed at Dean for calling him in that name and Cas threatened to burn his wings off if he laid a finger on Dean. Sam returns upstairs after escaping barely making it out alive. Balthazar thought it would be a good idea to teach offensive spells to Cas. Precautions just in case they bump into Gabriel.

“Holy shit! Our room’s a mess! Dean!” Sam yells out and Balthy rolled his eyes.

“Watch your language, bitch!” Dean smacks Sam’s stupid head and gets a ‘jerk!’ groan in response. “And you!” looking at Balthazar.

“Fix this place up!”

The cocky angel smiles and replies. “Temper temper Winchester.”

“Balthazar, you agreed to repair any damages before we started.” Balthazar submits because Cas is giving him some serious bossy glares.

In a snap of a finger Balthazar fixes the room and they agree not to do anymore practice until Cas can go outside. All they gotta do now is wait until the other angels find Gabriel so they can be left at peace. Amidst Sam asking all sorts of angel questions to Balthy, Cas then eventually Balthazar stare out to the window.

“Cas?” he asks and the angel immediately clings onto his arm. Balthazar peers outside the window to check something.

“He’s here.” Balthazar whispers under his breath and Cas’ grip on his arm tightens. Sam too clung on to Cas while blood boils in Dean’s veins.

That son of a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll finish this fic before continuing Trouble in Paradise and the Swan Lake Series.


	14. Gate Crashers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean hears the truth about Dean's wish. They also meet an unexpected guest to Dean's second attempt to have a birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably one of the most emotional chapters I have ever written and managed to cleverly incorporate old ideas into. 
> 
> Can't believe this fic is almost over. Went longer than I expected as the story became another plot for failed parenting and drama.

Dean manages to let go of Cas’ grip as he heads towards downstairs and the rest of them follow. Cas calls out to him but he doesn’t look back because he wants to give Gabriel a piece of his mind. He didn’t just ruin his birthday but he tried to take Cas away and Dean wants to put a dent on that smug face of his, standing right in front of their house. The angel is right inside the wooden fence at the center of the path. He’s wearing dark clothes like Balthazar only he’s shorter than him and Cas. Dean doesn’t like picking on people unless they’re around his height but today he’ll make an exception.

“Dean stay back! Don’t step a foot out that door!” Balthazar intercepts him and Gabriel is still smirking at him.

“That son of a bitch knows what’s coming to him and it’s gonna be my fist on his face!” Dean barks while Sam and Cas pulls him back.

“Dean, listen to Balthazar. Gabriel is too strong, stronger than me or Balthazar.” Cas pleads behind his ear and Dean stops resisting.

“Stop acting like a macho-man to impress Cassie, Dean. The wards can protect us but it won’t be able to do so if you leave this space. I’ll talk to him and you stay here.” He doesn’t like it but Cas and Sam are telling him to listen to Balthazar. The blonde angel takes a step just before the door.

“Warded the place specifically from me so you wouldn’t have to spend too much of your power, Balthazar. Clever.” Gabriel says and grins.

“Something I learned from you Gabe. Bad move coming all the way here, I’ve already sent a pulse signal to Anna and Michael.” Balthazar crosses his arms.

“Sure you did.” Gabriel glares at him and Dean just wants to rip his throat out.

“You got some nerve coming here you little shit!” Dean barks and the sound of flapping wings manifests the red haired angel, Anna appear on the lawn.

“It was foolish of you to come back here Gabriel.” She says then turns to them all. “I came as soon as I could.”

“Anna banana. Nice to see you too.” The shorter angel grins at the remark.

“No more playing games Gabriel. This charade has to stop.” She curls her fists in fury. “Michael has put a ward in this entire area to keep you form leaving. Archangel or not, Balthazar and I can take you down.” A flicker of fire cracks from Anna’s wings and Balthazar’s wings spread wide.

“I’m not here to fight Anna. You know I hate fighting more than anything.” That doesn’t faze Anna’s gaze and Balthazar’s wings fluff in caution, keeping Cas, Sam and him from behind.

“Then why the resistance? I knew you tend to play tricks on anyone but disobeying father’s orders is unlike you Gabriel.” Anna takes a step closer and in a matter of seconds, Gabriel’s expression change from blank to anger.

“Because that human is going to take Castiel away from us Anna! Because Castiel grew too attached and father allows it. He wants Castiel to stay with Dean and now we won’t have him, which means we lose another family member. I don’t want to lose another family member Anna. We just found Castiel and we’ll lose him for good. Don’t tell me that doesn’t bother you.” Then he turns to Dean and the rest. “You too Balthazar. Don’t tell me you don’t want Castiel to come back to us. He doesn’t even remember- HE DOESN’T EVEN REMEMBER ANY OF US and that fucking hurts! It’s all that human’s fault. It’s his fault for making that stupid wish-,” Although Dean was pissed off at first, some of Gabriel’s words are starting to make sense. Balthazar and Anna aren’t looking at him anymore, their eyes stare on the floor. Absolutely frowning with guilt and Dean could tell it is because of what Gabriel said.

“Cause of some stupid wish and our family has to fall apart…” Gabriel doesn’t even look angry anymore, he’s close to crying as his eyes fill with water. Dean notices Cas stepping out of the door. The boundary Balthazar set up and walks towards Gabriel. Dean grabs his arm and Castiel leads him down the porch. To the grassy lawn that doesn’t look so green with the grey tension in the air.

Cas is still holding his hand and they both face Gabriel. Balthazar is next to Sam by the door, making sure to keep him safe just in case.

“Cas...” Dean gives the angel a pleading look and Castiel gives him a short smile in return.

“It’s alright Dean. I think I get it now.” Castiel rubs Dean’s hand with his thumb and faces Gabriel. Anna takes another step closer as an added caution.

“I don’t really remember much, before I woke up belonging to the Winchesters. I have been in their household for decades now and I still cannot remember who you are. Judging from how you speak about me, I can tell we were very familiar before. Even having Balthazar around is strangely quite comforting, almost as if I know how to interact with him and that’s surprising coming from someone like me.” He looks at Balthazar and back to Gabriel while his grip tightens Dean’s hand. “I may not remember who I was before but I can tell I was very fond of you. All of you.” He looks at Anna. “But regardless of who I was, I would like you to know that I can make decisions for myself. I choose to be with Dean and I hope you can learn to accept that. If we were close as you say we were then I wish you can let me decide for myself. I love Dean and his family. I am in love with him. That will not change.” Those words make Dean’s insides warm and happy. In the face of someone like Gabriel, he feels powerful as Cas openly tells him that he loves him. There’s no sign of desperation or obligation. Castiel said that he loves Dean because he is and that’s all. Dean can’t even hide the blush forming on his face.

Gabriel takes a few steps back before rubbing his forehead. Frustration and misery paint his face and four wings become visible on his back. Beautiful shining golden brown wings with a hint of black.

“That’s the thing Castiel. If you choose him- YOU WILL DIE!” Dean’s eyes shoot wide open and look at Gabriel. Anna and Balthazar return to looking at the ground, blank looks in their eyes while Sam has a worried expression on his face. Cas’ brow wrinkle and his grip tightens even harder.

“W-What did you say?” Dean asks.

“Gabriel that is enough.” A strange short man with blue eyes, dark brown hair with a few hints of grey appear from the sidewalk. Michael, the other angel from last night is next to him, slightly flustered, judging from the look on his face.

“Father?” Anna, Balthazar and Gabriel all say at the same time with mouths hanging dry.

“Wait what?” Sammy says in the background while Dean doesn’t leave his eyes on the man.

“Chuck???” he asks loudly.

“Hello Dean and Castiel. Finally I can introduce myself. My name is Chuck Shurley. The man in the letters.”

The Impala roars in the background and they all turn to face it. Dad and Bobby exit the car and walk towards their house.

“Dean, what the hell happened to the Impala? It can drive on its own!” John asks and takes a moment to look at Chuck and the angels. “More company?”

“Ah, Mr. John Winchester, you’re all grown up. My name is Chuck. Chuck Shurley.” He holds a hand out, expecting a handshake which dad reluctantly shakes.

“Have we met before?” John asks and Bobby comes from behind with a box full of whiskey and more alcohol. “This some kind of party you boys put up while we were gone?”

“Well-,” Chuck tries to explain and looks at Michael who just gives him a confused expression. “Is that box full of whiskey?” he peers into Bobby’s personal space.

“Who the hell are you? Ya Idjit!” and he swings the box away from Chuck.

“Oh my name is Chuck and…” The shorter man replies and returns his gaze on the box.

 **“EVERYBODY STOP!”** Dean yells out. Cas flinches from his outburst but his hand doesn’t leave his. “For chrissake this is not the time to talk about that! You!” Pointing at Chuck. “You’ve got some explaining to do!” the shorter man flinches and holds his palms up as surrender.

“Oh-okay…” he replies.

“Get inside!” Dean points at Balthazar and Sam’s direction. “NOW!”

“O-Okay-y…” the smaller man flinches again and scurries inside.

Michael’s nose flare and points out. “How dare you talk to-,”

“You! Make sure this sonofabitch doesn’t go anywhere!” Dean interrupts and points at Gabriel.

“Hey!” The other shorter angel lets out a whine in which Dean does not appreciate.

“Don’t give me that you arrogant sonofabitch! You ruined my birthday twice and kidnapped my angel. If you try anything from here on out, I will clip your wings and beat the shit out of you!” he hisses while Anna and Michael grab both of his arms making sure he doesn’t go anywhere. He hears Michael and Gabriel murmur and Anna silences them both as they all go inside.

“Everyone else, get inside! No one’s celebrating my birthday until I get some answers!” He looks around, noticing Bobby and John’s horrified faces. Balthazar is grinning while Sam nudges him to get inside. They all do what Dean says so he can get a minute alone with Cas.

“Dean…” Cas looks scared and it’s not often Dean gets to see his angel like this. Vulnerable.

“Cas it’s gonna be alright. Do you trust me?” he asks, hands trying to stop the other angel from shaking.

“I believe in you Dean, with my whole being.” His angel replies and Dean kisses him on the lips. The kiss gives him a sense of reassurance and hopefully it does the same to the angel.

“We’ll find out what is going on, I won’t let anything happen to you.” He promises and gives Cas a kiss on the forehead. Warm and sweet is what he feels after the kiss.

“Thank you, Dean. It’s gonna be okay because you say it is.”

“That’s right angel. We’ll get to the bottom of this.” And he holds his angel’s hand as they walk inside their home. Inside, he is still panicking from what Gabriel said but he wishes with all his might that everything is gonna be alright. He wants to fulfil this promise to Cas no matter what.

*

To say Chuck Shurley is a weird guy is an understatement. He’s fidgety when he thinks no one is paying attention and jumps at every little thing that comes his way. Bobby offered a glass of whiskey and Dean could swear the color nearly left Chuck’s skin. His frail figure still surprises Dean as he is the same guy that created all the angels and their powers. It’s hard to believe the same powerful man, as all these angels claim him to be, is sitting in his living room. Sharing a drink with dad and Bobby without a care in the world. Well he should care because these past few days has been hell for Dean and he’s gonna get some answers as to what the hell is going on.

Dean doesn’t forget to occasionally death stare Gabriel.

A blanket of silence covers the room after Dean clears his throat. “So can someone tell me why this dick.” Pointing at Gabriel. “Said Cas is going to DIE?” John and Bobby’s mouths gape and their eyes blown open. The angels remain silent, probably waiting for Chuck to answer from the look on their faces. Their respect and obedience to this guy still surprises Dean as he doesn’t seem like the guy with that much power. Looks can really be deceiving.

“Cas is going to die?” Bobby and John asks at the same time and Sam looks downright miserable about the whole thing. He can see Cas trying to mutter something, probably to calm him down. Then Chuck finally speaks up.

“Castiel is not going to die. Well not the way you think it’s going to be.” He says and takes a sip from his glass. Dean is even more confused than ever.

“Let me explain. It all started many years ago. From the time I met your father, Henry Winchester.” He states while looking at dad. “I was in a frail and bad state.”

_-1958-_

_No one would give a damn about me. Those who have eyes wouldn’t look, those who looked never did twice. All of them were covered in thick layers of social and class barriers, literally and figuratively as it was raining that day, hence the covers. Okay, so I woke up after passing out on the side of the road from hunger and I was also hung over. I could handle hunger but not the thirst. So after getting my hands on a bottle of scotch I found myself curling amidst the shadow of the city._

_I never really liked living in the spotlight and that was the day when I said “I give up”. Even though I did many things, things, you never knew I did for mankind, I was hidden. So I decided to retire from my job and live the rest of my days in solitude._

_Suddenly, just out of the blue, a man stood before me, offering shelter from the storm on the day. Speaking of blue, it was the color of the suit he was wearing. Anyway, he brought me to a diner and paid for my food. In there, he introduced himself as Henry Winchester._

_-Present-_

“You knew my father?” John asks and Chuck pauses.

“Yes I did. Met him more than once.” He replies and is about to continue before he gets interrupted again.

“Ho-How the hell is that even possible?” dad rubs his forehead and Balthazar sniggers.

“In a room full of angels, you ask such a question? Try and keep up Johnny boy.” He winks and John grumbles, telling Balthazar not to call him that.

“I know I have plenty of gray hair John but I don’t look that old. I’m pretty sure I look as old as you and Bobby.” The two men scoffs and Dean clenches his fists.

“Can we stay on track? Because I’m starting to lose it.” He might have heard Balthazar mutter sarcasm but he chooses to ignore it as Chuck does what Dean says.

“Okay, anyways, where was I? Oh yes.”

_-1958-_

_We went our separate ways after the diner, then I met him again during a night when I was almost brutally hurt in a dark alley. Some thieves wanted to take my possessions and when I couldn’t give anything, they hit me out of frustration. Henry appeared out of nowhere and saved me. I was very grateful and Henry just smiled and told me to watch out for myself. At that moment, I was determined to thank him for saving me, even though I was just a random stranger. He had the heart of gold. A kind soul. We went our separate ways again but I knew I will see him again._

_I returned to my workshop, a place where I thought I’d never return to. Whenever someone helped me in the past, I’d repay them by giving them an angelic doll. They served as guides and watchers to mankind over time. One by one they were given away and returned to me when their purpose was fulfilled. Except for one. I had one angel left to give away. I thought I was going to retire without giving him away. I’m glad I found a purpose for him. That angel was named Castiel._

_I found Henry Winchester in the same diner where he took me. This time, our roles were reversed. I found him sitting by himself, with the look of helplessness and misery on his face. Apparently he was going to work away from his family, his wife Millie and son John. He felt guilty for not spending enough time with them and wished he could be with them._

_It was the perfect opportunity for me to return the favor and gave him Castiel. To grant them miracles. He said, he would give it to his son and smiled at me before we went our separate ways again. Little did I know, it was the last time we will ever meet, he died shortly after. When I heard the news, I wanted to see if I needed to take Castiel back. Turned out, Castiel granted Henry a wish. He wished to keep John safe._

_-Present-_

“I-Is that true?” John asks, tears manifesting on his eyelids. He slowly turns to Castiel who in return nods at him. After sniffing, he wipes his eyes while Bobby and Sam rubs his shoulders.

“Dad, you idiot…” John mutters under his breath.

“He’s an idiot with a big heart, John. You should be proud.” Chuck replies then looks Dean in the eye.

_-1983-_

_Decades went by and I came to check up on Castiel from afar. Without John noticing. I even had a glimpse of Mary Winchester, your mother. She was a beautiful woman and John was happier. From a distance, I saw you become a happy family. I thought it was time to take Castiel back. Then another unexpected miracle was granted. Mary wished for Castiel to watch over you, Dean. She wished for it, shortly before the fire. A fire that would’ve killed your entire family if it weren’t for Henry and Mary’s wish._

_From what I recall, Dean had Sam in his arms while Sam held Castiel in his. In that moment, the powers I gave Castiel ensured your protection and unfortunately I couldn’t save you all._

_-Present-_

John, Dean and Sam looks at Castiel and the angel is crying now. Dean holds him tight while the other Winchesters sob, recollecting the memories of that night is always painful. Dean doesn’t know if Sam and dad are crying from finding out about mom and Henry’s wish or recollecting the memories.

With his head down, Chuck continues.

_-1983-_

_Just like that, your happy family was destroyed and I wish I could’ve done something more. Anything to spare Mary of such a fate but I couldn’t. All I could rely on was Castiel to be there for you Winchesters. For years he remained by your side without knowing what I did to Castiel before I gave him to Henry._

_-Present-_

Looking guiltily, Chuck sighs and directs his eyes to Gabriel who is now looking down with same guilty look on his face.

No one says a word and waits for Chuck to continue.

“Before I gave Castiel to Henry, I changed something about him. I needed Castiel to give Henry miracles however, I knew that miracles come at a price. If Castiel should grant Henry a wish, he would need to do so without the chains of the past holding him back. Using Anna, I removed his memories because memories can hold Castiel’s determination back. I thought it would be unfair to let Castiel live away from his old family and feel longing. So I had to have them removed. And in Gabriel’s words, his command was set: _‘Castiel, you are an angel of the Lord, member of the Heavenly Host. Awaken and grant kind souls their wish.’_ ” Gabriel is now shifting uncomfortably, trying his best not to look at Dean and Castiel’s direction.

“I removed the memories of the time when Castiel was an angel, as a member of the Angelic Host that I created. Removing it was never an issue as we expected Castiel to return to us after fulfilling Henry’s wish-,”

“THEN IT DID.” Gabriel yells out, interrupting Chuck. Michael and Anna jump to hold him down then in a blink of light he flings them away to get free. Balthazar spreads his wings to protect Cas and the rest of Dean’s family. Gabriel’s nostrils flare as he approaches Chuck.

“Because of YOUR command, Castiel had to stay longer and grant more wishes! More MIRACLES! Then all of a sudden, you decide to give him away for good. To give him away to some human boy that has only known Castiel for 11 years!”

“Gabriel please…”

“I’ve known Castiel for hundreds-no- thousands of years! We all have! He was our brother- HE IS OUR BROTHER! Your creation, your SON! Then all of a sudden, you wanna flush it all away, all those memories, all those precious times, down the drain, just to fulfill the needs of one human boy!”

“Gabriel-,”

“What father? Am I being unreasonable? We agreed that we’d send him away to be able to do, what all your other creations have done, and give back to mankind. But don’t you think you’ve given enough? You’ve taken Castiel’s memories away, important parts of his soul might I add, then decide to turn him HUMAN?” Dean’s breath jumped after Gabriel utters that word. Chuck wants to turn Cas human. Human, like himself. Cas looks at him with a worried expression while desperately clinging on to his arm. Gabriel’s eyes shoot a glare at them.

“Yeah, that’s what Father plans.” Pointing at Castiel. “He plans to turn you human so you can ‘literally’ grant Dean’s wish. ‘To never leave him’, isn’t that what he wants? To share his death bed?” Then he shifts his death stare to Dean. “Castiel dies without a shred of knowledge on who he was because it might hold him back from fulfilling your wish! Your miracle at the cost of other people’s tragedy!”

“Gabriel please stop.” And with a single hand gesture, Gabriel’s wings withdraw and his knees touch the ground. His expression is in pain and tears swell in his eyes. Dean doesn’t know whether to feel bad or not. He never knew why Gabriel really wanted to take Cas away from him because it didn’t make sense before. All he knew was his life and Castiel’s, nothing else seemed to matter. Then he realizes, he’s been an arrogant dick. It all makes sense now after Gabriel voiced the truth.

“Father why? How could you do such a thing? We were expecting Castiel to come back. You planned for him to return and now you want to give him away for good. You won’t even let him remember us. Remember his family, all for the sake of that human’s wish. How about our feelings? Will you remove all our memories as well? Just so we don’t know Castiel existed and it wouldn’t hurt. To live our lives, acting as if Castiel is dead?” He sobs desperately, not an eye in the room is dry except for Chuck’s, who is looking at Gabriel with absolute guilt. “You let Castiel grant their wishes and make him feel what their wishes expect him to feel because he didn’t have any. He didn’t have any of the emotions before you gave him away. Because dolls can’t have feelings, father. That’s what you told me when I agreed to help give Castiel away.” Then he looks down to the ground, watching the tears create dots of water.

“Knowing he was going to come back to us, to be drawn back to his memories. To his loved ones. That was the only reason why I agreed to do it. Then as soon as Castiel grew more attached to a human, you allow him to fill up the darkness with new memories. Memories that would ultimately replace his past. Replace us. I couldn’t accept it father. I couldn’t accept you making another decision that will take Castiel away.” He is shaking now, his wings tremble before everyone in the room.

Amidst the sight right in front of Dean, he feels Castiel’s hand let go of his. His angel crouches down and wraps his arms around Gabriel, humming ‘Hey Jude’ like Mary used to do for Dean back then. Just as Cas would hum to him sometimes when he’s feeling down. Just as Gabriel miserably cries out loud, a trembling moan shake Dean’s very core. He’s never felt this bad about someone he hated for a short amount of time.

As he looks around the room, he sees the angels’ stare in misery at the sight of someone they used to know, unjustly given to his arms. And the face of a father, who failed to love his children properly.

Dean has an idea on what to do next because it is the right thing to do.

The only problem is, Gabriel’s voice keeps echoing inside his skull.

Through the angel’s sobs he remembers that miracles and wishes come at a price. What he has with Castiel, is a miracle at the cost of other people’s happiness.

A price that he must **pay**.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Dolls Can't Have Feelings." was the original title of this fic then I swapped it as my ideas shifted. Dean was supposed to be the one to say 'dolls can't have feelings' to Castiel and they have a massive fallout but the story took a deeper and more interesting turn when Gabriel popped in my head. 
> 
> After all it's just another dramatic and failed parenting plot setting.


	15. Let's try this again: "Happy Birthday Dean!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A second attempt to celebrate Dean's birthday party. Let's hope it goes well this time around. I dunno how many times I have to give Dean a birthday party...
> 
> -
> 
> "I don’t like it when you keep things from me Dean..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some smut as a reward for my readers' patience ;)
> 
> At this point, Sam is almost as tall as Dean at the age of 14. Just a small fun fact :)

Watching the family drama drained Dean and his family from the looks on his faces. After Gabriel’s breakdown, Chuck apologizes and excuses himself, giving the Winchester some space in their home. His angels followed him except for Gabriel and Cas who is still in the living room, having a private conversation because Cas requested. He didn’t want to leave Cas alone with the angel but after hearing what Gabriel said, Dean knew it was only right for Cas to have some time with Gabriel. The angel stopped crying after a while and wouldn’t look at and speak to anyone. He is just staring into space, hair tussled and wings slumped. His expression was blank from here on out. John leaves the kitchen and walk to the Impala while Bobby follows, leaving Dean and Sam by themselves.

It took Cas’ pleading eyes to convince Dean and give them the room while he joins Sam. Bobby and dad in the kitchen. All three of them look completely exhausted by what just happened and he couldn’t blame them. Hearing about mom and Henry Winchester probably took a massive toll on them; it certainly did to Dean. Especially the part where everything that’s happened so far is pretty much Dean’s fault. Well not initially that is, right at the part when he made a wish to have Cas. That’s when it all went to hell for Gabriel and his family. Chuck may be the one who could turn Cas human but it all comes back to Dean. His wish. What he wants. He wants Cas and now he doesn’t even remember who his family is. Gabriel said Cas should’ve returned to them if it weren’t for Dean. It’s all his fault and someone else has to suffer because of it.

“Stop it, Dean.” Sam tells him. Cue bitch face.

“What?” genuinely curious as to what Sammy meant.

“I know that look you’re doing right now, it means you’re blaming yourself for all of this and you should stop.” The kid is spot on but doesn’t mean Dean listens.

“Sam it’s true. It is my fault. Think about it? Because of me, Cas is gonna turn human and die and leave his family. They’re all gonna miss him. So don’t tell me it’s not my fault because I KNOW it is my fault!” He slumps on the closest chair he can drag from under the table. Sammy scratches his stupidly long hair and while Dean buries his face in his hands. Tears feed off the painful feeling in his chest but his skull is too tired to cry again. He’s done plenty of crying already, even going as far as letting John see him in tears for the first time. John has never seen him cry but after hearing all those things from Chuck, there’s no way he could contain it.

Which is why everything is fucked up. His birthday, his wish, being with Cas- all of it. Without lifting his finger, he’s managed to screw up other people’s lives and he knows it’s wrong. Keeping Cas is wrong and it hurts too fucking much because he knows what the right thing is but he doesn’t want to do it. A part- no, a HUGE part of him doesn’t wanna let go but he can’t help but blame himself. Only until Sam rubs his back with his growing hands does Dean stop shaking and faces his baby brother.

“Dean this isn’t your fault. I don’t think it’s anyone’s. Sure some things got messed up but nobody wanted it to happen this way. Chuck didn’t realize his family was gonna feel that way. You and I know that sometimes, parents don’t always know and do what’s best for their kids. We’ve been through it before. He’s actually quite good in that he tried to fix the problem even though he didn’t mean for it to end up like this.” With a strong determined look on Sammy’s face, Dean feels some ease from the weight in his chest.

“Yeah, you’re kind of right Sam.” He lifts his elbows from the table and ruffles his younger brother’s hair. “Since when did you get so smart?”

“Don’t touch me Dean! You jerk!”

“Bitch.” He replies and witness two angels emerge from the living room. Gabriel doesn’t look as bad as he was before but his breathing is still hitched.

“Dean, Gabriel has something to say.” Cas leaves Gabriel’s side to stand next to him. That gesture definitely makes him feel better. Their hands lace together and the warm feeling sinks into his skin.

“I just want to say, ‘I’m sorry’ for the trouble I caused, for ruining your birthday and for trying to take Castiel away. You know why I wanted to do it, even got a dramatic display out of it so there…I don’t want to take Castiel away anymore. I’ve given up. I simply wish for what’s best for Castiel.” Gabriel tries to smile but couldn’t, his wings twitch slightly even while folded. Dean walks forwards and pulls the shorter angel to his chest. He hugs Gabriel tight and tells him he’s sorry and he’s over it. Usually he’s not the touchy feely type however he needed to give Gabriel the hug. It’s the right thing to do and he knows it.

Cas gives him a smile and is pleased with their reconciliation, Dean even calls the other angel ‘Gabe’ as a nickname. Proof that he’s really over the whole thing and just wants to move on. When the four of them, Dean, Cas, Sam and Gabe reach outside, the sun has started to set and their families meets them under the blanket of twilight.

Chuck wraps his arms around Gabriel while the other angel stand and watch. Bobby tells Dean that Chuck isn’t pissed about the whole thing and they can move past it. Dean agrees and Chuck apologizes on behalf of Gabriel even though it isn’t necessary since Dean’s already had enough of apologies. Balthazar announces that there’s still time to celebrate Dean’s birthday, probably just another excuse to drink alcohol as Anna points out. Chuck agrees and somehow, Dean realizes the similarities between Balthazar and his creator. John approves and welcomes the rest of them inside. The angels use their powers and effectively set up the house in a matter of seconds.

Unlike Cas, the angels are familiar with human customs and transformed the entire house into a ballroom. It’s Chuck’s way of doing a favor to Dean after the incident. John’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor but Chuck assures him everything will be back to normal after the party.

With a snap of his fingers, Michael turns everyone’s clothes into tuxes. Balthazar slicks Bobby’s hair back and it is unusual to see the old man without a hat. He does try to stab Balthazar with a fork while John laughs so loud it made Chuck jump in terror. Balthazar does the same to dad and now they are both hunting the mischievous angel. Michael calms his creator while Anna converses with Cas. They both look heavenly but Dean only eyes for his angel, who is stealing quick glances at him. He no longer hears what Sammy is saying. Something about some sauce in his hair or whatever.

Cas continues to give him those gentle glances which taps into Dean’s soul. He bets Cas isn’t even listening to what Anna is saying. Sammy gave up already and decided to talk to Gabriel, which is kind of weird since they look like they’re getting along really well. When he looks back to Cas’ direction, his angel is no longer there. Instead, warm fingers lace with his, gradually tightening the meat of his hand as Cas appear beside him. God, he should get a bell for Cas. His angel can wear a collar with a bell on it, wow that image quickly pumps blood into his dick. However, just having Cas next to him. In this very moment is enough. No dirty fantasy is gonna ruin it.

“Damn angel, you look good in a tux.” Dean gives a kiss on Cas’ cheek.

“Dean, your family can see us.” Cas blushes and how cute he looks when he does.

“Let em watch. It’s my birthday party, if they don’t wanna be here, they can leave.” He pulls his angel to his chest, giving more kisses to his neck and lips.

“D-Dean…you don’t mean that. They’re your guests.” Cas tries to struggle in Dean’s grasp but he’s not gonna let him go.

“You’re the only one I need Cas.” He presses their lips together, sticking his tongue inside Cas’ mouth and exploring the tasty warmth.

“Can you two get a room?” Balthazar yells out and the rest their families groan in annoyance. Dean doesn’t care. He wants Cas and he wants him now. He loves him.

“Can you shut the hell up? Trying to love my angel here!” Balthazar, Anna and Chuck laugh loudly while Michael, dad and Bobby have stunned looks on their faces, mouths agape.

Sammy seems to be enjoying Gabriel’s company, asking all sorts of question that Dean couldn’t hear but he doesn’t care about that now. All he wants is to take his angel to his room, which is somewhere in this place, and make sweet love to him.

“Dean…we should…stay a while longer…” Cas manages to say in between kisses.

“Do you really wanna stay?” Dean nuzzles under his chin and Cas groans in surrender.

“No, not really, no.” the angel replies, Dean pulls for one more kiss before walking toward Michael with their hands together. The tall blonde angel laser stares at them both and Dean still thinks he’s a douche despite everything.

“Hey Mikey!” the angel does not seem pleased to hear the nickname but Dean doesn’t care.

“Michael. My name is Michael.” The laser stare turns into death but Dean still gives zero fucks. He’s too horny to give a crap about this stiff.

“Whatever. Where’s our room?” Pulling Cas closer as his arm wraps around the angel’s hip. Michael swallows hard, obviously aware of what Dean meant by going to their room.

“It’s through that door. Beyond these walls, your house remains the same. We will return everything back to the way it was before we leave.” His expression has not softened since the start of their conversation.

“Cool. Well thanks for everything. Now, I’m gonna go make sweet love to my angel.” And he steers Cas toward the door with white paint and golden nobs. He could’ve sworn he saw Michael go red but Dean likes to mess with people especially when it comes to his angel. His one and only angel. Cas even tells him to stop teasing Michael and he apologizes half-heartedly. He just wants to celebrate his birthday the way he wants and that is to have his angel all to himself. In his arms and amongst other things he wants to do once they get on a mattress.

Michael is right. The whole house remains the same past the door. The furniture and the windows remain the same but covered in darkness since they didn’t get a chance to turn the lights on. Cas runs with him upstairs, to his bedroom and once the door shuts and locked by Cas’ mojo, their lips crash into bruising kisses. They didn’t even make it to the bed before their clothes are off, thanks to Cas’ powers of course.

After all this time, he gets to be with Cas and he doesn’t want to let go. In the period from getting up the stairs to his bedroom, he has not let Cas leave within a meter. His arms ensure the angel knows that he wants him right where he is. Cas approves of it wholeheartedly with his fingers digging in Dean’s hair, his legs wrapping around Dean’s hips while grinding upwards. Making sure they don’t leave each other’s personal space.

Every kiss and touch makes their mouths water and palpable groans fill the darkness as they spin and land on the bed. Dean pinning Cas to taste as much as he can. Nails dig into the skin of Dean’s back, pressing and pushing their hips together as the cool air melts from their body heat. Melding on the bed while sheets are pulled, something that will be noticed in the morning unless Cas decides to clean the place up. He always does, especially when he’s waiting for Dean. But Dean’s not gonna make him wait this time. They can go all night and never leave each other’s arms. Dean needs to feel good about being with Cas and this is the best way to do it. It’s his birthday and dammit if he doesn’t make him and his angel come, he’ll hate himself forever. Well maybe not forever, but right now that doesn’t matter. He needs his angel right now.

He needs Cas.

Something in his gut is trying to crawl out and he doesn’t know how to get rid of it.

“Dean?” his angel asks, bitter in his tone because Dean can’t stop the nervousness sitting in the pit of his stomach. He’s hard, that’s for sure but he wants- he needs something from Cas and he doesn’t know how to say it.

“Dean, I’ll stop if you don’t tell me what’s wrong…” his angel threatens and Dean can’t have that. Not when everything is getting to the good part.

“It’s nothing Cas.” Typical for him to say however his angel always finds a way to get him to talk.

The angel on top of him stops and shuffles around. His eyes are searching for something and Dean doesn’t know what. When his eyes flash blue, something snakes into his hand and points it to Dean’s wrists. Tying them up nice and tight, possibly showing marks tomorrow. Cas hovers above him, eyes blown with lust as he can feel the angel’s breathing hitch a little. Obviously aroused at Dean’s position. With a flick of his wrist, the cloth latches onto the headboard, leaving Dean defenseless and vulnerable. His arms tossed up and Cas knows he’s ticklish, only Cas knows because Dean has never let anyone touch him in that way. Someone else nearly found out around two years ago when Dean was still fooling around and before Cas turned out to be a lusty angel.

Dean freezes up, hairs sticking up on his body as the only thing Cas is touching him with are two fingers, sliding from his chin to his neck…then ah!

Left nipple gets a hard pinch reddening from the tips of Cas’ fingers. Dean lets out a whine. Trying to find his composure but he knows once Cas gets started like this, he’s doomed. The angel has him wrapped around his hand and Dean will suffer the consequences. He thinks Cas called it ‘divine punishment’ before but right now it feels like a mix of Heaven and Hell for Dean.

“I don’t like it when you keep things from me Dean. You know it. Tell me what is bothering you.” The angel’s teeth bite just hard enough on Dean’s right nipple. Just enough to make him gasp and groan in ecstasy. He knows there’s no other way around this. Cas has caught him hiding something and now he needs to confess or he’ll spend the rest of the night under Cas’ mercy. Now he thinks of it, that doesn’t sound so bad.

“Cas…I-I need you.” He begs, god he’s totally smitten and there’s no way he can let Cas just tease him til morning comes. Maybe he’ll let the angel wait a little longer.

“Tell me what you need, Dean.” And with another nibble, now on the left nipple, Dean screams from the depths of his throat. Legs wrapping them around Cas.

“Tell me what it is Dean.” Another bite.

“Tell me and I’ll stop.” He pinches more. Harder and longer. Letting Dean squirm beneath him, until he’s a panting mess and the sweat soaks the sheets and their skins. Bliss and numbness swirl in his forehead and he can barely see straight because Cas continues what he is doing. Letting Dean scream as much as he wants and the resisting the hold on his wrists. Probably causing them to bruise.

He doesn’t remember how long Cas has been doing it to him. Must’ve been a while since he thinks he blacked out for a second. Feeling the cold pang of spit on the tips of his chest. The angel looks at him, mouth slightly open and rosy chapped lips shine with saliva. With a flick of his finger, Dean whines and groans at the same time. His nipples are sensitive and red and he’ll definitely feel it in the morning when he puts a shirt on. The fabric will cause them to painfully tingle and he’ll love every bit of it.

“You have not answered my question Dean. I don’t like repeating myself.” God if that doesn’t turn Dean on then shoot him to the sun because Cas is mad now. They haven’t done much foreplay because Sam is usually around or his dad. They are usually tender and quite because everything was a secret but now, Dean can tap into Cas’ sexiest side and not worry about his family. Well if they walk in on them now and get traumatized, it’ll be their own fault. Dean clears his throat to finally speak up after a long silence of trying to make sense of what’s happening because Cas scrambled his brains over.

“Cas…if it’s okay…I mean…if you want…” He tries to put the words together and don’t know if his angel can understand him.

“What is it Dean? I grow tired of your silence.” ‘Maybe you should do something about that.” Is what Dean wants to reply and they can come back to Cas sending him into the throes of ecstasy.

“I…I want you…” he is hesitating but there’s no going back now. “I need you inside me…I need you inside me Cas!” he groans out and the angel tilts his head at first. Probably thinking about it too literally as always.

“F-Forget I asked.” Dean says and his face turns red not because he’s out of breath from what Cas did to him earlier.

Castiel places his hands on the side of Dean’s face, cupping him for a kiss. A long groan rattles form his throat and Dean’s.

“Oh Dean, you know I would do anything for you. All you have to do is ask.” His hands slide down to his chest, to his waist and they feel warm and hot. Sending butterflies to his stomach.

“But you would rather I force the truth out of you…” Cas’ tone is grim. Too grim even for Dean to-

His legs spread apart as one slick finger goes inside Dean’s hole. The shock makes him gasp, mouth hanging dry and desperate for air. He realizes Cas’ other hand holding a bottle of lube and lord knows how that got there. Of course the angel would’ve used his powers. A long string of cold slimy liquid pours from the bottle, straight into the fingers digging Dean’s stretching hole. In such a short amount of time, Cas slips in another finger, scissoring the entrance until he can feel the nerves tingling inside his stomach. Shivers ripple to his back and shoulders. The heat and the feel of Cas’ fingers playing with the ring of his ass makes his head dizzy and the sounds coming from his mouth are nowhere near human. Cas probably learned it from him because the angel manages to put three fingers in, digging and rotating to make room for the thing poking between Cas’ legs. For Dean, three should be the magic number but having years of experience with Cas’ dick, a fourth finger should be-

Oumf! There it is. It’s like Castiel can read his mind when there’s not much to read. Just a mushy, warm and throbbing pleasure is swimming inside Dean’s head and it hungers for Cas’ fingers. Sucking them in and trying to be accustomed to the angel being inside him.

What seems like pleasure that Dean can’t get enough of, Cas pulls out instantly and the whining starts. His legs protest on their own and try to find the nice feeling from the tio of Cas’ fingers then suddenly-

The tip of Cas’ cocks prods inside the sphincter of his ass. Spreading him wide, feeling the red head bury and inch by inch, Cas’ cock slides in. The gasp from Dean’s lips is anything but coherent and he can feel his ass get impaled by the thickness.

Castiel almost loses it as Dean eagerly bucks his hips towards the angel’s length. It hurts, with a slight burn nudging at the entrance but nothing too painful. It’s a good level of pain because he can still appreciate the hot feeling of Cas burying deep within him. Giving Cas a blow job is different when he’s like this. Almost as if they are more connected than they were before. Did Cas feel like this when he rode Dean? Did he also feel so full and close at the same time?

With one final push, Cas fully sheathes his cock inside him and Dean’s pupils roll back. Something happened there. There was a bump. Almost like a tingle and he wants it to happen again. Cas looks worried but he’s always like this when he can’t read Dean. Either that or he gets badass bossy and puts Dean in his place. Can’t really complain. Dean loves it when Cas does that. Right now, the angel clearly can’t read Dean’s expression because inside, he’s begging for some movement. Some actual fucking but his angel asks him if he’s alright and he doesn’t respond. Instead he tries thrusting for the two of them even though he should answer Cas.

“Dean? Say something, am I hurting you?” Cas asks again and this time Dean responds by clearing his throat. He’s gotta do that a lot because of the groaning.

“I’m fine Cas. Do that again…please?” he thrusts again, trying to find that tingle when Cas pushed inside him before.

“Let me know if I’m hurting you…”

“Cas I know I gotta let you know but right now, I might just fall apart if you don’t start moving.”

Cas chuckles, it’s not menacing but it’s certainly no-angelic. “We can’t have that now, can we? If you will fall apart, it’ll be because of me.” Then with a snap of his hips, Dean pushes up onto his pillow, unable to reply and talk. Only letting out lusty moans and whines as he angles his hips to find the proper direction of Cas’ thrusts. “I appreciate your enthusiasm, Dean…” he puffs out and gradually picks up the pace of thrusting. “However, I think I can manage to do it on my own if you’d let me…” It should’ve been a question but it wasn’t because Cas leans forward, sinking into Dean’s body and furiously snapping his hips back and forth. Pushing and thrusting immensely into Dean and it doesn’t take very long before Dean’s cock starts spurting come onto himself while Cas continues to fuck him. His hands grip the bed sheets until his knuckles go white.

“Caaaaasss!” he hisses, sending the angel over the edge. A warm hot feeling fills inside Dean, even more than the burning feeling before. Cas’ mumbling something on Dean’s ear but he couldn’t decipher it from the ecstasy coursing through his brains. The thrusts become more rigid because Dean makes sure he milks Cas as much as he can. Wrapping his legs around and keeping him close. Making sure he doesn’t let the angel go to keep the amazing feeling trapped inside him. Filling him with every drop. Unlike Dean, Cas came with a groan from his throat then collapses on him. Keeping the throbbing cock inside him until it softens, which probably won’t be a while judging from past experiences.

“Dean.” Is all Cas can chant while he kisses Dean all over, on his mouth, on his lips on his cheeks. There is no need for words to describe what they feel about each other. Dean only needs to be, lying underneath his angel to evoke what he feels. He feels the same from Cas, who is panting with him. They can feel their breaths synchronized, soaking in each other’s sweat.

Whatever anxiety he had before asking Cas to ride him is all gone, not only that, he feels closer to the angel than before. There’s a difference in being inside Cas and Cas being inside him. He can feel as if, he’d let Cas have all parts of him. Not just their usual interactions or small moments of intimacy, no, this time he gives himself to Cas. Just being able to open himself up to Cas, literally and figuratively, is a whole new step for him. It’s like standing on a cliff facing the sea and a voice telling him not to jump. If he takes the leap, an angel will make sure he doesn’t fall. He’s finally soaring high; flying in Cas’ arms.

Yeah, that’s what he feels right now. It’s something more than saying, ‘I love you.’

This is the moment when Dean loves Cas the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -bottom!Dean (cue the song "This Guy is a Bottom!!!")  
> -dom!Cas  
> -Dean sounds sexier when he begs  
> -hot for Castiel getting worried during sex  
> -nipple play


	16. Don't tell anyone or your wish won't come true...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel visits Chuck at his home. A workshop in the shape of a cabin in the middle of the woods- somewhere. Think creepy Little Red Riding Hood setting.
> 
> -
> 
> “You said our names, you called for us. So we came as soon as we could, only to find you two fucking like rabbits. We had to stay down here until you both finished, which felt like forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try to picture what Gabriel would be like as an Archangel before his desertion. I could only imagine him trying to do his angelic job while sending every angel in his path into madness. 
> 
> Balthazar is his side-kick of course.

Waking up after last night shouldn’t feel this good and Dean looks for any signs of pain from Cas manhandling him. With a single arm movement he feels the sensitivity in his nipples. He can see the redness between the bumps where Cas bit him. The bed is clean and so is his body, Cas obviously zapped him. Speaking Cas, he lets out a small whine but not from the pain in his nipples, because Cas is not in the bed with him. Rising up, his ass remembers Cas’ roughness from last night and he smiles. His arms drag him out of the bed, looking for his clothes in the silent room. Walking down the stairs, everything is back to the way they were. No more fancy pretentious rich setting with red carpets and golden door knobs. Downstairs, Cas is by himself, peacefully admiring the front yard. He’s even sexier when he does this. There are times when he’s just sits down and watches the light flicker through the worn out windows of this new house. A few minutes pass before he realizes it’s Monday and that would explain why the house is empty and Cas is the only one here.

“Dean?” The angel straightens and glides towards Dean, footsteps so dainty almost like a cat. They kiss and it’s the sweetest thing Dean tastes in the morning, thankful that his angel forgives his bad breath.

“Sam and the rest of your family left. They wanted to stay to check up on you but I told them we would be fine by ourselves. Your father, suggested you stay at home.” He pauses for a moment, trying to hide a smile on his face. “He said he trusts me to watch over you.” The smile on Cas’ face becomes more evident, chapped lips showing glistening whites.

“Not that I need looking after but dad trusting someone else other than Bobby or himself is really something. You should be honored, Cas.” He smiles and leans forward to give another warm kiss. The blush on his angel’s face hasn’t dampened and maybe it’s not just because of the kiss. Maybe it’s about dad giving him his approval, even though Dean doesn’t need it. There’s nothing to be ashamed about Cas, he’s perfect. That’s all there is to say and anyone else says so is blind or irrelevant. Cas is his special angel and nothing will take that away from Dean.

“All this time, I wondered if your father ever found out about us, would he accept me? It has always been a human custom for the parent to meet the lover. I was anxious and I wanted to prove myself to your father just as all those people in books and in television do.” He leads Dean to the table where breakfast has been prepared, probably by Bobby. Judging from the amazing set up.

“You don’t need to worry about impressing dad, Cas. I don’t need his approval to be with you and frankly I don’t care what he thinks. This thing we have going on, is only for the two of us. I don’t care what everyone else thinks, not dad, not Chuck or Gabriel.” He takes a bite from the sausage dangling on his fork. The meat melted and is perfectly warm in his mouth. Tender flavors oozing out of it, Bobby really exceeded his expectations this morning.

“I’m glad you think that way.” Cas smiles and slides his chair closer to Dean. “Speaking of Gabriel, he made breakfast for everyone before they left.” Dean immediately goes wide eyed, thinking Gabriel might’ve poisoned the food. Pity it tastes so good. Nearly choking as the food stops half-way down his throat, Cas holds his arms, eyes filled with concern.

“Gabriel made this???” while coughing out the last few bits of food in his throat. Cas gives him a glass of water, clearing his wind pipes.

“Dean, are you feeling better?” his angel asks and Dean punches his chest a few times just to be sure.

“Yeah, Yes I’m good. Just surprised and all.” Cas starts rubbing his back and darn that feels nice. However he’s too concerned about Gabriel touching his food. “Cas why did he make me breakfast?”

“He made breakfast for everyone. Including myself. Your uncle Bobby, worked in the kitchen with him. Did it not taste nice?”

“I just don’t trust him, is all. Apology or not, he still tried to kidnap you Cas and I don’t think I’m ready to get real close with your family.” he replies and regret starts to build up by the second.

“I mean, they’re fun and all but it’s a lot to take in for just a few days. We didn’t exactly meet in good terms.” He just needs to shut up now. He practically said he doesn’t like Cas’ family out loud and tried to make excuses.

“I understand, Dean. They are not my family. Sam, John and Bobby are my family.” he smiles and continues. “Especially you Dean, you are my family and I love you, very much.” He presses his dark brown hair under Dean’s neck and nuzzles the stubble growth.

He shouldn’t be as happy as he is from what Cas said but he can’t help but feel that way. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that Cas is an angel that turns into a doll. Now that his family knows about him, he doesn’t really need to turn back to that. He doesn’t need to become a doll anymore.

“I’m really happy you said that. You’re my family Cas and it’s my turn…It’s my turn to say I ‘love you too’.” He wraps his hand around Cas and rubs the angel’s arm, feel the warmth make everything better.

“You know…we have the whole house to ourselves.” Dean looks up as Cas pulls his left arm, gently slipping away to the stair’s direction.

“You have no work and we can make all the noise we want.” The angel smiles mischievously and Dean jumps from his seat and chases the giggling angel up the flight of stairs. Running up to their bedroom and making sweet love until midday. Dean goes into another mental breakdown about asking Cas to top for him. Only after what seems like hours of agony and ecstasy does Dean beg Cas to top him and amongst other things. It was one of the best sex they’d ever have, almost as good as last night but with a bonus of being able to make as much noise as they want. And yes they did.

They just lie next to each other, talking, laughing and kissing. Dean likes the kissing part the most. Castiel grabs a book from the shelf, a book about dating. Apparently Sam borrowed it for him because Dean wouldn’t let him leave the house and Cas didn’t have a library card. He’s been thinking about human customs of relationships and what couples are supposed to do. Looking back at it now, Dean hasn’t even taken Cas on a proper date. It was too risky since Cas had powers and wings at the time but now Cas doesn’t even have the wings anymore.

“Cas.” He asks while the angel peels his eyes away from the book. “How come I haven’t seen your wings?” Not like Dean really wanted Cas to have them around. Sometimes they can be a nuisance, especially when they knock objects off tables. Cas’ powers simply fix them right back. But most of the time, Dean loves how they make Cas look awesome. Like an angel sent from heaven.

“I asked Balthazar on how to remove them or make them invisible. He taught me how because I told him I don’t want them. Now, I don’t need them.” Cas replies smiling at Dean.

“Why?” he asks while rubbing Cas’ thighs.

“Because I want to be accustomed to doing human things, like you and Sam. I’ve always wanted…I’ve always wanted to be familiar with the things you know and belong. So I asked him to help me tuck them away. To keep me grounded. I’m not going anywhere Dean. I’m going to stay here with you, forever.” Which is exactly what he asked for in his wish more than a decade ago. It still surprises him on how lucky he got.

“Well you’re an idiot.” Dean bites out to hide the blush forming in his face. He’s still trying to get used to talking about his feelings let alone hearing other people’s feelings. What Cas said about staying here is too much. Dean is not about to blush because of a chick-flick moment. He’s not!

To think there’ll be more of this in the future. Cue Cas’ head tilt from being called an ‘idiot’, it still looks adorable and will probably never get old.

“You know, we should go and thank Chuck for everything. Balthazar and the other angels too, they fixed this whole mess…” Dean suggests while looking thinking of what to wear that hasn’t been covered in their spunk.

“Chuck…yes, he was kind enough to make sense of everything and celebrate your birthday.” Castiel agrees.

“Yeah, but I don’t know how the hell we can reach him. The dude’s been alive for god knows how long so I dunno if he knows how to use a phone and I didn’t get a number.” He looks at his watch, there’s plenty of time before the rest of the family comes home.

“I know how. Balthazar told me before leaving this morning, he said to pray for them and they’ll come. They’ll bring us to their home. Pray just as you do, Dean.” Dean raises his brows in realization, they are angels after all and all he has to do is pray and they’d hear him.

He puts his jacket on and they agree to go outside and call the other angels. Down the stairs, he sees Balthazar and Gabriel snooping around the living room.

“What the hell are you two doing in here???” Dean barks out and the two angels look at each other as if he asked the wrong question.

“You said our names, you called for us. So we came as soon as we could, only to find you two fucking like rabbits. We had to stay down here until you both finished, which felt like forever.” Balthazar condescendingly replies.

“I don’t remember calling you…” Dean corrects him but the smug angel raises his brow and looks at Castiel.

“You didn’t call me. You called Gabriel, you said his name. It was Castiel who said my name and I answered. I would never decline a summon from my precious Cassie.” A nerve twitches when Dean hears Balthazar call Castiel ‘precious’ and a nickname. Only he or Sam can call Cas nicknames. Then he realizes what they came down there for and it’s to call the other angels and meet Chuck. Still doesn’t give them a reason to be snooping around the house without them knowing.

“So whenever Cas or I say your names, you can hear us?”

“It’s more of a pulse from afar. We can hear snippets of your conversations after our names are called.” Balthazar comments and sits comfortably on the couch.

“And I didn’t do anything to your food. Sam had the same as yours and he’s perfectly fine.” Gabriel interjects and Dean remembers the mouthwatering breakfast before discovering who made it. Dean glares at him while Cas presses himself to Dean’s side, trying to telepathically tell him to calm down. The truth is, Dean’s not really mad at Gabriel, he’s still trying to get used to being in the same room as the guy. Now that he thinks about it, at least the angel is trying to make amends. And that makes Dean feel guilty. There’s no way he’ll let Gabriel know he feels that way.

“Anyways, you called us and I heard you wanted to meet our father…amongst other things that I try to suppress from my memories.” Balthazar jumps out of the seat, hoping to clear the tension in the air. Dean takes his eyes off Gabriel who is sulking at the corner of the room.

“Yeah, we just wanna personally thank him for last night is all… we didn’t know how to reach him and Cas said all we need to do is pray.”

“Well last night was fun and we are more than happy to welcome you to our workshop! Isn’t that right Gabriel?” he looks at Gabriel as if he’s expecting an appropriate reply. The other angel nods and turns to the front door, etching some markings on it.

“What’s he doing?” Dean asks Balthazar.

“We’re taking you to the workshop. The place where father dwells. Gabriel’s setting up a portal, we usually fly. Do you wish to fly instead?” the smug angel asks and Dean flat out declines.

“Afraid of heights Winchester?” Gabriel comments by the door and opens it, a bright flash of light soaks the room and Dean can barely see a thing. All he remembers is someone pulling his other arm. The one Cas isn’t holding and next thing he knows, he is standing right in front of a cabin. There is a blanket of frost on the trees, grass and no foot track to be seen. Not even a vehicle is welcome in this place, no clearing whatsoever. Just a thick presence of trees burying any other trace of civilization except for the small cabin. No postal sign or address and Dean has got no clue where they are and the two angels ignore him as they walk to the front door. Cas is still touching him but doesn’t seem to look as surprised as he is with everything.

Across the front door, the word small does not suit the description of what’s inside. A giant palace with concrete walls, a marble floor and a giant staircase parts at the center of the monastery looking room. There is a sound of singing echoing from the halls and Dean doesn’t even know where it’s coming from. He thinks the walls are singing. The two angels are already halfway up the stairs when he hears Gabriel state their entry into the place. His voice boomed in all sorts of direction and Dean’s surprised the glass windows did not shatter. The colorful glass panes have centuries worth of dust on them but they remain unfazed from Gabriel’s voice.

He and Cas are speechless while they continue to walk to the giant steps and a flash of burning light rain from the ceiling. An angel, with dark brown hair, blue eyes and pale skin stop Dean and Castiel’s advance. The light burns away to show a female angel with a stoic expression on her face. She’s no shorter than an inch from Cas and little more from Dean. With a hand up, her palm keeps Dean still from where he stands, Castiel pushes to the front, ready to protect him.

“Whoa whoa wait! Balthazar! Gabriel!” Dean yells, with no desire to see an angel on angel combat. The female angel’s expression softened. Her hand drops gently to her side.

“Castiel?” she says and Cas’ posture also softens. His back straightens and tilts his head per usual whenever he gets confused.

“You know my name?” Cas asks and Dean shouldn’t feel as annoyed when the female angel’s face turns into a smile.

“It is you…Castiel!” The female angel glides close…too close to Cas, their faces almost touching.

“Whoa! Whoa! Wait!” Dean goes between them, jealousy motivating his feet. “Who the hell are you?” he asks, it was harsher than he intended but if this angel chick is going to get into Cas’ personal space then he’s gotta set the boundaries.

“My name is Hannah, one of the angels who watch the boundaries. And you are…” She looks at Cas, her eyes don’t even care about Dean’s presence as they can’t peel themselves off Cas.

“Castiel. You have returned! I am so relieved.” She’s still fucking smiling and it’s starting to piss Dean off. “I thought you were an intruder and to my surprise, it is you. It has been too long.” If looks could kill, Dean would’ve fried her with laser eyes by now.

“Hannah…” Cas looks at the ground and the silence makes the feeling inside Dean worse. “I don’t remember you…” he responds after grueling minutes of anticipation. The response was far too harsh apparently as the smile disappears from Hannah’s face which shouldn’t make Dean feel better but it slightly does.

“No that can’t be…you are Castiel. I remember you…” she fucking takes Cas’ hands and holds them up to her chest level. “You are one of our own. An angel! My earliest memories were of you. They are very fond memories.” Cas still looks confused and Dean doesn’t know what came over him because he forcefully separates their hands without caution.

“That’s enough Hannah, let them through…” Gabriel’s voice resonates as Balthazar and Anna appear from the staircase. About freaking time Dean should say because lord knows what he would’ve done if they hadn’t come sooner.

“Sorry for the delay, dad was passed out so we had to get him back up to his feet.” Gabriel says and Hannah flies towards them. Dean pulls Cas close, still irritated by the other angel’s approach.

“Why is Castiel with this human? Is he not finished with his task? Isn’t he to return for good?” Now Hannah is seriously pissing Dean off. Who the hell does she think she is? He wants to correct her then let her know Cas is his angel and he’ll never be hers.

“Well Hannah things are different now. There has been some changes.” Gabriel cautiously says, looking at Dean with a strange assurance.

“Hannah…” Cas reluctantly says. “I am Dean’s angel. I will not be staying long. I am here to pay a visit to Chuck who I believe is my creator. I am sorry if you have been misinformed.” Dean grins and slides into Cas’ personal space, he wants make sure Hannah knows who Cas belongs to.

“Believe? Misinformed? Castiel, your creator IS our father. There’s no one else. This IS your home, it is where you belong. Why do you speak as if you don’t know?” Her eyes desperately demanding answers from Gabriel and the others.

“You weren’t supposed to know this but Castiel doesn’t remember anything about us…” Gabriel finishes the statement barely as a whisper. Then it reminds Dean of his outburst in his home, how Gabriel sobbed for his loss.

“How is this…Why does he not remember us? He is one of US!” the emphasis on ‘us’ early makes Dean wince.

“Hannah that is ENOUGH! We will not discuss this any further! Return to your task and watch the boundaries!” Gabriel commands with his powerful voice, even Dean jumps. Hannah’s expression transforms from desperation to stoic obedience, there is still a hint of pain from the recent news and Dean tells himself to ignore the guilt in the pit of his stomach. Since stepping foot I this house Dean has felt lost and guilt. Seems as though the universe is telling him something. That visiting Chuck is a bad idea but he went along with it. She disappears from their sight with burning light from before and Gabriel directs them up the stairs. Each step takes them closer to Chuck and Cas asks him on how he is which he answers with pretense. There is no way he is going to show Cas on what he thinks about this visit so far because he doesn’t like the answer and he bets a million bucks, Cas is gonna think the same.

Though the stairs are long and spiral to the top, he doesn’t notice it as much and not because of his good health, but the walk gives him time to think about everything. Gabriel and Balthazar spend the rest of the time talking, making jokes. Anna uses the opportunity to talk to Cas more, she’s a kinder angel than Hannah and he has no problems with her attachment with Cas. Unlike Hannah, he has the impression that she sees him more as a brother. Which reminds Dean of the heavy feeling sitting in his chest. The feeling that coexist with his regret. The annoying truth behind it all which he doesn’t want to think about but can’t help but do so.

When they reach the very top of the stairs, there is one great wooden door at the end of a dark corridor. There are doors along the walls but they are tightly sealed by what probably looks like centuries’ old dust and rust. Whoever looks at it would know they are not allowed to enter and probably won’t have the power to do so. Before they approach the large wooden door, it opens and Michael stands at the center, expecting them. He’s wearing the same tux from the party and the usual cold expression on his face. Dean still thinks he’s a douche but he doesn’t feel like fighting the angel right now. He’s too worried about the wretched burden that’s trying to scratch its way out of his soul. The sight of Chuck makes him forget for a moment, the frail man could barely keep his eyelids up and a hint of alcohol wafts in the air.

Sure he remembers Chuck as an alcohol enthusiast, especially during the party but he didn’t think it was to this extent. He looks at Michael for just a moment and notices something familiar on the angel’s expression. Michael is wearing the same expression on his face whenever Dean looks in the mirror. A distraught attempt to look proper, just to keep some sanity in his life, Dean knows it too well. He used to see it in the mirror a long time ago. Makes him remember how bad it was with John.

“Dean! I didn’t expect to see you so soon…I apologize for not being able to say good-bye last night. Your father was sure you’d sleep in, so we turned everything back to the way it was and left. I hope we didn’t go overboard last night.” Overboard is an understatement since they used angel mojo on everything but he tries a smile shakes his head.

“Nah, don’t worry about it…I liked what you did. In fact I came here to say ‘thank you’, I’ve never had a birthday like that before.” He scratches his head and captures a smile on Cas’ face. Look at them being all proper and responsible, makes Dean wonder how time flies and he’s an adult. Cas says thank you after him and it puts a slight glint on Chuck’s face. He orders the angels to leave them alone in the room, Michael reluctantly agrees but Chuck, even in his shaky speech, convinces him to obey.

Alone in the room with Chuck, he directs them both to take a sit. Have friendly chat which Dean doesn’t mind since they have plenty of time before they need to go back and Cas agrees too. Chuck apologizes again for Gabriel’s behavior and Dean says to forget about it, he knows why he did it and he’s just happy they saved Cas. It is quite awkward talking about what happened because it was the worse way to meet Cas’ family. Chuck admits that he didn’t realize Gabriel’s plans until it was too late, Michael didn’t tell him sooner because he didn’t want to disappoint him. Dean chuckles loudly, catching Castiel’s attention and Chuck’s confusion.

“I know a lot about trying to impress fathers. Can’t say I blame Michael, he really looks up to you.” He grins and Cas nods with a smile. Castiel has seen Dean go through the same thing for years and he always supported Dean no matter what.

“I actually don’t know why he keeps calling me father, or any of them for that matter. I created them for the purpose of helping mankind, not to worship me as God.” Chuck rubs his forehead, wrinkles of old age (probably really old age) appear on his face.

“Maybe it’s because you created them as angels. It’s always been the angels’ job to obey their creator.” Dean shrugs, relating what he said to something Sam said from the bible. Nerd.

“Perhaps you’re right.” He mutters and glances at Castiel. “But Castiel is special. Even though he is an angel, he obeys you. It is because of the wish you made. Just as Gabriel said, it wasn’t something I expected to happen. I didn’t intend for you or your family to be exposed to the supernatural, Dean. Castiel’s purpose was to indirectly perform miracles as a favor to what your grandfather did for me. It was to compensate for his kindness which I never asked, but received.”

Dean blushes, if his grandfather were alive, he’d thank him.

“When you made the wish, I felt something. A large powerful pulse shook this workshop and I sent someone to investigate. I sent Gabriel.” Both he and Cas go wide eyed at the new information. Has Gabriel known about them since he was seven? Even Cas’ expression says he couldn’t believe it.

“I did not feel his presence. I should’ve-,” Cas claims with worry on his face.

“I ordered him not to be seen. You might’ve heard of his reputation as a prankster in the angelic host so he kept out of your reach but sustained a watchful eye over your lives. He would return to me and report what he has observed.” He bites his cheeks and Dean doesn’t know if he should be angry at knowing that he’s been followed almost his entire life.

“I apologize for having someone follow you, it’s probably too late to say sorry but I am serious when I said, I did not expect you or your family to be exposed to the supernatural. It was something beyond my control, Castiel returned to his real form when he shouldn’t have. It got me thinking: there must be something special about Henry Winchester’s grandson. I did not anticipate when I gave him Castiel. Over the years, Gabriel reported that Castiel was physically developing in the same way as you.” Which is true because Sam was the first person to point it out then Dean himself started to notice. Cas used to be a kid- well an angel kid, just like him until they both started to grow. He nods and Cas does the same.

“What was even more startling, was Castiel developing human traits that I did not know he could develop.” Dean leans forward, attentively absorbing every detail. “As Gabriel and I said before, we removed Castiel’s memories because we wanted him to give his utmost devotion to Henry and his wish. It was inscribed in your instructions, Castiel.” He turns to Cas and hands a sheet of paper to him. Dean can see the magical letters burn on the surface just as they did many years ago.

“I told Henry that Castiel lives by three principles, he didn’t understand them at the time. I don’t blame him, I was just a stranger he met a couple of times before but I was determined to show my gratitude. Each of Castiel’s principles reflected on the wishes he granted. And the last one…” Dean peers on the page. “Was specifically for your wish, Dean.”

Now that he thinks of it, everything makes sense. Cas has always had an attachment towards Dean since the beginning and he thought it came naturally. The angel was dorky and clueless, he still is, Dean knew it was because of Chuck’s orders but eventually he grew to trust Cas. His trust made him forget that all this was from Chuck’s orders. Looking at it now, it makes him feel strange, thinking about the reasons behind Cas’ behavior. He’s right next to Dean however it feels as though he is far away.

“That is why I thought about turning Castiel into a human. I thought it was the best thing to do at the time because something about your wish, overpowered my plans for Castiel. To take Castiel away from you would be wrong because he has developed his own memories and feelings. And your family has not shared your knowledge of the supernatural to anyone else either. So I thought of giving back to your family. As an extension of my gratitude to Henry. You Winchesters are something else, something special but kind at the same time. Letting Castiel stay in your life is the only logical as he has served and protected you as I instructed. Actually, he has done more than that. You two have a profound bond and I dare not get in between it.” Cas nods and Dean doesn’t know what to say. Nothing comes to mind because he has never thought of his family as special in any way. He loves his family but judging from his past, nothing ever good stays in his life. Not for long but Chuck is right about something. Cas has been his hope for years, he has been nothing but good to Dean and he can’t imagine his life being anything more if it weren’t for Cas. His dad would probably never open up as much as he does now. Sam would probably still be angry at their instability and Dean, he would probably never know how to love anyone beyond his family.

“Mr. Shurley…” Cas asks and the older man waves his hand in disapproval. “Call me Chuck, Castiel. I would much prefer you call me that.” His angel nods and Dean shifts in his seat, trying to marinade all the information he has heard so far.

“Does your offer of turning me human still stands?” Dean snaps his face toward Cas his neck should’ve broke.

“Cas, what are you-,” he mutters and Chuck nods with a smile.

“You are a special angel Castiel. You are one of my greatest creations and I am more than happy to grant you that wish. I will turn you into a human and spend the rest of your life with Dean.” Chuck replies and there is a glint of light in Cas’ eyes. The feeling hidden inside Dean’s gut floods from a broken dam of patience. He’s afraid Cas won’t like what he is about to share.

“I must warn you, once you become human, I cannot turn you back. There are rules to follow.” Chuck stresses deeply.

“Cas, you can’t do this.” he reaches Cas’ hand and grips it tight, hoping it will put some sense into his angel.

“Dean?” there’s the head tilt again. “Dean, what’s wrong?” Cas asks, worry starts to draw lines on his face.

Dean clears his throat and takes a deep breath before continuing. “Cas, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to become human…” he says and it hurts to admit.

“I don’t understand Dean. If I become human, I will be able to live the rest of my life with you, grow old and die by your side. Just like the stories in those books Sam reads or the movies you let me watch. The people- the couples in those stories stayed by each other’s side through thick and thin and I…I wish to be able to share that experience with you. I wish to experience my life with you-,”

“Cas it’s not that simple.” Dean interrupts, his voice sounded harsher than he intended.

“How so?”

“I don’t think you should be making such a big decision without your memories back.” He finally lets it out, like ripping a Band-Aid.

“What does my memories have to do with becoming human?” Cas asks and frowns slightly.

“It’s not right, I mean...think about it. I feel bad for Gabriel and the rest of your family. What he said back then…about you not remembering them. It’s just not right and becoming human is taking it a little further…don’t you think?” He looks at Chuck, trying to find some support for his case. His angel looks confused and stares at Chuck’s formidable wooden table. The varnish looks old, the dust has become a permanent part of it.

“I think it’s selfish to let you change your entire life for me, Cas. They’re still your family. They remember you.” His chest feels as if broken glass have been shoved inside them. Doing the right thing hurts but it’s still doing the right thing. Sometimes he needs to remind himself that Cas is not just his property. Cas is a person of his own.

“If you turn human without knowing about your family, it’s almost the same as me deciding for your future and I don’t want a reminder that I own you Cas. I haven’t treated you as my doll for years, maybe since I discovered you. I don’t want to wake up everyday with a reminder that I could’ve given you a chance to let you make a conscious decision. With your entire memories attached.” Finally confessing his thoughts on the matter helps him realize how much he’s matured. The old him wouldn’t think twice about keeping Cas by his side forever. But he needs to remember that growing up means you can’t always have everything you want. His dad knows it ever since mom died. Gabriel admitted it when he kidnapped Cas.

“I understand. I believe you are right, after meeting Balthazar, Gabriel and the others, I think I owed it to them to remember. They seem very fond of me so maybe I should get my memories back.” Castiel snaps a look at Chuck who flinches per usual. There is a slight twinge of relief that spreads in Dean’s chest and he expects Chuck to respond to Cas.

“I-I could give your memories back…” the older man exchange looks to Castiel and Dean.

“That’s great-,” Dean nearly jumps from his seat then Chuck interrupts.

“Although there is a price…” Chuck frowns and to think everything was going well.

“What is it?” He and Cas asks at the same time.

“As you recall, I removed Castiel’s memories in order to sustain his devotion to his owner, from Henry to Dean.” Chuck rubs his temples in frustration and grits his teeth. “If I were to give his memories back then the reverse will occur.” Castiel’s posture drops slightly and Dean can swear his heart skipped a beat.

“Wait what?” He asks in a low tone.

“If I give Castiel’s old memories back, your wish will be revoked. Castiel will no longer be your doll, Dean. He will be freed from his task.” A long deathly pause swallows the room. Chuck’s fists clench tightly on top of his desk, old papers sit silently with words Dean cannot even comprehend.

If Cas gets his memories back then it means he is no longer tied to Dean’s wish. The wish he made eleven years ago. The wish that started all this.

Gabriel is right after all. It doesn’t hit Dean until he realizes it himself.

Every miracle comes at a price. Every wish has a cost. There’s no end to the cycle. If Dean sacrifices his wish, Castiel can remember his past before his grandfather, his memories.

Then again, if he doesn’t, he feels no different than kidnapping Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added Hannah because she's such a sucker for Cas (can't blame her) however the bitch is in the way of Destiel.
> 
> Poor angel had to become a jealousy device.


	17. Wrap Up. The Birthday Party is Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They may not have time to have sex but that comment is definitely worth a make out session.
> 
> He takes that back. They have time for one round at least.
> 
> -
> 
> Dean and Cas make a responsible decision about their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying my best to finish this fic, the story has been finished in my head for months now but I'm juggling time between a university internship and fanfic writing. I still read fanfiction but it makes me sad that all my favorite writers are updating constantly and I can barely finish a single fic.
> 
> I decided to give Samsquatch a piece in this fic because I love him after Cas and Dean in the show.

It’s definitely too late for the silence to stop becoming uncomfortable. The room seems larger than before, with all the books and shelves around, Dean feels a vast empty space as worry course through his veins. Feeling conflicted, he gazes upon Cas who is deep in thought. He usually finds some peace, just by looking at Cas but now he knows there is no easy way of doing the right thing. Of course there has to be a price for what he’s asking. All he wants is to do the right thing for Cas’ family and give back to all those years of Gabriel watching them from afar and not being able to talk with Cas. Everything starts to make sense and it hurts, nothing ever good lasts in his life.

“Then I don’t want them back.” Cas flat-out declines getting his memories back. Dean doesn’t know whether to feel relief or upset by the response.

“I understand, it’s a steep price.” Chuck grumbles in despair, exhausted from probably thinking of other ways to suggest.

“But Cas-,” Dean needs to discuss this but Cas jumps from his sit. The chair’s loud slide shuts Dean up.

“No. I will not agree to those terms Dean. I don’t want your wish to be revoked. It’s a very special thing for me, for US. Without it, I would never be able to meet you in my true form. I would not be able to talk to you. Approach you on the night of your birthday. That wish is very important because it breathed life into me. It took me away from the darkness, Dean. When there was nothing, it helped me gain new memories. Of feelings that I can cherish. I would rather sacrifice my past if it means keeping that wish alive!” Cas holds his elbows, mouth slightly open to breathe. Dean leaves his seat and puts both hands onto each of Castiel’s arms. Rubbing him for comfort as they usually do.

“Cas, listen to me…You can’t mean that, about your memories…” Still rubbing his angel’s arms.

“No Dean I can’t! I’d rather accept humanity than lose that wish!” Cas exclaims and Dean bites his bottom lift to muster the courage to explain it all.

“Cas don’t say that about your family! Can’t you see what’s happened? They were expecting you to come back Cas, Gabriel, Balthazar and the rest of them were waiting for you to come back and because of my wish, you would’ve turned human and they would’ve lost you for good.” His eyes start to water but he tries to keep it in. For Cas’ sake.

 “My wish comes at a price…and your family has to suffer because of it.” His breathing becomes shallower as the expression of Gabriel’s face haunts his thoughts.

“Dean…” his angel tries to read his frustration, probably thinking of ways to fix it.

“Cas you don’t even remember who they are…you don’t…they were your family before all of this happened. Even before you met me and my family. I could tell, everyone here was very close to you. Even though I know Gabriel kidnapped you, some part of me thinks he was rescuing you. Protecting you from me. From the reason why you had to stay. From my wish.” Cas wants to interrupt him but he needs to say this. He needs to highlight the facts, because that’s just who he is. Dean Winchester will never accept happiness without putting his insecurity first.

“If I put myself in his shoes, I would do what Gabriel did if it were to happen to Sammy. I’d protect him because he’s my family. What’s worse, you don’t even remember them. If Sammy were to forget about me, I wouldn’t be able to handle it, Cas, I just can’t…” What a great way to ruin the day for the both of them, great job Winchester.

“Dean, look at me.” Cas stops his hands from shaking, feeling the warm hands burn the chills away. “I understand. I understand Gabriel’s plight and I understand why you feel guilty. You are too kind Dean. You are so righteous that you foster other people’s happiness before your own. It is one of the reasons why I love you...” Cas is an inch away from giving him a kiss before Dean looks down and the guilt wins.

“That’s the problem Cas. What if the only reason why you love me is just because of a wish?”

The words escape his mouth before he can stop them. Before he says the most horrible thing that he could describe their relationship. Their bond.

“What if you were never forced to forget about your family, would you still love me in the same way? Would you stay and never leave my side? I can’t allow you to become human and regret never being able to remember your family. I can’t let my wish destroy anyone because I know this is wrong, Cas. We need to do the right thing.”

Cas doesn’t reply and Dean stops and takes a moment to notice the hurt written on his angel’s face. “Cas…” Dean whispers and gently attempts to grab Cas’ hand. The angel flinches and pulls back, feels worse than getting punched in the gut.

“I-I….let’s just go home...” Dean was about to say ‘I’m sorry’ but he doesn’t because even though he hates what he said earlier, a large part of him agrees with it. Talking about his feelings always screws everything up, taking it all back will probably just make everything worse. So it’s typical for him to run away. Confrontation just messes everything up- whenever he lets his mouth do the walking, he always gets hit in the face by a pole. After calling Chuck to say they are leaving, he apologizes for however much now because the tension is thick in the air. Dean just tells him to shut it, in the politest way he can. Screw whatever look Michael gives him on the way out of the cabin because Dean doesn’t give a flying fuck. It’s even worse when Cas doesn’t want to speak to him and he awkwardly asks Gabriel and Balthazar to take them back home. Balthazar tries to crack a joke but stops as soon as Castiel glares at him. The look is sharp enough to send chills in their bones and not another word comes out of those two.

On the way out, he catches a glimpse of Hannah giving him the cold stare and he almost wants to bark out ‘You win! I’m the bad guy! Are you happy?’ but he doesn’t because the look on Cas’ face is enough to keep his mouth shut. He just wants to go home and punch a wall for being an insensitive sonofabitch and for thinking Cas is also just as insensitive but towards his family.

The two other angels leave them be when they get home. They still don’t talk, still not a word to clear the tension in the air but then again, he doesn’t know if talking is going to fix this problem. Everyone gets home and Bobby initially intended to stay for dinner but decides for longer because it’s a no-brainer that something happened between Dean and Cas. John and Sammy doesn’t look too happy about it either because Dean tells them to mind their own business then gets kicked out of the dinner table. Cas leaves the table too but he doesn’t follow Dean back to their bedroom. Dean doesn’t even know where he’s going or if he wants to stay in their bedroom tonight.

Once upstairs, he hears small murmurs from downstairs, dad and Bobby are talking which sounds like an argument from the tone of their voices. He plugs his earphones on to dampen the sound and it takes around an hour of boredom, wallowing and sulking in the dark for Sam to barge in. Clearly pissed after snapping the light open. He yells ‘what the hell’ but clearly Sammy doesn’t give a shit.

“Dean I came up here to tell you that you’re an idiot and an asshole!” for a 14 year-old, that’s saying something.

“What do you want, Samantha?” He barks out while rolling his eyes.

“Don’t give that shit Dean! I heard what happened from Cas and clearly you’re being an asshole!”

“So what? This is just MY fault? You weren’t there Sam! Cas wanted to forget about his entire family for good and be freaking human! He wanted to give his old life up, just for someone like me! Weren’t you there when Gabriel had a meltdown? Because of me, Cas’ family gets screwed up and now I’m just supposed to let it get worse for them?” He slams his fist on the wall above the headboard.

“Cas was just thinking about it Dean! He wasn’t going to actually do it without talking to you first.”

“That’s not what I saw Sam, he was about to do something stupid and I had to stop him before he regrets it for the rest of his life!”

“No. YOU did something stupid. All he could think about were some ways to show that he LOVES you, then YOU slap it across his face by telling him: ‘he ONLY loves you because of a WISH’? What the hell Dean? I can’t believe you’d actually say something like that!” Sam’s hands flex in fury, pointing the stupid things Dean said with his mouth.

“Okay, I admit it was wrong for me to say that but what if it’s true Sam? What if Cas’ feelings for me are forced onto him because of a WISH. What if the old him doesn’t agree with becoming human? Cas will, not only be stuck as a human and die like one but I’ll pretty much rip him away from his family for good! Imagine if that happened to you Sam! What if you don’t remember me and then someone out there takes you away from dad, Bobby and I for the rest of your life, not knowing you had a chance to say no or make a conscious decision? Do you think I’d let that happen? No I won’t. Gabriel was trying to protect Cas from me and I’m doing the same by protecting Cas from myself!” Sam runs and delivers a punch straight to his face. The hook sends Dean spinning to the floor and he never thought his little brother could be strong enough to do it.

“Are you listening to yourself Dean? You’re such a hypocrite by saying you’re letting Cas have a conscious decision on this! Can’t you see that telling Cas not to choose humanity is the same as deciding for him? After years watching the two of you, I have never seen you more in love with anyone than Cas. And Cas feels the same, I know he does and probably more. I’ve never seen anyone commit themselves to you. He tries his best to be as human as possible, even though it’s hard. He’s tried cooking, cleaning and washing laundry with his bare hands, just so he can feel like a human. So he doesn’t feel like something that you should treat differently because he’s an ANGEL. He tries not to use his powers so much just to understand how we do things normally because he sees you do them and you’re happy. Sometimes he’s afraid to ask you stuff about humans because he’s ashamed of himself. He’s scared that your differences will make you not want him anymore. He’s scared that one day you’ll realize that you want to live in a normal life where the supernatural doesn’t exist. Where someone like Cas doesn’t exist! So he goes to me instead. He tells me these things because all he wants to do is make you proud and happy. He thought that becoming human would change all that. Cas wants to be human so he can be closer to you and never worry about ‘what he is’ getting in the way. For once, maybe you should think about what Cas wants and realize that maybe, he wants the same thing as you! That more than one of you wants to keep your relationship going even though you have major differences! So you’re a fucking idiot and an asshole Dean! I hope you know that because Cas is my friend too and you broke his heart!” Sam pulls him up, tears have been running on his face since he started shouting at Dean. His grip nearly rips the fabric on Dean’s shirt and the older Winchester could just stare at his baby brother crying. His own mess evident right before him.

“I’m sorry Sam. I really am…” Sam’s rip loosens and eventually let go of Dean’s shirt. “I didn’t know what Cas was going through and you’re right. I was trying to decide for him instead of believing in him- having some faith in him. I’m sorry that I hurt him, I know he’s your friend too.” Tears gently roll down his face as he watches his baby brother wipe the wetness from his own face.

“Don’t apologize to me you jerk! Go say sorry to Cas or I swear to god I’ll kick your ass again!” Dean pats him on the shoulder and heads toward the door.

“Sammy…Thank you.” He says and Sam finally smiles after all that.

“You should’ve called me a bitch for punching you.”

“Nah, I think I deserved it.”

“You most fucking did!”

“Hey language! Bitch!” with a snigger from Sam’s face, he’s off to apologize to his angel as if his life depended on it.

***

Of course getting to Cas means getting through Bobby and dad first. They stop him before being able to look for his angel and he apologizes sincerely for being a complete dick today. Bobby lets him go but John yells out his anger for treating Cas like shit. It surprises Dean on how much dad cares about Cas and gets mad at him when he does something wrong. ‘If you don’t come back in here with Cas, don’t expect to come back’ John threatens and Dean thinks it’s only fair. If Cas doesn’t forgive him then he’ll never forgive himself. Well, he won’t go down without trying at least.

Luckily for him, Cas is leaning on the passenger’s door of the Impala. Watching the starry sky and not noticing the cold wind sweep the dirt. Dean’s breathing is shallow, feeling the chill in the air and praying Cas will forgive him. His angel turns around to meet his gaze, darkness hide the blue from his eyes from the reflection on baby’s roof. His angel slowly walks around the front of the Impala, heading towards him as he starts his apology.

“Cas I…” before he can continue, Castiel’s lips are on him. Taking the cold away with a warm kiss, sweet as it was this morning.

“Dean…I’m sorry.” He apologizes and Dean feels bad his angel got to him sooner and worse by that fact Cas thinks he did something wrong.

“Cas don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. I was a massive dick today and disregarded our relationship because of my stupid head. You don’t have to get your memories back. I’m fine with the way we are and nothing needs to change. I got greedy Cas, I just want you. Nothing more.” He frantically kisses Castiel all over his face, his chin, on his neck. The angel’s breathing softens and his hands cling on Dean’s jacket.

“Dean you are not stupid. Far from it. You are so kind and righteous, thinking of others before your own. I was wrong for disregarding my family and not considering their feelings. I should’ve learned, from living with your family, how much each and every one of you love each other. I had some time to think about it…and you were right. They love me and it hurts that I don’t remember.” Dean stops kissing his angel, paying attention to the solemn expression on his face. “I was too selfish. Too focused on your wish to realize what is truly important. Your love for me is far more important. Even without the wish you will still love me and that’s better than holding on to a wish.” Cas smiles even under the stars, Dean can clearly see it. Beautiful and the night cannot compare.

Cas keeps his smile as Dean takes him into their home, without noticing his family and climbing up the stairs. His angel’s lips were either smiling or kissing his and without a doubt, it’s the best feeling. They make love in the dark. Deep in the cool bedroom with no one to disturb their peace which turns into loud grunts and muffled moans. Rubbing skin and breathless gasps resonate in the shadows and Dean doesn’t even need light to guide him.

He lets Cas take him, REALLY take him. The angel is reluctant at first because he wanted to Dean to take him but Dean’s begging win. For tonight he just wants all of Cas. He wants to feel the angel and keep him close. Hands tightly grip the angel’s back and arms. Dean hoarsely begging to go harder eventually sends the both of them panting. His angel laying on top of him, breathing on his neck.

Just like the night of his birthday, they exchange ‘I love you’ again and this time he is sure remembers. He remembers clearly because there is no reluctance or hesitation on any of their part. The memory will forever be burnt into his mind and he swore to himself that he’ll remember every moment when Cas says ‘I love you’.

In the darkness, Dean realizes he’s never want anyone to stay in his life more than Cas. Sure his family is similar to that effect but Cas is special. There’s just that one special place for Cas and he thinks no one else can ever fill.

***

 

Finally, after an awkward talk with his family about the noise of the sex last night, Dean sincerely apologizes for his behavior yesterday. John nearly smacks the back of his head for being such a ‘jackass’ to the angel. Bobby forgives him too, easier than John but he’s always had Dean’s side. He and Cas explain everything to his family, in clearer detail during breakfast. They understand and relief spreads in Dean’s chest while he and Cas exchange googly-eyed looks. Bobby lets him have another day off to sort things out with Chuck, apparently he hired someone recently so they have enough hands in the garage. John takes Sam to school in a haste as soon as Dean hints that he’ll call two very annoying angels to take them to Chuck. He’s learned never to mention their names out loud as it would cause them to appear and Dean has never seen his father leave in such speed. The Impala roared in less than 5 minutes of Dean explaining to John about calling Gabriel and Balthazar.

“Now that is just rude!” Dean hears an annoying familiar voice.

The two angels suddenly appear behind them regardless and Dean doesn’t even remember calling them.

“SONOFA-!” He nearly jumped out of his skin. “What the hell! I don’t remember saying your names out loud!”

Gabriel and Balthazar exchange a snarky look and roll their eyes.

“You don’t need to pray out loud for us to hear you Winchester. I believe the term you and your daddy used on us earlier was ‘annoying’?” Balthazar sniggers and Gabriel greets Cas. They are quite awkward together but Cas doesn’t seem to hate the guy. “Besides, we’re just playing our parts since you call us: ‘annoying’.”

“Balthazar is right Dean, you don’t need to pray aloud for us to hear you.” Cas looks at Gabriel and the other angel nods then turns to Dean.

“I believe you want us to take you to father?” Gabriel says while eyeing Bobby’s pancakes drowning in maple syrup.

“Yeah something like that…” Dean agrees wondering if Gabe knew why.

“You may wait for us outside, Dean still needs to get ready.” Cas commands and they do so without complaint. Now that he thinks about it, those two really care about Cas in a way. It makes Dean smile knowing they’re doing the right thing. No one needs to get screwed over by a wish, not even his. So he tells himself that over and over.

After breakfast, there’s not much to get ready for since they’re only paying Chuck a short visit but Dean takes a quick glance at his mother’s portrait by his bedside drawer.

He forgot not to take it out from the box with all the other things he puts away whenever they move. Dean doesn’t usually take his mother’s picture out, not since he was seven. He never needed to take it out because they moved a lot and there’s little to no point in taking it out, only to put it away for the next town. It’s a mystery as to why he takes it out in this home of all places. Sure John has gotten better with keeping jobs and Sam’s finally settling in to a school even though he used to clam up because their lives are so messed up. They can’t even keep one roof over their heads but now Dean has a job and old enough to make his own decisions.

Maybe that’s why he decided to take the photo out in the first place. He knows where he wants to stay and he doesn’t need to leave anytime soon. Even if John chooses to go, maybe he can let Sam live with him in here and it’s closer to Bobby’s. But that’s a big IF for now, unlike before. At least he is finally confident enough to look at his mother’s face and say in his head: ‘it’s getting better now mom. Things are finally looking up…’

He does just that.

“She’s proud of you.” Cas whispers in his ear and Dean nearly drops the photo from almost having a cardiac arrest.

“Jesus, Cas…I should give you a bell.” He smiles and the angel ignores what he says and continues to look at mom.

“If she were alive, she’d definitely say it.” Cas mutters, without a doubt in his voice.

“Yeah well, maybe in another life time.” Dean scoffs and gently places the photo back to where it was.

“Not another lifetime…Just this one. She’d be proud of who you are. Very proud. If she saw you grow up into a kind and wonderful young man. I guarantee, she would be proud.” He says with a serious look while Dean tries to hide the burning blush on his cheeks.

“You remember her don’t you…” it is not a question because he’s aware that Cas can remember as far as his grandfather’s time.

“I do. She was very beautiful and righteous, just like you.” Cas replies and kisses Dean on the lips. They may not have time to have sex but that comment is definitely worth a make out session.

He takes that back. They have time for one round at least.

***

 

“Seriously, do we have to hear you two have sex every time we pay a visit. You are the worst hosts ever!” Balthazar whines after Dean and Cas finally finish a few rounds in the bedroom.

“Shouldn’t have arrived this early, Balthy!” Dean snaps back but he’s too happy to be angry. Especially when Cas and him just had one of the best sex ever. He had to put his mom’s picture down out of shame which Cas apologizes to after they were done. Dean laughed but his angel was serious and making fun of your boyfriend paying respects to your dead mom wasn’t AND never a good idea. Regardless, Cas blushes from Balthy’s annoying whines.

Gabe’s already got the portal ready and just like the first, they arrive at Chuck’s place in no time.

Arriving in the dark woods and worn out cabin, they stumble upon Hannah who’s giving Dean the biggest death stare of her life. Dean grins in victory and pulls Cas in for a kiss on his temple. Cas doesn’t know why he does it, cue the head tilt and the glare sharpens on Hannah’s face. Dean could’ve sworn lasers were about to burst out and put holes through his head. Well she wishes because she doesn’t have someone as awesome as Cas. Dean’s footsteps are extra light while walking on the solid stairs inside Chuck’s magical palace-cathedral looking home. Even Balthy and Gabe gives him a weird look but he just can’t help it. He’s making a very important and responsible decision with Cas. One of the many and it feels great. A heavy cloud of burden lifts from his chest and all he can think of is how proud he is of his angel. A small flicker of pride swells inside for himself which is not very much like a Dean Winchester thing to do. If Sam were here, he’d think Dean’s acting weird. Then again, it was that little twerp who convinced him to do this.

Knowing how much Cas has done for him really puts perspective on things and he cannot be happier.

Michael greets them again and opens the large doors to Chuck’s study.

“Dean! Castiel! I didn’t expect to see you so soon! When I heard Gabriel and Balthazar were summoned to your home, I had to tidy up. I do apologize for my state yesterday and for the place. The angels want to clean after me but I told them I like my mess. So what brings you here?” Dean smiles and he can see Cas doing the same from the corner of his eye. One look at Michael and the tall angel doesn’t look so good. Dean can only assume how tough it is to serve someone like Chuck, he’s still weird in Dean’s books and fidgety. Which still surprises him on how he can create all of this…

“Yeah everything’s peachy, no need to work yourselves…” He says and the shorter man starts nodding in delight.

“Do you hear that everyone? Dean likes our hospitality!” He turns to Michael who does not look impressed at all. The angel looks like he’s about to roll his eyes in frustration. “Why don’t the two of you stay a while, I can give you guys a small break from everything. Think of it as a small vacation in a space of a few hours.” Dean nearly protests when the scrawny man smiles at Michael who in return snaps his fingers and turns the entire place into a balcony overlooking a vast garden. The sky is an ocean above their heads with white cotton sheep, swimming in its vastness. Rays of sunlight peek to get a glimpse on the lushes blanketing anything beyond the marble balcony. He and Cas sit on chairs around a glass table. The chairs are also made of glass with comfortable cushions.

Gabriel, Balthazar, Michael and Anna gather around them, watching them closely as food suddenly appear on the table. Chuck tells them to have as many as they want and if they wanted something else, all they need to do is ask. Apparently Gabriel and Balthazar have the best taste in food and refreshments.

This weird guy and his family never fail to surprise Dean.

 “It’s been centuries since I have someone visit my home twice. Usually people come once then I never see them ever again.” Chuck sighs and relaxes to his seat. Dean stops chewing his food half-way, worried about the reason why no one has returned.

“Oh it’s because they never paid a visit after the first time! You must think I do something to them then bury their remains in Eden?” He chuckles while pointing at the garden.

“Eden? Seriously? We’re in the garden of Eden?” Dean nearly chokes and Cas leans forward to comfort him.

“No we’re not. This is my garden, I just call it Eden to stir guests such as yourself.” Chuck takes a sip of water and stares at the garden. “Anyways, I really was surprised to see you come back so soon especially after what happened yesterday. I thought I wouldn’t see you for a while. Actually I won’t blame you if you never visit again. I always cause so much trouble. Especially to your family, I am very sorry, Dean.” Chuck’s pensive stare eventually glooms. Frowning at his glass as if Dean has seen the expression enough times to know he’s sincere.

Before Dean can tell him to stop apologizing about everything, Chuck continues. “I apologize to you too, Castiel. You have done nothing but obey my orders and grant their wishes, I was never fair to you.” Cas probably wants to say what Dean is thinking from the glint in his eyes.

Instead, his angel reaches for Chuck’s shoulder and consoles him. Telling him that not everything is his fault, some things just didn’t go right but nobody is perfect. Chuck smiles, the frowning expression doesn’t suit him anyway.

Dean cannot be prouder of his angel.

“Actually, there is one thing that you can do to help.” Cas adds and Chuck straightens up, his slouching posture forgotten and all ears to Castiel’s mouth.

“Dean and I, have agreed to ask you to possibly return my lost memories. Memories of my time with you, before Henry Winchester, my time with Balthazar, Anna, Michael and Gabriel…could you please bring them back?” Chuck’s frozen smiles dissolves into a bewilderment as if Cas asked the most complicated question in the world. From the corner of his eye, he sees Gabriel, Balthazar and Anna flinch and muter amongst themselves.

“Castiel, you already know what will happen if I give them back to you.”

“I accept.” Cas confidently says and he looks at Dean with dignity. He can only smile at his angel’s courage. Chuck looks at him as well.

“Dean, if this is about last time…” Gabriel interjects with sincere guilt on his lashes.

“Well it’s not about that…well not entirely. Look, I’m still kinda pissed at you for what you did but you’re not the only one who’s suffering cause of Cas’ missing memories. Balthazar and the others are also in on this so I’m doing this partly because of them. Not just you.” Gabriel nods and walks back, Dean was harsher than he expects but right now, he needs to stand by what they decided and push through.

“We believe this is the right thing to do for now. Becoming human without those memories, is not completely fair towards those who I shared a relationship with in the past. Even to you, Chuck.” Cas says and looks at the other angels. “I am sure that, you will be happier if I know who you were and how we used to be…” The angels don’t move and worry masks their faces.

“And I wish to love Dean with all of my heart. With my entire being. I cannot do that if a part of me has been taken away.” Dean sees his angel smile then turn to Chuck.

“Please, I do not ask for much, just my memories. You are a part of it, part of my life. I’m sure you will be pleased to see me remember.” Chuck glances at his angels for a short moment then sighs.

“You are right, Castiel. The angels and I will be very pleased. Some things never change. You are still as selfless as you were before I took your memories away.” He smiles at Cas then to Dean. “I chose correctly by giving him to you Winchesters.” Dean blushes but hopes nobody notices.

With a snap of his finger, Chuck delivers them to the front of the rundown cabin. He scratches his head, thinking hard about something.

“A few decades ago, I instructed you to become Henry Winchester’s angel and grant his kind soul a wish. The wish extended until you became the angel you are now. When I asked you to do the task, you agreed with no hesitation. Your loyalty and obedience has always been some of your finest qualities. You were aware of the stakes when you accepted the task, losing your memories, unable to contact us until you finish your duty. Regardless, you let your memories be taken away until there was nothing more than darkness and a resounding command from Gabriel’s voice. My voice.”

Chuck exchange serious looks to Dean and Cas, who in return give the same expression.

“Your memories are safely stored in the archives, as well as all the other objects I have gathered in my time on earth. The keeper of the archives has your memories Castiel. She was also given the task on removing your memories long ago.”

Dean and Cas asks ‘she?’ at the same time and Anna steps forward with a smile.

“He means me Castiel. I am the keeper of the archives and have your memories safely stored within.” She places her hands on both of Cas’ arms.

“Anna or Anael, being the keeper of my archives, has the memory bank of everything in my life since I created her.” Chuck continues while Dean watches Anna lean closer to Cas, they are face to face and a hint of jealousy tickles Dean’s insides.

“She is the angel of memories thus it is only fitting for her to keep Castiel’s memories since his creation.” She leans forward with blue light glowing in her eyes. Pressing their foreheads together, Cas and Anna share a bright light which resonates from the scalp of Anna’s red hair, then to Cas’.

In a matter of seconds the process is finished and they separate their foreheads. At the same time, their eyes open and Cas’ blue pupils roll back and his legs bend. His entire body falling while Balthazar and Anna pull him up. Arms, flaccid and head slack.

“What the hell! Chuck what is going on?” Dean jumps to carry his angel who is unconscious.

“There might be some initial side effects…” Anna explains and Dean looks at her in confusion.

“What do you mean?” he barks out.

“She means to say, Castiel might be overwhelmed with the new …well old information restored into his mind in a short span of time.” Chuck clarifies and it only makes Dean worry more.

“He’ll be in fine. Just give him a few minutes…” Balthazar says.

“The hell? He doesn’t look fine. Cas! Wake up! You can’t do this to me, Cas! Cas!”

“It’s not going to work. He’s not going to wake up with you screaming at him.” Gabriel interrupts.

“What the hell do you know? Don’t touch him!” Dean slaps the angel’s hands away and continues to shake Cas, hoping to see his angel’s blue eyes again.

“Dean…” he doesn’t know who is saying his name anymore. All he knows is that Cas needs to wake up and he’s not waking up. He needs to know if Cas is okay…

It shouldn’t be like this. It didn’t have to be like this. He’s just supposed to get his memories back but not like this!

“Cas!”

Cas…

“CAS!” With a hoarse voice.

When did it start?

When did everything turn dark?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was supposed to be a 10 000 word chapter but I decided to split it up cause I'm a tease.
> 
> Read the tags... ;)


	18. Waiting for a ride back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas wakes up before Dean and remembers everything...
> 
> -
> 
> "I prayed and prayed and nobody answered…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chuck in Season 5 was right about endings...
> 
> They are fucking hard....
> 
> Which is why this is NOT an ending

“Castiel”

Amidst the darkness, Castiel can hear voices calling out his name. Swirls of black smoke twist and turn around him, covering different parts of his body. It is hazy and he cannot feel anything below his feet. Floating within a vortex with nothing to step on, nothing to grab on to. He can move, if he focuses on the voices from afar, he can feel himself drawing towards them. Voices that are hidden in the darkness become blurry lights from afar, calling out to his name. He can almost see it and he can almost reach it. His hands are about to grab onto misty light, peeking through the black smoke even though he is not sure he can touch them.

_“Castiel!”_

“Cassie”

“Cassie-,”

**“Castiel.”**

“Castiel…”

All sorts of voices are just behind the darkness and he can feel them. He’ll be able to get out as rays of light cast the smoke away and helping him see who they are. The people calling out to him.

“CAS!”

He looks back. Snapping his neck back to hear the person within the darkness. That voice was different from the rest. It feels familiar like all the others but different. Special type of different. For a moment he wonders who that voice belongs to but he decides to ignore it. Looking ahead, he moves closer to the portal of light beyond the darkness while ignoring that one faint light from the darkness.

If he notices the faint light calling out to him again with the same voice, he ignores it. Maybe it will go away once he can see clearly again.

Maybe that faint voice and feeling can stop.

***

There is white all around him. The walls are painted in white and you can almost see the beautiful designs etched on the surface. The pictures seems familiar. Too familiar, as if he has spent the rest of his life within the white walls.

The surface underneath him is soft and warm. Comfortable and gentle, like feathers from the wings on his back. Black feathers spread and rustle between the sheets. He’s in one of the chambers within the workshop.

His father’s workshop.

Something breathes beside him, he gets up to observe what it is to find a person sleeping beside him. The person has short dusty blonde and brown hair. Freckles scatter across his handsome face and something inside Castiel feels warm as gaze upon the boy- no- young man’s features.

CAS!

A flicker of a voice pricks his skull and his palms rub his eyes. He asks himself: ‘who’s voice it was?’ and leaves the bed. With the sound of beating wings, he notices a red haired angel wearing a white buttoned up shirt and black slacks. She smiles and beautiful brown eyes scan him.

“Anna.” He mutters, remembering his older sister clearly. Of the times when they were together. Those are very happy and warm memories.

“Castiel.” She leans forwards and wraps her arms around him. The warmth feels good, the warmth…it feels like he hasn’t felt it in a while.

“Dean is asleep for now but he should be awake soon.”

Dean. She says and the name seems strange to say and think about. Something hollow and cold tickles his spine at the sight of the sleeping young man.

“Castiel?” Anna asks and the feeling leaves Castiel for only a moment. “How are you feeling?”

Castiel creases his brow first, wondering how to respond because he doesn’t know what to say. He knows he is fine, physically and mentally. He is familiar with his surroundings and towards Anna, but the presence of Dean sleeping seems strange.

“I am fine. May I leave this room?” He doesn’t know why he said those words in such a cold manner. Inside, he feels slightly conflicted, a part of him wants to remain static and attempt to make sense of everything while a part of him longs to leave. To open those white doors and pass through the dusty corridors as he usually does. Anna pauses for a moment, he doesn’t know why and she ignores his inquisitive look.

“Of course you may.” She steps aside then turns back to him before he can step any further.

“Are you sure you are feeling well?” He definitely nods to that. “I will remain here and watch over Dean.”

He doesn’t nod nor shake his head. The name still rings something strange inside, an intangible pulse that he cannot put a finger into. Something inside is trying to claw its way out but he cannot determine what. There is longing at the same time there is want…need…

A large part of him pushes his legs out of the room. His mind tries not to dwell on the ache in his chest so much, he knows he can trust Anna. He trusts her with his life and remembers everything about her. Her sweet voice, tender caring towards him and mature demeanor. Her red hair reminds him of days where his family was in complete harmony. Even when Father decided to leave the workshop a very long time ago, he remembers the comfort Anna gave him as the doors close behind their creator. Thinking they’ll never see him ever again, only to come back, for only a short time and giving Castiel a task that would lead him to the arms of Dean.

He gives a few hesitant looks at the door of the room and wonders why a large part of him shouldn’t go back inside.

Once outside, the corridor is gloomy and dusty just as he expects it. The walls whisper of ages lost and secrets told but he ignores them. They eventually hush if he puts his mind into it. After taking a few steps he decides to spread his wings. Flexing the bones and muscles which feels as if they haven’t been used for centuries.

With a single beat of his wings, his powers course through the feathers and launch him into the air, instantly transporting him to the main entrance of the workshop. Father and Michael are discussing something from the hush sounds of their voices. The dusty air can carry many words but Castiel can only hear murmurs. They stop as he approaches them, slowly dragging his folded wings. Eyes scan him from top to bottom and Castiel wonders if he should be concerned.

“Castiel! You are awake! I’m pleased that nothing terrible happened during the process. How are you feeling?” Father asks with a bright smile on his face while Michael masks a poker face.

“I am well.” He responds even though he thinks there is more to add. He doesn’t and the expressions on their faces seem familiar. The pause is thick in the air but no one responds to shatter its silence. Michael continues to gaze at him with expressionless eyes while Father sighs deeply and wriggles his jaw.

“Are you sure? I believe Dean is still asleep since he is not with you…” There it is again.

That name Father said, spikes the wrong nerves in his system.

“I told Michael he shouldn’t have put him to sleep right after regaining your memories…” He looks at Michael with a small piercing glare and he doesn’t know why. It is very unlike for Castiel to glare at his eldest brother, the leader of his siblings and the most power angel of the Heavenly Host. He should receive punishment for his actions but Michael remains expressionless and eventually breaking eye contact with Castiel.

“He was hysterically induced during the time. I simply cast his worries away.” Michael defends himself.

“Of course but you should know your powers are too great. As simple calming spell for you is a recipe for comatose to humans-,” Father stops and turns to Castiel with worry.

“Not that Dean is in a comatose! He’s just asleep. I’m sure of it! Is that right, Michael?” Father nervously asks Michael who now smugly gazes at Castiel.

“I can assure you, father, Mr. Winchester’s is at peace.” Michael replies and Father jumps in fear.

“That’s what they say when someone’s dead!” Father looks at Castiel afterwards. “I mean! He’s not dead, Castiel!” It takes a few moments until Castiel realizes his fists are clenched and wings spread out, muscles tense and feathers sharp.

He pauses and observes his wings, slowly folding them back and unclenching his palms. Somehow, Michael’s words and Father’s worry aggravates him. Michael doesn’t even act upon Castiel’s aggressive stance. He remains calm and Castiel doesn’t know why it irritates him so.

“I-I apologize, Father…Michael. I will leave you be…” He takes a few steps back before turning to the direction of the great stairs. He hears Father utter a phrase. ‘He called me father?’ and not a word from Michael. Spreading his wings, he thrusts into the air and immediately land on the verdant gardens of Eden. That person’s name troubles Castiel.

The sound infuriates him, he doesn’t know why it causes his insides to feel pain and relief at the same time. This feeling should not have such an effect on him and whenever he felt similarly before, he flies to the garden and meditate in silence. Watching the trees and the grass grow, the sun and moon chase each other and the earth turn. Sometimes he just stands here for days, in complete silence and motionless. Weeks can go by and he wouldn’t even notice the passage of time by standing here. Sometimes he becomes too invested in the meditation to leave the space of solitude. Sometimes he needs a little push and little bit of company to wake up from the haze.

“Castiel!” an angel arrives from the sound of beating wings. The wind rushes and right before him is Hannah standing, watching his silent form.

“I was watching the boundaries and I notice you standing in your usual spot. You have not set foot in this spot for a very long time, the grass and trees miss your presence.” She frowns and steps closer to his space.

“Hannah…” She looks up, slightly hurt from what he said and he doesn’t know why.

“It is such a pity you don’t remember… grass and trees aren’t the only ones who miss your presence.” She leans her forehead to his shoulder, placing a hand on his chest. Her hair smells nice, like the breeze of the Swiss Alps sweeping through the earth, covering it with more snow. He remembers. This feeling is familiar and somewhat distant at the same time.

He remembers Hannah visiting him frequently whenever he visits the grounds to be alone. Usually he enjoys the solitude but sometimes he desires the company of another person. Hannah provides such a company.

“I stand here alone, meditating. You often visit me and we spend time together. Right here, alone…” He replies and Hannah pulls away, a surprised expression written on his face.

“So you do remember! This means you have your memories back! You left that human and returned to us!” Hannah’s excitement should please him but somehow, it does not help pacify the trouble stirring in his gut.

“I do…have my memories back…” he pauses for a moment, ignoring Hannah’s speech about Father and the Heavenly Host. With a twitch of his wings the resounding noise begins to manifest from his mind. A painful piercing sound from afar deafens Hannah’s voice.

CAS!

“Excuse me Hannah…” he mutters and the blue eyed angel pauses. “I have to go.” She asks where then with a single flap of his wings, the thick darkness of the woods in front of Father’s workshop, spread around him. The sky is gray and not a trace of the sun or blue can be seen.

He turns to the sound of beating wings behind him and an old friend appears. Dark blonde with blue eyes and a cocky grin meets him, and Balthazar sighs in relief.

“When I heard from Samandriel that Rachel told him that Hannah told everyone that you remember us, I went and searched for you around the house, only to find you here. Welcome back Cassie!” Balthazar says and pats his arms. Castiel glares at him, wishing to smite him from where he stands.

“Why the sour face Cassie?” Balthazar asks and Castiel’s eyes flash blue, storm clouds manifest above them and several roars of thunder echo in the vastness.

“I remember now, I remember everything!” Castiel hisses, recalling some embarrassing events involving Hannah because of Balthazar. The nosy angel meddled in Hannah and Castiel’s platonic relationship and gave Hannah encouragement to confess her feelings toward Castiel.

“Oh?” Balthazar asks then continuing with another, “oh”, but in a lower tone.

Crackling lightning pierce through the skies and strikes a tree, sending it to collapse while the birds chase the distance. Fearing for their lives.

“Alright! Alright! You remember everything! But we shouldn’t dwell in the past Cassie, we should move forward!” Balthazar sniggers and Castiel is ready to strike him with lightning from where he stands.

“Maybe I should ask Anna to remove all my memories of you. You…You assbutt! You knew I don’t feel the same way as Hannah! I can’t…I don’t…” He doesn’t feel the same way as Hannah. He doesn’t love her like that. He doesn’t…

He loves…

He should love…

Castiel folds his wings as Balthazar squeezes his eyes shut, bracing for the worse. Lightning and thunder sleep, as a four winged angel guides Balthazar out of the way, embracing Castiel with tenderness.

“Gabriel…” Castiel whispers under his breath as he remembers everything from the time before his memories were removed.

“Castiel…you remember…” His older brother whimpers and continues to cling on Castiel. Gabriel, an Archangel, who Castiel respects and loves dearly. While Michael and Anna have much in common, Castiel finds solace in Gabriel’s company. His older brother may have tormented him with pranks and tricks over eons however Castiel never left his brother’s side. When all other angels found Gabriel infuriating, (including Castiel of course) they always had each other’s back. Memories of Castiel’s earliest times were mainly of Gabriel teaching him worldly things which he never quite understood. In his older brother’s frustration, he resolved to pranks which to Castiel, is entertaining yet irritating at the same time. Nobody appreciates Gabriel’s tricks except for Castiel, he knows this and that is one of the main reasons why they close.

Aside from that, Gabriel taught Castiel how to belong to oneself. Even though Castiel is different from other angels because he enjoys solitude, Gabriel found a spot for Castiel in Eden. A spot where Castiel can remain with his thoughts whenever he needs time alone. Those were the only times when Gabriel never pranked Castiel. At the same time, those were the times when Gabriel showed Castiel affection, though he may not admit it, EVER. They were and are, the best of brothers.

Now he understands everything. He understands why his brother did it. Why Gabriel tried to take him away…

His arms gently return Gabriel’s embrace. It has been a while since he felt his family close. Millenniums cannot compare to the gap of time lost since he lost his memories.

Gabriel hastily pulls back and clears his throat, four wings fold behind him with feathers fluffing slightly.

“I do remember…” he mutters.

“I just wanted to say welcome back. That’s all.” He notices Balthazar sniggering. “I don’t wanna hear some nonsense about me crying or so help me Balthazar, you’re gonna wish I didn’t stop Castiel’s thunderclouds from striking your whore-ass!” He points at Balthazar threateningly and the angel surrenders.

“I should be striking you with thousands of lightning bolts for being so stupid!” Castiel interrupts and Gabriel winces.

“Cassie, about before…”

“Really Gabriel? You’re gonna try and squirm your way out of trying to kidnap me and causing a lot of trouble to everyone! I know you love pranking everybody but there could have been a better way of sending your message across!” Castiel stabs his finger on his older brother and his wings spread wide in anger.

“Castiel…”

“You are hailed as Father’s finest messenger but you couldn’t think of a better way of approaching me? Your own brother, who even though I don’t remember at the time, would probably listen to reason if you didn’t act such a smug and arrogant assbutt back then!” Castiel points and the wind gusts around them, his powers crackle from his feathers.

“Okay fine! I admit! I wasn’t my best back then and it’s true that I could’ve handled the situation better but I acted out of haste Castiel. Dean would’ve received the letter during the day and there’s no telling when I can get a chance to convince you not to become human…I was scared you’d go straight ahead with it, without hearing the whole story.” Gabriel bows his head in guilt and Castiel’s nerves transition from fury to worry.

Dean.

He has almost forgotten about Dean.

Dean who gave him life through a wish.

Dean who taught him human things.

Dean who loves him.

“I- I…” Castiel tries to reply but Gabriel interrupts him.

“If you hate me that’s fine! If you don’t ever want to have anything to do with me, I accept! Besides, isn’t that why you got your memories back? So you and Dean can live happily ever after?” Gabriel’s breath hitches, of course he doesn’t mean what he says. Of course he doesn’t want Castiel to never think about him ever again. Typical Gabriel, he never admits what he truly wants. Instead he disguises his feelings behind pranks, tricks and a mouthful of passive aggression. If Castiel looks closely, he can see tears start to flood his older brother’s eyes.

“You are an idiot…” Castiel utters then tears fall from his face. Gabriel may be a drama queen but it seems Castiel wins the round.

“Why are you crying?” Gabriel’s expression wrinkles, genuinely confused about the situation.

“I’m sorry. I truly am…for everything I put you through.” Castiel apologizes.

“Castiel don’t, it wasn’t your fault…”

“It doesn’t matter. You were still hurt. You were watching, you were so close but unable to reach me at the same time. I didn’t even remember you…” Castiel cleans his face with his hands.

“Castiel don’t EVER blame yourself for what happened! When father asked you to become that human’s angel decades ago, we both agreed on the terms and its stakes. I knew you were not going to remember me but it was my fault for letting it get to me. For getting in between you and Dean…”

Dean, yes, Dean.

“CAS!”

A loud force of longing bends Castiel’s knees and Balthazar catches him just in time.

“Whoa! Cassie, are you alright?” Balthazar asks and pulls Castiel back up to his feet.

“Balthazar, Castiel…did you hear that?”

Castiel nods but Balthazar gives an inquisitive head tilt.

“Someone from afar is calling…” Gabriel whispers and another loud boom shake the very roots of the woods.

“CAS!”

“That voice…” Castiel looks down on the weeping grass. Then he remembers, the sound of laughter from familiar jokes. The voices of intelligence and the speech of tenderness. A flood of memories about a younger brother who Castiel is very close to and cares about. There is no denying it.

Sam is calling out to him.

With a single thrust of his wings, Castiel instantly returns to the white room with Dean in it.

Dean who is the responsible for Sam’s laughter. Dean who is Sam’s older brother who would do anything to protect his family. Dean who cares about his family more than anything. Dean, who Mary used to sing ‘Hey Jude’ to send him to sleep.

Dean who he should love more than anything.

“CAS!” Sam continues to call, Gabriel and Balthazar follow from behind with the thrusts of their wings. Dean is awake now and he is sitting at the edge of the bed with a bewildered look on his face. Almost like the look he had upon laying his eyes on Castiel’s true form for the first time eleven years ago.

***

During his sleep, Dean dreams of warm sunny Thursday afternoons in his bedroom after school. The specks of dust float in the air as Sam laughs at yet another reference Cas didn’t get. Dean laughs to but he pays close attention to the angel’s features as wrinkles appear from the precious smile on his face. Cas may not understand most of their jokes but he certainly has an adorable way of depicting his cluelessness.

He has forgotten what the joke was about but he certainly did not forget the expression on Cas’ face. There are still times when he wonders how they managed to stay fine so far. John still hasn’t found a place to settle and Sam still complains about not being able to keep friends because they move around. Upon remembering this memory in a dream, he realizes the answer.

And he likes the answer a lot.

Sure things got out of hand at his birthday. Complicated is an understatement, however they don’t matter as much because he can finally see a bright future for all of them. Even if dad decides to move again and Sam leaves for college, at least he knows Cas will be by his side. It may not be mentioned a lot but Dean knows Cas is family just like dad, Sam and Bobby. He would do anything for Cas because that’s just who Dean Winchester is.

When he loves someone, he doesn’t half-ass it nor does he leave anyone behind. So it’s only logical for him to react the way he did when Cas went unconscious after getting his memories back. Though he couldn’t take his eyes off his angel, he remembers the feeling of two fingers touching his shoulder and sending him to sleep. That’s when he realizes everything going dark and he can rest, dreaming of happier times.

“Dean.”

He hears his angel’s gravelly voice, waking him up from the darkness. The dream of that sunny afternoon slowly dissipate to his memory bank. He can always look back later on.

“Dean!” Cas’ voice is more desperate and he wonders why his angel looks so worried when all Dean can think of his how grateful he is for his angel awake and one piece. Still able to remember who he is.

“Cas, buddy! Jesus Christ I thought I lost you!” He reaches up, wrapping his arms around the angel like as if his life depends on it. Cas slides his arms up slowly, returning his gesture.

“Dean…you are fine.” he whispers to his ear. Oh how he misses the sound of his angel’s voice. It feels as though years have gone by since he heard his angel say his name.

“Of course I am! I’m just glad you’re alright angel…” The sound of beating wings, stir his mood.

Opening his eyes from the sweet embrace, he notices two other angels behind Cas. Of course Balthazar and Gabriel tail behind Cas. They just appear out of nowhere and interrupt moments when Dean can be affectionate to his angel. 

“Can you two uh give us a moment? I just wanna be with Cas…alone.” He adamantly asks, hoping the two idiots give them the space he needs to really show Cas his relief.

“Dean, wait…let them stay. There is something wrong. I can hear Sam’s voice calling for me.” Cas says and Gabriel steps forward.

“I heard him too. I’m sorry, but I think your brother sounds like he’s in trouble.” Gabriel points his thumb to the door and Dean turns to Cas with confusion. Cas glances at him for just a moment before taking a step back.

“Dean we have to go…” He says while Balthazar and Gabriel eventually step out of the room.

“Cas, hold on. I just wanna check if you’re alright.” Dean asks him and Cas nods. “I’m worried about Sam…” he nods again but Dean doesn’t seem too convinced.

“CAS! DEAN!”

A booming yell that is unmistakably Sam’s voice bounce off the walls. Right then and there, Dean jumps and grabs onto Cas in reflex. He always grabs onto him as a habit he’s developed over the years. Cas would start rubbing his arm, warming him up and consoling him, but that doesn’t happen.

Anna appears in the room before Dean can voice his worry.

“Gabriel has opened a portal directly towards your home. You must go.” With one more look, Dean glances to Cas. Panic is written all over their faces as he runs out of the room. Somehow, he feels alone even though Cas is next to him and he can’t point a finger on it. His angel is worried, he is panicking just like Dean but somehow, he doesn’t seem like himself.

Dean ignores it as they find a glowing door at the end of the corridor with the portal Gabriel etched earlier. Light burns everything around him as he steps through and for once, Cas doesn’t hold his hand through, what could be, the most important leap of his life.

***

Getting home in no time is easy since he has angels teleporting him from one place to another. Before Dean can get inside, Sam runs out of the front door, eyes wet and red with tears. The kid won’t stop shaking and stammering until Cas and Gabriel grip his shoulders and calm him down. Dean listens carefully while trying not to have a meltdown on what the hell is going on.

“Dad got hit by a truck. I tried to call you Dean. I prayed and prayed and nobody answered…” Sam manages to say in between the stammering. The life nearly drains out of Dean as he takes a few steps back. Yelling at Sam and asking him all sorts of questions to obviously go find where their dad is right now. Apparently Bobby is in the hospital and told Sam to stay at home and find a way to call Dean and Cas to tell them what happened.

Balthazar summons the Impala and commands her to take Dean, Sam and Castiel to the hospital while he, Gabriel and Anna follow from behind. He gives the Impala a mind of its own because Dean is not in the state to drive and Cas says he would never agree to fly. The other angels agree and let the Winchesters and Castiel stay in the car. Balthazar tells Castiel to hide his wings because they will be going public. Anna summons clothes out of nowhere to cover Cas’ exposed body.

Before Dean opens the driver’s door, Cas grabs his shoulder and tells him that he will be sitting in the backseat, trying to calm Sam down. He nods and baby starts driving by herself. Dean keeps his hands on the wheel so they don’t weird anyone out on the road.

They drive in thick, painful anticipation as Cas consoles Sam in a hush voice while frequently glances at Dean through the rearview mirror. Dean wants to say something, perhaps let out some frustration, fright and angst. He doesn’t know which one to release but he’s close to erupting but he keeps it together for Cas and Sam. After all, he’s had experience with hiding his feelings to the rest of his family, why stop now?

When they reach the hospital, they rush to reception and are led to John’s room. The angels follow behind him, their wings tucked somewhere and looking like normal people. Once they reach outside the operating room, Bobby meets them and calls them idjits for taking too long. Sam breaks down and clings onto Cas while Dean watches his father, breathe helplessly through a tube and a monitor beeping his life. Doctors and nurses work on him and won’t allow Dean or anyone to enter. Dean screams at them and one of the nurses threaten to call security if he doesn’t calm down. Bobby and Balthazar tries to pull him away but he resists. Of course he won’t fucking calm down, his dad’s dying and he should’ve been here sooner. He should’ve been at home…

He should’ve…

He rips himself from their hold and flings himself to the hallway.

“Bobby…how...why…” Dean’s voice breaks and stammers as tears start to draw lines on his cheeks

“Doctor says he’s in critical condition and they don’t know if he’s going to make it.” Bobby’s voice is just as broken as Dean’s.  “He lost a lot of blood and they had a hard time trying to get him out of the wreckage. He was driving one my cars when a truck didn’t see him…Dean…I’m sorry.” His uncle starts crying and Dean has never seen him cry ever. He wraps an arm on Bobby’s shoulders as the older man buries his face in his hands.

He turns to Cas who is looking at him with complete guilt when he didn’t even do anything wrong. Anna pulls Sam to her and lets him cry in her arms.

In just a few minutes they all wait in silent sobs and muffled tears. The room grows darker and he doesn’t think it is cause of the bad lighting. Three humans and four angels sit and wait for a miracle to happen, and it sounds like the start to a bad joke.

A horrible, sick and twisted joke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endings are fucking hard to write because I haven't written it as a chapter, just yet.
> 
> Inspired by the last episode of Supernatural Season 1, only John is the only one who got hit and Dean, Sam and the Impala are safe.


	19. Castiel, Let's Go Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cas let’s go home.” He pleads and his angel shakes his head.
> 
> -
> 
> John's accident takes an unexpected turn, so does Castiel's perception of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stayed up until midnight writing this even though I had to teach the next day, because I love writing this fic.  
> I think this is the second last chapter...maybe the third last...maybe not...  
> I didn't get much sleep and it's 6 in the morning upon posting this in Australia.  
> I hope you like this chapter because I think I made some valid points for Castiel :)
> 
> This chapter is pretty long to reward my avid readers ;)

Dean hates hospitals.

Watching them in television is completely different to being inside one. Death walks with white robes for those who couldn’t be saved. Just like his mom. Just like Mary when he was four years old.

He doesn’t remember a lot of things but unfortunately he remembers that incident clearly in his head.

Even at a young age he understood what death meant. He saw it with his own two eyes as they carry Mary’s body under the covers of a white sheet. John told him not to look and held him close but he didn’t listen. He didn’t listen because he had to see his mother that night. He just had to, even though Sammy was in his arms holding Cas. The ambulance took mom away while he felt his dad’s tears on his head.

He saw various types of death after that night, not just once.

A lot of people attended his mom’s funeral and muttered death in hush voices. They all said sorry and condolences but he kept his eyes fixed at his mom’s coffin the whole time. Even during the moment when they lowered her to the grave and buried her. He stood there watching but he didn’t shed a tear.

He saw different sorts of death even after his mom’s funeral. In fact- death was in arms reach.

Whenever he caught his dad crying in the dark, with bottles everywhere, he saw death.

Whenever he tried to tuck Sam to sleep after calling out for their mom, he saw death.

His eyes kept perfectly fixed on death ever since that fatal incident and he never let a tear blur his vision.

He wanted to keep his eyes clear as he saw his mom one last time. He never cried in front of his father because he didn’t want him to see what Dean could see. He didn’t want dad to see death like he did. Death through the cries and misery of his loved ones. Every moment of his life, he had to make sure he never let his eyes get blurry at the face of death. Death- in his idea of facing difficult parts of life. Never would Dean let death get the better of him again, so he had to be strong for his family. Without a day went by when Dean kept it together until John and Sammy were sleeping soundly at night.

Those were the only times he let his eyes blurry with tears. In the dark, he could at least hide what he truly felt in front of John and Sammy, in order for them to never see what he saw. At night, he could let go of the strength he had to face everything, and just cry because no one was watching.

Until Cas happened.

When Cas entered his life, he thought he would never be able to cry about death, about the shitty way his life turned out. Not even at night.

Eventually he forgot to find reasons to cry about it at night.

Maybe, he thought too soon.

The angels give Dean and his family some privacy by waiting outside of the hospital. They all sit on chairs in the waiting room until a doctor comes out and calls their names. The same nurse Dean yelled at, told them to wait there and apologized for threatening to call security. Bobby told her they understand although Dean remains in shock. He hasn’t said anything since Bobby asked where Dean and Cas were earlier, because Bobby couldn’t reach them over the phone. Dean says they were at Chuck’s place and doesn’t add anything else. Bobby doesn’t ask any more questions because he either remembers not to talk about Chuck or notices the way Cas steals worried glances at Dean. The tension is thick in the air and it’s not just because of John’s condition. Sam probably hasn’t noticed but Bobby definitely has, as he observes the two of them. Castiel is sitting opposite to Dean while Dean has Sam and Bobby beside him.

Yeah, the old man has definitely noticed the tension.

The doctor arrives and call their names. All at once, they rise from their seats and follow the tall doctor with sleek, pushed back longish dark brown hair and tanned skin. Dean follows him while trying to shake off the gut wrenching feeling in his chest, and the way Cas hasn’t stopped staring at him with those worried eyes.

They stop just outside John’s room and he takes one look at his dad. A usually tough look on his face now breathes desperately through tubes. The sight is enough to make Dean’s breath hitch but he’s not going to cry this time. He doesn’t want to cry because he needs to be strong for Sammy. Even though there are other reasons why he wants to breakdown, however he’s not gonna do it. Not in front of his family.

Whatever problem he has with Cas can wait, because he knows there is a problem. That terrible feeling swimming in his gut hasn’t stopped since waking up, and he’s going to deal with it later.

Right now, he needs to prioritize and handle one problem at a time.

“Your father has been stabilized.” The doctor’s voice sounds gravelly and it makes Dean wonder where he has seen this doctor before. His mannerisms feel familiar. “We stitched his wounds and managed to save him just in time.” He smiles and now Dean’s chest swell with relief. Bobby and Sammy cheer from behind, and pats his back. They thank him while he smiles with hands in his white coat.

“He should be discharged soon. I just need you to sign some paperwork at the reception and he’s good to go.” The doctor says then nods before turning to the corridor, and walking away. Dean chases him, curious as to how his dad survived such an accident.

“Doctor…” the tall doctor stops to face him.

“How did he…” Dean needs to ask a question, needs to know how this miracle happened but doesn’t know how to ask it properly.

“He’s a fighter Dean, go and wait for him to wake up.” The doctor says as he excuses himself before turning the corner. He gets a glimpse of the doctor’s shoes and wonders why they were cowboy boots. Dean stands there in bewilderment until he realizes that he never mentioned his name to the doctor. He runs to find the doctor but no luck. He’s nowhere to be found and Dean decides to let it go and run back to John’s room.

To his surprise, John is awake while exchanging curious looks between Sam and Bobby.

“Dean…” he says and rises from his bed. His dad slides from the edge and stands up while trying to unhook himself from the machine. The sound of a dead beep floods the crazy silence of the room.

“I’m fine…?” Dad mutters to himself and Dean seriously doesn’t even know what the hell is going on anymore.

“What in the hell is goin’ on today?” Bobby reaches to grab John’s shoulder, checking to see any wounds but to no avail. Dean’s eyes aren’t lying to him, his dad is fine without a trace of injuries.

“I don’t know. I’m fine?” John guesses and Bobby gives Dean the ‘what the fuck’ look.

“How can you be fine??? You were cut open just a few hours ago!” Bobby yells and John and Sammy exchange the same confused look.

“I don’t see no scars or stitches…” John inspects his arms and chest.

“Holy crap, dad it’s a freaking miracle!” Sam points out and turns at the couch at the other side of the room. “Look dad! These are your clothes!” He picks them up and hangs them with his arms. They are definitely dad’s clothes this morning and they were folded neatly on the couch.

No rips or blood on any of them. Clean as they were after Dean folded them last week.

“What in god’s name? Dean do you know what the hell is going on?” They all turn to him and it takes a few minutes to register what is going on. Cas is no longer in the room with them. He doesn’t even remember when he left.

“Dean, where is Castiel?” John asks him while holding onto his clothes. As if the whole world just zoomed out of his sight, Dean runs out of John’s room in search for Cas.

There is no way in hell dad survived just like that, and without a trace of the accident on him. People don’t just wake up a few hours after a truck hits them and doctors don’t just tell them good news. Not in Dean’s life, there is no way some miracle just happened. If there is one thing he learned these past few days, is that miracles come at a price.

With a prayer in his thoughts and heart, he spots his angel talking to the doctor from earlier. The one with the cowboy boots, outside of the hospital. They are arguing then stop at the sight of Dean approaching them. Confused as hell and wondering why Cas is talking to the doctor, like they know each other.

“Cas…what is going on?” He asks, slowly walking towards the two of them. Cas turns to the tall doctor who is scanning Dean from top to bottom.

“I don’t remember telling you my name. Who the hell are you?” Dean turns to the doctor instead and the white robe suddenly turns into a jacket, with a black collared shirt underneath. His height changes, shrinking below Cas’ and face alter into a certain Archangel who did a number on him during his birthday.

“Gabriel?” Dean asks and the Archangel puts his hands up to surrender.

“You got me. Well Cassie here caught me first. I thought I could get away with it.” He says and Dean is more confused than ever.

“Dean, Gabriel tricked everyone into thinking he’s a doctor to save John from dying…” Cas explains and bows his head while eyes never leaving the shorter angel.

“Y-you, saved my dad?” Dean asks, voice broken and breathing hitched.

“Yeah I did. Let’s just say it’s my way of paying you back. For trying to take Cassie here away and my thanks…for convincing him to remember who he was. To remember all of us…” Dean looks at Cas who gives a small smile, confirming what Gabriel just said.

He runs and hugs the shorter angel, trying his best not to cry by squeezing his eyes.

“Thanks. Thank you…” He manages to squeeze out of his lungs instead. Dean breaks the hug and clears his throat while Cas slowly steps into his space.

“Relax Dean-o! You of all people should know how I feel about losing family… It was nothing really, unlike Cassie, I can fix any physical injury. Since I’m an Archangel.” He grins, obviously trying to hide what he really thinks through sarcasm. Annoying little shit.

“There you are!” Balthazar shouts from behind them as John and the rest of his family walk toward the Impala.

“Let’s get a move on shall we? We’ve got your dad and he’s feeling great! We can save the chit chat over booze later.” Balthazar says after running towards them and complaining about using legs.

“Wait hold on, why the hell are we leaving? Won’t someone notice my dad gone?” Dean looks at Cas and Gabe who exchange concerned looks at each other.

“Your family will explain, just get to the car! They’re waiting!” Dean wants to argue but Balthazar has already turned his back and runs to the bushes. Gabe follows and Cas stops halfway between the bushes and the car park.

“Cas let’s go home.” He pleads and his angel shakes his head.

“There are not enough seats in the Impala. I will fly with the others, I will meet you at your home.” Cas says and Dean leans forward and kisses his angel’s lips. It feels like forever since he kissed Cas. He closes his eyes and tries to capture the amazing feeling building inside him. Opening his eyes, he sees the blue sky inside Cas’ eyes. They are looking directly at him.

“I’ll see you there.” He lets go and as soon as he turns around to face the car, the sound of beating wings burst from behind. Cas is no longer there and Dean ignores the sickening feeling, twisting in his gut.

He tries to ignore the idea that he was alone in the kiss.

***

 

During the drive home, everyone explained what happened to Dean. After leaving his family in John’s room, Balthazar explained to John that Gabriel disguised himself as a doctor and was gradually fixing John during the operation. Balthazar charmed the nurse into leaving the room to apologize to them. Anna wiped all their memories and records clean of John’s presence in the hospital since the time of the accident. She also flew to the police station to rearrange the records during their escape from the hospital.

Overall, the angels made it so that the accident never happened involving John, and his entire family was never in the hospital.

They are all grateful however there is a cloud of tension in the air. Bobby concludes to never mess with angels which they all agree on however Dean doesn’t mention anything about the issue between him and Cas, until of course John asks. In which case, he explains what happened at Chuck’s place but leaves out the part where Cas feels weird around him and growing distant by the minute. They eventually drop the topic after John starts talking about the feeling of getting hit by a truck. He may not have the injuries anymore but he could still remember the excruciating pain. They all sigh in relief for having angels around and Dean tries his best to not make his worrying obvious.

There is something off about Cas, and he won’t sleep tonight until he knows what it is.

***

On their yard, Chuck and Michael waits for them as the Impala parks at the side of the road.

“Dean! Everyone! I came as soon as I heard!” He runs towards them, stopping just in time as dad gets out of the driver’s seat.

“John! Thank goodness you’re alive!” Chuck enthusiastically says and John chuckles to himself.

“Well it’s all thanks to your angels. Seriously, you guys can be a handful but by god, they’re hella useful. I wouldn’t be standing here if it weren’t for them…so thanks again.” the humble smile on dads face is a rare thing to find but it’s one of the best things Dean has ever seen. Not because his dad always has a rough exterior, but the last time dad smiled like that was before mom passed away. A true genuine smile. Dean never thought he would be able to see those things again.

“Since you’re here, why don’t you come inside? Join us for dinner, I could make us some stew.” Dad asks and Chuck humbly denies. “I wouldn’t want to impose! Besides, you just returned from the hospital…”

“Are you kidding me? I feel better than I’ve ever been in years! Whatever your angel did for me, really made me feel more than one hundred percent.” The sound of beating wings interrupt John as Gabriel and Cas appear from behind them.

“You can thank Castiel here. He’s the one who had the idea at the time. I just did as I was told.” Dean looks at Gabriel then move his eyes to Cas, who blushes from what the other angel said.

“It was nothing really, Mr. Winchester…” John wraps his arms around the two of them and whispers.

“Both of you did me and my family a huge favor. You two saved my life…” Here’s another thing you don’t see very often with dad. Hearing what he truly feels. There are only a few instances when Dean’s experienced these moments and they all have to do with Cas.

His dad invites them all inside after Balthazar arrives with a box of alcohol. Apparently they decide to throw a celebration for John making it out alive, and thank everybody for their efforts. Dean approaches Cas, anxious to talk about what happened earlier today, right before everything went into hell. At least his angel smiles at him again, it helps dampen the worried feeling inside his chest.

“You know, too many things has happened this week that I can’t even believe happened…I met your family, my dad almost died and I nearly lost you.” The smile disappears from Cas’ face. “I know you just got your memories back and we didn’t have time to talk about things…I just wanna know if there’s anything bothering you…you’d tell me right? If it’s something to do with getting your memories back or becoming human, you’d tell me okay?” he asks and the angel smiles at him, brushing a hand on his face.

“Yes, Dean…I would tell you.” Cas scans his face with endearing eyes. Dean leans closer and brushes their lips together. There it is again.

He wasn’t imagining it the first time they kissed.

“Dean! Cas! Get your butts inside, Bobby needs help and Balthazar is driving dad insane!” Dammit Sammy. Cas breaks the kiss as he turns his head towards the house. Dean stares at the ground, still trying to shake off what just happened.

“We’re coming!” Dean yells from his lungs then looks at Cas, who is giving him that same look from earlier. That smile he can’t put a finger to. He doesn’t like that smile.

“Let’s go inside, Dean…” Cas walks forward and he follows.

In just a few steps, Dean has never felt so much pain as he definitely knows there is something up with Cas. Clearly his angel doesn’t want to share it for now but he wonders, does he want to know the answer?

Of course he does want to know.

The real question is, will he like it?

***

The dinner party goes into full swing and to Dean’s surprise, no one has destroyed anything, as of yet. Michael chases Chuck wherever the short man goes, Balthazar tries to flirt with dad which is still gross. Anna tries to pull him away. Gabriel and Sam have been talking non-stop since Dean entered the house. They are either in each other’s space or somehow manage to get back to talking with each other after going around the room.

Dean doesn’t like it one bit, but Sam looks so happy and he thinks Gabe’s jokes are quite funny; if Dean ever admits it out loud.

Aside from the general chaos, he notices Cas and Bobby disappear into the kitchen. Perhaps Bobby can get the truth out of Cas, since he knows the old man sensed something in the waiting room. Hopefully he gives Dean a head’s up on what the hell is going on.

Anna slides beside him and looks with inspective eyes. She and Cas seem to have similar traits but Dean can see she’s more alike to Michael. They both have a powerful atmosphere around them, and it’s not because she wiped everyone’s memories in the hospital.

“Hey…” he mutters and tries to cheer himself up, hoping the angel doesn’t sense anything.

“Are you feeling well?” Anna asks, her red hair sits nicely behind her shoulders.

“Yeah, I’m sweet.” He chuckles and takes a sip of cola from his cup.

“Like chocolate cake?” She asks and Dean laughs out loud. She definitely has Cas’ sense of humor.

“Yeah something like that…” he clears his throat and gazes upon the kitchen where Bobby and Cas wash the dishes.

“You are troubled.” It’s not a question but Dean feels compelled to answer it.

“Yeah well it hasn’t been the best couple of days.” He replies with a hint of sarcasm.

“This is about Castiel.” Again it isn’t a question but he thinks an answer is necessary.

“Well I dunno, something’s off about him and I don’t know what it is…” He looks at Cas and Bobby again, the two of them are discussing something and he wants to know what.

“Did this start since his memories returned?” Anna asks and yes she is right. Yes, Dean is freaking out inside. Yes, he doesn’t know what to do because his angel doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Yeah, I think so.” he mutters and she clasps her hands together. “It’s like he looks at me different now. Different from before, although he remembers me.” He adds.

“That is what I felt when I saw him the first time, since he left us.” She stares at the floor, deep in her thoughts.

“And now?” Dean asks, genuinely curious as to what changed.

“Nothing much has changed. Except for the fact that he remembers everything, including his time with you.” That sorta stings, the way she put Cas’ relationship with Dean as simply a ‘time’ period. She obviously doesn’t mean it that way but Dean still feels it. He shrugs and glances at Cas and Bobby who doesn’t look like they are just discussing anymore. Bobby looks almost mad.

Right now he wants to go there and confront Cas about everything.

“One thing remains the same…” Anna continues and she stares deeply into Dean’s eyes. “He looks at you like you’re the sweetest chocolate cake.” She smiles and Dean raises his brow to try and understand the reference.

“The most precious chocolate cake.” She smiles widely and excuses herself to go and stop Balthazar from harassing dad. Dean feels slightly better, hearing about how Cas sees him from others kinda reassures him. Sure his dad and family doesn’t care about their relationship, in fact they accept it, but it’s good to hear it from Cas’ family too.

Maybe he’s overthinking things. Surely Cas is going to tell him if something is wrong. Dean always confides his worries to Cas, it is only right for Dean to be the person Cas confides to. That’s just how their relationship is. Cas doesn’t always have to be the shoulder Dean cries on. Sometimes, actually for once, Cas can share his problems with Dean. If he has a problem after getting his memories back then he should tell Dean and not keep it to himself. Of course Dean isn’t the best when it comes to talking about his feelings and Cas isn’t the best at talking altogether, but Dean has broken a lot of rules for Cas. Hopefully Cas can do the same. If it’s about getting the memories back or turning human, Cas doesn’t need to worry about that.

When Dean gets a chance to talk to him, he’ll tell Cas not to pressure himself on anything. Dean loves Cas just as he is. Nothing will change that.

He’s ready to start a life with Cas in it no matter what happens to his family. Dad can move again and Sam could leave for college in the future but what he wants the most is to have Cas in his life. So Cas doesn’t need to hold it all in because Dean would do anything for Cas.

He wants what Anna said about chocolate cake to be true. Because to Dean, Cas is the most precious person in his life, and he’ll be damned if he lets anything happen to him. That much, he’s certain. That much hasn’t changed, since forever.

He stands up, ready to talk to Cas about everything when Chuck starts crying out loud.

“Henry! If only I can talk to the dead, I’d tell you! I’d tell you I kept your son- John, safe!” Michael grabs him and takes him outside, bottles clatter around their feet. Anna excuses herself and gives Gabriel and Balthazar a look. The two of them follow her outside and apologizes for their dad’s behavior.

Bobby and Cas finally return from the kitchen while John looks at Sam and Dean with embarrassment.

“Did I ever sound like that back then?” Dad asks and Bobby rolls his eyes.

“You sounded worse!” the other old man points out and Gabe returns from the sound of flapping wings.

“I apologize again for dad’s behavior, he doesn’t know when enough is enough…I’ll clean this place up.” Before anyone can protest, Gabe snaps his fingers and the whole place turns sparkling clean. Not a bottle of beer or whiskey lying around and the tables and chairs are arranged to how they usually are.

“You didn’t have to do that.” John says and Gabe shakes his head.

“It’s nothing. Well I should go…good night everyone. Sam.” He looks at Sam then to Dean. “Dean.” Then finally he frowns and raises an eyebrow at Cas before disappearing with the sound of fluttering wings.

“Dean I need to speak to you…” Cas says and looks at the stairs. A chilling sense fills his gut as Bobby gives him a low nod. John and Sam exchange lost expressions with each other.

He nods and Cas excuses himself as he walks up the stairs.

“Dean, what’s going on?” John asks him and he shrugs. Bobby pulls John back before giving Dean one more worried look. Even Sam asks but he doesn’t follow Dean up the stairs.

His decision hasn’t changed. He can accept whatever it is that changed in Cas. Cas is still the most precious person in his life and he’ll sort whatever problem between the two of them. After all, he loves Cas no matter what.

***

Dean’s room is a special place for the two of them. Their earliest memories were shared in his room and no matter where they go, Dean still feels like they are all the same. Nothing has changed. The Metallica and AC/DC posters, still hang on the walls with the help of Cas. The books on his shelf are organized in alphabetic order because Cas arranges it for him every time he messes it up. The giant wooden chest at the end of his bed has lost and gained toys over the years, he doesn’t need it as much. However he keeps some of them, especially the toys Cas played with him long ago. Dad has asked him to get rid of them but he hid them under a hidden floor or underneath a pile of folded clothes whenever they moved.

There’s also the closet where he puts his clothes and a special spot for Cas to sit whenever he needs to turn into a doll. Dad never questioned why Dean kept the doll with them around because it used to belong to him. Even then, Dean knew, there is something special about Cas. Even someone like dad wouldn’t want to get rid of him, regardless if Dean is in his teens. Besides, Dean would never agree to it and probably hide Cas inside the box with all the other old toys he hid over the years just so he can bring Cas with them. Or perhaps leave him in Sammy’s room. Actually, Dean would like it better if Cas stayed in his room. It just doesn’t feel right when Cas isn’t in his room as much. It doesn’t feel the same. After all, they’ve turned any room they ever set foot on as their home.

Yes a room to call home.

Their own little paradise away from the fucked up outside world. It’s in Dean’s over-protective nature to keep Cas at home as often as he can. They would go out sometimes but only if Dean is around. The amulet around his neck was a gift from Sam a long time ago. It was the first time Cas ever left Dean’s room without his permission, granted it was to surprise Dean at the time, but he still freaked out. Sam thought he was crazy but Cas listened to Dean. And never left the house without telling him ever. Besides, Cas said he liked going out only if Dean was around which worked well for everyone.

Dean’s room is always the safest place he knows. The safest paradise for him and Cas. So when Cas closes the door behind Dean, the angel turns to him with teary eyes and holding both of his elbows.

“Dean…I’m sorry.” Dean is shocked. Cas starts crying and with reflex, he wraps his arms around his angel. Consoling him.

“Cas what’s wrong buddy? Why are you sorry?” Dean kisses Cas’ dark brown hair and he tastes the angel’s sadness. His precious angel, he thinks to himself. It feels like forever since he holds Cas like this.

“I’m so sorry Dean. I’m sorry…I’m sorry…It’s my fault…” Cas keeps crying and Dean continues to hush his tears. His angel shouldn’t be crying, it doesn’t even make sense. Cas has been nothing but wonderful to Dean.

“Cas, buddy, you shouldn’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong…” Somehow, Dean feels as if this has happened before. Whenever dad would come home drunk and cry himself to sleep. Dean would sit in the darkness of his room and cry. Cas would come out of the closet and hold Dean, tell him that it’s not Dean’s fault. It never was and never is.

“It is my fault. It’s all my fault Dean…” Cas cries and breaks away from Dean’s hold. “It’s because of me, your father got into an accident.”

Dean shakes his head in disbelief. “That’s not true Cas. What are you talking about? A truck hit him.” At least he is relieved that Cas is finally telling him what’s wrong.

“It’s my fault Dean. Because of me…” Cas starts to shake and then he bites his lip.

“Cas what are you talking about?”

“It took me a while to figure it out. When I questioned Gabriel about it, my thoughts were confirmed. Upon regaining my memories, we both knew what would happen. Your wish would be revoked, Dean.” Cas swallows and gradually calms down.

“Yeah I know that, but what does that have anything to do with dad’s accident?” Dean takes a step closer into Cas personal space.

“When I regained my memories I was relieved from my task Dean. All their wishes, all the wishes I granted…they’re gone Dean. I can’t hear their wishes anymore…I can’t hear your wish anymore.” Cas frowns and the hairs on Dean’s skin stand up.

“What?” Dean grabs Cas’ wrists, gently trying to calming him down.

“Long ago, your grandfather, Henry, wished for me to keep your father safe. He didn’t know about my powers but I still granted his wish. That is why nothing has ever happened to your father. He remains alive because of my powers, because of Henry’s wish. The fire that killed your mother…your father was supposed to perish with her but my powers kept him alive. Including you and Sam, my powers kept you alive.” Cas wipes the tears off his face but his expression has not improved.

“Cas…I get why you’re upset but Gabe fixed him up. Even though you can’t protect him with granddad’s wish anymore, angels are still looking out for him. Don’t blame yourself for what happened.” He tries to touch Cas but the angel pulls away again.

“That’s the PROBLEM Dean. I can’t protect him anymore, it is not in my power to grant their wishes anymore. I can’t grant Henry, Mary or YOUR wish anymore…” Dean’s heart pauses from Cas mentioning his mother.

“Because of me…because of my memories, I can no longer grant their wishes. My memories are a part of me, and they ripped me away from granting your family the wishes they deserve. Of the wishes YOU deserve. A part of me hates itself for falling for you and almost DECIDING to LEAVE and forget my family FOREVER. A large part of me hates itself for FAILING your family. I feel so CONFLICTED! I should never have changed. I should have always remained a DOLL! I shouldn’t have made you have FEELINGS for me…I can’t do it anymore Dean…I can’t…” his hands are shaking and his back is pinned to the bedroom door.

“It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry…” he mutters and Dean has had enough, he takes a step forward and kisses his angel on the lips.

The lips are cold and it doesn’t feel sweet and loving. Not like he used to.

“Cas please don’t say that…don’t do this…” His chest hurts like the air is made of glass around him. Choking and ripping his insides apart.

“I can’t grant Mary and your wish anymore Dean…I failed your family and I failed you. It is not fair.” Cas shakes his head and anger surges from Dean’s heart.

“STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR EVERYTHING! You have been everything GOOD for my life and I won’t have you BLAMING yourself for what happened! Don’t you ever dare say you made me do anything because I LOVE YOU CAS! I would do anything for you through thick and thin!” Dean screams and clutches onto Cas’ arms, probably bruising him in the process.

“You’re not the only one who wanted your memories back! I did! We both agreed on getting them back, REMEMBER? Don’t you remember us fighting over it?”

“I do...”

“Then WHAT THE HELL Cas? We were good, we were great! You have your family back and my family accepts you! ACCEPTS US! Even I couldn’t accept it at first but I didn’t care! I eventually got over the whole screwing around with an angel because none of the bullshit in my life mattered as long as I’m with you! Shit went from bad to worse but somehow we made it through! Because of you, I can see my dad smile again…”

He remembers the morning after his father discovered about his true relationship with Cas and John smiled. He genuinely smiled for the first time in years after his mother passed away.

“Sam doesn’t hate his life so much anymore because you were there for him other than me and my dad…”

He remembers Cas reading bedtime stories to Sam when they were younger to eventually reading historical books in Sam’s later teens.

“Because of you, I finally understood how my dad felt for my mom…” On the night of Cas’ disappearance, Dean remembers the pain. It was so painful that for just a few hours, he felt like an empty shell. A lifeless and soulless husk of a person.

“I MEANT what I said about you being everything GOOD to me because you ARE and I LOVE you SO GODDAMMIT CAS! Stop blaming YOURSELF!” He punches the wall and the knuckles scream in pain as a dent appears on the surface.

Cas looks up to him, eyes almost tearing up. “I cannot do this anymore Dean. I have done enough.” With a deep breathe, his face eventually becomes expressionless. Dean ignores the pain from his hand as he tries to scan his angel’s eyes.

“I do not know if I can be with you. I do not think it is fair…” Cas frowns and his tone is cold like the kiss Dean took earlier. No nonononononono. This is not supposed to happen.

“Don’t say that Cas…”

“I can’t be unfair to you more than I already am Dean. I can’t be here, knowing you love me when I am not sure if I have feelings for you.” That hurt and he didn’t expect to hear it coming from Cas’ voice.

“I will leave. I will return to my family because you deserve much more than what I am. This involvement with the supernatural has done nothing but bring despair to your family. For your sakes I will close the doors to that world. Your home will never find peace as long as I am in it. My family- No, I have done enough…” Cas takes a few steps towards Dean’s closet. Wings eventually appear from his back and the wings lightly brush the floor.

“That’s BULLSHIT Cas fucking bullshit! You can’t possibly think all of this started because you came from some magical place? You’re my angel Cas! Don’t say shit you don’t mean because it fucking hurts! This is your home! This is our room! You BELONG here!” His tears are blurring his vision. Unlike all the hardships Dean has seen over his life, he won’t let this thing with Cas end. Not like his mom, not like his childhood.

He won’t let another death of any sort happen in his life. Not if he can do something about it, even if he has to get on his knees and beg. So he rushes to wrap his arms around Cas, crying on the angel’s shoulder.

“I know our lives aren’t perfect or stable but if there is one thing I can count on. Is that you’re always there Cas…You’re always there when I need you and I really need you right now…I need you to fucking take it all back! I need you tell me you still care!” Dean completely sobs and he doesn’t even feel the angel twitch or change in expression.

He just stands there while Dean clings on him like his life depended on it. Perhaps it does.

“Dean, I don’t know…”

“Cas please don’t tell me that you only loved me because of some stupid wish!” Dean hugs tighter and cries louder. Making sure Cas doesn’t go anywhere, his fingers desperately holds onto the angel’s skin.

“I don’t know.” His angel replies again.

“I love you Cas…please tell me you love me too.” Dean groans in despair as the angel shakes his head next to Dean’s ear.

“I don’t know…I’m sorry…” Castiel says and Dean squeezes his eyes shut, trying to picture something good, anything…just to not feel a damn thing.

“I’m sorry Dean…” Cas slowly breaks his grip and Dean still doesn't open his eyes. He is trying to picture it. With all his might.

The smell of pleasant Thursday afternoons, the warm touch of Cas’ fingers, the soft texture of his wings and his sweet kiss.

He tries to remember it as his fists clench tightly on his sides. Tears trailing lines on his face and breathing hitched. The sound of wooden doors creak in the darkness then shuts.

He opens his eyes and realizes a small crack of light disappearing between the doors of the closet. In trembling haste, he opens the doors with two hands only to find folded clothes, and an empty space where Cas’ doll form used to sit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reread everything from Chapter 1 and I must say...I gotta effing do some editing before I can even think of finishing this fic!
> 
> Anyway, I'm not really a sadistic and horrible person by writing this chapter. I have lots of compassion in my heart- I think I got to have a heart first, in order to say that.


	20. The Silence After Not Saying Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel's time away from each other will teach them something about peace.
> 
> -
> 
> The world of the supernatural has been quiet. Too quiet and it bothers Gabriel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, 'goodbye' is apparently the bastardized version of 'God be with ye' in the old days. It's a form of blessing you give to others. 
> 
> And
> 
> here is a surprise to my avid readers, if I have any left. I hope y'all like this chapter. I know i did :)
> 
> let me know what you think, your comments are deeply appreciated.

Dean prays.

He has been praying since the night Cas left him in his room crying, rummaging through every shelf of his closet, pulling all his clothes and belongings out until there was nothing but emptiness.

_‘Please Cas. Please don’t go. Please don’t do this! Please come back!’_ ’ he begs either in his thoughts or through his voice. He doesn’t remember to be exact. In fact, the only thing he remembers clearly that night are the words Cas said.

_‘I don’t know.’_

It was the answer to Dean’s question if Cas still loved him. Cas answered coldly. In just a few words, Dean can feel excruciating pain. Sitting in the kitchen while staring at his breakfast, Dean breathes unevenly, his mind sometimes flutters in and out of his thoughts. Sometimes tears start to well up in his eyes, they get in the way of eating although he hasn’t touched his food since he sat on the table. They are salty and painful tears, burning his cheeks as they are still sensitive after crying in his bed, the whole night.

He is tired but apparently not tired enough to get up and walk downstairs. He had one long pause looking at the silent closet before doing so.

Now he is in the kitchen and he doesn’t know what hurts more, his body, head or his heart. With a flicker of Cas’ cold stare form his thoughts, he realizes it’s all of the above.

The memory has been replaying in his mind for hours and it just would not stop. He remembers begging. Begging and begging for Cas to stop blaming himself. To stop blaming himself for everything wrong that happened. Dad’s accident wasn’t his fault. It was nobody’s fault! So what if Cas doesn’t have the means to protect dad like he used to. Dean doesn’t care about that. He only cares about having his angel at home with the rest of his family. To be with him.

In his mind, the memory blurs into reality as he digs and digs inside the closet, replaying everything that happened before it all went wrong.

_‘I love you Cas…please tell me you love me too.’_

_‘I don’t know Dean…I’m sorry.’_

_‘I’m sorry Dean’_

**I’m sorry Dean.**

The rest of his family break the door down, he doesn’t even remember it being locked in the first place but the hinges jolted loudly, just like the panic in his lungs. They try and ask what is going on but get nothing because Dean has been crying frantically.

Crying and crying.

Babbling nonsense in the dark.

“No no no!” Dean keeps digging in the closet, ripping the drawers out just to find a sign that this is not happening. That Cas hasn’t left and isn’t coming back. That Cas doesn’t know if he loves Dean.

That Cas doesn’t love him anymore.

Sam and John pulls him out of the closet with all their might while he continues to resist and cry. Did he mention already that he cried like a kid with a tantrum? He tried to break away from John and Sam’s hold. Continued to babble nonsense and swing his arms so he could reach the closet again, and hopefully find Cas.

Make Cas take everything back.

He ignores their questions: ‘what the hell has gotten into you boy?’ Bobby said or ‘Dean what is going on?’ his dad asked with concern.

“Dean where’s Cas?” Sam asked and he remembers stopping.

Stopping and finally dropping to his knees in front of the closet and looking blankly at empty space.

“He’s gone.” He remembers muttering under his voice.

The rest of his family ask ‘what?’ in synchronize.

“He’s gone. Cas is…Cas is gone.”

Right there and then he recalls praying. Praying on his knees for Cas, asking him to come back. To make everything better.

He doesn’t recall saying anything after that. He just prayed.

_‘Cas please come back.’_

He prays to himself as Bobby takes his shoes off because he couldn’t do it himself. Sam and dad have been arguing in the background and tried to find logic behind everything, but to no avail. They try to ask Dean what happened but he wouldn’t answer. He just stared at empty space, sometimes at the empty closet and the ruined clothes around it. Bobby told them to stop asking and they eventually did. As if there was an unmentioned message floating in the air that everyone understood. So they stopped asking, and he doesn’t remember much after that. All he knows is being dragged to bed.

Sam apologized and cried in the dark. After a tear rolled out of his eye, Sam looked away.

_‘Cas, I’m sorry…’_

Bobby left the room first, following Sam. They folded all his clothes and placed them back into the closet while John sat next to his silent frame on the bed, patting his shoulder. Dad wore a painful frown and just looked at Dean. He hasn’t looked at Dean in such a way before but Dean knows what that look meant. It was the same look he gives John whenever he cried about Mary, about their mom. He didn’t think there would be a time when their roles are reversed.

After a few moments, John apologized to Dean for what happened and gave him a kiss on the forehead. His dad hadn’t kissed him on the head in years. He said he loved his son and left the room. Another tear rolled on Dean’s face and he prayed.

_‘Cas I love you.’_

All alone in the dark, Dean continued to cry. He doesn’t remember what he was thinking at the time and finally looking back to it this morning, he remembers one silent prayer he repeated over and over last night.

_‘Cas please come back home.’_

***

Praying has been a routine for Dean after that. He still wears a frown and a dead look on his face wherever he goes. And Cas still hasn’t come back.

_‘Cas, I had a lot of time to think about what happened. I won’t take back what I said. I love you and it’s still not your fault. I just want you to come home. Please come home. Please.’_

Dean continues to pray. He prays and prays. Every waking moment he prays. In the next few days he cries and prays. He remembers everything so clearly and it hurts. As if broken glass swims in his chest, tearing his insides apart and when he checks himself in the mirror. There’s nothing. Just a heaving chest, soaked in his sweat while tears start to fill his eyelids. He doesn’t even look at Sam, Bobby or dad in the eye. He just roams around the house like a ghost, silently wandering in the still environment.

At first no one around him press for answers. They just all stare at him from afar, giving him the distance that he needs. Sometimes they don’t.

_‘I don’t know if you know this Cas but everyone’s asking about you. They just want a reason as to why you left without saying good bye. You didn’t even say good bye and that’s a pretty dick move on your half Cas. Just…just come back please.’_

Out of patience and sometimes when he’s been drinking, John asks him about what happened. Either Dean shrugs him off or tells him to fuck off. Usually John lets it go and Sam and Bobby pleas to leave Dean alone. Or John yells back, telling him that he’s being a disrespectful shit. Dean just surrenders and locks himself in his room.

_‘Hey Cas, I hope you have your ears on because I’m in my room right now and I’m holding the amulet you and Sam gave me a long time ago. I just want to look at it and remember the times when you thought of me. I know I was pissed at you and Sam for going out without my permission. You know I was just worried. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I still don’t. Are you still thinking about me Cas? I know I do.’_

Bobby comes into his room one night after making dinner for the rest of the family. It’s been more than a week since Dean stayed at home and stopped working. John still has a job regardless of the accident and Sam still attends high school. He’s still doing well. The older man sits next to him in the dark while Dean stares at the amulet Sam and Cas gave him. He just likes feeling the item in the dark.

He asks if Dean wants to join them for dinner which he of course, declines. The older man doesn’t push any further and walks back downstairs. A few minutes later, he brings Dean a tray of food and places it next to him.

“I know you’re still upset about what happened between you and Cas. Before he left, I had a word with him. I noticed there was some distance between the two of ya back at the hospital. So I asked him about it and told me that he was guilty about everything. Did he tell ya that?” Bobby asks and Dean slightly nods.

“Well of course I said that was a load of bullshit but what I didn’t know was that he was goin’ to leave ya.” He kneels beside Dean and clasps his shoulder.

“He was hurtin’ Dean. It all made sense since he told me about feelin’ guilty but dammit, his way of fixing it is all wrong.” Bobby sniffles and Dean looks at him in the eyes. Even in the dark, he can see the old man’s tears trickle.

“Son, I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve put more sense in him…”

Dean shakes his head and gives Bobby a hug. He tells Bobby that it’s none of his fault and he shouldn’t apologize for anything. To make Bobby feel better, he starts eating the dinner on the tray. He grins and compliments Bobby for his cooking, just to cheer him up. Bobby doesn’t seem too convinced because the food’s flavor tastes saltier from the tears rushing through Dean’s face. Bobby just nods and leaves Dean to eat in peace, half-heartedly nodding at the compliments.

_‘Cas, you’re always there when I need you the most, when I’m hurtin’. I wish I could be the same, you know? For once, I wish you could’ve asked for my help when you needed it the most. If you could just come back…I know I can help it stop hurting. I know you did, when you were still here...’_

Dean doesn’t know what to do next. If he does then it’d be easier to get up in the morning or trace a smile on his face. Weeks go by and the feeling remains the same or worse. It never gets better. In fact it gets worse, much much worse.

After a month, Dean realizes there are no photos of him and Cas and it makes him snap. Sam comes home from school to find Dean in the middle of the room crying. His desk and chair are smashed to pieces. The curtains and closet are in ruins while his clothes are around the room. The paintjob’s scratched and smeared with traces of Dean’s blood. His hands are bleeding and the pain doesn’t bother Dean.

Dean chants, “I don’t remember his smile…I don’t remember his smile anymore…”

He just babbles nonsense while Sam cleans him up. Puts bandages on his cuts and tries to salvage some clothes from the disaster. Bobby comes over first before their dad arrives.

Sam is crying, trying to explain what happened to Bobby while the older man tries to reach Dean. When Bobby asked him to look at him, Dean does and mutters ‘I don’t remember his smile anymore…’ The older man bites his cheeks and asks Sam to help him clean Dean’s room. Dean will be sleeping in his younger brother’s room tonight just to be safe.

They drag him upstairs and promise to explain everything to dad. Dean doesn’t really care if dad gets pissed at him for what happened. He may yell at Dean and kick him out for being miserable. Instead, dad walks up to Sam’s room where Dean has been lying awake. John starts crying and tells Dean he’s sorry. Dean tells him to stop. Of course he tells John to stop because his dad is crying in the same way as he used to, back when his mom passed away and times after that.

Even in despair, Dean knows his job is to be the strong one in the family.

_‘I screwed up. Cas I really fucked up this time. I’m such a failure Cas. Because of me…dad’s crying the same tears as back then. I was too selfish Cas. I was too selfish that I didn’t realize I was hurtin’ others when I shouldn’t…you know what, I don’t think you’re even listening…’_

_‘Mom, if you’re out there somewhere. I just want you to know I’m sorry. I fucked up, instead of protecting Sammy and taking care of dad, they’re doing it for me. I hope you can forgive me. I’ll make it up to them. I promise.’_

Sam sleeps on the floor while Dean sleeps on his bed that night. Even though Dean insists sleeping on the floor, Sam declines and pulls the blanket over his sleeping bag. Ignoring Dean’s protests.

Dean doesn’t really have the energy to fight anymore so he waits until the house falls silent and cries. He cries and prays to mom again, asking for her forgiveness over and over.

***

Dean is earning money again and John’s double job is becoming more stable. Sam has also started to work on Friday nights, not to interrupt his learning of course. The house is usually empty nowadays as Dean spends most of his time drinking in bars. Wasting his hard-earned money away in gambling and booze. He occasionally prays, even when he’s hung-over, he still prays. Sometimes he prays to Cas and sometimes to his mom. He prays for a few minutes sometimes for almost half an hour, depending on the time and place. When he’s daydreaming, he prays for a short amount of time. Only when he gets home does he pray longer.

Of course being out of the house a lot infuriates dad and Sam. They always ask him where he’s been or what he’s been doing. He says he’s fine and of course no one believes his breath stinking with alcohol or the crude vomit sessions in the toilet.

Bobby still visits in a regular basis just so Sam and dad don’t rip each other’s throats out because Dean can’t do it anymore. He can’t be that strong person he used to be for the family. He’s just-

So a month or two go by and he either works or drinks his tears away. Trying to find Cas is out of the question, he tried a few weeks ago through libraries. Alas, Chuck Shurley and his workshop are nowhere to be found. Dean doesn’t even know if Cas is still with Chuck and all the other angels. He doesn’t know because he can’t be there to watch over Cas. He can’t protect Cas. He can’t show Cas how much he misses and…loves him.

Dean still prays and will continue to do so.

He prays and prays, hoping to know if someone is listening. Hoping to know if Cas is listening.

From the silence, he knows nobody is listening. Not Chuck, Balthazar, Anna, Michael or even Gabriel. Not one of them has come back to let Dean know about Cas.

_‘I hope you’re alright Cas. I still think about you every day. I still wish for you to come back and no matter how pissed off I was in some of my prayers. I still want- I still want you to come back home. Right here next to me. This is your home…I love you.’_

 

-Chuck Shurley’s Workshop-

The world of the supernatural has been quiet. Too quiet and it bothers Gabriel.

Sure everything is back to how it should be. From every nook and cranny, Gabriel can feel that everything is in place. The angelic choir still sing through the walls and you can still hear the ancient whispers of the past through the cement. The doors still hide secrets that even Gabriel doesn’t know of, and he knows plenty.

Balthazar and Anna still argue about trivial things. Michael still follows daddy around like a good soldier. The corridors are never quiet with their presence, causing chaos in every turn.

Gabriel can say that his home is finally complete.

If ‘complete’ is the perfect word to describe it.

He still remembers leaving this place right after their father returned from meeting Henry Winchester and giving Castiel away. Of course Gabriel immediately set out to watch over his baby brother because it is not only his job but he wanted to. There was no way Gabriel would let some human handle his baby brother unsupervised.

Especially since he knew Castiel couldn’t remember his family.

So he nested near the Winchester’s household, just far enough so Castiel can never notice him, and close enough to watch his brother.

To his surprise, his Father picked the right person to take care of Castiel. Henry was an honorable man. Intelligent, witty, charismatic and dashing were some of the words to describe Henry. However, kindness was definitely perfect because there was a wonderful pulse emanating from Henry Winchester, which Gabriel has never seen before in a mortal.

The same pulse radiated from his son, John on which Cas was left to one night. Gabriel disguised himself as a human and watched as Henry left his home to wherever, leaving Castiel wrapped around the arms of a sleeping boy. Henry never returned for Castiel and the boy neither could Gabriel feel the older Winchester’s pulse anymore. Not like he used to, instead, he felt it through Castiel’s powers. Castiel’s doll form serve as a protective charm to John and luckily for the young Winchester, he didn’t know what Cas was doing. So Gabriel let it slide and continued watching over Castiel as John grew up into a fine young man. Gabriel expected John to grow up just fine especially when Castiel was his guardian angel. His baby bro made Gabriel proud for doing such an excellent job.

But even Gabriel knew how miserable John was. Deep down, he actually cared about the poor boy’s cries at night even though he’d never admit it to anyone.

Eventually, John didn’t care about Castiel as much as he used to, which was fine because neglect usually meant an early retirement for angels. Gabriel couldn’t wait to get out of the babysitting job, take Cassie back to their home and forget this ever happened. He would use this experience as a story to share with Anna and Balthazar, maybe even Michael if he ever listened for once.

Just like his father Henry, John was kind and compassionate. Apparently good looks run in the family too because John landed himself a pretty young woman named Mary who was too badass for him, if Gabriel were to say so himself. The two of them loved each other deeply, maybe too deeply. Because when the two started doing the horizontal tango in John’s room, Gabriel was concerned that Castiel was going to see everything.

Luckily for Cas, he was facing away.

Since John was already too happy, having a family and beautiful wife can do wonders to him, Gabriel was bracing himself for the time when Castiel will be released from his task.

Gabriel expected Castiel to transform back into his angel form, not knowing anything because of the deal he had with Father. And Gabriel would swoop in and take his baby bro home. Alas it wouldn’t be so as Mary, bless her soul, unintentionally wished for Cas to watch over her son, Dean, at night. Now Gabriel didn’t know how long Cas was going to be granting these people’s wishes nor when they’ll be able to go home. He knew there were assignments that lasted centuries but none of them has ever been extended this much. He decided to wait because it would be a shame for an Archangel like himself to be impatient.

So he continued waiting and watching. Sometimes listened to Mary’s wonderful lullabies and think: ‘gosh darn it, humans never fail to surprise you.’

He was worried when the fire struck, killing Mary and sending the Winchester family into chaos. It wasn’t something he wanted to happen, perhaps he could’ve done something however as an angel, an Archangel no less, he shouldn’t interfere with the fate of humans. Death was something beyond their father’s reach, even more to Gabriel. Luckily for John, Castiel was protecting him. Not just John but Dean and his baby brother Sam were under an umbrella of protection. Protection that Castiel put up using his powers and Gabriel was curious as to how his baby bro managed to gain that much power since he didn’t have memories to help him.

Even more shocking than the fire, Castiel’s transformation in Dean’s birthday shook Gabriel’s core. He returned home and reported back to Father as soon as it happened. It was against the rules to interact with humans without Father’s permission. To his surprise, Father permitted it and asked Gabriel to continue watching Dean and Castiel from afar. To his scorn, Gabriel obeyed and watched Castiel develop physically alongside Dean. Including to the point of developing feelings for the boy. Feelings, Gabriel never knew Castiel could have after having his memories wiped clean.

After a decade Gabriel was given another task. The task was to withdraw from his observation and to bring Dean and Castiel to Father’s workshop, should they follow the instructions on the letter Balthazar sent. Father wanted to turn Castiel human! Out of fury, Gabriel rebelled. He couldn’t let his father decide Castiel’s fate without consoling with Gabriel first.

Thus the long weekend began where Gabriel nearly destroyed himself for his selfishness and his baby brother’s memories. Memories in which severed the relationship between Dean and Castiel.

Castiel has returned to father’s workshop, to his family, after decades in servitude to the Winchesters. Gabriel doesn’t know whether to be happy or upset because the abrupt way Castiel abandoned the Winchesters is discomforting. After watching him for years, Gabriel knows how close Castiel was to the brothers and eventually to the rest of Dean’s family, given such a short span of time. He doesn’t know why but Castiel pleaded for all of them to leave the Winchesters alone, reasoning that it would be good for the angels and Dean’s family to remain separated.

He believes that he doesn’t have feelings for Dean anymore and that being involved with the supernatural has done nothing but bring pain towards the family. Gabriel obviously thought it was bull, he has never seen Castiel in love with anyone more than Dean but then again, he was under the influence of a wish. Well that’s what Gabriel thought of at first, especially since he was all for Castiel coming back home to the family. However now, he thinks all the things he said about miracles at the cost of other’s happiness couldn’t get truer.

And Gabriel was just starting to warm up to Sam, who Dean calls ‘Sammy’.

Gabriel can’t go against what Castiel says, after all, he has done enough to his baby brother and he doesn’t want to make their relationship worse than it already is. If Cas doesn’t want to interfere with the lives of the Winchesters then that’s fine. Besides, he’s making decisions without any bias because he has his memories back. Gabriel couldn’t thank Dean enough for convincing Castiel on getting them back. Somehow, he’s starting to regret the decision.

For weeks, Castiel has been standing in the Garden of Eden. On his usual spot, the spot that Gabriel gave him a long time ago to meditate or enjoy solitude. Gabriel knows Castiel is different than all the other angels. It’s the same with him. They are both ostracized for their difference in some way. Castiel chooses to be detached from others while on the other hand, Gabriel gives others reasons to avoid him. Out of all the angels, Castiel is the only one who doesn’t hate Gabriel for being different so in return, he gave his younger brother a spot.

The same spot Castiel is standing on right now as he watches Hannah disappear with the beat of her wings.

“Been standing there for a while now Cassie! Even to the point of sending your darling Hannah away.” Castiel doesn’t answer at first, as if something is taking his attention away from Gabriel, even though there’s nothing else out here.

“Hellooooooo! Earth to Cassie! Get your feathery butt out of the clouds!” he snaps his fingers and Castiel literally snaps out of it.

“My apologies, Gabriel. I was deep in thought.”

Gabriel clicks his mouth. “Of course you were. Listen, I just wanted to check up on you. See how you’re doing.” Gabriel strolls around Castiel’s spot and stops as soon as he comes to full circle.

“I am well Gabriel. I am just standing here, enjoying the solitude. This is usually where I spend my time even before I went away…” he stops and again, there is that abrupt tension in the air which Gabriel can’t put his finger on.

“Are you sure? It’s been months since you started standing here in ‘solitude’. I just wonder if you’re thinking about a certain Winchester. You know, the one who’s in love with you?” Gabriel gets a death stare after that, Castiel is clearly annoyed with what he said however his expression softens.

“As I said before. It would be better if we do not get involved with the Winchesters anymore. We have done enough…” Castiel solemnly replies.

“I know we did…” Gabriel looks down on the green grass. “I’m sorry if things didn’t work out. I know it’s because of the memories-,”

“No it’s not about the memories Gabriel. I decided to leave Dean so do not apologize for anything. I told you before not to apologize for anything…” and he stops again. That abrupt pause then staring into space is anything but obvious now.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Gabriel asks, clasping Castiel’s shoulder.

“I’m fine. Please just leave it be, Gabriel. Just leave it be.” Gabriel thinks Castiel wants to add ‘Leave Dean be’ but he doesn’t. He knows why but he’s not convinced that Castiel is fine. Of course he knows Castiel is not fine but usually he knows why.

Now he doesn’t and Gabriel not knowing why means he can’t help Castiel. Which means he’s useless and Gabriel doesn’t like the feeling of being useless, how else did he survive decades of waiting for Castiel to come back and eager to heal John Winchester’s wounds after the accident?

He raises his hands in surrender and reminds Castiel to call him if he needs anything. Emphasizing the tone on anything. Castiel nods and he flies off, suddenly he is at the grand entrance. Anna and Balthazar ask if he has gotten anything out of Castiel and if he knows what is bothering him. Again, Gabriel brings no news of any change. Castiel still denies Gabriel answers and the two other angels groan in defeat.

He watches them point at each other, blaming each other for things they probably did or didn’t do while Gabriel contemplates.

The workshop has been quiet. Too quiet. And he is not convinced that Castiel left the Winchesters out of the goodness of his heart. He knows the extent of Castiel’s loyalty and it is almost limitless. He does not simply leave someone like Dean with such an empty reason. Gabriel saw their love with his own traumatized eyes. Something…such as what Dean and Castiel shared does not just end the way Castiel said.

And if Gabriel can’t get the truth out of Castiel because of reasons, then he’ll just have to find the next best thing.

After all, Gabriel doesn’t like feeling useless.

Father’s workshop has been quiet for far too long.

***

So far, Castiel settles back into his old life. The life he used to have before leaving for his assignment. He finally remembers everything about his past, everything there is to know about his family.

Anna and Balthazar are still as passionate with their arguments as ever, Michael still follows Father around and Hannah still visits him in the garden from time to time. Gabriel continues to pester everyone with his pranks and twisted humor which inevitably ends as soon as Michael interjects.

Over all, everything has returned back to the way it should be. His world does not coexist with the Winchesters while the Winchesters do not have to suffer from being involved with their world. It is an arrangement he begged from his father through a prayer during john Winchester’s accident. Back in the hospital, he prayed for his father to speak to him alone. Upon leaving the hospital, he flew to Dean’s home where Father and Michael were waiting. Gabriel, Anna and Balthazar were too busy in decorating Dean’s home while the Winchesters were driving back from the hospital.

Castiel begged Father to arrange a farewell to the Winchesters and promise him that nobody interferes with their lives ever again. Chuck was reluctant but agreed. Castiel was relieved, relieved to be able to finally give Dean the peace he deserved. A peaceful life where Castiel or the supernatural cannot do him or his family harm. Even after getting his memories back, Castiel remained dutiful to the Winchesters. He always thinks about their safety above all else, even if it costs him. Even if he has to sacrifice his feelings towards Dean.

So on the night after his family spent dinner with the Winchesters, he confessed everything to Dean. He confessed the truth about his feelings and what he intended to do. Seeing Dean crumble, ripped him apart. Regardless if his feelings in terms of ‘love’ are unclear, he had to find a way to stop hurting Dean for good. To stop himself for being the reason of Dean’s suffering.

Dean, who protects and cares about his family above all else, deserves more than chaos the supernatural brings.

Dean, who can loves someone with all his heart deserves someone who loves him just as much.

Dean doesn’t deserve someone who can’t have the same feelings in return.

Dean doesn’t deserve someone who is unsure about their feelings.

Castiel doesn’t deserve someone so kind and wonderful like Dean.

So Castiel begged Father to grant him a wish. He asked to give Dean peace from the supernatural world and from Castiel. Father granted that wish hence there is peace in Dean’s world and his. The angels no longer have to hear the Winchester’s prayers just like the time when Sam called for them. Dean no longer has to have any contact with the supernatural world _because_ Father granted Castiel a wish.

There is peace and quiet and that’s all everyone needs to hear.

But like all wishes, there is a cost.

From the moment Castiel abandoned Dean in his room and used the closet as a portal to close the world of the supernatural forever, a price was paid.

From now on, only one person can hear all of the Winchester’s prayers. Only one. It is because the peace needs to be maintained on both worlds. Castiel has been hearing every single prayer the Winchesters have made. Every single one.

The moment he stepped foot on his old home, all those months ago, he has heard every single cry and prayer Dean has made.

_‘Cas please come back.’_

_‘Cas I love you.’_

_‘Cas please come back home.’_

 ‘ _I love you and it’s still not your fault.’_

_‘You didn’t even say good bye…’_

_‘Are you still thinking about me Cas? I know I do.’_

_‘If you could just come back…’_

_‘I don’t think you’re even listening…’_

_‘Right here next to me. This is your home…I love you.’_

Castiel keeps to himself every single day since coming back, to make sure no one can see his tears. Not a single one. He was too ashamed to even say good-bye to Dean’s family. Too ashamed of himself to let anyone else know of his tears. And now he hears not only Dean’s prayers, but all of the Winchesters’.

Out of the rest, he can clearly hear Dean’s prayers the most. They’re the ones that don’t stop.

The hurting just will not stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? Are ya'll still alive? Should I give some mercy?
> 
> I try my best to make the plot as creative and innovative as possible.
> 
> Please tell me what you think...
> 
> Kudos and Comments are appreciated!


	21. The Doll House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John prays to Mary, Gabriel finds some answers and Dean is working on a new project.
> 
> -
> 
> Even if he can hear the constant hurt.
> 
> Even if he can feel it constantly hurting.
> 
> Even if he can’t see Dean, he just imagines the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing again, thank god. 
> 
> Anyway I modified the tags because 'reasons'... :)

_‘Mary, if you can hear me, it’s John. Your husband…I know it’s been a while since I talked to you. I’ve just been so busy with working and trying to be strong for Dean._

_Mary, I need your help. Dean is in trouble and I don’t know what else to do. I know I’m not gonna win any father of the year awards. I think you’d kick my ass if you saw how much crap I put our boys through. Sam seems to be coping really well, he’s doing really well in school and I’m proud of him. Though he thinks I’m not._

_Anyway, Dean needs help and I don’t know what else to do. I’m trying real hard Mary. I truly am. But I know our son Mary, he has that same look on his face when I lost you. He looks like me when you left us. He looks the same as I was and it hurts to see our son suffer like this._

_I know he really loves Castiel, you know the angel doll I gave our son a long time ago? He’s a real angel Mary! He knew dad and is related to other angels. Castiel said he remembered you too. He said he remembered your sweet voice and right there and then, I knew this angel was perfect for Dean. Our son looks at him, just as how I used to look at you._

_You know I love you very much Mary._

_It’s the same with Dean. He really loves Cas and it’s really sad how everything turned out._

_Castiel left our son Mary and I don’t know how I can help him. I don’t know how to fix this problem. You said a long time ago that angels are supposed to watch over us. To watch over our son. I think Castiel just needs a reminder of how much Dean needs him. Dean needs Castiel to watch over him again._

_If you can hear me Mary, please forgive me. I have failed our son. I couldn’t take care him on your behalf and I wish you can forgive me. I’m really trying Mary. I truly am._

_After the accident, I thought I was going to join you._

_But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t do that to our kids._

_The past couple of months have been rough on Dean, but he’s calmed down. He’s starting to pick himself up. There’s this project he’s been working on. A little doll house. I think it’s his way of coping with everything. I’m glad he has something to get his mind of being miserable._

_He’s crying less. He spends most of his time building that doll house and working. Sam and I offered to help but he says it’s something he’s gotta do on his own. We respect that._

_But I can still see the hurt in his eyes Mary._

_I haven’t seen his smile in a while. A real smile. Not even in Sammy’s birthday._

_Dean tried to cheer himself up. We could all see him struggle. We didn’t push him because I don’t trust my temper. Bobby is better at talking to Dean than I am. Bobby’s been really helpful Mary. He’s the only friend I can count on with the boys and they love him._

_If you’re out there somewhere, I hope you can watch over our son. Get him back up on his feet._

_I hope you can help him because he really needs it right now. He really needs all the help he can get.’_

John Winchester sighs in the driver’s seat of the Impala. Dean hasn’t been driving the car for a while now because he’s been too focused on his project in the garage.

John locks the car and somberly walks into his quiet home where he expects Sam to be studying and Dean working on his project. The house has been too quiet and he knows it has lost its warmth over the past few months. However he tries to make the most of it. He tries to be strong for his sons now more than ever.

Dean used to be the strongest person in the house and now that he can’t, John decides to step up to the role.

He has been a failure to his children for years now. This time, it’s his turn to give back to the family. It’s his turn to show his sons that they can depend on him. In fact, he never thought he’ll ever get the courage to take responsibility.

It all started when he saw his son’s heart break for the first time.

This time, it’s his turn to take care of Dean.

He enters his home, placing his keys on a bowl next to the main door and smells Bobby’s cooking. Sam greets him and they both share a look on their faces. It’s a look that means Dean is in the garage, working on the doll house. With a nod, he turns to the kitchen, trying his best not to cry, he doesn’t want to cry in front of his sons anymore.

After all, it’s his turn to be strong for all of them and he’ll constantly remind himself.

He’ll call Dean to wash his hands and join them for dinner. It’s one of the small things he can do to show his eldest son that he loves him. Even if Dean doesn’t see it.

John finally believes he can keep their home from falling apart.

 

-Chuck’s Workshop-

After months of wondering, Gabriel has finally mustered the courage to face his father about what is happening. The quiet workshop has gradually descended into dismay as the angelic choir started to sing laments instead of grace. The walls are no longer whispering secrets to each other, they now wail and moan as if something is shaking the very foundations of their realm.

As an Archangel, of course Gabriel can’t let such a phenomenon slide and Castiel still wants seclusion regardless of Gabriel’s countless visitations. Anna and Balthazar agree to participate in Gabriel’s scheme. Since Castiel won’t tell them anything, Gabriel decides to take matters into his own hands. Balthazar distracts all the other angels and Anna ensures that Castiel remains in the garden while Gabriel confronts father about what is going on with their world.

The workshop has never experienced such an insidious force, corroding its peace, and Gabriel puts his bets that it has something to do with Castiel’s return.

His four majestic wings burst toward the front of his father’s study where he demands an audience. Michael opens the door as always and gives him a glare. There is no doubt, Gabriel is stepping into dangerous territory and he doesn’t really care as long as he can get the answers that he want. He wants to know why their world is falling apart.

“Must you always carry yourself in such a manner Gabriel?” Michael asks and he ignores him. Gabriel focuses all his energy on his daddy dearest, who is again, trying to recover from the pile of papers and bottles scattered around him.

“Care to explain what the hell is going on here? The angelic choir is lamenting, the entire place feels worse than a funeral and I can’t hear anything from the outside world anymore!” Gabriel’s wings fluff and twitch, forcing Chuck’s eyes to jut out in panic.

“I-I…” Chuck tries to speak but Michael snarls at Gabriel. “Gabriel! How dare you speak to father in such a way?”

“This doesn’t concern you Mikey! Dad and I are gonna have a chat!” Gabriel snaps his fingers and a bright light banishes Michael from where he stands. Darting a determined look toward his father, Gabriel sighs from exhaustion.

“I don’t have time for your bull dad. I used up enough juice to keep Michael at bay. For now, you’re gonna tell me why everything feels like death in here and why Cassie has been staring at empty space for almost the entire year!” His wings spread wide, covering the exit and bracing itself to whatever’s coming. Gabriel knows he used too much power on Michael and he’s basing his courage to speak up, on the fact that Father is hopeless without Michael around.

He’s not going to stop until he gets some answers.

“Start talking pops!”

***

Talking to Anna is refreshing. Castiel remembers their previous conversations about life and everything since the dawn of time and he must say, he misses having these talks. He has always looked up to Anna because she is strong, valiant and powerful, loved by all the other angels. Yet at the same time, she is reserved and composed. Castiel cannot be like her, he likes solitude too much for the other angels liking.

Then again, he likes the company of several angels. He likes Anna’s company because she has a caring demeanor towards him. Gabriel and Balthazar are also included in his circle. Balthazar knows how to cheer him up without being too annoying and Gabriel knows how to be annoying but at the same time, respects Castiel’s indifference. They’re a happy family and he is glad to return to them however…

Something is gravely wrong.

Even as Anna speaks to him about her memories of the late 70s, he can hear great pain in the air. He can hear prayers wailing in his thoughts and his wings are stiff from folding for too long. He hasn’t spread them wide since coming back and he should do something about that. Perhaps he can ask Anna to groom his wings after their talk. Even for just a moment, he can set his mind at ease-

Actually, he doesn’t know if that will be the case because his heart has been hurting since the day he left Dean in his room. Knots of pain twist and clench inside and he doesn’t know how to make it stop. He can’t shut the prayers off because he wished to give everyone peace. This was his selfish choice and he will stand by it till kingdom come.

Even if he can hear the constant hurt.

Even if he can feel it constantly hurting.

Even if he can’t see Dean, he just imagines the pain.

And it’s immense. It’s too much that he can barely move from where he stands. He doesn’t show anyone how much he is hurting because that would mean something is wrong. It will mean something might disturb the peace he has worked so hard to maintain for months.

That doesn’t stop him from wishing for the hurting to stop. That doesn’t stop him from wishing for Dean to move on.

As much as thinking about Dean moving on hurts, he needs to hope for it to happen. It is the only way to end the pain. Somehow, at the back of his mind, he doesn’t think his prayers will be answered.

Regardless of the endless string of prayers echoing through his thoughts or the sound of Anna’s voice, he doesn’t notice the rush of wings from behind as Gabriel appears with Father next to him. Eyes flare and fists clench. Anna has stopped talking, only then he hears the sound of the mourning angelic choir from inside their home.

“Gabriel…” Anna says from behind and Gabriel lunges toward Castiel. Gripping Castiel’s angelic robe with one hand as Anna and Father yelp in concern.

“You stupid arrogant dick!” Gabriel’s nose also flares and four majestic wings spread behind him. Castiel can see the warrior side of an Archangel with his own two eyes.

With a single swing, Castiel’s face slams down to the soil. A flurry of green grass enter his nostrils and the stinging pain mute the sound of misery in the air.

Gabriel clenches and unclenches his hand while pulling Castiel up, ready for another swing.

“Gabriel stop!” Anna commands but his older brother doesn’t listen and Castiel’s entire body fly towards the bushes, breaking twigs and branches along the way. He can feel the splinters cut his skin and the leaves touch blood.

“What is the matter with you Gabriel?” Anna runs to pull Castiel out of the shrubbery.

“Why don’t you ask Cassie about the stupid thing he did?” he shakes his head and points at Castiel while Anna helps him up. “You really think we wouldn’t know your stupid wish Cassie? What were you thinking?” Gabriel releases his commanding voice, a voice he only uses when Father orders him to do so.

Castiel coughs up blood and feels his wounds healing. The impact would kill a human but he’s no human. He’s an angel…even now he’s not so sure anymore.

“I made a decision Gabriel…I stand by what I asked for.” Castiel chokes out regardless of his ribs snapping themselves back together.

“A dumbass decision is what that is! How could you Castiel? All this time, I knew there was something wrong about you coming back but I didn’t say anything because I know I’ve messed up more ties than I can count.  But this is a whole new low for you Cassie.”

“I’m trying to do the right thing Gabriel.” Anna looks bewildered next to him and Castiel ignores her. Letting go of her hold because he can feel his legs heal.

“No! What you’re doing is stupidly wrong! Consolidating the prayers? Keeping the peace? Closing the doors? You’d go to that extent just so we don’t lay a finger on the Winchesters!” Gabriel counts three fingers.

“I’m trying to protect them from us Gabriel! I’m trying to end their suffering because our involvement with the Winchesters has caused them nothing but pain!” Anger surges through his lungs. Amidst the healing process, he still feels the sting of Dean’s prayers.

“Oh cut the bull Castiel! Do you expect me to believe that shit? I’ve watched over all of you for decades and let me tell you, their happiest times were with you being there!” With a flash of his eyes, he knocks Gabriel back, sending the four winged angel several meters away.

“You don’t know anything Gabriel! It’s not the same anymore! I don’t have the means to protecting the Winchesters like I used to! It’s because I chose our family over theirs is the reason why I don’t deserve to be with them! They are wonderful people and I am ashamed of myself because I don’t know if I still love them like I used to! Having my memories back made me realize on how I have been unfair to both our family and THEIRS. I can’t live with them knowing I am not sure of my feelings-,” With a wave of force, Castiel gets hurled into the air then pushed down, crashing into the grass, ruining the beautiful green splendor.

His wings crack as the bones cry out in pain. His feathers scatter around them. Black and dancing in the air.

“Don’t give me that crap Castiel! Don’t you ever think this is only about you protecting the Winchesters! You’re too concerned about feeling guilty to realize how much shit you’ve done! You love that family Castiel! Sure I didn’t like the idea of you not knowing anything about us but I never asked you to abandon them for good! I knew there was something wrong about you leaving Dean. You love him and you shut him away. Can’t you hear the sound of the angelic choir? They’re singing in despair Castiel! They’re singing like that because they can feel how much pain you’re going through! This whole place does! They may not know the whole arrangement with dad over there, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out your madness!” Castiel tries to get up, he waves his broken right hand, signaling everyone not to interfere. The pain is numbing now, but he’s still healing. The feathers he shed dissipate and the broken bones crack together, causing a reverberating sound in the area of silence.

“Dean deserves someone better Gabriel. He doesn’t deserve someone as horrible as myself…” Castiel tries not to cry as Dean’s words start to ring in his ears.

_‘Cas please come back.’_

_‘Cas I love you.’_

“I can’t…I don’t even know if I love him…” Castiel finally let the tears out. Like a flood bursting through a broken dam, he weeps for what he has done. For what he chose.

“Cassie, you’re still so stupid, so blind…” Gabriel flies in front of him. The anger no longer burns on his older brother’s face, he kneels in front of Castiel and gently heals his wounds.

“Do you remember why I gave you this spot in the garden? I gave it to you because I wanted you to search for a sense of purpose, not just because I knew you enjoyed solitude. Upon stumbling into the Winchester’s lives, more directly than we anticipated, than I anticipated…I think you finally found your sense of purpose. The fact you would sacrifice yourself just to protect them, even though your methods are wrong, indicate what you truly feel about them. You love them Castiel. They are your family too. I know it’s true, not even getting your memories back can change that.” All of Castiel’s wounds have healed now, even the pain in his chest is starting to lift.

Gabriel smiles and the wings on his back glow pure yellow light. The energy trickles out of the feathers and spread across the garden, spreading as far as Castiel’s eyes can see. The ruins, the sad depredation from their conflict disappear and Castiel doesn’t realize until his wings are spread wide that his powers are flowing with Gabriel’s.

“I don’t want to see you hurt anymore. I don’t want to pretend everything is fine now that you’re back. I want you to embrace your purpose Castiel. I want you to do what makes you happy.” Gabriel stops and Castiel wants to say something but doesn’t. He just stares at his family, at Father, Anna, Balthazar, Michael and the others. They look at him and expect something. Anything.

He too, expects something from himself.

***

In the miserable case that is Dean’s life, he decides to work on a doll house. It’s been months since Castiel left his home, since that horrible event happened and it still hurt. Whenever he sleeps, he has a nightmare about it. When he’s awake, the nightmare just feels more real.

No matter.

Dean has had time to adjust. He doesn’t thrash and sulk as much anymore. Sam, dad and Uncle Bobby hasn’t need to calm him down for a while now. Especially since he discovered his new hobby. They all support Dean’s project because it helps him take his mind off self-destruction. He doesn’t drink as much because he uses his time productively by creating the materials to build the doll house.

The idea started around the time after Sam’s birthday. He realized that he gave Cas a birthday too. Out of the annual events in the calendar, Cas loved birthdays the most. Especially Dean’s however Dean doesn’t care about his birthday at the moment. His birthday was pretty much the start of all the things that went wrong earlier in the year. So he doesn’t want to look back to it now. He just wants to look ahead and finish the doll house for Cas because this is Cas’ first birthday that Dean won’t get to celebrate.

He wants this doll house to be perfect.

The roof is blue like Cas’ eyes and the paintjob on the walls are white like the angel’s loincloth. The house has three bedrooms, the master bedroom is for him and Cas of course, while the other rooms are reserved for either Sammy or dad, if they ever want to stay over. It has a large balcony and veranda where he can watch the sunset. Dean loves sunsets. The kitchen is next to the dining room where Dean can make as many burgers as he want for Cas. Cas loves burgers.

There will be an oven where Dean can bake as many pies as he wants and he’ll share every single pie he has with Cas. Cas can have all of them.

Yes, this doll house is Dean’s dream home. A home he wants to share with Cas until he grows old and dies.

A place where he- no, they can call home. Just the two of them.

This is his birthday gift to Cas. He wants to finish it before Cas’ birthday so if Cas ever comes back, he can show his angel their dream home. The home Dean will work hard to get for the two of them. He’ll tell Cas all about the rooms in the house, every detail. He’s even started to carve little wooden furniture for their home. Bobby and dad are very generous in supplying him with the materials and tools to make it. Some of the materials, he bought, using the money he earns. It’s a great way to spend his cash rather than drinking it all.

So Dean’s hell bent on finishing the doll-house before Cas’ birthday because he wants to. Because even though Cas is never coming back, he’ll finish it. No matter what, he’ll get this work done and it’ll be his dream home with Cas.

All he needs now is for Cas to look at his work and marvel at his birthday gift.

At times, Dean prays while he’s working on the doll house. He prays and tells Cas of all the intricate detail of the doll house.

_‘Cas buddy, are you listening? Your birthday is coming up and I just want you to know that I’m almost done working on your doll-house. I’m gonna finish it before your birthday because I want to give it to you. I want you to look at it and think of how much fun we’re gonna have when I can actually put a roof on our heads. Our home is gonna be just like this doll-house. Just the two of us. It’s the perfect birthday gift Cas. It’s my gift to you. Our home.’_

Dean’s eyes start to water and it’s not because of the saw dust that’s floating in the air. He’s crying because deep-down, no matter how much he prays and wishes, Cas is not listening.

Cas is not going to see Dean’s birthday gift.

Cas is not gonna have a home with Dean.

Cas is not gonna be there in his birthday.

On October 20, Dean knows there are only two things that can happen. He either finishes the doll-house, get stinking drunk and cry until he passes out.

Option number two, he snaps, destroys the doll-house, get stinking drunk and pass out from crying.

Yep, he’s sure it’s gonna be a great birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never written anything more depressing than this story and I know it's too late but I apologize for being horrible.
> 
> Harry Potter kind of inspired me to write light-hearted things at the start then turning them dark over time. 
> 
> I hope you like this chapter and i appreciate kudos and comments :) let me know what you think.


	22. Dean and Castiel's Home Is Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is in the brink of insanity and Castiel decides to take action.  
> Will these two have their 'Happily Ever After'?
> 
> -
> 
> He doesn’t need to look at the sky anymore to know the color of Cas’ eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the ending! After months of writing, planning, heart and mind wrenching pain, I have concluded one of the longest works I've ever written. To think this fic was only meant to be a couple of chapters then i was like- nahhh, let my inhibitions write the story. 
> 
> Tags have been updated and I hope you enjoy reading this fic. I can move on to making new stories or finish some 'Work in Progress' ones. 
> 
> Let me know what you think or if I should make an epilogue?  
> The Chapter Number is perfect because it is the number of the day I was born :)

After another mediocre day at work, another mediocre afternoon, Dean is ready to go home already, and it’s only two in the afternoon. He’s been dying to go home because he was only a few hours away to finishing the doll house. He couldn’t complete it sooner because he got into a huge argument with everyone about his unhealthy obsession towards it.

They realized Dean doesn’t intend on keeping his project for very long. It’s actually his fault because he’s been muttering to himself while working alone in the garage. Praying and talking out loud as if someone is next to him. Actually he thinks there is someone next to him, he’s been talking to Castiel for a while now. He talks to Castiel as if the angel is really there and not just empty space. When his dad caught him laughing at something Cas used to say to him long ago, dad was very adamant about Dean dropping his project. Dean objected of course, telling him to fuck off and die because he’s busy working on the doll house.

Of course his dad had to call Sam and Bobby. He just had to bring them into the discussion because dad doesn’t want Dean to finish the doll house. The truth is, dad just doesn’t want Cas to see Dean’s birthday gift.

That talk didn’t stop Dean from talking to himself. He was thrashing in his room the whole time, complaining to an imaginary Cas about how his family’s being complete dicks about everything. Even now Dean still babbles to himself whenever they’re not around. It’s a norm for him to just say things out loud because Cas doesn’t seem to be able to hear him if he prays in his head.

Cas might hear him better if _he says his prayers out loud._

But that doesn’t stop Bobby from blackmailing him into working on Cas’ birthday, of all days for chhrissakes! Regardless of his protests, the old man insists he drop the project and get his ‘idjit’ ass to work or Bobby breaks Cas’ doll house. Of course Dean is pissed off but his family knows he wouldn’t risk getting his doll house ruined on Cas’ special day. He just won’t and Dean’s family are still being a bunch of dicks.

He tried to slip out, only to discover the Impala’s keys are missing from his jacket and Bobby has them dangling in his fingers with an annoyed expression. Dean glares at him, only to be picked up by John because Bobby can’t handle his shit today. The older man underestimated Dean Winchester’s sarcasm and John just shakes his head in disappointment. Dean wants to say something that’ll hurt, maybe say something about how much of a failure his dad was just so Dean can see someone hurt. Someone other than himself hurt. Also, so that John can hit him for what he says.

They drop the macho act and John unlocks the Impala.

Dean huffs, enters baby and slams her door. John glares at him before ordering him not to say anything until they get home and just drives in silence. He doesn’t play music or look at Dean for the rest of the drive. He just looks ahead, face intensely stern and focused. Dean doesn’t really give a shit anymore, he knew this day was going to be bad news and he doesn’t care what else happens. Things are bad as it is.

It can get worse but he doesn’t really give two shits anymore.

Fucking life he leads.

***

Dean has been watching the road for a while now and he knows Bobby is in the truck behind them. Great, there’s gonna be another intervention session in the living room where they can all hold hands and talk about feelings. Screw that. It’s better if Dean doesn’t feel anything anymore. It will be better if he just works on the doll house, drink his life away and be alone.

He doesn’t want everyone breathing down his neck every second of every day, asking how he is or if he’s not doing anything stupid. Dean sick and tired and just wants to finish the doll house because whatever happens to him doesn’t matter anymore.

All that matters is finishing what he started regardless how insane it is or what he intends to do with the doll house afterwards.

Gazing upon the blue sky, he remembers how blue Cas’ eyes were. How they stare at him in great fascination and concern. They always looked at him with affection even from the start. Even from the very beginning, Cas always looked at Dean with affection and Dean didn’t do anything to deserve it. Dean still remembers how much of a dork his angel was when they first met and it’s a memory he’ll never forget. Furthermore, their feelings grew into something more than just family and it sprung out of nowhere. Actually it started when Dean realized how amazing Cas was. How good the angel was to him even though their lives are fucked up.

Cas gave Dean his love and attention when no one else would. The angel gave Dean something to look forward to coming home every day.

He smiles to himself, at least he remembers the color of Cas’ eyes. He hasn’t seen his smile for a very long time, but Dean can try and recall a few snippets of it in his memory. The way Cas smiled was the best thing Dean has ever seen. If only he can see them again.

Only if-

Awaiting at the front of his home, is a crowd of people named Gabriel, Balthazar, Anna, Michael and Chuck.

Angels.

By instinct, he tries to open baby’s door but John has it locked. His dad keeps driving and ignore Dean’s question on what the hell is going on? Why are they here? And if ‘he’s’ here?

John drives smoothly and parks baby then sighs. He looks at Dean with a solemn smile.

“Dean…you need to go.” Dad says and unlocks the door. Dean’s eyes are almost teary and gives one more look at his dad before bursting out of the Impala and running towards the angels who are staring at him. Just staring.

“W-What…what are you all doing here?” Dean asks looking at each and every single one of their faces. “Where’s Cas?” He asks and none of them answer. A heavy feelings sits in his stomach and Gabriel’s frown isn’t helping. “Is he with you?”

No answer.

“Did something happen?”

“Dean…” Gabriel mutters under his breath and something inside Dean snaps.

“WHERE IS CAS?” He shouts with all his might then gripping Gabriel’s shoulders, shaking the shorter angel.

“We had to be here Dean…” Anna takes a hold of his left arm and Dean just stares at her eyes. They don’t hide anything and something else inside Dean snaps. At the back of his mind, he hears breaking glass and he…

And he…

And he…

Upon turning, someone wraps their arms around him. Holding him tight. He has dark brown hair and about an inch shorter than Dean. It takes a moment for Dean to realize, Cas is holding him in his arms. Cas is right in front of him.

Not as a memory.

Not as a figment of his imagination.

Cas doesn’t let go and Dean let the tears roll out of his eyes. Producing stream after stream of tears onto the angel’s dark hair. Dean cries and he can feel the angel’s voice hitch from his chest. This is real. This feels real. Cas is really here in his arms and crying with him.

His angel looks at him and he can finally see it again.

He doesn’t need to look at the sky anymore to know the color of Cas’ eyes.

“Hello Dean.” Cas greets him, really greet him and Dean cannot be happier than how he is now.

“Cas…” He puts a hand on Cas’ face, just to make sure he’s not hallucinating or this is just some sick twisted joke his mind made up. No, it’s real. The stubble, the warmth and the creases, they’re all real. Cas is right in front of him. Holding him. Dean never wants to let go.

“Cas…you came back.” He sniffs and the angel wipes the tears on his face.

“I did. Dean I came back and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for leaving. I’m sorry for not answering your prayers. I’m sorry for being too selfish, too ignorant of what you truly need. I thought I was protecting you- I thought…” Dean hushes him by pressing his lips on the angel’s and by the gods, it is sweeter than anything he has ever tasted.

Even sweeter than pie.

This kiss makes all the illusions and the pain of these past few months seem like nothing. All the agony, the prayers that fell into deaf ears don’t hurt anymore. It is as if he can feel his chest expand with overwhelming warmth, every fiber of his body calling out for the angel’s touch. The sweet tender feeling of having Cas this close makes his insides flutter as a hum escapes his throat. The fact he can feel Cas return his kiss is probably the best. Dean can say that he doesn’t feel alone in the kiss. Not like last time or the time before that. He can feel Cas return his kiss like the kisses they used to have. Actually, it’s more than that. He can feel something more to this kiss than all the others. This kiss is probably the best they’ve ever had.

“Dean I…”

“Don’t.” Dean hushes him again and stares deeply into the angel’s eyes.

“You have no idea how happy I am right now. I’ve waited this long for you to come back and I’m not gonna have you spoil it by apologizing…” he kisses Cas again and the angel returns it again. He just wants to keep kissing Cas forever and never let go. This is just too good to let it pass.

It is the most relief he has had in a very long time.

“I don’t really wanna spoil your moment but I think Castiel has something to say before you shoved your tongue down his throat.” Gabriel interrupts and dammit, he forgot that the rest of the family is watching. Well it doesn’t really matter. Let them watch because he’s so happy, he can’t contain it.

“Cas?” he takes his eyes away from Gabe and opens his ears to what his angel has to say.

“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness for what I did Dean. For what I did to you. To all of you.” He looks at Dean’s family and the angels. Even Sammy is here and Dean thought he was at school.  “I never got over the fact that something changed after getting my memories back. I didn’t think I deserved to be in your family Dean. I didn’t think I deserve to love you because your love never changed. My feelings did and it hurt. It hurt knowing you could possibly love me more than I did. You never treated me any different Dean. Ever since you started trusting me, you didn’t treat me any different. When you realized that you loved me just as I love you, you treated me as nothing more than an equal. I was so focused on the idea of being treated as an equal that getting my memories back and experiencing changes, convinced me that I was being unfair to you. That I wasn’t treating you properly because you kept loving me even though something changed and it hurt. It hurt so much that the only way I could think of at the time was to leave you. I convinced myself that the right thing to do was to leave you because I blamed myself for everything. I blamed myself for the change in my heart. So I decided to separate our worlds for good and hoped that you would move on.” Cas is shaking now, his hands and arms have been fidgeting the whole time.

“But I couldn’t do it Dean. No matter how much I hope for you to move on, it didn’t work. Even after carrying the responsibility of hearing all your prayers. Every single one of them...” Cas looks at dad, Bobby and Sammy. “The peace I wanted for you, for all of you, could not be made. It took Gabriel to put some sense into me…” Dean gives Gabe a quick look, the angel flashes a smile then returns to frowning before he turns back to Cas. “It took me this long to realize that I never stopped loving your family. I never stopped wanting to be here with the rest of you. I never stopped caring. I never stopped loving you, Dean…I never stopped. My feelings for you is much more than it ever was and I shouldn’t have left you, all of you…without saying good-bye. I shouldn’t have left from the start.” Cas is crying now and Dean clears his throat.

“Yes Cas. You shouldn’t have left.” Dean repeats his angel’s words and Cas looks up in concern.

“Now I know I shouldn’t have and if you cannot forgive me then I understand. I will leave and never return…” Dean hushes him by pointing his index finger at the angel’s face. Cas braces his shoulders in surprise and panic.

“No, don’t you start blaming yourself! It’s because of that, you left us and I never want you to ever leave again. Not now, not ever. You’re staying here! This is your home and dammit Cas I love you and I’ve been praying every waking hour since you disappeared to say I love you. So you’re gonna hear it now, ‘I LOVE YOU!’ I don’t want you to go! Stop talking about leaving because I don’t ever want to go through it again! I want you here by my side and I want you to live with me until I grow old and die. I love you Cas, you’re back and I’m never letting go!” Dean wraps his arms around Cas like his life depended on it. In fact, it probably does. Sam, dad and Bobby huddle around them and wrap their arms around Dean and Cas.

“Welcome home Cas.” They all say and Dean is so happy he might start crying again.

After a moment of bliss, they clear their throats and let go, Dean is still touching Cas in a way. It’s like his body has been programmed to keep in contact with Cas no matter what happens. His left arm wrap around Cas’ hip and his right hand rests on Cas’ chest as they turn to Chuck and his angels. They look at him with bright smiles on their faces.

“As Castiel’s creator, I would like to say thank you, Dean. For loving Castiel unconditionally. I apologize for everything that has happened and if only I can turn back time to avoid it from happening, I would…” Chuck sighs and Dean shakes his head.

“I know things didn’t go the way we plan them to be. I know things can really get bad but I wouldn’t rewrite what I feel right now for anything…” Dean stares at Cas’ eyes and gives him another kiss. “Cas is here and I’m happy. That’s all that matters.”

Chuck smiles at them and he looks at his angels. They all give him a nod, even Gabriel which rouses Dean’s curiosity.

“You are such an extraordinary person Dean, you have done so much for Castiel. More than I can do or give. I would like you to have him forever. You have my blessing.” Chuck holds out his hand, pointing at Cas but Dean raises his brow.

“Chuck, I’m grateful and all but Cas is still an angel. He’s your creation and a part of your family…” Dean rubs the back of his neck and Chuck interrupts.

“I think you’ve taught Castiel a valuable lesson Dean. About taking ownership of one’s self.” Chuck gives Castiel a look and his angel steps forward while holding his hands.

“Cas?” Dean asks and gently stare at his angel’s face.

“Dean, you taught me how to be myself and embrace my feelings. My feelings toward you and your family. I no longer wish to be your doll, or a member of the Heavenly Host. If you can accept me as someone who loves you, nothing more and nothing less. Then I wish to be with you Dean Winchester. Now and forever.” Castiel smiles and grips his hands firmly.

Dean nods and adds. “Of course Cas. I love you because you love me.”

Castiel smiles brightly and this time his wings spread wide. A bright light emanates from his chest as the black feathers on his back gradually dissipate into a swirl of energy, coursing through an orb between their faces. Black feathers dance and swirl into the ball as the wind gust around them. Cas’ hands don’t let go of Dean’s and his eyes remain closed. Dean’s eyes are wide open, capturing every moment as Cas’ wings disappear into the glowing orb.

It forms the shape of a doll.

An angel doll.

Cas’ angel doll.

Cas let go of his hands and hold the floating object, snatching it from air.

“Cas? What happened? Why is your doll here? What happened to your wings?” Dean asks and his angel smiles and hands the doll out to him which he reluctantly takes.

“I am no longer a doll nor an angel, Dean. I am simply Castiel. And I loved you, I am in love with you, now and forever more.” Cas grabs his hands and pulls him in for a kiss. The angels around them clap their hands and Dean feel the warmth of the kiss spread throughout his body.

He takes it back. This is probably the best kiss he has ever had. The kiss feels so sure and full of love that Dean can’t think of any insecurities, any hurt or pain and just sink into their kiss. A kiss to cement their love, now and forever more.

***

_**-Around 3 Months Later-** _

To say becoming human is difficult, is an understatement. Castiel has watched over humanity with his own two eyes but being part of their daily struggle is nothing like what he expected. For starters, there are emotions, feelings he didn’t understand until discarding his wings. Without angelic grace, everything feels much simpler, as if Castiel’s awareness about everything around him has been reduced to basic instinct and human sense. As an angel, there used to be swirls of energy or pulses, and he could feel molecules around him move and entwine, but in a level Dean and his family will never notice.

It’s complicated.

What he does understand are some of the behaviors Dean and Sam used to demonstrate when he was an angel. From the joys of eating and sleeping, to the pain of ‘ouchies’ (injuries as Dean still calls it), hunger, exhaustion and sickness (apparently he’s more prone to illness than the Winchesters). Apparently wearing less clothing in winter invites the ‘common cold.’ Dean spends an entire week taking care of him like a ‘mother hen’ as Sam describes it. Castiel still finds the human body fascinating, that and it was an interesting experience having Dean teach him how to use the bathroom. As embarrassing as Dean admits it, Cas feels much closer to Dean than he has ever been. Taking a nice hot shower for example is something Castiel has never experienced before and probably will not truly experience its pleasures if not becoming human. There is just something relieving about having the perfect water pressure and temperature drizzle on his skin OR the fact that Dean was in the shower with him at the time.

The older Winchester shied away when his erection pointed towards him. However, they didn’t do anything. Actually Dean doesn’t touch him until a few weeks after coming back home.

They spend the majority of the time holding each other by either sitting next to each other with an arm wrapped on the other’s waist or in Dean’s words ‘not-cuddling’. They do kiss, and give each other affectionate glances. When Castiel asked why they haven’t had sex, Dean said it is because he needs to teach him human ways first. It should be their number one priority before anything else. Castiel agrees with Dean and they ease him into the human’s way of life.

His family still visits him, especially Gabriel and Balthazar. The two angels have grown a liking to the Winchesters. Balthazar seem to preposition John in every opportunity, Dean still finds him annoying but eventually grows a fondness to his presence. Castiel can confidently say that Sam has grown a strong attachment to Gabriel because they spend the majority of time together whenever the angels visit. Sam and Gabriel has started to give each other looks which is not entirely a bad thing, much to Dean’s disdain. The older Winchester threaten to ‘clip’ Gabriel’s wings if he lays a finger on Sam. Sam protests, saying that nothing is going on but even Castiel can see something is blossoming between his older brother and the younger Winchester. Castiel keeps his mouth shut and makes a note to speak to Gabriel about it later. On several occasions, Anna, Michael and Father visits to check up on Castiel’s progress in his new life. Castiel shares many stories with Anna who attentively listens to every detail. Michael doesn’t seem to like his stories as much and can be rather defensive whenever Anna shows fascination toward humanity. Castiel thinks it’s because Michael is very conventional. Unlike Michael, Father is eager to hear all about Castiel’s experiences thus far. Humanity continues to baffle his father and Castiel agrees with him whole-heartedly.

With John having a stable job, Sam and Dean are relieved because they are able to stay in one place for once. Apparently John has been promoted to a managing role in the hardware store where he works part-time. Sam still attends the local high school and eventually makes friends of his own. Around the same period, Gabriel visits more, with or without Balthazar. Clearly his older brother is growing jealous with Sam’s popularity especially with a girl named Jess in his class. That’s another thing Castiel might have to worry about later but for now he can confidently say that his family and the Winchester’s have a strong relationship. Perhaps not for very long if Balthazar doesn’t stop groping Dean’s father or flirting with Bobby.

These past three months have been the most difficult yet wonderful experience in Castiel’s first stage to becoming human. His father notes that Castiel has probably been human longer than he knows. Castiel thinks about what his father said and smiles to himself.

Anyways, his family intends to visit Dean’s 19th birthday tomorrow. It still surprises Castiel on how much has changed in such a short span of time. He never thought that he’d accept humanity and live the rest of his days with Dean. The idea still makes his insides flutter and his feet lighter whenever he walks.

Sam notices his mood as he walks downstairs to fetch Dean’s birthday breakfast. The younger Winchester invites him to have breakfast while the boy reads an edited version of the book of Enoch.

“Hey Cas, I can’t believe the Archangel Gabriel in this book was pretty badass! Do you think your brother Gabe is just like him?” Sam points at the book and Castiel smiles as he fixes the collar of Dean’s AC/DC shirt because it’s too big for him. He’s wearing Deans boxers too because Castiel has no problem with wearing Dean’s clothes at home. They plan on going on a shopping spree after Castiel starts his new job that Bobby got for him, through contacts.

“I believe the Gabriel in that book is portrayed as more ‘badass’ than my brother. In saying that, I would not dare cross my brother. He is an Archangel even back when I was an angel.”

Sam raises his eyebrows and nods.

“He’s currently pissed at me for being friends with this girl named Jess in class. I don’t even know why he’s mad, she and I are just friends. Am I not allowed to have friends?” Sam asks and Castiel briefly chuckles.

“I believe my brother is experiencing a human trait called jealousy and does not know how to respond properly. Do not worry, I will have a word with him later.” Sam chuckles then thanks him while Castiel finishes his breakfast and orange juice.

“Is Dean still asleep?” Sam asks and Castiel nods, he scans the contents of the tray, making sure Dean’s favorite breakfast is ready.

“I have to go to school now. When he wakes up, can you tell him happy birthday? I’ll greet him when I get home.” Sam packs the book away into his bag and checks his pockets for the house key. He puts his jacket on and walks toward the door.

“I will Sam, thank you. I hope you have a nice day at school.” Cas waves good bye and Sam does the same. He closes the door behind him. Cas hums softly because he is happy about their domestic setting. He plans on cleaning the house later, before the rest of the family arrive. The living room doesn’t seem that dirty and a bright smile manifests on his face upon gazing on the doll house. Dean’s birthday gift for him three months ago. Castiel loves Dean’s thoughtfulness. Even in those harsh months, Dean has never stopped praying and thinking about him. Castiel never stopped listening.

There is a wonderful feeling coursing through his veins as promises him that one day, they will live in a home just like the doll house. He tucks the pleasant thought to the back of his head and carries Dean’s birthday tray upstairs. The smell of eggs and bacon waft through his nostrils and Castiel’s stomach reacts by grumbling even though he just had breakfast. Humans truly are peculiar creatures.

Opening the door, a new scent wafts in the air as Dean’s hands and feet are bound to the corners of the bed. Tears dry on his eyes as a piece of cloth muffle his groans. He wears nothing but purple bruises and red marks all over his skin. Some are more recent than others. Dean cries out as Castiel puts the tray of food next to the door so it’s not in the way. He smiles at Dean and grabs the remote sitting quietly on Dean’s study desk.

“Hello Dean.” He pushes a button and the vibrator in Dean’s ass whirrs louder, forcing Dean’s throat to create wonderful sounds.

Castiel steps closer, inspecting Dean’s body, proud of the marks he created. He observes Dean’s cock leak profusely as he forgets to turn the level of the vibrator down. He lowers it with an evil grin on his face.

His lover heaves, breathing snot through his nose while sweat and drool cover his face. Dean’s chest exhaustively moves up and down after hours of torture since before the sun peeked through the horizon. Castiel knows Dean is sore. Dean has been sore after hours of Castiel riding his cock which is now spent and overly sensitive but could still have an erection. Cas is glad that Sam didn’t notice the moist patch in his pants, courtesy of Dean’s come drooling out of his hole. He tries to keep it all inside using a plug which he bought through Gabriel’s help.

He wants to keep all of Dean’s come inside and feel it in the stretched canal which Dean’s cock plowed a few hours earlier.

Castiel woke Dean this morning by sucking on his morning wood. Castiel has had plans for weeks, ever since Dean touched him again, he just can’t get enough of sex with Dean. That time was very loving, very gentle. Castiel even complained that he was not made of glass and if Dean wanted to be rough then ‘by all means, fuck me.’ Although Dean was flattered and heavily turned on by his swearing, he was still careful with Castiel. They kissed and touched, Dean entered Castiel slowly because he said that Castiel was no longer an angel with healing powers.

 _‘If we’re gonna do it, we’re gonna do it right and take our time Cas!’_ was what Dean said to him but Castiel doesn’t want to be treated delicately, well sometimes he does, however in most occasions he wants it rough.

 

Dean also said that he doesn’t want to break his angel or cause any damage which means they’re gonna have to take their time and know each other’s bodies first. Castiel already knows Dean’s body but Castiel is still learning his.

Castiel cannot rush into rough play without understanding what he wants. So he started training with Balthazar and Gabriel’s guidance. The two angels had mixed emotions about the subject but were compelled to help Castiel because they love him.

Gabriel briefly explained how the male body worked in terms of sex while Balthazar gave him material to read.  So Castiel invested his time on research and studied the toys and materials, Gabriel and Balthazar provided. He must say, he has been excited on putting his skills to use, especially since he intends to use them on Dean’s birthday.

To Castiel’s luck, Dean agreed just as long as Cas promised that he wouldn’t hurt himself. Dean still treated him as if he’s made of glass, then again, Cas is similar to Dean. They agreed to use ‘Impala’ as their safe word while Castiel tied Dean’s limbs to the bed.

Having Dean gagged this morning with his underwear was essential because Dean likes to make sounds. Since everyone was still in the house, Castiel didn’t want to traumatize them with what he has in store for Dean.

With enough lube and hours of stretching, he sank into Dean’s cock until they were both a writhing mess, hence the sheets are a mess. Their sweat has been stinking up the room and Castiel loves it. He can appreciate this smell now more than ever and it’s addicting. If it means being able to ravish Dean to produce this smell, then he’ll continue.

“I apologize for taking too long. I had a brief conversation with Sam during breakfast. He said happy birthday and will greet you after school.” Castiel sits next to him on the bed and tenderly wipes the tears off Dean’s face. Watching the damp eyelids droop on the apple greens. “How are you feeling?” Castiel pulls Dean’s underwear out of his mouth and throws it aside. Dean pants for a moment while his eyes inspect his own body.

“I’m hungry, Cas…please…can I eat?” Castiel smirks and glances at the tray of food next to the door before returning his eyes toward Dean’s.

“It is important that you eat but I need to ask, what do you want more? To eat? Or this?” Castiel stands up and pulls the boxers down to show his throbbing erection. He points it at Dean’s face, taunting him and the Winchester whimpers. “Which one would you prefer?” Castiel devilishly asks.

“Cas don’t do this. You know I’ve been begging…” Dean whimpers again, nudging his head towards Cas. Dean is correct, Castiel has been taunting Dean with his dick since they started however the Winchester just crossed a line.

“Did you just give me an order, Dean?” Castiel’s nose flares, causing Dean’s brows to wrinkle and beg.

“I didn’t mean it-,” Castiel pushes the button on the remote and Dean throws his head back and moans.

“Perhaps, you need to learn more discipline on how you address me.” Castiel walks away and unzips a bag where all his toys are located.

“Cas please, I’m sorry…”

“Remember what we agreed on earlier this morning Dean? If you are good then I shall take care of you. Please you and feed you. But you disappoint me Dean. I need to teach you a lesson.” Clamps on both ends of a long chain dangle between his fingers. He walks slowly, gazing Dean’s eyes intently then carefully observe Dean’s hard nipples. Red from his bites earlier.

“Cas…Cas…don’t…please.” Dean begs and how beautiful he sounds when he begs. Castiel hops on the bed, the springs of the mattress cry in cruelty. Then he latches the clamps on Dean’s nipples while ignoring Dean’s begging and protests. He yanks the chain, moving his finger side to side as the clamps pull on Dean’s red tortured nipples. Castiel let the vibrator whir loudly in coordination to Dean’s moans. The sounds bounce everywhere in the room and Castiel just watches. He watches while his erection throb underneath Dean’s shirt which is too big for him. He watches as Dean squirms for mercy, begs and cries until he can say nothing more than Cas’ name.

“Cas…Cas…” He chants while Castiel slowly nudge the vibrator and pulls it out of Dean’s hole. Dean’s hole is pink and puffy, as if begging for the vibrator to come back but Castiel won’t put it back. It’s had its turn with Dean’s hole. Right now he plans on putting something else in. Something that will satisfy the two of them. He carefully unties Dean’s bindings, one leg and arm at a time. Dean doesn’t seem to even notice his freedom, he just tries to catch his breath until he can breathe evenly.

He grabs the bottle of lube sitting quietly next to Dean’s left leg, the sheets almost cover it but Castiel manages to find it. He squeezes and pours a generous amount on his throbbing member, it’s almost purple from excitement and Dean doesn’t seem to know what is going on right now. His eyes are almost rolled back while he focuses on his breathing, unaware of what Castiel intends to do next.

“I hope you have learned your lesson Dean.” Castiel mutters and Dean still has enough energy to nod although Castiel knows he is already far too dazed to comprehend anything.

“Today is your special day and I want to be good to you Dean. I want to be the best for you because I love you. I love you very much…do you love me too?” Castiel leans forward, about a few centimeters away from Dean’s face as he rubs his member with lube.

“Dean.” He says with a commanding voice.

“I love you Cas. I love you so fucking much. I love you…I love you, Cas.” Castiel smirks at Dean’s attempt to put words together and directs the head of his cock toward Dean’s opening.

“Such a filthy mouth.” Castiel pushes in and swallows Dean’s gasp with a kiss. He thrusts and thrusts, feeling the warm canal tighten around his cock from the base to the head. Dean is crazily moaning as his legs wrap around Castiel’s hips. The thrusts only get harder and rougher, squelching sounds become the evidence of how much Castiel loves seeing Dean come undone. Underneath him, Dean babbles and repeats Castiel’s name as if his life depends on it. Perhaps it does.

Dean comes dry and his whole body twitches. His legs are locked around Castiel while the thrusting continues. Castiel witnesses Dean’s eyes roll back, mouth babbling nonsense and their bodies soaked in sweat and come.

He buries his dick deep into the inner regions of Dean’s canal and empties himself. Making sure Dean takes it all and not a single drop leaks out of his beautiful ass. Castiel growls and swallows Dean’s silent gasps, as if he’s giving the breath of life. His entire body collapses on Dean and worry fills his thoughts as he might’ve pushed Dean too hard.

“Dean…” he whispers and Dean is still panting with him. He doesn’t hear a response.

“Dean?” He throws his gaze up to Dean’s face as worry fills his gut. Dean’s chuckle reverberate under his chest.

“Jesus Cas…that was…wow…” Dean chuckles again, unaware of Castiel’s panic.

“You should’ve said something if I was being too hard on you!” Cas pouts, it was not a laughing matter.

“Nawww don’t be like that Cas. I was fine…well sort of but holy shit that was amazing!” Dean rubs his hands on Cas’ sweaty back, a tingling sensation fills Cas’ gut.

“I think I could’ve hold back more. I was too hard on you.” Cas shies away and hopes that Dean does not see his blush.

“That’s the whole point Cas. We agreed on this and had a safe word, which we didn’t need to use.” Dean chuckles again but Castiel’s face wrinkle.

“I think you were close to using it. I should’ve been more careful.”

“C’mon Cas don’t beat yourself up. I might be sore for the next couple of days but that was one of the best birthday sex I’ve ever had. We’re definitely doing that again.” Dean kisses Cas on his left cheek and Castiel is still not convinced.

“I don’t know why you agreed to it. I could’ve hurt you.” Castiel huffs and nudges a little to let his dick slip out. Dean of course responds with a moan.

“Well tough, what’s done is done. I’ve got an ass full of come and my skin has more spots than a Dalmatian. Oh and not to mention the marks on my wrists and leg. And clamps on my nipples.” Dean grins and starts kissing Cas’ forehead then his lips. The kiss feels nice and Cas’ chest accidentally brush the clamps. Dean groans heavily.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” and Castiel starts removing them.

“Geez Cas stop apologizing, I know you loved it.” Again, Dean has that smug grin on his face.

“Shut up.” Cas blushes and throws the clamps on the floor then Deans lips meet his.

“Thank you Cas. I honest to god loved it.” Dean rubs their peach fuzz together and Castiel feels the burn.

“I love you.” Cas kisses him again because he can never get tired of saying those three words to Dean.

“I love you too.” He replies with all his heart and their next kiss comes after because this is what Castiel’s life will be from now on.

He has Dean in his arms and all the happiness a mortal can give to an angel.

An ex-angel.

An ex-angel doll.

He’s not Dean’s closet best friend anymore. They’ve moved past that.

They have become each other’s home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and being so patient with me. This has been a fun story to write, regardless of how cheesy it is. The smut has been long overdue and I wanted to reward you, my avid readers. I'm still trying to get used to writing smut but it was fun.  
> I love fairy tales because they teach valuable life lessons and plan on writing more of a similar genre.  
> -toys  
> -bondage  
> -Sabriel  
> -gagged!Dean  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/treborequinox  
> -dom!Cas  
> -Happy Ending
> 
> I was thinking of marrying these two since America legalized same-sex marriages but then I thought- Nah, I'll just write a one shot on it. If I feel like it- or an Epilogue?


End file.
